Why do 80% of the seduction tips fail?
- “How do you make a girl fall in love with you?”
- “How do you make a girl fall in love with you?”
- “What’s the best way to start a conversation?”
- “How can you get your ex back?”
The majority of courses fail because they do not address the root of the issue. The truth is that most of these approaches are designed to compensate for personality flaws.
They attempt to hide the issue, but they won’t be able to do so since the anxieties and uncertainties will continue to exist.
Many individuals who want to enhance their love life believe they are superior to or inferior to the other sex. These ideas are based on Cultural Narratives that are experienced in our society in a variety of ways.
Cultural narratives may be one of the essential concepts that most books or advise in general ignore, and these narratives touch all of us in our love life, to a greater or smaller level.
Even before we think about what appeals to us, we are continually impacted by how our relationships should be in terms of love and sex. We think Cultural Narratives are true because we see them in our daily lives;
at school, in our families, in the media, and so on, and we normally accept them without questioning what they are. The issue is that many of them have the potential to harm us. These are some instances of these narratives:
Sex-Related Narratives
The Church imposed on medieval society at the start of the Middle Ages in Catholic Europe that sex should only be used inside marriage and for the sole purpose of reproduction. This classified sex as being wicked or unclean, and thoughts and desire as being improper or sinful in some sense.
Access to health education and information was limited in those days, compared to what we have now. Many people were living in abject poverty, barely surviving. Having children might have major repercussions, not just in terms of delivery but also in terms of the child’s nutrition.
Even if he was a rich man who could afford to retain his children, he wanted to be sure they were his own. As a result, this form of story aided in the retention of faithfulness and increased power over women.
This is another example of views that have been handed down through the centuries yet are no longer warranted.
The fact is that most individuals like, think about, and dream about sex, which is perfectly normal. The trouble arises when individuals believe these stories to be true, and since they believe sex is intrinsically evil, they feel a great deal of shame.
When we attempt to hide or deny a desire, such as liking sex, we might experience negative effects such as poor self-esteem, shame, or self-destructive behaviors.
It might also be difficult to commit or maintain good relationships as a result of this. Accepting our own wants as well as our partner’s wishes without overreacting or condemning them is critical in any good relationship.
Love Story Narratives
Love and romance storylines have been elevated to a high level of idealization. Love was formerly thought to be a mental condition that caused individuals to behave impulsively, such as elope with other partners or make terrible judgments, even to the point of murdering for love.
After the Industrial Revolution, society became more stable, and marriages were no longer essential for economic or political reasons. Love came to be seen in a more romantic light at this era, as a process of self-realization and the desired aim to pursue. It was also here that this cultural narrative began alongside Romanticism, a European cultural movement that lasted from the end of the 18th century through the first part of the 19th century.
Another facet of this story is that it can only be successful if it continues indefinitely.
Various scientists and anthropologists have shown that this is not the case. A team from Albert Einstein College of Medicine conducted research with a variety of couples. In his book “The Compass of Pleasure,” neurologist David J. Linden explains this investigation.
They scanned the individuals’ brains as they gazed at an image of their loved one’s face. The findings revealed that most individuals do not fall in love for the rest of their lives. This romantic idealization that hurts if it goes beyond mutual respect is maintained by the concept of holding a relationship together at all costs.
Sometimes the best course of action is to just end the relationship and let each other go on.
Many of us romanticize love in Western society, and possibly to a larger degree in Latin America, and regard it as “the great answer to all our life’s difficulties.”
This story is fueled by love movies, fairy tales, princess stories, pop culture, Disney’s “happy endings,” poetry, and a variety of other sources.
So, what exactly is the issue here?
Our relationships are the first to suffer. All of these messages imply that “there is only one genuine love for all of life,” “if we discover love, nothing else matters,” “love can do anything and fix anything,” or “love justifies even unhealthy actions.” We also overestimate love because we idealize it.
Mark Manson’s “Love is not enough” comment blames John Lennon for being idealistic and contradictory with songs like “All you need is love” while abandoning one of his children and abusing his two marriages in his personal life.
We must realize those good relationships need more than passion, emotion, or love. We recognize that our partnerships’ success is based on deeper values. If we are in a relationship where we consistently engage in activities that harm ourselves or our partner, love alone is insufficient, and the connection is unhealthy.
This is not to say that love is a negative thing in and of itself, or that no marriages stay forever. Without a question, it is a life-changing event for every individual. When love is prioritized, however, we are more prone to overlook core values such as honesty, respect, and dedication to the people we care about.
Why bother with all the other tough things if love is the answer to all our problems?
