How to Stop Self-Shaming About Your Body
When you are subjected to body shaming, it is a terrible feeling. A person’s self-esteem is eroded as a result of this, and emotional and psychological harm may result that lasts a lifetime.
When we do this to ourselves, the harm may be much more insidious since there seems to be no way to get away from the bombardment of negative thoughts.
As a result, how can individuals avoid humiliating themselves over their appearance? And how should they react if they are publicly humiliated by others? Examine the sources of this kind of negative speech and how it might be dealt with in the following sections:
Is there such such thing as body shaming?
When people make harsh, nasty, or otherwise improper comments about another person’s physical appearance, this is known as body shaming.
It is possible that they will be directed at weight (too fat, too skinny), ethnic characteristics (kinky hair, monolid eyes), physical distinctions (disability, deformity), or a lack of desired characteristics, to mention a few examples.
Unsolicited opinions or statements from other individuals are often made with the intent of hurting or humiliating the person who makes them.
Also, well-meaning friends or family members may make similar remarks under the pretext of “merely attempting to assist,” even when their version of “assistance” was never requested.
In order to body shame oneself, one must first create an internal narrative that is constantly filled with those sorts of insults and critiques. The guilt originates inside oneself and is focused at oneself, resulting in a particularly dreadful sort of internal shame spiral.
What are some instances of other people’s body shaming?
There are a plethora of methods in which individuals body shame another. There are many different types of backhanded compliments, ranging from direct, overt criticism to subtle, backhanded praises. Let’s take a look at a few of the more often seen ones:
In relation to anything that is heavy in calories or fat, a family member or spouse may inquire, “Do you really need to consume X?”
Someone stating to you, “you’re so courageous to wear that,” meaning that the physique you have isn’t fit for the attire you’ve selected.
Comments advising a really skinny individual to go eat a sandwich.
Saying that a “Genuine” lady or man has a certain characteristic, and inferring that anybody who does not possess that characteristic is not real in some way.
Being made fun of for not being able to “pass” while through or after a gender change. Alternatively, you may be informed that you seem to be an unattractive version of the gender you identify with.
Friends have expressed concern about your health.
Someone recommending that another person undertake a certain diet or fitness routine because it will be very beneficial to them.
A person’s “so much better attractive” with a change hair color or style, according to others.
Healthcare specialists who assert that your body weight is solely responsible for certain health problems are not to be trusted.
Parents who judge your physical appearance on how they appeared when they were your age.
Friends and coworkers telling someone that they look horrible, or that they are weary, or that they need to put on some cosmetics is a common sight.
Family members hinting that a person will never be liked or desired until they alter their physical form or dress differently.
Comments regarding how your spouse must “truly love you” in order to remain with you despite your physical appearance or impairment.
It is common for parents to express their regret that you didn’t inherit X physical characteristics instead of the inferior ones you have.
A love partner who offers to pay for breast implants in order for you to be more physically appealing to them is a good sign.
Family members instructing you what to dress to cover your “flaws,” or what haircuts to attempt so that you seem less like your ethnicity and more like a desired one instead.
“You’re quite attractive for your size, height, race, and physical ability.”
Observations on a profusion of body hair (or lack thereof).
An example of a person being teased in the locker room is a guy with little genitals and a soft chest.
People who are disgusted by the prospect of closeness with you because of X physical characteristic.
Inquiring as to whether someone has lost or gained weight since they seem to be in good shape. Others may be remarking on how the outward expression of pain or sadness is making the person seem “better” in their eyes, despite the fact that the individual may be struggling with a health issue or personal tragedy of some kind.
What causes individuals to feel self-conscious about their bodies?
This part builds on the preceding section by stating that individuals are often ashamed of themselves as a result of statements they’ve heard from others.
When a woman is regularly teased for having a “boy body,” she may stare at herself in the mirror every time she looks in the mirror. She may also insist on wearing a shirt in bed so that partners don’t have an opportunity to insult her tiny breast size.
