The Healthy Way to Deal With Jealousy
Perhaps your buddy received a raise at the same time that you are struggling to pay the bills. Alternatively, your spouse may have spent what seemed like an inordinate amount of time conversing with your neighbor, who happens to be far more attractive than you. We’ve all been a touch envious of someone or something at some time in our lives.
Fortunately, such feelings of jealousy normally subside after a short period of time. What happens, though, when they don’t? What if your feelings of jealousy continue to grow in intensity to the point that you’re obsessively thinking about it, or worse, to the point where it’s beginning to negatively impact your relationship?
It’s possible that it’s time to confront such sentiments square on. Here’s what specialists recommend you do in order to keep your jealous feelings under control.
When do you feel jealous? Is it natural to feel this way?
Beating up on by the garden gnome might be aggravating and even a trifle disgusting at the time. In the end, you’re a mature adult, not a spoiled brat from middle school. In reality, everyone has feelings of jealousy every now and then—a it’s natural aspect of being a person! As Mark B. Borg Jr., PhD, co-author of Irrelationship and Relationship Sanity, explains: “Biologically and emotionally, our connection to others is our oldest survival strategy.” The feeling of being threatened by a loved one may make you feel jealous, which makes you feel even more jealous.
Another way of putting it: In order for us to feel safe, we look to our family and friends. Because of this, Borg claims, we get envious. Consider the following scenario: you and a friend used to meet up for coffee every Saturday, but then she decided to enroll in a weekly photography class and no longer had the time.
It seems like she has suddenly lost interest in you, and you begin to feel resentful that she is spending so much time with her classmates instead of with you, which makes you feel envious.
That kind of scenario is rather prevalent; yet, it does not imply that it is risk-free. Your mood might be affected by jealousy, which can cause you to lose concentration on more vital duties. The most heinous of them all is… It may have a major impact on your relationships if allowed to fester, according to Borg.
In a healthy manner, how to cope with feelings of envy
Ones envy may be so strong that you believe the best way to deal with it is to just ignore it and go on. The alternative, though, is to pretend your sentiments don’t exist, which might lead to an emotional catastrophe. As Borg explains, “this is how envy becomes poisonous, manifests itself in exaggerated ways, and may be quite damaging.”
Taking a few deep breaths can help you to get control of your emotions. Risa Ganel, MS, LCMFT, a marital and family therapist, advises taking some time to reflect on how you really feel—and how you want to respond—before taking any further action. You may follow these steps to accomplish your goal:
1. Remove yourself from your emotional reactions.
It’s important to realize that your mind is only presenting you with the sensation of being jealous at the time, rather than labeling yourself as such. This may assist you in avoiding being caught up by your own emotions—and in maintaining your composure under pressure. In this way, Ganel explains, it’s simpler to decide if a sensation is one that has to be addressed or one that can be ignored.
2. Identify the source of your envy and address it.
Is it because of anything the person has done in the past that you are feeling envious, or are your sentiments fueled by your own insecurities? Finding the answer can help you determine whether the problem should be addressed with the other person (for example, if your partner has a history of being a little too friendly at parties) or whether the problem is something you should address internally (for example, if your previous partner cheated, and you are concerned that your current partner will as well)
3.Note down your thoughts and ideas
According to Ganel, taking a moment to put pen to paper may sometimes assist to calm the stream of emotions and allow you to think more clearly before acting on them.
Fourth, discuss it with others.
Involve the other person after you’ve regained your composure and taken some time to explain your true feelings. If you want to get past your jealousy, be upfront and honest about what’s going on in your thoughts. Instead of criticizing others, ask for assistance working through your feelings.
The chance to speak about rebuilding your relationship arises as a result of the signal jealousy sent you, and it prevents you from engaging in the blame game, according to Ganel. ” The fact that they’ve experienced jealousy may come as a shock to you.
The things you should avoid doing while you’re feeling jealous
Even if you believe your envy is completely warranted, resist the temptation to strike out. Assigning blame on your loved one for your sentiments is a proven method to start a fight with your partner. “You want to take ownership of your emotions and be in command of them,” Ganel explains further.
And, when it comes to romantic jealousy in particular, here’s another no-no to remember: Maintain your privacy and don’t spy on your mate to demonstrate that your jealous sentiments are “correct.” The author cautions that “snooping has never resulted in a better relationship.” It is completely OK to read through text messages or emails.
And last, don’t allow your feelings of envy get out of hand! Every once in a while, Borg says, it’s okay to be envious of someone else. In contrast, if you’re seeing red with envy on a regular basis, or if your jealousy is provoking sentiments of great fury or even violence, you may be suffering from internal issues that should be addressed with the help of a professional therapist or counselor.
Jealousy in Intimate Relationships: 7 Solutions
You may experience jealousy while you are in a relationship; this is particularly true when you have really strong emotions for your partner. If you are in a relationship, it is normal to have this sensation from time to time.
