Why is it that my wife prioritizes her family above me?
When your wife is in need of advice or has some exciting news to give, who is the first person she turns to? Many spouses are dissatisfied with their wives since their mothers or fathers always come first in their lives. This may lead you to think, “Why does my wife prioritize her family above my needs?”
Here’s what I’ve learned via my marriage:
A wife places her family ahead of you for a variety of reasons, including the fact that she has not set healthy, clear boundaries with them and has an unhealthy connection to them that developed throughout infancy, or because she does not have total confidence in you because of a lingering problem.
In Chinese culture, there is an ancient moral dilemma that is often used to assess the morals of a possible mate. If you, your husband, and your mother were on a sinking boat, and you could only rescue one person, who would you choose to be that person?
In China, your mother is considered to be the “proper” response. It demonstrates your appreciation for the efforts made by your parents in raising you. In actuality, it is the polar opposite of this that helps to maintain a relationship robust. In fact, placing one’s parents ahead of one’s spouse is often regarded as a major factor for divorce.
In this post, we’ll discover how to deal with this problem and make each other’s needs our top priority (as they should be for you)!
Do you find yourself fighting a bit more often than usual?
You may ask whether having so many disagreements is healthy or usual for a family. Find out in my most recent post why fighting every day could be the greatest thing for your marriage in this article.
Simply click on the link to be sent to my website where you may read it.
I’ve been on the verge of divorce and managed to salvage my marriage, and I KNOW you can do the same, even if your wife makes you feel like you’re second best!
I’ve been in your position before. You want to be free of the discomfort. Additionally, you urgently want your marriage to be based on trust, mutual acceptance, and respect. You don’t have to be great friends with her parents, but it may be irritating when you feel tugged in several directions and as if they are more important than you.
Even if your spouse doesn’t believe they want to repair the marriage, there is still hope and something you can do to help save it.
Licensee therapists that specialize in couples therapy are available via the website Regain. They will work directly with you and your spouse online, at your convenience and from any location.
Should your spouse be given priority over your parents?
When you prioritize your partner above your parents, marriage is more likely to succeed. That is not to say that your parents’ needs and desires are unimportant; but, your connection with your spouse should be the most personal relationship in your life.
Feeling like you are a priority to your partner is essential.
Putting one’s parents ahead of one’s spouse is a certain way to make them feel neglected and unimportant—something that is often cited as a major factor for a relationship’s failure.
Who comes to mind when you think of the person who knows the most about you, the one to whom you can confide in completely?
For a variety of reasons, your wife should be the one.
First and foremost, there comes a period when we must separate ourselves from our parents.
Everyone, without exception, should adore and care for their parents. They’ve made several sacrifices in order to raise you! However, that love and respect must finally be earned via the establishment of appropriate limits. If this is not the case, it may be hard to create a complete connection with a prospective mate.
Your private emotional space should be designated exclusively for your spouse’s usage.
Even if you like your parents, there isn’t any space for them in this world. When you concentrate your energy there, you divert it away from where it is most needed – with your partner. It is preferable if you and your spouse serve as each other’s valued confidants, advisors, and closest friends – rather than your parents.
A spouse is also a member of your family, but one of your choice. And for those who are raising children, you are figuratively creating a new family unit.
You and your spouse are the cornerstones of that family’s foundation.
You’ve established the two of you as the focal point of your family’s existence. The importance of the obligation should be taken into consideration while setting your priorities.
Why is it that my wife prioritizes her family above me?
What is it about my wife that she is so devoted to her family?
There are a variety of reasons why your wife may be too devoted to her relatives. It’s possible that she’s seeking to them for something she can’t find from you. She may be reliant on her family for support. Alternatively, she may have unclear or non-existent boundaries with her parents.
It is possible that attachment issues in adulthood are caused by improperly established bonds in infancy.
These issues might manifest themselves as an excessive dependence on or connection to one’s parents that lasts far into adulthood. Continue reading to find out whether your wife has become excessively connected to you.
Is there a pattern to your wife’s actions and words?
Is it true that your wife only communicates with her relatives for one or two specific reasons? Is she able to maintain her boundaries with them in other ways? Perhaps you’re just failing to meet a need she has expressed to you. Make sure to speak with her and to inquire as to her well-being.
Check to see if anything has slipped through the gaps that you may have overlooked.
It’s OK for your wife to be close to her parents as long as it doesn’t have a negative impact on your relationship. Once in a while phone calls or visits are OK. However, if the calls and visits become more frequent than you can handle, there is a serious concern.
So far, there has been a lot of discussion on unhealthy limits. So, what precisely are some of the indicators of dysfunctional boundaries with a child’s parent? You could come across:
- Putting your financial reliance on them
- Calls and visits on a regular basis
- Conversations are characterized by an uncomfortable level of candor and closeness. The parents direct the spouse’s choices.
- Informing them of important information before you
- Parents are responsible for their children’s well-being.
