5 reasons an open relationship can’t salvage a relationship.
It seems like the two of you are having trouble communicating. You are left with no other choice except to end the relationship.
But then all of a sudden, your spouse offered that the two of you try out an open relationship, in which you both continue to be together but are free to pursue love and sexual relationships with other people.
Or maybe it was your idea all along. Maybe you’ve always been intrigued by the idea of giving it a go, or maybe you’re doing whatever you can to hang on to your significant other. In any case, you are in need of further knowledge before you can eventually take that leap.
I’m going to be honest with you right now: shifting to an open relationship won’t help save the one you’re currently in.
Do not misunderstand me; open or polyamorous relationships are perfectly acceptable in today’s society. It may not work exactly for everyone, but it does for some.
But what if you’re already committed to a single partner? It cannot be saved by changing its closed status to that of an open one.
Continue reading to learn 5 reasons why having an open relationship cannot help a relationship survive.
1) It will make others envious of you.
In spite of the fact that the concept can seem good on paper, putting it into action is a whole other ballgame. Do you honestly believe that you won’t experience feelings of jealousy if your lover has had sexual relations with someone else?
The fact of the matter is that if you and your partner began your relationship as a monogamous pair, then the fact that you and your partner are each other’s “only one” is a basic component of your relationship. Because of this, there is a significant amount of passion and intimacy in the relationship.
Getting rid of it will fundamentally change the nature of the connection between you and the other person. The majority of romantic partnerships, on the other hand, are not equipped to weather shifts of that magnitude.
Now, it happens to the best of us, and it may even be about quite little things. To return to the original question, did you sleep with another person? And doing it on purpose to place oneself in such a precarious situation?
And how can you be so certain that it has nothing to do with sexuality? What if your spouse develops deeper emotions too?
Jealousy is a normal human response to situations like these. It is impossible for your relationship to be healthy if either partner puts themselves in a situation where they are likely to experience feelings of jealousy.
2) It will make people’s fears even worse.
Comparison, as the old proverb goes, is the thief of joy.
You could be thinking, “Well, I guess I won’t compare myself to whomever it is that my partner is having sexual relations with!”
But let’s be honest for a minute. Are you really able to avoid judging yourself based on how you stack up against the other person? It’s a normal emotion, much like feeling envious of someone else, and most individuals won’t be able to stop themselves from doing it.
You will inevitably get to the point when you start to wonder whether your spouse believes that they may be happier without you. In point of fact, the minute you started considering the possibility of an open relationship, you probably started having concerns about this in the back of your mind.
Then, if you begin an open relationship, you will see that all of your fears are amplified. Your sense of self-worth may take a nosedive, and a wide range of unfavorable feelings may begin to bubble to the surface.
Do they think them to be more appealing than my boyfriend does?
Are they more skilled in the bedroom than I am?
Do they provide a service that I’m unable to?
Your head is going to be swimming with questions like these.
If you are really committed to opening up the relationship, then you and your partner need to have a lengthy conversation about any fears each of you may have about the other person. Establish clear expectations and limits, because if you don’t, everything will fall apart in an extremely short amount of time.
But here’s the reality: unless you have absolutely zero anxieties (and really, who does? ), you probably do.
…and nearly ridiculous levels of self-esteem, switching from a monogamous to an open relationship can eat you alive from the inside.
3) It might be detrimental to your sense of self-worth.
Switching to an open relationship after being in a monogamous one is not only a formula for making your anxieties even more severe, but it may also give you the impression that it validates those fears.
Let’s imagine you already have doubts about whether or not you are adequate for your relationship. The fact that they wish to have sexual relationships with other people may make you feel even worse about yourself.
What will occur if the amount of time that they spend with you gradually decreases while they spend a greater proportion of their time with other people?
You will start to consider the possibility that indeed, I am most certainly not sufficient.
Within the framework of the relationship, your sense of self-worth will suffer significant and even irreparable damage.
Why did a lovely and caring relationship that used to bring you all the pleasure in the world suddenly turn into a nightmare for no apparent reason? This is a challenging question.
And if one decides that an open relationship is too drastic a solution to the problem, what other options are there?
My view is that in order to obtain the answers you need, you must first search inside yourself. At the very least, it was successful for me.
The famous shaman Rudá Landê was the one who taught me how the connection you have with yourself may affect the other relationships in your life.
Love is not what many of us believe it to be, as explained in this mind-blowing and completely free film by Rudá. In point of fact, many of us are unknowingly destroying our own romantic relationships without even recognizing it.
In my position, I was trying to discover explanations as to why my relationship all of a sudden seemed like the worst place to be. I felt like I had no other choice. The nature of our relationship shifted, and as a result, I no longer experienced feelings of love or being loved. It was a terrible mistake!