Jerkiness in moderation is OK, and it may even serve to enliven and revitalize a relationship. But what should you do if your jealousy becomes more frequent, more strong, and even more overpowering than usual?
People get envious for several reasons.
Among the most widely accepted evolutionary explanations for jealousy is that males are fearful of sexual infidelity because they want to be completely confident that the offspring they bear is their own.
The reason why women are more worried about emotional infidelity is because they are concerned about the survival of their children and want to ensure that their spouse supports, provides for, and protects them.
Many individuals nowadays are more terrified of being rejected, than they have ever been. They are also concerned about losing those who they care about. This is a normal reaction to experiencing a sense of loss When thoughts and emotions of jealousy are strong, they are partly a consequence of insecurities, as has been shown in previous studies.
Jealousy diminishes when fear diminishes. If you are a victim of envy on a regular basis, the following tactics may be of assistance:
1.Take No Action Based On Your Emotions
It’s difficult to keep your emotions from manifesting itself in your actions. When you start acting on your thoughts of jealousy or any other emotions, you are in serious danger.
The true problems begins when you begin to allow your feelings of jealously dominate you. However, you are under no obligation to act on your feelings. Keep in mind that your better half is a living, breathing human being who is engaged in social interactions with others around him or herself.
It is true that they will meet persons of the gender that they like, but it does not imply that they would cheat on you with them. Why are they in an intimate relationship with you? There is a good explanation for this.
They would have dated other individuals if they had desired to do so. So, the next time you’re feeling envious, acknowledge your sentiments while changing your perspective on the issue and acting in a sensible and prudent manner.
2. Maintain Your Vulnerability and Calm Down.
A person’s vulnerability is shown via their affection for another person. Best expressed by George R.R. Martin.
“The greater the number of people you love, the weaker you are,” says the philosopher. What you need to do is offer your heart to your spouse, trust whatever happens, and maintain your composure in the face of difficulties.
You must be ready to accept what is beyond your control and believe in your ability to cope with the unknown. This is not an easy task, but it is necessary. You are in the relationship because you choose to be in love, so keep that in mind!
Love your relationship while also accepting the dangers without any misgivings or jealousy is a decision that must be made by the individual.
3.In a Gentle Tone, Express Your Jealousy
Whenever you believe that your spouse is doing anything that is making you jealous, you should communicate your feelings to them and speak to them about it in a mature manner.
In addition, as long as it is polite, you may convey it using humor, diplomacy, or bluntly. It’s okay to make light of your extreme jealousy when your lover turns his or her gaze elsewhere if you’re funny about it. This will relieve some of the burden off the subject and will help you to get your message through.
Laugh with them as you say it to make the point. With tact and tactfulness, you may communicate to them your deep affection while also assuring them that they would never betray your trust in return. For those who want to be upfront, just tell them that you trust them but that you are unable to manage your emotions and that you wish them to take your sentiments into consideration.
4. Show Yourself Some Love.
One of the most common reasons for individuals to be envious is because they have poor self-esteem and insecurity problems. When they believe that they are not good enough, their spouse is likely to notice this and leave them for someone else, according to their beliefs.
The fact that your partner loved you in the first place and decided to be involved with you should be reassuring to you. Don’t be afraid to seek for reassurance or recognition if you feel you deserve it. (within reason of-course).
Remember that your spouse is with you because they want to be with you due of your excellent characteristics the next time you feel envious.
5) Heal the Wounds that you have received
People are also prone to jealousy as a result of past relationships. Maybe you’ve been injured in the past, or maybe they’ve cheated on you before.’
Your past must be put aside in order to accept the fact that you are no longer in that relationship and have entered a new one. The individual with whom you are now associated is not your former spouse or significant other.
The ability to recognize and understand the sources, causes, and reasons for your jealousy is critical to personal development and the preservation of a good relationship.
When jealousy starts to creep in, make a deliberate effort to heal your previous hurts and become more robust so that your past does not influence your present and future.
6.Your Partner Should Be Confident in You
If you want to have a happy and successful relationship, you must put your confidence in your spouse since you have no choice. No one has the ability to control your spouse, and you must learn to let go of your feelings of envy in order to succeed.
It is not a terrible thing to have some control over things, but attempting to control someone for things over which you have no control is troublesome. Despite your sentiments of envy, you should conduct yourself in a kind way.
Seventh, believe in your own abilities
The most important thing you can do is put your faith in your abilities. Believe in yourself that you are capable of loving passionately and without regrets; trust your intuition.
Trust in yourself that your love will function as an anchor, preventing your connection from drifting apart in the ocean. Even if it is difficult, when you have faith in yourself, you can trust anything comes your way.
Even the most unpleasant situations, such as a break-up or rejection, give you confidence that you will be able to deal with it successfully.
After everything is said and done, envy has the potential to be destructive and toxic in personal relationships.
Using the recommendations and tactics listed above when you are feeling envious, you will be in a better position to strengthen your relationship and increase trust between you and your significant other.