Alternatively, someone who is self-conscious about a physical characteristic may use self-deprecating humor as a coping method. If people make fun of themselves and their perceived “flaws,” it shouldn’t be as painful when and if someone else does the same, right? Except that this kind of persistent negative self-talk chips away at the mind over time, much like chipping away at a stone.
Some individuals may avoid from eating items they like because they believe they “don’t deserve” to do so, while others may refrain from wearing clothing they adore because they believe they “don’t deserve” to do so.
Positive self-talk is one of the most prevalent ways that individuals body shame themselves. When they’re getting dressed or looking at a photograph of themselves, they can think (or even declare loudly) that they’re nasty or otherwise “wrong.” They will criticize bodily parts, unattractive characteristics, and other such things, and as a consequence, they will experience great guilt and self-loathing.
How to Stop Embarrassing Yourself: 9 Practical Strategies
Getting rid of the habit of being critical of oneself will take some time if you haven’t already done so. Body shaming has been a part of your daily routine since infancy, and you’ll have to relearn certain deeply established habits in order to overcome them.
1. Be more compassionate with yourself.
This isn’t going to get better overnight, and you will surely have good days and terrible days. That’s all right. As you work on cultivating greater compassion and kindness toward yourself, remember to be patient with yourself.
It is recommended to have a notebook and a pen with you at all times and jot down all of the negative things you hear yourself saying about your body over the course of many days. Then take a look at what you’ve put down and consider how you would feel if someone said those things about the individuals you care about the most in the world.
Would you support morons who said terrible things about your children, siblings, closest friend, spouse, or parent? Would you be willing to quickly alleviate your loved ones’ distress by reminding them of all the wonderful characteristics they share with the rest of the world?
Then make a list of the individuals you admire the most in the world and attempt to include yourself on that list. Remember the fantastic qualities about yourself every time you find yourself expressing anything negative or thinking something critical. Protect yourself in the same way you would your dearest friend.
2. Keep in mind that your value is not determined by your physical appearance.
There is absolutely no connection between your intellect, compassion, creativity, and general greatness and the vessel you’re now occupying. You are much more than the flesh and bone and features that make up your exterior look. You are much more than your external appearance.
3. Convert difficult situations into occasions of thankfulness by being thankful.
Take, for example, your legs. Do you ever notice how fat/thin/short/etc. they are when you get a glance of yourself in the mirror? Put your thanks into words instead, and express your appreciation for the fact that they have supported you and taken you to amazing places.
Hugs, sunlight, and warm breezes are all felt through your skin. With the body you have, you can do so many great things, so make the most of every chance you have to experience them.
The more you concentrate on being thankful, the less time you will spend concentrating on the things that are bringing you down.
4.Build mental and creative strength as you go along.
If you are unable to impact change due to a physical deformity, paralysis, or other physical condition, redirect your attention to something mental instead. Because your mind is your most powerful asset, devote your time and attention to things you can do with it rather than things you can’t accomplish with your bodily capabilities.
Take, for example, Professor Stephen Hawking’s career. Dr. Stephen Hawking was one of the world’s most renowned scientists, and his work as a theoretical physicist and cosmologist has had a profound impact on science. His most productive years were spent nearly fully paralyzed by ALS (Lou Gehrig’s illness), unable to speak, and working in silence.
Given that he was diagnosed with this ailment at the age of 21, you can guarantee he suffered from body shaming for the most of his life…. Despite this, he was unfazed, and he went on to achieve enormous success over the course of his 50-year career despite the humiliation.
5. Make an effort to avoid comparing yourself to others in your situation.
Stop following Instagram profiles and other social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself and make you feel inferior to others. The desire to appear like someone else is something that some individuals believe would inspire them, but it may be beneficial to understand the reasoning underlying that desire before acting on them.
Also crucial to note is that many of the physical characteristics that you see in photographs have been manipulated in some way. Dove’s “true beauty” commercial, which ran some years ago, caught this hauntingly in its imagery. A lady was Photoshopped into an idealized image of herself for the sake of an advertisement in the video.