Following the completion of Rudá’s masterclass, I became aware that I had been operating in a “victim mode.” I was unable to love my spouse, and I also had the impression that I was never receiving their love.
You may probably guess that it wasn’t at all good for your health.
Lessons from Rudá opened my eyes to a whole fresh viewpoint.
While I was watching, I had the impression that he understood my challenges and provided a genuine, practical option for returning to a “normal” state again.
I put his advice into practice in my relationship, and it went from bad to excellent as a result! I can honestly say that it prevented us from disintegrating into pieces, and for that I am quite grateful.
Believe me when I say that Rudá has some important information for you to hear.
Simply click on the link to see the totally free film.
4) It is difficult to come to terms with where the borders should be.
It’s possible that agreeing to transition to an open relationship would make you feel more loved and mature.
Because the two of you love and trust each other so much, it does not bother either of you in the least if they flirt with or sleep with other people. Because at the end of the day, you are aware of the fact that you continue to be the love of their life.
Once again, this is just theoretical.
When put into reality, however, it often ends up being a chaotic jumble.
The majority of romantic partnerships struggle to reach a consensus over the bounds and standards of an open relationship. In most cases, one party wants to make it more open, while the other wants to make it more restricted.
The concept of an open relationship might mean very different things to different people. And even if a compromise is struck, there is often some level of unhappiness on both sides of the issue.
This then leads to an even greater degree of doubt over whether or not they are adhering to the regulations that you have agreed upon.
5) Maintaining your integrity will be challenging.
Even if you and your partner have a frank discussion about your expectations and the limits of the relationship, there is no way to know for certain whether or not they are honoring those limits.
You’ve probably listened to it all before. Communication that is both open and honest is essential to the health of any relationship. On the other hand, this becomes an extremely challenging task the longer you remain in an open relationship.
When a couple first begins to open up about their relationship to one another, one of the usual expectations is that they would inform one another about any “other” sexual partners they have.
On the other hand, this often results in feelings of uneasiness, tension, and embarrassment. People have a tendency to embellish or downplay what really occurred in order to save the sentiments of others.
As time goes on, this deteriorates more and further, eventually reaching the point where it is completely dishonest.
6) It will cause you an incredible amount of stress.
a disturbed soul provides ten explanations for why an open connection cannot save a failing relationship.
It is not surprising that the great majority of persons who made the decision to transition to an open relationship experienced feelings of insecurity, worry, and anxiety. They feigned, or even managed to persuade themselves, that everything was good with the arrangement, even if that wasn’t the case.
In the back of your mind, there will always be a nagging sensation of uncertainty and fear. This is something that will never change. You won’t have a sense of security or calm, and that is NEVER a good indicator in any kind of romantic connection.
7) Many people consider it to be sexual autonomy.
Have you had a number of different sexual partners? Doesn’t it just seem thrilling and fun?
In a sense, you might say that. At first, there’s a chance.
But unless you were genuinely polyamorous from the beginning, it’s probable that you’ll rapidly find that it’s not the glamorous world of sexual freedom that you imagined it to be.
You are still accountable for the sentiments of other people, regardless of whether or not they are your “primary” or “secondary” partner.
And the fact of the matter is that managing these sentiments is like playing a juggling game that is too difficult and causes too many headaches for the majority of individuals.
8) There will be an unequal distribution of authority
After all, even if you are both permitted to have other sexual partners, there will still very certainly be an imbalance of power in the relationship between the two of you.
It’s possible that:
varying numbers of partners in sexual activity;
varying degrees of pleasure experienced with one’s various sexual partners;
a variety of needs and wants for an open partnership;
Then, one spouse could feel that they are the inferior or less beautiful person based on the number of sexual partners they are having outside of the relationship. This is because of the number of sexual partners they are receiving.
My observations have shown that one of the parties involved often has the perception that they are not benefiting from the relationship to the same extent as their partner, which may result in feelings of envy, anger, and insecurity.
As I said before, comparisons are going to be unavoidable. Not only do people compare themselves to the other sexual partners of their spouse, but they also often compare their own sexual life to those of their partners outside of the partnership.
9) You’re endangering your future
If you are acting in this manner with the expectation that your connection will continue to flourish into the foreseeable future, then you should be aware that your actions may have the opposite effect.
It has the potential to hasten the demise of the relationship as well. (In point of fact, this is the scenario that most of the time plays out).
When everything is said and done, one of the partners in the relationship is already miserable and is looking for happiness in other people.
There are further, and perhaps more effective, strategies to mend your relationship.
10) There’s a good chance that you won’t be able to deal with it emotionally.
It’s just not in the human design for most people to have several romantic partners. However, the majority of individuals have their relationships structured to be monogamous since that is how they were wired from birth.
Forming relationships with other people comes so naturally to us that we can’t help but do it. We are looking for a close and personal relationship.
