7 Steps to Dating a Coworker.
The average workday for an American worker is becoming longer, which means they will spend an increasing amount of time at the workplace. However, for the vast majority of us who are not coupled up, it is not necessarily such a burden.
Work is the third most frequent setting in which individuals meet potential love partners, according to the findings of a poll of over 2,000 people that was carried out by Mic.
According to the findings of yet another poll that was carried out by CareerBuilder, at least one-quarter of all working professionals have admitted that they had dated a coworker in the past.
If you discover that you have a strong crush on someone who works in an adjacent cube, then you should know that you are most certainly not the only one feeling this way.
But what steps should you take next?
The workplace isn’t exactly a singles bar, and there’s always a narrow line between being a “boyfriend” and being a “creep” in the business world. Your office isn’t exactly a singles bar. (And to tell you the truth, there is no assurance that your employer would look favorably upon your burgeoning relationship either.)
Consider this article to be your go-to guide for ensuring that you emerge from this predicament with both your heart and your job in one piece; but, before you do so, be sure to brush up on your skills by reading 15 Ways to Impress Any Woman.
Be familiar with the basic guidelines.
According to Susan Bartell, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist who specializes in interpersonal and professional relationships, the first guideline of dating someone you work with is to determine whether or not you are genuinely capable of doing so.
Some firms have a strict no-dating policy in the workplace, while others just prohibit dating between coworkers who are in direct reporting relationships (and teammates).
You need to review your company’s employee handbook, and if that isn’t clear, you should inquire directly with your HR department. (Don’t forget: that’s why they’re there in the first place.) Flirting may get you in serious difficulties and can be deemed sexual harassment if you are not cautious.
If things develop between you and a coworker in the future, make it a point to discuss your connection with them if doing so is required by your employer.
“Disclosing the relationship and following the rules may potentially protect you and/or your partner from issues related to sexual harassment,” says Rebecca M. Chory, Ph.D., a professor in the College College of Business at Frostburg State University who studies workplace relationships.
“Disclosing the relationship and following the rules may potentially protect you and/or your partner from issues related to sexual harassment.”
Do Your Due Diligence
The first thing you should do, assuming there are no obstacles in the way posed by a corporation, is inquiring about the marital or sexual status of a complete stranger. Bartell recommends that you just have a look around.
Even though a ring on a finger is the most apparent sign, photographs on a person’s desk or at their office may also be a significant hint that they are already taken.
According to Monica O’Neal, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, if you are comfortable enough with the person to add them as a friend on Facebook or follow them on Instagram, it is probable that you will also discover images of the things that they enjoy the most on those platforms.
But if you’re not nice in real life, you shouldn’t start sending out friend requests online because that’s just weird.
During these first phases, you should also make an effort to attract her attention. Examine the 25 New Rules of Office Style as your first order of business.
Enter the “Friend Zone” First
If you don’t want to seem weird, avoid asking coworkers about the state of their romantic relationships with other people. Bartell continues by saying that it will seem as if you are acting in an unacceptable manner.
Instead, start a conversation with the individual when you are waiting for coffee, when you see each other in the corridors, or while the meeting is just getting started.
You may generally uncover someone’s relationship status in the same conversation in which you inquire about the length of their commute or the movies they viewed over the weekend.
Construct your relationship on the foundation of this friendship. “If it’s someone at work, you need to get very far in the platonic aspect of the relationship before it becomes romantic,” says Bartell.
If you’re a high-level executive, you shouldn’t date an intern, and vice versa!
Chory recommends looking for a partner who is on the same organizational level as you to maximize the likelihood of a successful collaboration.
And while though it’s often against the rules to date someone higher up the corporate ladder than you are, we’ll say it again just in case:
Don’t date the boss. “Employees who date their organizational leaders are subject to the worst responses from their peers in the workplace. They have a greater risk of having their employees mislead them, mistrust them, and talk about them “according to Chory.