Even if you compare yourself to others, it’s important to remember that bodies cannot be compared to one another in terms of physical characteristics. There will be variances between even identical twins in terms of metabolism, genetic predispositions, and other characteristics.
6) Connect with other people on social media who inspire you.
People of various shapes, sizes, colors, and abilities can be found on many body positive accounts on social media platforms such as Instagram and Twitter. These accounts celebrate diversity while also doing amazing feats.
Simply searching for “body positive social media” with the terms that are most important to you will provide hundreds of inspirational accounts to follow on the internet in minutes. Check out the work of Ash Soto, Shane Burcaw, Ashley Graham, Keah Brown, Hannah Setzer, Stephanie Nielsen, Harnaam Kaur, The Self-Love Project, and The Everyman Project, to mention a few examples of inspirational individuals.
7. Recognize any tales you may be generating or perpetuating in your own mind.
It is never acceptable to be body shamed. On the other hand, since you say some things yourself, other people may believe that you are OK with hearing certain things from others. Furthermore, they may be perplexed if and when you indulge in negative self-talk and then reprimand them if they attempt to give assistance or insight.
Consider the following scenario: you often express your dissatisfaction with your nose to your coworkers. A reputable plastic surgeon is then recommended by someone who comes forward one day. They may be perplexed if your reaction is “don’t body shame me!” as in “don’t body shame me!”
Remember to take attention of what you say about yourself to others throughout the course of your day. It’s possible that they may pick up on your signals and join in if you find yourself putting yourself down around them. You can possibly feel worse as a result of their “assistance.”
To deal with this situation, you might tell people you don’t need or want advise and that you’re trying to be more positive about yourself despite the fact that you’re going through a tough time.
8.Develop a positive attitude about yourself.
Perhaps you’ve wished for someone else’s height, eye shape, skin tone, bone structure, or any number of other characteristics. They are also having the same thoughts about the people around them at the same time.
Furthermore, bodies change at an exponential rate with time: a woman who has had numerous pregnancies, for example, would not have the same body she had when she was .
In certain cases, a person may want to get acquainted with someone he is interested in, but he is confident that she will not be attracted to him because he is not physically powerful, old or young enough, or enough virile.
The resources we have are unique to us. Finally, I’ll say this: Even if we strive to alter a few aspects of our look to better reflect our particular preferences, the majority of those modifications will be fleeting in their effects.
The fact that you exist suffices.
9. Consult with a qualified professional.
If you discover that the impacts of body shaming are having a significant negative impact on your life, you should seek professional help. Intense and long-lasting psychological consequences may result from bullying, humiliating, and other activities that lower a person’s self-esteem.
Anxiety, sadness, and adrenal exhaustion are all conditions that may accompany eating disorders and self-harming. Alternatively, things may become worse.
Make no apologies if you need to seek professional assistance in dealing with all of this. A bad habit like body shaming is one that is hard to get out of. Being repeatedly belittled and insulted by so-called family members may also be very difficult to deal with on your own.
A therapist or counselor may assist you in developing more effective coping techniques, as well as provide information and assistance on how to cope with individuals who are tormenting you in your daily activities.
Perhaps online counseling might be a good alternative for you to explore. Get the assistance you need in a more convenient manner. For this, we propose the service provided by BetterHelp.com, where you will be able to communicate with a skilled therapist through video, phone, or instant chat – all from the convenience of your home. More information about the services they provide may be found by visiting their website here.
Intervention from the outside may be necessary in certain situations. Speaking with human resources if you’re being harassed at work, or guidance counselors if you’re being bullied at school, are examples of effective strategies.
3 Ways To Deal With Shaming Remarks Or Behaviors
There are several ways to cope with others’ embarrassing remarks or actions. These range from acquiring a thicker skin to pointing out their wrongdoing.
A person who is body shaming you has an underlying issue. You may be different from them in some way.
Intense emotions cause them to strive to destroy you.
So, when presented with such conduct, here are some options.
