When the sweetness of love is lost.
Have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself battling with the one person you love?
You have one major disagreement, and then you realize that you are no longer on speaking terms.
You sat there questioning:
“What exactly took place just now?”
“What is the reason for their behavior?”
“How could they be so heartless?”
You used to think the world of this person, but all of a sudden you despise them, feel let down by them, harbor animosity against them, and are angry with them.
Don’t freak out. We have all had that experience.
There have been times in my life when I was certain that I had at long last found “the one,” only for me to later discover that I was trapped in a pattern of unending sorrow. I’ve been there, and the last thing I ever want to do is go back there.
How can you deal with the bad feelings that arise when you are feeling shattered and hurt?
The problem is that we truly aren’t able to have control over our sentiments. In point of fact, the more we try to suppress them, the more they discover methods to fight back against us.
When things go awry in our relationships, we are faced with a choice between two different paths.
It is possible for us to play the part of the victim and demonize the person who wronged us and caused us a great deal of suffering.
Regarding what has just occurred, we might sob quietly to ourselves and to the people who are closest to us.
We may keep replaying the events and discussions in an effort to discover a manner in which we might have been kinder, spoken more clearly, shown more compassion, or avoided the disagreement altogether.
We are able to experience the agony again and over again.
Alternately, we might cultivate the ability to accept our emotions of helplessness, loss, rage, and frustration and go on a path of profound self-inquiry and acceptance.
We are able to acknowledge the fact that discomfort is rubbing against us in order to teach us something about how we react and respond to other people.
The conflict has a way of illuminating the areas in which our knowledge and awareness are lacking.
It may provide a place for radical acceptance.
This idea that we should investigate our own inner programming and figure out how to embrace the hurt aspects of ourselves has been proposed by a number of influential philosophers.
For instance, it is used in the Ho’oponopono treatment that was developed by Dr. Hew Len, a Hawaiian therapist.
He treated a ward full of individuals suffering from criminally insane mental illness using a strategy of self-forgiveness. Dr. Len said that he started by going over the medical histories of all of his patients and then treated them by first focusing on his own health. Due to the fact that he never really interacted with any of the patients, his method was welcomed with both praise and skepticism.
Instead, he threw himself wholeheartedly into empathizing with others so that he may have a better understanding of the expansive variety of feelings that he himself might not be entirely aware of.
He believes that if we are able to fully comprehend and accept the profound emotional condition of every person we interview, we will be able to repair the corresponding part of ourselves and alter the way in which we interact to the outside world.
The key takeaway from this is that you must put the effort into improving yourself first and foremost.
You shouldn’t care about other people. Just give them space to live their lives.
You can utilize even the darkest and most difficult events in your life to get greater insight about yourself as well as life in general. This is true even if you are feeling angry or upset.
The psychotherapist Byron Katie takes a similar technique in her work. She brings to our attention the fact that the problems and expectations that we have with other people are often difficulties and expectations that we have with ourselves, and they are typically the aspects of ourselves that we do not like to confront.
She refers to the process of inward inquiry that she facilitates as “The Work,” and she provides a set of four questions that may be used to assist initiate it.
When we give ourselves permission to feel the hurt and the emotion that we receive from the encounters we have with other people, the painful emotions have the potential to morph and become a mirror of our own ideas, feelings, and beliefs.
Her message also resounds with the same truth, which is that you may cure yourself through suffering and anguish by acknowledging reality for what it is.
From that point on, you will start to enter into a more harmonious acceptance of life and will start engaging with it in a more realistic manner. You then have the option of rethinking constructive approaches to the problem. On the other hand, you may decide not to.
Therefore, when you discover that your heart has been broken or that you have been harmed, it is really the ideal moment to study the impact that this is having on both your body and your mind.
Now is the time to investigate potentially harmful patterns of behavior and routines that you may have picked up without realizing it and that you continue to engage in.
If you don’t know how you work and don’t take the time to figure it out, you’re more likely to hurt yourself than you are to help yourself.
It’s also possible that you’ll injure the people around you.
You may also find that you constantly falling in love, just to discover that you are in the midst of yet another nightmare.
There is a wide variety of approaches to deep inner work. Have you considered achieving this using a variety of different approaches?
The most important thing is that they should not be the result of someone else instructing you in how to think or behave; rather, they should assist you in better comprehending who you are as a person.
The secret to breaking out of this vicious cycle of unhappiness is inside the connection that you have with yourself.
The shaman Rudá Iandê does a wonderful job of elaborating on this notion. He encourages us to examine the untruths we tell ourselves about love and grief and to develop a sense of authentic control over the way we are impacted by our experiences.
Love is not what many of us believe it to be, contrary to what is explained in this illuminating film by Rudá.
In point of fact, many of us are able to unintentionally and easily undermine our romantic relationships.
We need to be honest with ourselves about the reasons why certain behaviors or reactions cause us pain, as well as the reasons why we so readily play the part of enraged victims.
Far too often, we form expectations about another person that are not grounded in reality and are destined to be dashed when the other person fails to live up to them.
We are much too prone to falling into the codependent roles of rescuer and victim, in which we want someone else to swoop in and save us, only to wind ourselves in a bitter pattern as a result.
The teachings of Rudá may help you find a real and workable solution to the problems that may be causing you emotional distress and physical discomfort.
This is a message you need to hear if you’re done with hopeless dating, meaningless hookups, stressful relationships, and having your expectations continually crushed.
To see the video at no cost, click on the link.
Therefore, if you feel that you are throwing your hands up in the air again over another heartbreak, why not try something new this time?
Why not do a genuine self-examination to see if you are aware of who you are at your most fundamental level if you are fed up with being left in the dust by someone who was completely oblivious to what they were getting themselves into? If this is your situation, you may want to consider this course of action.
Why not make the most of your time with the person who will be at your side for the rest of your life and learn how to love and accept them?
If you are able to become more self-aware of the expectations and ideas that you have, then maybe you will be able to make an educated selection this time around about who receives your vitality, attention, and care.
It’s possible that things will turn out differently this time.
First you have to learn to love yourself, and only after that can you simply let yourself connect with other people. The question is, why not begin with yourself this time?