If you see one or more of these on a regular basis, it’s time to have a conversation about it.
Are you concerned that anything deeper is driving her overattachment, such as her intention to file for divorce?
Check read my most recent post to discover whether you should be preparing for the worst case scenario. Throughout that essay, I go through all of the known symptoms that couples tend to display when they are seriously considering divorce, including the one sign that is nearly a guarantee that they will get divorced.
Simply click on the link to be sent to my website where you may read it.
What strategies do you employ to cope with your spouse’s family?
It is important to recognize that your spouse’s family is an extension of your spouse and that they should be respected, just as you should respect them. It’s not always feasible to feel affection for your spouse’s family members. However, in order to keep your marriage together, it is critical that their family does not see you as a threat.
In an ideal situation, your spouse’s family would feel like yours.
They become your property after marriage. If you’re fortunate enough to have a healthy, productive relationship with your in-laws, congratulations! Make a list of your blessings.
And if you don’t, make an effort to treat your time with them with a little more formality.
As long as they are there, show them courtesy and respect. However, maintain a safe space between yourself and them. If you’re not harming anybody, being rude, or mismanaging your marriage, there’s nothing wrong with you.
As this whole text suggests, your first and foremost objective should be to love your spouse. The in-laws come in a close second place. However, if the situation has been stressed for a lengthy period of time, you may have some work to do.
See my previous post on rekindling your marriage for more information on how to accomplish this goal! The book takes you through the precise actions I followed in 2013, after the divorce of my wife. Here we are, years later, with a third kid, and we are happy than we have ever been.
In the event that my in-laws are destroying my marriage, what should I do?
If your in-laws’ connection with you and your spouse is threatening to derail your marriage, the first step is to win your wife around to your way of thinking. Inform her of how their acts make you feel, as well as the harm you believe they are creating. Inquire with her about what she sees and what she believes the best remedy should be.
It is essential that she be on your side before proceeding forward.
It’s going to be difficult, if not impossible, to deal with your in-laws without the assistance of your wife. They are unquestionably more inclined to listen to her than they are to you. As a result, if you decide to immediately approach a problem without consulting her, you will have an uphill struggle.
Before you consider taking any more action, be certain that your wife understands your viewpoint and is actually on your side. Not winning an argument with her parents, but forming a unified front against the issue is your ultimate objective.
Explain how inappropriate boundaries are causing problems in your relationship by pointing them out from above.
Demonstrate to her the potentially harmful actions that she may be unaware of. Inform her that you do not want to remove her parents from her life or to do any harm to their relationship in any kind. However, the current state of affairs is distressing for you.
Effective communication on your behalf, as well as a sympathetic heart on your wife’s part, should put you on the road to resolving this issue.
Once again, do not face your parents without your wife there with you.
Instead of being an unhappy husband who can’t get along with his in-laws, be the concerned husband who is looking out for the best interests of both of you. Work as a team to achieve success and growth!
How can I persuade my wife to prioritize me over her in-laws?
In order to persuade your wife to ultimately prioritize you over your in-laws, tell her that you believe you are irrelevant in her life. Describe how her and their behaviors make you feel and why you feel that way. After that, discuss what you and your partner can do to make it happen.
Inform her that you would want to be her number one once again.
Your wife’s parents are most likely a great source of comfort for her. That is very normal! However, you should never be made to feel like a second-class citizen.
Make it clear to your wife how much you value and respect her. Tell her that if there’s something lacking from your life, you’d want to make an effort to fill it. You understand that you cannot be everything to your partner, yet you want to feel appreciated.
Request that she make an attempt to start thinking about you before turning to her parents for assistance.
Ideally, you’d want to be right there with her in both good and terrible times. After all, it is what you both agreed to when you tied the knot. So, let’s attempt to keep that pledge going as long as possible!
Takeaway
It may be quite unpleasant to have a tense relationship with your wife’s in-laws, especially when they are distant. When she puts them in front of you, it might be much more difficult. However, there is always hope!
Make certain that both you and your wife create good limits with her mother and father. Express your thoughts to her and assure her that she will always be your number one priority.
You’ll be right back at the top of her priority list before you know it.
Are you looking for a plethora of options for reviving your marriage and falling in love again? Check out my most recent post, which is jam-packed with everything you need to know about saving your marriage!
I’ve been on the verge of divorce and managed to salvage my marriage, and I KNOW you can do the same, even if your wife makes you feel like you’re second best!
I’ve been in your position before. You want to be free of the discomfort.
Additionally, you urgently want your marriage to be based on trust, mutual acceptance, and respect. You don’t have to be great friends with her parents, but it may be irritating when you feel tugged in several directions and as if they are more important than you.
Even if your spouse doesn’t believe they want to repair the marriage, there is still hope and something you can do to help save it.
Licensee therapists that specialize in couples therapy are available via the website Regain. They will work directly with you and your spouse online, at your convenience and from any location.
