The Three College Rules That I Made My Daughter Agree To Follow
As a practical and contemporary mother, I didn’t make her swear she wouldn’t drink or have sexual relations while she was away at college. All of my regulations were geared around her personal safety, which was, to be honest, my primary concern. Any other error, as long as it is not connected to her physical safety, may be corrected, moved on from, or used as a learning opportunity.
I shared with her every article and news item I came across about young women who had been sexually abused and, in some instances, had been abducted and were never seen again. You could be upset with me for attempting to terrify her, but that’s OK with me — I’m tough enough to handle it. I was making an attempt to terrify her. I was attempting to convey to her, in the most profound manner possible, how one choice, one decision, or one instant lapse in judgment might have a huge impact on the course of her life.
They are eighteen years old, and we are sending them away from home for the first time, in some cases for the very first time in their lives. Despite the fact that they are legally adults, the area of their brains that allows them to see around corners and identify possible risks has not yet completely grown. Scientists and clinicians now understand that our brains do not reach their peak potential until about the age of 25. Vehicle rental firms are well aware of the findings of this study – why do you think they would refuse to lend a car to anybody under the age of twenty-five?
It makes no difference how intelligent kids are or how well they performed on the SAT or ACT. They aren’t very gifted in the area of good judgment, at least not yet.
The reasoning portion of a teen’s brain is not completely grown and will not be until he or she is around 25 years old.
In reality, current study has shown that the brains of adults and adolescents function differently. Adults reason with the help of the prefrontal cortex, which is located in the reasoning region of the brain. A strong judgment and an understanding of long-term implications are required in order to react to circumstances in this area of the brain. The amygdala is the part of the brain that processes information in teenagers. This is the most emotional aspect of the process.
It is still early in the development of adolescent brains, and the connections between the emotional region of the brain and the decision-making center are not always growing at the same pace. As a result, when adolescents are confronted with a large amount of emotional information, they are unable to articulate what they were thinking afterwards. Because they were feeling so much, they weren’t thinking much. – Rochester Medical Center at the University of Rochester
Because I was aware of all of this, I had my daughter pledge to abide by these three very fundamental guidelines before she left for college.
These words of wisdom, I feel, are as applicable to young men as they are to young women.
1. Don’t leave anybody behind.
This is, in my opinion, the most crucial guideline to follow. Whoever you go out with, you stay with, and whoever you leave with — NO ONE IS LEFT BEHIND, PERIOD. I don’t believe there is a case or an exception to this rule, at least not in my opinion. If a group of five persons goes to a bar or a party together, they will all remain together and will depart together. This is addressed and agreed upon before to the event. No one from the group is permitted to leave the group and enter another place that is not visible to the rest of the group at any time. There are a million other situations we could talk about – it doesn’t matter to me since you remain with the people you went out with and no one gets left behind. No one ever goes to the restroom by themselves. No one goes outdoors to answer a phone call by themselves. No one is ever left alone, and this is a given.
As parents, we all worry whether our children are paying attention when we speak — I know I do on a regular basis. So I was overjoyed when my daughter shared a tale with me a few months into her freshman year, and it made me smile. She was out with a bunch of pals at a party when the incident occurred. She was just a few feet away, keeping an eye on a girl who resided in her dorm but who she did not know intimately. My daughter said that the girl seemed to be inebriated and was conversing with a young guy who was attempting to persuade her to accompany him away from the scene; the girl was resisting weakly, but the young man was unyielding. “She’s with us,” my daughter exclaimed as she marched up to the girl, wrapped her arm around her and looked the boy in the eyes. “I’m sorry, but she’s not going away.” The group my daughter was with ensured that the girl returned safely to her dorm and her roommate, despite the danger. This is a time of pride for the mother.
2. Keep your beverage safe.
Pay attention when your drink is poured, keep your hand over your drink at all times, and never leave your drink unattended in any situation.
