15 reasons marriages get inevitably boring.
When a marriage is just starting off, everything seems fresh and exciting for everyone involved. You and your husband have romantic date evenings planned out weeks in advance, and what may become future annoyances are simply cute tiny idiosyncrasies that make you love each other even more.
But alas, we both know that this euphoric moment cannot continue indefinitely. Things are going to calm down in due time, and at that point, you could even realize that you are feeling…well, bored.
Having that emotion does not always indicate that your marriage will end in divorce. All that it implies is that you may need to put in a little bit more effort and time into making things interesting once again.
Continue reading to find out why you could be feeling bored in your marriage, as well as expert-backed advice for how to get things back on track so that you can start enjoying your partner again.
Your job has become more important to you than your marriage.
It goes without saying that having a successful profession is vital, but you shouldn’t allow it to consume your whole life. Staying off of social media and other online platforms when you get home is one of the simplest steps you can take to protect your marriage from being negatively impacted by your work. In the event that this is not feasible, commit to devoting at least two or three evenings each week entirely to quality time spent with your family.
You are not investing any effort into the quality of your connection.
Rachel Moheban, LCSW-R, a relationship and marital therapist located in New York, explains that there are instances when we go through the romantic period, and then around 18 months into the relationship, we ask ourselves, “Now what?”
“You need to continually reinvent and reignite your relationship, particularly the emotional closeness that you have with one another,”
Even when the initial excitement of your relationship has worn off, you should make a concerted effort to shower your marriage with the care and attention it need and deserves, even if the butterflies have subsided.
The sexual life you lead is either unsatisfying or nonexistent.
Sexual monotony is a problem that often arises in committed partnerships. “People kind of fall into habits of having a sexual connection, or it’ll simply be much less significant,” says Fierstein.
“It occurs because people kind of fall into patterns of having a sexual relationship.” “Figure out how to keep things moving, how to keep desire flowing, and how to keep things alive,” it says. “Learn how to keep things alive.”
However, how? You and your spouse should attempt sharing ideas with one another and looking for fresh methods to make each other happy. Your sexual life might become much more stimulating just by talking about it.
You are being consumed by technology.
Technology is something that a significant number of us depend on greatly in this day and age. If you are continuously glued to your phone, though, it may cause your relationship to get stale more rapidly. Firstein recommends scheduling time each day when you won’t be using your phone so you won’t be tempted to engage in “phubbing.”
“When you arrive home or a half an hour after you return home, you are required to switch off your phones and put them away for a length of time,” she explains.
“You must not use them for a period of time.” “All you need to do is deal with the situation that’s going on between you, your kids, and your spouse
Neither of you ever manages to surprise the other.
Finding methods to surprise your spouse, whether with a present or a meaningful deed, may keep your marriage feeling new and stave off those feelings of boredom. It doesn’t have to be something lavish, but finding ways to surprise your spouse can be beneficial. “What do you need in order to experience love?
What does your spouse need to experience a sense of love from you? “asks Wanis. “Look for methods to surprise your spouse, but tailor your surprises to fit the manner in which they want to be surprised.” And to explain further what we mean by it…
You do not understand one another’s primary love language.
There are five different ways that people express their love for one another: via words of encouragement, acts of service, receiving presents, spending quality time together, and physical contact.
Every individual has two basic love languages that best define the ways in which they experience the most love. According to Wanis, “the greatest way to treat someone is not to treat them the way that you would like to be treated; rather, the best way to treat someone is to treat them the way that they want and need to be treated.”
When you are able to have a complete understanding of how each of you takes in love, your interactions with your spouse will be a lot more exciting and engaging for both of you. Take the Five Love Languages Quiz with your significant other to get some insight into how best to communicate your feelings for one another.
Your relationship with food is not one of closeness.
Sharing a meal together is one of the simplest methods to develop a closer relationship with your spouse. Wanis suggests that maybe it might even be considered the sixth love language.
“Whether you’re cooking together, cooking for each other, serving each other, or going out to try out new restaurants, food can be another great way to experience and express love,” he notes.
“Whether you’re cooking together, cooking for each other, serving each other, or going out to try new restaurants.”
You put romance and serendipity in the same category.