Are you stoked that the woman of your dreams has informed you that she is now available? Hold on a second: Bartell insists that it is important for his audience to grasp the significance of the remark. It’s possible that they are single but not divorced; it’s also possible that they are separated but are keeping that information from you. It’s possible that you have no problem with it.
However, here’s the thing: it’s crucial to clear the air right from the beginning in order to prevent a blow-up that might later have a detrimental influence on your professional life.
You Should Think About the Drawbacks, Considering How Serious They Are
“Before you make a move, give it some real time to consider, ‘is this person worth making things little unpleasant for myself?'” advises O’Neal. “Before you make a move, give it some serious time to think.”
This additional mental legwork serves as an insurance policy: In a perfect world, everything works out, but if it doesn’t, you have to see this person every single day and maintain a professional demeanor while you do it.
Barrel says: “Your actions should always be driven by the goal you have set for yourself, in the end. You can’t simply turn your back on someone and expect never to see them again.”
Make your move by going out to lunch with a friend.
Are you prepared to take the next step? O’Neal loves the idea of having lunch together. Make a reservation for the next day or a few days later at a restaurant that offers table service (no, your go-to sandwich shop does not qualify).
She recommends keeping the date light and fun so that it may still be considered a date.
Conversation over a delicious meal about the things you and your guest appreciate gives you the opportunity to learn more about the areas in which your interests intersect (and what your next date might be).
Drinks, on the other hand, have the potential to place you in a precarious scenario in which the romantic connection may go… well… too quickly. Don’t forget to brush up on your style game with these 20 Shirts Women Can’t Resist so you can wow all of your female friends.
A formula for a disastrous workplace breakup may be found in the practice of jumping in too fast, both physically and emotionally. Therefore, in the same way that you shouldn’t go right into the bedroom when you’ve just started a new relationship, you shouldn’t rush into making plans for your joint retirement too.
According to Bartell, you should consider things in slow motion if you and the other person are interested in investigating the prospect of a romantic connection.
Be ready with a script.
Whether or whether you choose to keep your relationship a secret depends on the policies that your organization has in place addressing romantic relationships. However, if you are not mandated to make it public, it may be in your best interest to keep things under wraps for the next few of weeks, as suggested by Bartell.
O’Neal recommends having a discussion that goes something like this: “I feel like there’s promise here, and I want to explore where this can go, but would it be possible for us to keep this between the two of us for now so that we can figure out where it’s going?”
After all, allowing the details of your romantic life to become workplace gossip isn’t beneficial for anybody involved. O’Neal advises that after you have made a commitment, you are free to express your opinions.
Do Not Bring This Into the Office
O’Neal advises, “Repeat after me: keep your flirting and quality time outside of the workplace, period,” and you should follow his advice. And yes, it does involve conducting yourself in the most professional manner throughout company happy hours, group lunches, and regular coffee breaks.
Be Cautious Around Your Workmates.
It seems that you could be the only one who is overjoyed about the new romantic development in your life. “Even if you believe your colleagues are not upset by it, they may be,” adds Chory.
“Even if you think they are not disturbed by it, they may be.” “Be prepared for them to be less open and honest with you, to trust you less, and to believe that you are in the relationship in order to move ahead in the work.”
“Be prepared for them to think that you are in the relationship in order to get ahead in the job.”
You may deflect their feelings by never favoring one spouse over another and by refusing to accept favoritism from any of your partners.
Cory continues by saying, “Perceptions of unfairness encourage colleague deceit and other unpleasant behaviors; thus, making an effort to minimize the impression of preferential treatment may save a lot of difficulties.”
Make Sure You’re a Good Co-Worker
Now that you’re a couple, here’s some more important advice: “Keep your love fights and drama out of the office,” advises Chory.
Her study reveals that one of the most prevalent concerns employees have regarding the dating lives of their colleagues is that disagreements between the couples may be heard in the workplace and cause a disruption in productivity.