This was not a threat during my adolescent years, but it is a very serious one now. Putting anything into someone’s drink while they aren’t looking is really simple, and sadly, there are others who take advantage of this situation. Similarly, if you need to go to the restroom, you finish your drink first or leave it with a trustworthy, watchful buddy — and the reverse is true as well. If you have any cause to believe that your drink has been tampered with, throw it out immediately!
3. Under no circumstances should you go alone after dark.
Whether you live near to the library or the dining hall, whether you really want to see your pals at a different place, if you need cash from the ATM, or whether your friends are already out and you want to meet them, I don’t care. If you are unable to locate a companion to accompany you, you do not go. Many colleges and universities now have evening safety shuttles that will pick you up wherever you are on campus and drop you down just at the front door of your dorm, all at no cost to you. Because the one at my daughter’s school is open until 3 a.m., there was never a need for her to have to go back to her dorm alone after visiting the library or dining hall late at night. Each school has a different name for this kind of transportation, and many schools make it as easy as downloading an app on your phone to get there.
I would also offer the following guidelines for my daughter, in addition to the three rules I had established for her:
Obtain the phone numbers of one or two of your child’s pals, and make certain that they have your number as well as theirs. When I met my daughter’s roommate during freshman drop-off, I made a point of getting her phone number and giving her mine to keep in touch. While this was not done with the intent of stalking my daughter, knowing that if I was unable to reach my daughter and had a real fear for her safety, there was someone in her life I could call made me feel a little more comfortable. I have never taken advantage of this, however I did ask her roommate for assistance in planning a surprise birthday party for my kid. As a result, I wanted her friends to be aware that they could and should contact me if my daughter was ever harmed, ill, or suffering from any other affliction.
Become a member of the university’s alert system, and make sure your kid is as well. Just about every institution, I would imagine, now has an alert system that sends out text messages and/or email messages when there is a cause for worry, whether it’s related to weather, safety, or other campus concerns.
You should have the campus police and a direct dorm line saved in your phone’s contact information. If you ever find yourself in a state of panic, you won’t want to have to waste time looking for these items. It provides me great comfort to know that I have them on hand, and fortunately, I’ve never had to use them.
9 Things Kids Need From You To Thrive!
Someone came up to me shortly after the birth of my first kid and said something that forever altered my outlook on parenting. I was speechless. “Take pleasure in every minute. “The days are long, but the years are short,” says the author.
I was under a lot of stress and had little sleep at the time, so one-liners weren’t really appropriate at the moment. I’m not sure why he didn’t volunteer to babysit for a few hours instead.
Although over four years have passed since I held my kid for the first time, his remark has come to mind hundreds of times throughout the course of that time.
Parenting is a magnificent storm that you can’t help but enjoy. There are few activities that are as life-giving and joy-filled as gardening. However, it is far from simple. On certain days, the only thing you can do is hang on. A flood of poop diapers and careless actions are threatening your mental health. What should you do? On other days, you can clearly see it. You may now see the fruits of your labor, including the late nights and discipline.
things that children need
The importance of parenting cannot be overstated. The foundation of great civilizations and cultures is built on the strength of families. The absence of strong parents who raise strong children results in civilizations being immobilized and stagnant. Parents, you are determining the everlasting course of your children’s futures.
Children are, let’s face it, difficult to understand and read. I’m still baffled as to why they don’t come with any kind of instructions. And it all occurs in such a short period of time. My wife’s stomach bulges out like a giant ball for a split second. The enormous ball then pees on the nurse in the following instant. Here I am now, only a few days before the fourth anniversary of the enormous ball.
The days are becoming longer. The years are passing quickly.
You only have a limited amount of time to prepare your children. Beyond the poker façade, there are genuine requirements. Here are some things that children need in order to succeed in today’s world, which is filled with its own set of complications and obstacles.
There are nine things that children need from you.
1.) YOUR MARRIAGE SHOULD BE GIVEN FIRST PRIORITY OVER THEM
Children need a lot of time and money. You should be there to serve and provide for them at all times. You should make a financial investment in their present and future.
Furthermore, one of the most effective ways to invest in your children is to make an investment in your marriage.