It’s true that everyone enjoys having their breath taken away by a grand display of romantic gestures. But you shouldn’t imagine that the only way your relationship may seem exciting is if the two of you act on whims like the couples in your favorite romantic comedy. In fact, that’s not the case at all. That just cannot be true the vast majority of the time.
“In today’s lifestyle, we have so many demands for our time, therefore we must set aside time for our spouse and our relationship,” adds Wanis. “here are so many things competing for our attention.”
You and your partner may plan a trip together, and then while you’re away, you could take part in a variety of unplanned activities.
You find yourself following the same pattern each day.
Having a mundane daily routine may make even the most exciting of relationships seem dull. Explore new places to eat, new pastimes, and new destinations around the world. If you find it enjoyable, that’s wonderful!
If not, have a good laugh about it and make a solemn promise to never do it again. However you look at it, stepping outside of your comfort zone guarantees that you won’t be bored.
In addition, “it’s been established that individuals who do new things together generate ‘the cuddle hormone (oxytocin) and feel closer for longer,” says Dr. Barton Goldsmith, PhD, a psychotherapist located in California. “The cuddle hormone” is also known as oxytocin.
You don’t have any plans or ambitions for your partnership.
The majority of romantic partnerships begin with the formulation of shared aspirations and objectives. However, as time passes and you make progress toward achieving those objectives, it is imperative that you set fresh objectives to work toward. If you don’t, you’re going to find it hard to become excited about the future.
Whether you do it alone or as a couple, continuing to encourage and support one another in the pursuit of achieving your objectives eventually results in an increase in the amount of love you feel for one another.
“Happiness comes from working toward what you desire, not necessarily attaining it,” Goldsmith explains in his book, “The Pursuit of Happiness.”
You don’t let your spouse in on enough of your personal life and experiences.
If you and your spouse are starting to feel a little bit bored in your marriage, you could try just sharing more. You have to be willing to let your guard down and be vulnerable in order to form a connection with your spouse. And the manner in which this is accomplished might take many various shapes.
“The concept of sharing may refer to the act of exchanging knowledge as well as feelings. The exchange of experiences is one form it might take “says Wanis.
You need a place to begin, don’t you? You may want to try talking about some of your favorite moments that you’ve had together. Not only will doing so bring back wonderful memories, but it will also broaden your horizons and provide you with other ideas for your subsequent journey.
1or the two of you are very much connected at the hip.
On the other side of that coin, you should not be scared to be your own unique self. When a couple spends an excessive amount of time together, they run the risk of becoming either bored or, even worse, irritated.
Explore the possibility of developing new interests on your own and spending time apart from your partner on occasion. It will simply provide you with more to share with them and make the occasion of your reunion that much more thrilling.
Your brain is always looking for something new.
Recognizing that there will be moments when things seem monotonous is a necessary step in the process of finding a solution to the issue. According to Russell Poldrack, a neurologist at Stanford University, who was interviewed for an article written for HuffPost, “novelty causes a variety of brain systems to get active, and prominent among them is the dopamine system.”
Dopamine, as you may know, is the hormone that is responsible for giving us that happy feeling.
However, if you are able to understand your biological desire for new experiences and react appropriately, you will be able to assure that neither you nor your spouse will suffer.
According to Irina Firstein, LCSW, a couples therapist in New York City, “Every once in a while, you need to think about the relationship—going what’s on and what needs to happen so you can make it more engaging and exciting?”
You seem to take each other’s existence for granted.
According to Fierstein, the moment you begin to sense that you are comfortable and secure in your relationship is the moment when you begin to get lazy, complacent, and yes, bored. She explains that after a while, “you sort of cease making any type of attempts, both physically and in any other way.”
“And yet, we do not believe that it is necessary for us to continue doing things in the manner that we did at first.”
After years of cultivating a connection with someone, it is natural to find it simple to consider the things that they do for you and your family to be an accepted component of everyday life.
However, it is essential that you do not take your spouse for granted and that you never stop showing thanks for who they are and the positive effect they have on your life and happiness. You’ll be astonished to see how much life and excitement that may infuse into your marriage.
You never spend time together as a couple; instead, you exclusively do it as a family.
Spending time together as a family is obviously very essential; but, the only time you spend time with your significant other shouldn’t be at your children’s school performances or soccer games.