What effect do these tales have on us?
We’ve previously discussed what Cultural Narratives are and how they influence our views, but we also have personal traumatic experiences that tend to magnify these concepts, causing more harm.
If, for example, there is a narrative that portrays women as manipulative, spiteful, and cold, and our spouse cheated in our previous relationship, this will corroborate that they are this way.
If we were teased as children for our looks, as adults we may mix that trauma with societal ideals of beauty to create an obsession with our appearance.
Having an overbearing or negligent mother or father has an impact on our future perceptions of the opposite gender.
Performance Behaviors and the Inferiority Gap
The “inferiority gap” is a result of the mix of narratives and painful events. This indicates that a person implicitly feels that there is a disparity between their worth as an individual and the value of a given sex or gender, and hence requires action to compensate.
As I said at the outset, most individuals seeking to enhance their sexual life fall into this trap because they accept a viewpoint that positions them above or below the other sex.
For instance, if a guy believes that women are superior to him, he would assume that he must compensate with particular actions, gifts, or statements.
Women put up with ill-treatment in relationships because they think they are unworthy of their partner’s care and respect; they want the guy to demonstrate his love in some way.
In order to have sex with women, a guy attempts to find elegant words and pick up lines.
As previously said, these individuals think they need to take action to compensate for their inadequacy. These are referred to as “performance behaviors.”
They aren’t things we do because we want to, but because we are afraid of someone else’s judgment or rejection. These habits are not only unappealing but they can imbalance a relationship in favor of the person with the greatest power.
Worst of all, the majority of seduction advice on blogs, YouTube videos, and even books and magazines encourage this conduct. “Say this,” “do that,” “wait three days before responding”…
We will engage in performance behaviors if we encounter someone above us who makes us feel obligated to improve in order to get their favor. People in this scenario are people who strive to seem cooler or more accomplished than they are, who appear to know more than they actually do, and who are closed off to their own needs, values, and history.
These acts are shown in romantic films as if they were normal:
“attempt to say something to impress,” “manipulate,” “pursue,” and so on. In actuality, a good relationship is one in which each party shares their feelings and their spouse either accepts or rejects them. If they depart, their values are incompatible, then the relationship is most likely doomed.
Those who assume an indifferent attitude in order to avoid seeming needy in order to appear more appealing are, ironically, engaging in compensating behavior since they are not being honest.
They suppress their feelings and don’t express who they really are; instead, they pretend to be someone they aren’t in order to project a more favorable image. Essentially, they demonstrate that they are too concerned with what others think of them.
Acting desperate results in rejection since performance habits are universally undesirable.
Apart from being unpleasant, these actions have three flaws:
1-Reinforces poor self-esteem:
If we can’t be ourselves while we’re in front of someone we like, or if we have to do something or behave in a certain way to please others, we’ll believe we’re inadequate.
2-They’re draining:
They use a lot of energy since we never know whether we’re right: “Did I utter the right phrase?” “Did I speak to him too soon?”
3-They make it difficult for individuals to trust one another:
Trust is one of the most important elements in a partnership. If we believe that particular behaviors must be shown in order for us to be accepted, we will never know if the other person likes us for our acts or for who we really are.
Conclusion
Most seduction techniques fail because they concentrate on offering guidance on “performance behaviors” rather than addressing the fundamental issue of the “Inferiority Gap.”
When I was a youngster, I felt that women had to be conquered and that men had to show their value in order to be courted.
That males should entertain and legitimize them, or that they should embrace them. The fact is that although this may work in movies, women do not find these activities appealing in real life.
While the advise out there attempts to offset these needy attitudes by stating words to make us seem “cooler” or waiting three days to answer so as not to appear needy, they also try to portray these actions as those of a guy who respects himself.
A guy who respects himself, on the other hand, expresses what he believes and openly discusses his ideas, rather than using cliched platitudes to get approval.
If “performance behaviors” have a good impact in certain cases, it is because they operate as a placebo, providing high motivation at first. The suggestions may also benefit you a bit by exposing you to more ladies.
However, this is not the greatest option.
If compensatory behaviors are used as a remedy, they will not solve the issue; instead, they will mask it. By repeating words or behaving in specific ways to please people, you will create a discordant and inauthentic personality, yet deep down, you will continue to seek approval.
Remember that “performance behaviors” are those that we engage in because we are afraid that others will disapprove or reject us.
Those who feel compelled to use strategies or particular words believe they are inferior to the person they are attempting to attract.
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Those who do not place the other sex above themselves are the most successful. They are individuals who believe they do not need to do anything extra to get them. As a result, your game will become easy and natural.
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