1. Stop caring what others think.
Many individuals, particularly those who are very sensitive to emotions, find this difficult to do. It is also a good method to silence shamers by demonstrating your indifference.
Kids taunt each other. Oppressors grow bored in their “game” if the targeted child doesn’t react.
Try to see body shamers as little children. Doubtful. Would a toddler call you an ugly poopyhead be offensive? Unlikely. WHY WOULD WORDS FROM A HIGHER VERSION OF THEM
2. Recognize shaming early and set clear limits.
This sort of statement may be curbed if caught early enough.
Imagine a family member of the other sex criticizing your physique. Try informing them that just thinking about you in that manner, much alone remarking on your shape, is twisted and unacceptable behavior. That will cause them to reconsider. They’ll be afraid to speak out and will retreat.
A coworker who comments on your looks might be asked whether they believe it’s acceptable to do so.
Many unhappy parents seek “better” lifestyles for their children. Desperate for better possibilities, they may attempt to shape their children. That means a better job or a better partner.
In such case, call them out on their humiliating words, even if they are “just trying to help”. “How precisely are you helping?” Whose standards do you want me to meet? Isn’t it obvious that you’re making me feel bad?
You may not be aware of the harm you’re creating since they’re focused on their ultimate aim (e.g. “helping”). A simple warning and demonstration may go a long way.
3. Don’t contribute to the flames.
Hurt individuals end up harming others, as many people advise them to “rise above” or “respond with love”. Occasionally, yes, but not always.
Contrary to popular belief, telling bullies and critics how much they hurt you does not work. To be attacked by a predator is to be attacked by oneself.
Making a bunch of kids feel bad about themselves will only add to their schadenfreude. Declaring your affection for oneself to a sour-puss grandma will probably have the same impact.
Don’t be long-winded Whatever you say beyond a single phrase will either be ignored or used against you in the future.
Moreover, your comments must be situation-specific. However, occasionally a sharper tone is required.
A severe approach is required to deter certain harassers.
4. Cut them down and out.
If you know someone who has difficulties with rage, don’t attempt this on them. You may be in risk.)
This is an effective, albeit unpopular, answer.
Just ignoring it or rising above it aren’t always good reactions, as previously said. If a dog bites you, bite them back hard.
Keep cool in instances like these. Keep your emotions in check and don’t express your distress. Sustain a steady tone, or possibly even a sly grin
Remember that everyone has a flaw. Just like with body shaming and other forms of harassment. You probably already know about one of your tormentor’s sensitive points. If patience, establishing boundaries, and explanations don’t work, get rid of them.
Asking whether you really need that piece of cake after supper. Solicit her “need” to take from him.
Reply that you’re concerned about their drug usage if a so-called buddy says they’re concerned about your health.
Did the snobbish coworker sl “Sorry, I don’t speak whore,” you may say.
Etc.
A person’s bad conduct might be brought to their notice by shocking them.
If they offend you, they’ll shortly discover that they’ll be scrutinized by others.
Not wanting to be offended or humiliated in public, individuals will avoid situations when their flaws are exposed.
Recognize when and how you unintentionally condemn people.
Insecure individuals tend to put their pain onto others. They often criticize people for flaws or actions they are embarrassed of.
Obese people may insult those who are obese, while physically unfit people may scorn “gym rats”.
Catching yourself criticizing others, figure out why. Also, it may help you understand why others harm you.
We can improve our conduct if we understand why we do it.
De-shaming ourselves and others will help us de-shame ourselves. It’s easier to absorb and identify with less guilt. We can all be part of the solution, not the issue.
5.Remember that you are more than your looks.
As previously said, they are transitory vehicles for exploring the planet. They’re the only ones we have, and they always help us.
This life is fleeting, and obsessing about physical flaws saps our enthusiasm.
Remember that there is no “ideal” body type. As a result, every living thing is beautiful and magical in its own way. Our sizes, shapes, and colors range from able-bodied to impaired, and we all have different personalities.
And they are all gorgeous.
Will I Be Pretty? by Katie Makkai is a must-see for those who are still reading. It is really strong.