This is especially true if you have young children. To tell you the truth, if those are your late evenings, it’s inevitable that you’ll feel a little bit bored. Be careful to schedule some time apart from the children so that you may focus on one another without any interruptions.
In an interview with Parents, Dr. Philip Cowan, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of California at Berkeley, recommended that partners “Check in with each other for at least 10 minutes every day.”
“As long as you are communicating what occurred to you that day and how it is impacting you emotionally, this may take place either after you have put the children to bed or even over the phone while you are both at work.
Due of the hectic nature of modern living, only a small percentage of married couples really accomplish this. But marriages may develop over time, and even little changes might bring about significant shifts in the relationship.”
You have empty nest syndrome.
The time and attention you provide to your kids may quickly add up. And when kids reach adulthood and move out, you and your spouse could have the impression that you no longer share anything in common with one another.
But rather than considering your relationship dull when the kids aren’t there, you should strive to regard this time apart as the ideal chance to reignite the passion you once had.
Firstein recommends seeing this transition as the beginning of a new stage in your relationship.
“You no longer have to worry about that disruption, and instead, you just have each other. It’s possible that this will be a really exciting period “she remarks. “Doing things that you haven’t been able to do for a long time may really be a very gratifying period,” the author writes.
You’ve stopped asking your spouse questions.
You could get the impression that you know absolutely all there is to know about your mate as time goes on. However, they do have more layers, as we assure you! According to the relationship specialist Dr. Patrick Wanis, PhD, “I can promise that you probably think differently from the way you did four or five years ago.”
The same principle applies to your relationship, which implies that you should never stop getting to know them better and should never stop questioning them.
Your expectations remain the same despite the fact that your relationship has evolved.
When you first get together with someone, you have a lot of expectations about how exciting things should be, how accessible your partner should be, and how comfortable they should make you feel in the relationship. However, as time goes on in the relationship and everything around you change, you will need to adapt your expectations accordingly.
“It’s not so much that individuals change but rather the conditions of the relationship change, and then we change in reaction to that,” says Wanis. “It’s not so much that people change but rather the circumstances of the relationship.”
“You need to be honest with yourself about what you anticipate getting out of the relationship as well as what you anticipate getting from one another.
Is it fair and appropriate for you to have that expectation, or are you expecting something from your spouse that they are unable to provide?”
This expectation may no longer be fair, for instance, if your spouse used to cook supper for the two of you every night but just received a promotion and is now required to put in more hours at the office.
You’ve ceased making efforts to broaden your social sphere.
If you just have one significant other in your life, it might be easy to go into a rut since you don’t have any other people to interact with. After you’ve tied the wedding, your friendships shouldn’t just fade away, so don’t allow it to happen.
“It’s vital to have deeper connections with other people, and it’s really good to speak to other people about what it’s like to go through shared experiences,” says Fierstein.
“Talking to others about what their experiences are like in common scenarios” “This might take the form of having friends with whom you like spending time alone or even couples with whom you relish spending time together.
Once you let more people into your lives, you’ll notice that your connection with your spouse improves as a result.”
You don’t have a relationship with who you are as a person.
a guy who seems to be depressed while lying in bed, listing the drawbacks of having an empty nest
It is simple to place blame when one partner in a marriage begins to exhibit signs of boredom. On the other hand, it’s possible that you’re dealing with some challenges on the inside that are impacting the way you connect with your spouse. “Are we feeling depressed?
Do we have any sources of stress at work? What exactly is going on with our personal disconnection, and how can it be affecting your relationship?” Moheban asks. Reestablishing a connection with oneself might pave the way for reestablishing a connection with your spouse as well.
You have the impression that you have outgrown one another.
Some individuals are of the opinion that after two people have been in a relationship for a considerable amount of time, they will eventually outgrow one another. But it is not even close to being the case.
Don’t just accept that you’re destined to be in a relationship that’s dull. When you finally rid yourself of that mentality, you’ll be able to restore the optimism to your connection with your spouse. As Firstein comments, “Discussing this issue may be a little bit nerve-wracking at times.
However, if you are aware of the issue and desire something different, you will need to discuss the matter.” Check read the article titled “30 Things You’re Doing Wrong That Will Kill Your Marriage” for further tips on how to maintain your marriage healthy and successful.