If you put your children first and your marriage second, you will lose both your children and your marriage in the process. If you have children, they will become idols, never living up to your expectations, and you will constantly want more from them than they are capable of providing.
We aren’t perfect in the Powell household, but Tiffani and I make it clear to our children that their mother and father’s relationship is vital. I tell them that my mother is very important to me. They are not permitted to interrupt Tiffani and me while we are talking. In front of our children, we are warm and loving. I want children to realize that Tiffani and I place a high value on our marriage.
Secondly, they want to see you live out your faith rather than just talk about it.
Your children may not pay attention to your words, but they will pay attention to your actions.
You can’t pass on faith if you don’t demonstrate it yourself. Your choices must be influenced by Jesus. His methods, which are unusual and perplexing to the rest of the world, must guide your journey. You should read Scripture to your children. At home, have a conversation about Jesus. However, don’t forget about him while you’re taking the kids to the baseball. Never bring up the subject of justice, and never provide a helping hand to those in need.
You may believe that your children are gullible. Perhaps you are correct. But you’re being foolish if you believe that they aren’t paying attention to (and mimicking) your conduct.
The ability to live a life without being constantly connected to technology (i.e., a life without technology).
Whether your children are babies, toddlers, or teens, it is your responsibility to keep them away from electronic devices. When you use technology as your default reaction to boredom or public outbursts, you instill a need for entertainment in your children. You’re instilling in them the belief that life is a never-ending Disneyland adventure. And you’re the one in charge of the tour. It is not your responsibility to keep your children entertained at all times. And it is not your responsibility to keep them entertained.
I’m not anti-technology in any way. You do, however, need limits. Establish periods when technology is not permitted, beginning with the dinner table and working your way down the line. Allow your children to experience boredom and learn to cope with it. Every few years, it’s wonderful to take a trip to Disneyland. When you’re attempting to bring Disneyland into your living room, it’s tiring.
Fourth, you should encourage them more than you should correct them.
No and halt are the only words that come to me on certain days when my vocabulary is severely limited. It’s quite simple to draw attention to the bad aspects of a situation. When your children make a mistake, it is immediately apparent. But what about the things they do that are good for them? Are they the ones that you’re emphasizing?
Your yeses should outnumber your noes if you are a parent.
Is it common for you to tell someone, “I’m proud of you,” “I adore you,” or “I’m glad for you” on a regular basis? It is impossible for you to comprehend the power of affirmation. As a teenager, I yearned for something like this, particularly from my father. I was desperate to hear the words “I love you” from him.
I was aware of his feelings for me, but I never heard him express them. And this sowed a seed of doubt in the back of my mind.
Your children make wise decisions on a daily basis. It’s not simply unfortunate if you don’t express your feelings verbally. It is a poor example of stewardship. Words, according to James 3, are like a devastating fire. On the other hand, the reverse is also true. The words pile up. Affirmative remarks that are not said are analogous to expensive gifts that are not opened or received.
Are you giving your children positive reinforcement? Do you spend more time putting things together than you do tearing them down?
5.) TO BE AWARE THAT LIFE IS NOT FAIR
In the United States, there is a concerning tendency, particularly in the culture of youth athletics. The “participation trophy effect” is the term used to describe this phenomenon. Please do not reference any copyright legislation in support of my claim. I’m not going to react to you.
“The participation trophy effect” asserts that everyone is a winner in some way or another.
“It’s all right, Billy. You did not come out on top in the game. However, you will still get a prize. “Everyone is a winner in this place.”
They are not, in fact.
I’m quite thankful for my previous athletic experience. They taught me valuable lessons about life. And I gained more knowledge through losing than I did from success. Participation prizes do not prepare your children for life outside of the classroom. It is not always the case that everyone receives a prize in real life. There are victors and losers in this game. However, it is through loss and rejection that you learn. Perseverance and tenacity are developed. Although defeat may bring you to your knees, you have the chance to rebuild even stronger than before.