It is unsettling to our very subconscious to learn that a person with whom you are having this connection also desires to do it with another person.
Particularly due to the fact that, in the context of monogamy, the desire for an open relationship indicates that one partner is unable to get the necessary level of emotional satisfaction from the monogamous relationship.
Do you really believe that you don’t care whether your spouse wants to be involved with another person or if they are already intimate with someone else?
If this is the case, then it may be time to reconsider other aspects of the partnership, or perhaps the relationship as a whole.
There are healthier methods to mend a relationship that is on the decline.
Avoid taking one another’s existence for granted.
When a couple has been through a rough patch together, they often forget the reasons why they fell in love with one another in the first place. They fail to appreciate the good contributions that their spouse makes to their lives and instead become too preoccupied with the difficulties and flaws in the relationship.
You may rekindle your love for your lover by going back over the many reasons why you fell in love with them in the first place and making a conscious effort to stop taking those reasons for granted. After that, finding a solution to whatever issue you’re dealing with will be a lot less difficult.
Always keep your sense of wonder alive.
To take each other for granted is, in part, to fall into the trap of believing that one already knows all there is to know about one’s relationship.
On the other hand, even people who have been married for a very long time and are quite content with each other often find out new things about their partner.
Keeping a healthy level of curiosity about your mate is an essential must if you want to keep the spark alive.
A few helpful hints are as follows:
Continue to investigate things;
Continue to challenge yourself by placing yourself in different settings;
Reminisce on the happy times in your life that are in the past;
Relive or reenact certain moments or experiences from the past that brought you joy.
Develop your life outside of the context of your relationship.
advantages of reading number two out of ten reasons why an open relationship cannot save a failing relationship
Remember to keep in mind these three things:
The expression “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is absolutely accurate.
People who have a greater sense of wholeness and balance report higher levels of happiness;
People who are content with themselves as people are also content with the connections they have.
As a result, it is of the utmost importance to build a life outside of your partnership that is well-balanced.
It’s somewhat paradoxical, but sometimes the greatest approach to heal a relationship is to give it a little less consideration and concentrate on other things in life instead of trying to work on the connection.
After all, codependency might be the source of some difficulties!
It is not surprising if the relationship is becoming stale, dull, or unfulfilling if one of the parties involved has lost their personality.
Maintain an open and honest dialogue with one another.
Yeah, yeah. Open communication is essential, you are correct.
But to what extent do you share information with one another?
Maybe you talk to each other about the limits and standards you both have for the relationship. Do you, however, communicate your line of thinking to them?
When you hurt your lover, maybe you apologize. But do you explain the situation to them, even if you know it would make you seem bad?
Be radical, and by radical I mean genuinely radical, with your honesty and openness if you want to actually create closeness and trust with someone.
No, you should not be considering rebuttals or responses while they are speaking. No, don’t even consider how incorrect or off-base their beliefs are.
Listen first. Listen.
Be present, have an open mind, and radiate warmth.
There should never be any “me versus you” moments in a relationship. Always frame the situation as “us versus the problem.”
Believe me when I say that you and your spouse should never try to “win” a fight. Because if your spouse has the impression that they have “gone missing,” a variety of unfavorable feelings can fester and gradually erode your connection with them.
You’ll lose, too.
Questions and Answers on open relationships
Why would somebody desire to have an open relationship with another person?
The majority of individuals who are contemplating an open relationship believe that it has the potential to salvage their relationship if it is currently on the decline. Or make it even better, despite the fact that it is currently fantastic.
These are the most important justifications for having open partnerships.
It is impossible for one individual to satisfy all of the love and sexual demands of another person.
Any one individual would be under an unreasonable amount of strain if they attempted to satisfy all of these demands. Without this pressure, there will be more freedom to concentrate on the good aspects of the relationship which will ultimately lead to a happier and healthier state of being.
After all, the sexual impulses and requirements of different individuals might vary, particularly as people become older.
When individuals don’t insist on exclusivity, they save themselves the suffering that comes along with infidelity in a relationship that is monogamous and exclusive.
There is no need to make amends after any of these events. Additionally, there would be no need to conceal your interest for other people.
It promotes honesty and trust in others.
Some individuals see a trusting and respectful relationship as one that is open and communicative that operates well. If they are able to respect and love you enough to adhere to the limits and expectations that you have set for them, then this is evidence that they do so.
And if they continue to choose to be in a committed relationship with you despite the fact that they have sex with other people, doesn’t that suggest that they still pick you after everything is said and done? Is that not the essence of love?
Of course, as I’ve shown above, it’s not quite as straightforward as that. Although these interpretations are acceptable, the reality of open partnerships in real life is far more nuanced and complex.
Do I have the personality for an open relationship?
