The biggest dealbreaker for women.
On a date, what could possibly be worse than not having anything to talk about that would be interesting to the other person? Your date is engaged in a lengthy speech, and all you can do to break the monotony is interject a few words here and there. Or maybe your date is completely speechless, requiring you to conduct your own monologue in order to break the awkward silence.
This worst-case scenario is a widespread dread among people who date, and for the majority of women, it is a primary factor that causes them to reject a potential partner.
According to the findings of several dating gurus, the most significant turnoff for women in a potential mate is a discussion that is only carried on by one party—whether that party is you or your date.
Julie Krafchick, co-host of the Dateable podcast, argues that there is nothing more frustrating than someone who is unable to engage in back-and-forth banter or ask probing questions.
“Nothing is more annoying than someone who can’t,” she adds. “Our presence here is not in response to the invitation to attend your TED lecture as a member of the audience.
On the other hand, we don’t want to be in the position where we have to do interviews.” It is never a good indicator when one person is monopolizing the discussion or finding it difficult to keep it going.
If your date is just interested in talking about themselves, it’s doubtful that they would make a decent long-term companion. “It gives the impression that the other person isn’t interested in getting to know us,” says Krafchick. “When they don’t ask inquiries, it comes across that way.”
Your first date with someone is like a sneak peek into the rest of your life with them.
If your date isn’t interested in getting to know more about you, it’s unlikely that they’ll start asking about how your day went a few months into a relationship just because you’re together.
This sort of conduct is not appealing in a long-term, sustainable marriage since it reflects characteristics that are unattractive in a mate.
On a date, the man spoke much too much.
“It seems as if you are either egotistical or you lack fundamental social skills; neither of these traits is conducive to a healthy, long-term relationship. You want to be acknowledged and heard when you’re in a relationship “Krafchick says. “If something like this can’t even happen in the first stages of dating, imagine what the next two or ten years with this person will be like. It’s quite unlikely that any of us will be around to find out.”
Krafchick is of the opinion that it is possible, under some circumstances, to circumvent this deal-breaker. She makes a good point when she says that nervousness on a first date may sometimes result in one-sided dialogue.
“The date is basically attempting to impress the lady by reeling off their CV, list of countries they’ve gone, and other achievements,” she adds. In point of fact, she would be more pleased if he was having a discussion with her in which it seemed as like he was really attempting to connect with her. If you are interested in giving your date a second chance, you may want to have an honest conversation with them, communicate any concerns you have, and then go from there.
If, on the other hand, you are certain that the one-sided talk is a non-negotiable deal-breaker, it is most likely in your best interest to withdraw from the situation. However, it is important to note that there is a difference between a deal breaker and a red flag in this context.
Yue Xu, who is also a co-host on Dateable, said that she considers a red signal to be “hardware.” “Consider a screw that may be found in a computer. It is not difficult to solve the issue if it is damaged or has become loose. However, when people talk about a dealbreaker, they are often talking to the operating system (OS), which is the software that controls the computer. This is a far more significant problem to solve because it seems to have an effect on every component of the computer.”
If the one-sided discussion symbolizes something fundamental in your date’s nature, it will damage the whole “operating system” and cause ripples to appear across their life. That should be sufficient evidence for you to look elsewhere for a partner.