I want my sons to understand that failure, rejection, and loss are all necessary parts of the human experience. I want students to judge their own value on an intrinsic basis, rather than by how well they do on a test or exam. I want children to understand that excellence and dedication are important. Life does not provide you with a medal just for showing up. You will fail from time to time. Failure, on the other hand, is not the end of the world.
6.) TO BE ABLE TO SAY NO AND DEFEND THEIR RIGHTS.
From the time my sons were able to crawl, they pushed the limits of our home. Whenever we ordered them to keep away from the electrical outlet, they would crawl right up to the electrical outlet. We instructed them not to stand in the chair, but when we ordered them not to, they did so.
For a long time, I believed my children were wicked creatures who derived joy from my frustrations.
When I finally comprehended what was going on, it became clear that they were testing our borders to make sure they were genuinely there.
Draw a line between your expectations for your children and their behavior. They should be aware of the appropriateness of their actions. However, you must also set boundaries between your children and the seemingly limitless array of activities and possibilities available to them.
You won’t be able to accomplish everything. Your children will not be able to witness everything. Every possibility seems to be favorable to them. It is your responsibility to keep your children grounded and prevent them from being overextended in their activities.
Allowing your family to worship the idol of overcommitment is not a good idea. Learn to say no to things.
A big idol of American Christianity is overcommitment, and it is one of the most dangerous vices. It is because of this idol that we believe we are significant and that our children are gifted that we worship it. And, tragically, we offer up our children as sacrifices on this altar. We take pleasure in our pupils performing at their highest levels. This elevates us in the eyes of the public. However, it results in teens who are overworked, concerned with external successes, and overwhelmed by worry.
Your children may not express themselves this way, but they rely on you to say no.
Seventh, assist them in becoming the man or woman they were created to be, rather than the man or woman you want them to be.
Prior to becoming a mom, I wanted to be the mother of a child. We’d have a game of catch. His minor league team would be coached by me. He would develop into a physically gifted shortstop and go on to play collegiate baseball.
It was sometime between pregnancy and birth that God began to work on my heart and soul. I came to the realization that my aspirations had nothing to do with my kid. They were about me, specifically. I wanted to revisit some of the most memorable experiences from my youth. God pushed me to view my children through his eyes, without any preconceived notions about what they should be like.
Perhaps my children will follow in their father’s footsteps and participate in baseball and golf. But I’m more concerned with assisting them in becoming the men and women that God intended them to be than anything else. This should be your ultimate objective as parents. Encourage your children to identify their innate talents, those things that they are naturally good at. Allow them the freedom to experiment and learn new things. Don’t make them live up to your expectations.
Don’t make any comparisons between your children. They are not produced in the same way as everyone else.
And never, ever compare your children to others. They are not produced in the same way as everyone else. Your children’s performance is not judged by their siblings or by the children of your friends. It’s the reflection in the mirror. Instead of competing against the person next to them, instill the habit of competing against the person they were yesterday.
If you want to achieve greatness, your most formidable opponent is the guy who looks back at you in the mirror. Put an end to the comparisons between your children. Begin by encouraging them to strive to be the greatest version of themselves.
8 Talk about sex and other difficult topics early and often, and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
My youngest kid is already three years old, yet he is already interested in the human body. He inquires about distinct “parts” and why boys and girls do not “appear to be the same” in appearance. To begin with, we’ve previously had a sex conversation with him (enter the awkwardness). It’s nothing like the one he’ll get when he’s a teenager. But, as we’ve taught, God made males and girls with different physical parts than one another. We also taught that God made Micah’s “parts” just for Micah, and Noah’s “parts” specifically for Noah, among other things. No one should touch their “parts,” and they should refrain from touching the “parts” of others.
That is, indeed, basic.
Tiffani and I, on the other hand, are adamant about not avoiding the unpleasant issues. When I was younger, I had one very unpleasant sex conversation. It was very uncomfortable. Imagine a bombshell of private parts and words you can’t pronounce exploding in your face, destroying any desire you had to ever talk about sex with your parents again.
Consider teaching your children about sex the same way you would any other item God made, rather than shocking them with a bombshell announcement. Why not dissipate the sneer?
