How to Make Your Marriage Last Forever: 5 Steps.
Rarely is the apparent solution to a problem that arises in marriage the one that will out to be the most beneficial. It’s not the type of life-in-a-nutshell advice that your uncle gives you at your wedding, like “never go to bed furious,” just before he tries to perform a Russian kick dance and knocks over the cake table.
No, the finest counsel is the type that doesn’t come to you right away; rather, it’s the kind that you have to earn over the course of many years by gritting your teeth and learning from your errors. Let us spare you some discomfort.
Think about using these seven paradoxical strategies to develop a better marriage, the type of marriage that both you and your wife really deserve.
And after you’ve mastered the art of being a husband, be sure to check out our list of the top 50 excellent pieces of advice for being a better leader, parent, friend, athlete, and man in general.
Don’t have an unrealistically positive outlook.
The approach to romantic partnerships advocated by Norman Vincent Peale, which is followed by a significant number of men and states that “positive expectations inspire good results,” is responsible for the unhappiness of a significant number of marriages.
According to Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski, Ph.D., a married couple who counsels other couples on how to have good relationships, nothing about having a happy marriage is automatic.
According to Sherven, “many get into the trap of assuming that simply because they are physiologically attracted to one other at the outset of a romance, difficulties that come up in marriage will iron themselves out.”
According to Sherven and Sniechowski, the authors of “The New Intimacy,” couples need to establish a more realistic vision of their connection and an appreciation of the individual responsibility that is necessary to make a marriage work in order for the partnership to be successful.
Take for example this research done at the University of Florida on recently married couples. A total of seventy-seven married couples agreed to participate in a program that included them answering a series of questions and having interviews on their level of contentment in their marriage. They did this for a total of four years at intervals of six months each.
During the first four years of their marriage, individuals who had weak interpersonal skills and who had high expectations for harmonious coexistence saw a significant fall in their level of marital happiness.
Those individuals who had entered marriage with reduced expectations were, on the other hand, more likely to report being pleased in their respective partnerships.
These are The Secrets of the Best Relationships, which you may read if you need further assistance navigating the waters of a long-term relationship.
Do you remember the time when you were urgently attempting to get into her pants? You lavished her with attention by showering her with presents, candies, and romantic trips to the Riviera Maya. What can we say about the last decade of wedded bliss?
The strength of a marriage may be improved by showing love through regular, little gestures. “I frequently urge couples to swap lists of six things their spouse could do in less than thirty seconds that would make them happy,” adds Grey. “It’s a fun way to get to know each other better.”
These bribes do not need to be tangible in nature in order to be successful. It could help if you paid the bills, walked the dog, dried the dishes, and folded the clothes. Even the most little actions may occasionally result in the biggest benefits.
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Force her to take out the garbage.
Everyone comes into a relationship with their own unique set of experiences, as well as their own unique set of assumptions about the way a marriage should function. The issue is that the experiences and expectations that our partners bring with them are not always the same as our own.
Sherven provided the following example: “A number of years back, I was riding along with an active feminist buddy who was in her forties. She had been married for close to ten years at that point.
When we were on our way to a meeting, she began to vent her frustrations to me about the fact that her spouse wasn’t putting out the garbage.
My response was, “Well, have you asked him to?” And she immediately jerked her head around and said, “No!” I shouldn’t have to bother asking him about it.
It’s his job to know!’ So I queried him with, “How should he know?” And she said that her dad was the one who always took out the garbage.
The fact that her spouse did not come from her family’s generation was, of course, the source of the difficulty. All too often, we have the expectation that our partner would instantly comprehend what it is that we are thinking or experiencing. That is not how the process works.”
When a couple is trying to get beyond a rough period in their relationship, falling back into problematic behaviors from the past might further complicate their efforts.
According to Grey, the concept of insanity in Chinese culture is continuing to act in the same manner while anticipating a different outcome. “It is essential for individuals to recognize and break their habitual patterns of responding.
If you and your partner don’t experiment with new ways of handling recurrent conflicts, you won’t be able to progress or develop as a pair.
If you are the kind of person who desires a closer relationship with their spouse, then it is in your best interest to provide her with more privacy.
If you’re the kind of person who constantly wants more room to move about, you should make an effort to get closer to your companions. It is only via adopting a new approach that there is the possibility of achieving a different outcome.”
Become proficient in martial arts by training regularly.
Possibly what irritates you about her is the fact that she never makes the bed, the way she complains about you to her friends or the close man buddy she has at work. But you are much too cultured and enlightened to let your rage get the best of you. Why let anything like that spoil your night and your mood?
One of the healthiest things a couple can do, according to the findings of some studies, is to argue with one another.
According to the findings of a study conducted by the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, married couples who are comfortable disputing with one another are more likely to be content with their relationships than are couples who avoid conflict at all costs.
“The outcome of a conflict, as Sniechowski defines it, is often seen as either a victory or a loss. And in that setting, it is both unappealing and perhaps hazardous. Conflict, on the other hand, is the relationship’s way of expressing that something in it needs to evolve. Look this over carefully.