Certain individuals possess an innate capacity for several romantic relationships. Since they were young, they have had a gut feeling that monogamy isn’t going to be rewarding for them in the long run.
As a consequence, each and every one of their partnerships has been polyamorous and open.
Others, because to the circumstances of their lives, enter open partnerships at a later stage in their lives. For instance, having a significant crush on someone even while in a relationship, having a partner advise it, or attempting it as a strategy to salvage the relationship are all examples of unhealthy relationship behaviors.
We have gone through the reasons why the previous concept is not precisely a sound one before.
On the other hand, this does not imply that there aren’t any individuals who might benefit from having an open relationship.
The fact of the matter is that unless you give it a go, you won’t truly know whether it will work for you or not. Open partnerships, both in theory and in reality, may take on a variety of forms.
It is possible that it will feel satisfactory in theory but not in actuality. Or, even if it seemed to be detrimental to you at first, you could end up learning that it was really beneficial all along.
You only need to be willing to accept the risk that is presented to you.
What steps should I take to start an open relationship?
flames vs. soulmates: 10 arguments against the idea that an open relationship may help a troubled one
It’s possible to have feelings for many people at the same time. It is absolutely not out of the ordinary.
To believe that being in a relationship would somehow make your attraction to other people vanish like magic is an idealization that defies reality and borders on being too romantic.
However, the most difficult element is figuring out what to do with that attraction.
They are (or should be) happy with only adoring one another from a distance if they are in a completely monogamous relationship. (And it is very possible to have a crush on someone while still being a wonderful partner in a committed relationship!)
However, if you are interested in experimenting with an open relationship, you will need to have many in-depth and critical conversations on a variety of topics, including the following but not limited to them:
- What precisely do you mean when you say that a relationship is open?
- Why do you feel the need to have everything out in the open?
- In what ways do you want your relationship to be open?
- What kind of worries, apprehensions, and uncertainties do you have about open relationships?
- Boundaries: what kinds of interactions with outsiders are you and your spouse permitted or prohibited from having?
- How often are you able to interact with other people?
- Specific sexual activities (such as refraining from penetrative intercourse, for example)?
- Methods of preventing pregnancy (such as using a condom at all times, for instance)?
- How much of your time and energy are you able to devote to other people (for instance, at times when you are together, you are not permitted to text or answer calls from other people)?
- In your opinion, what behaviors constitute dishonesty?
- How often do you plan to check in with each other and do a fresh assessment of the open relationship as time goes on?
- After opening up the relationship, how can you ensure that you continue to be a decent partner?
- What are some ways that you may maintain your commitment in an open relationship?
- This is dependent on the expectations and limits that you and your spouse have mutually established for one another.
Even if either one of you or both of you may have sexual encounters with other people, this does not indicate that you are free to engage in other romantic activities with those individuals. Therefore, you should discuss it with your significant other!
While both parties in an open relationship are free to have other sexual partners, the partners in an open relationship are not permitted to have other romantic partners.
So even when they are physically intimate with multiple people, their “real” partner is still the one with whom they have the deepest mental and emotional connection. They continue to live with them and most likely have sexual relations with them on the most regular (and affectionate) basis.
The only reason to have sexual encounters with other individuals is to gratify a need for novelty or to satiate a kink when the main partner is hesitant to participate in the activity.
However, they continue to reserve their genuine and genuine love for their primary spouse.
What kind of upbringing do their parents provide them if they engage in open relationships?
Your children probably do not need (or want) to know the specifics of your sexual life, regardless of whether or not you engage in monogamy or polyamory with other people.
It’s possible that informing them when they become adults is appropriate, but it’s still a significant choice that you should discuss with your spouse or partner beforehand.
The bare essentials
Studies have shown that between 4% and 5% of heterosexual couples choose to participate in open partnerships. This statistic reflects the growing popularity of open relationships.
Many more are undoubtedly debating whether or not to try it themselves, but they are concerned about the potential consequences. This subject, much like any other that involves human interactions and psychological concepts, is extraordinarily complicated.
However, in the vast majority of cases, attempting to salvage a monogamous relationship by making it open to other partners is doomed to fail.
Take some time to think about your feelings on love, monogamy, and sexuality before you experiment with it.
Consider what it is that you want most out of a romantic relationship.
When you address it with your spouse, be honest, truthful, and willing to put yourself in a vulnerable position. You will need to have a dialogue that is adult, sensible, and sincere all at the same time.
At the end of the day, each one of us has somewhat different requirements.
Monogamy isn’t for those who are excessively insecure and envious of other people. People who engage in polyamory are just as capable of loving and being in happy, healthy relationships as those who don’t.
It is possible that getting it will need some time and effort. You still have the right to be in a relationship that fulfills both of these needs, regardless of whether it is monogamous and exclusive or polyamorous and open. You deserve to feel loved and happy.