And once you have this understanding, disagreement may become the gateway to greater closeness in all aspects of your life, including the emotional, sexual, spiritual, and intellectual realms.”
Sherven and Sniechowski are known for their consistent advice to couples to avoid settling, tolerating, or just coping with one another.
“There’s an insidious quiet that goes along with compromise,” says Sniechowski. “It’s not a good thing.” “In the grand scheme of things, it actually is rather crippling. It drains the excitement out of what is potentially available for the relationship. And what’s even worse is that it merely results in a semblance of peace.”
However, there is a correct and incorrect manner to debate. (If you wanted to do something bad, you could throw a can of soup through the window of the kitchen.) John Grey, Ph.D., a relationship counselor who co-wrote the book Becoming Soulmates with his wife, Bonney, recommends that clients “take a step back” as soon as they become aware that they are unhappy.
It is impossible to put effort into a relationship when there are so many pressing matters to attend to.
The conversation should thus be postponed for either an hour or a day. “You won’t be able to get anything done unless you’ve learned to keep your cool, find your core, and focus your energy,”
And don’t forget: the following is a list of the 5 Unquestionable Indications that You’re Already Prepared to Get Married.
Forget sex—for a Moment
Tell the truth: Have you ever had a sexual experience that wasn’t pretty darn good? However, if the bedroom is the only area where the two of you can really connect with one another on a personal level and experience happiness, then you have a significant issue on your hands.
The happiest couples are those that have similar personality qualities, even if those traits are undesirable ones like contentiousness or irresponsibility, according to research that was conducted at the University of Iowa. According to the findings of the study, having personalities that are compatible was responsible for marital happiness in 46 percent of cases.
A study that was conducted by the sociology department at the University of Arizona found that having a shared hobby or passion that the two partners can enjoy together is one of the most important components of a healthy marriage.
This was the conclusion reached by the researchers in the study. Other research has shown that when a couple works out together at the gym, they end up working out more in bed together.
In yet another research, participants in long-term marriages were asked whether or not they thought it was important for their partner to have the same sense of humor as them.
Do not, however, lose out on our Easy Ways to Make Sex Last (Much) Longer if you are not actively performing in the bedroom.
Stop putting yourself in other people’s shoes.
According to Dr. Paul J. Donoghue, Ph.D., writer of the book Are You Really Listening?, “I call it theme, too’ reaction; it’s a tremendous impediment to meaningful connection.”
The Essentials of Effective Communication “She is quoted as saying, “I had a terrible day at work today.” And you respond, ‘Me, too.’ Pay attention to what has just transpired. The individual who was attempting to convey an issue, in the beginning, has now had their attempt blocked.”
Men consistently act in this manner, even when they believe they are being compassionate and helpful. Donoghue claims that what we do is take her problem and make it about “me.”
According to Mary E. Siegle, Ph.D., the second major communication error that males do is listening exclusively for issues that require solutions. This was stated by Donoghue’s coauthor. “Whereas males are more likely to be problem solvers, women are more likely to be comforters. But what women truly want from you is an assurance that you will take the time to sit down and pay attention to what they have to say.”
In other words, be quiet, show some empathy by nodding your head, and pay attention to what she has to say. The ideal answer that may be used in every situation: “I understand. I’m on your side.
What exactly can I do to make you feel better right now?” Here is a list of the 13 sexiest things you can ever say to a woman, which will help you genuinely connect with her.
Admit it. You are self-centered, much like the majority of guys. It’s all about you, you, and you, and you feel bad for being so vain and self-absorbed.
Go ahead and indulge in some self-centeredness. Sniechowski advises that you should prioritize your own health and well-being first and foremost.
“Whenever we attend to weddings and the officiant talks about the couple ‘being as one,'” adds Sherven, “we always want to get up and shout, ‘Well, which one of the two are they going to become?'”
“In all honesty, this puts both sides in a position where they are less likely to succeed. Both parties are in danger of losing who they are:
the submissive person loses themselves, while the dominating person risks losing the person who won their heart. Because of our work, the concept of ‘twoness’ in marriage is given more attention.”
Being selfish is a habit that is indicative of maturity and initiative since it prevents you from being dependent on your spouse for your pleasure. Additionally, it eliminates the guilt associated with eating the final piece of pizza.
There are three positive approaches to put one’s own needs first:
- —Make a purchase on your own, without informing your wife about it beforehand. This comprehensive tutorial on How to Buy Anything should serve as a source of ideas.
- —Try to identify an interest that is uniquely yours.
- —Spend time with friends who are not the spouses of your wife’s other close friend’s wives. Make it a point to get together with your friends at least once a week to do something fun like play poker or basketball, coach a youth team, or simply grab a drink. Keep in mind that spending time with your friends is one of the 100 Easiest Ways You Can Start Becoming a Healthier Man Right Away.