Relationships cannot be forced.
It is impossible to make someone adore you. It is impossible to push the evolution of a love relationship. It has to develop organically over time. People who are impatient, insecure, or wounded attempt to rush the development of a relationship. These events, on the other hand, are following a predetermined path.
Listed below is the procedure. Those Facebook postings you see when someone expresses gratitude for each month they have been in a relationship are an excellent example. Every two-month, four-month, and eight-month anniversary is commemorated with a significant blog post. An anniversary may only be celebrated once a year, according to the rules of convention.
Essentially, they are attempting to compress the equivalent of a year’s time. The same cannot be said about relationships and time. In order for a year to have its right importance, the actual time must be entered.
And I understand what you’re thinking: “The individuals who engage in such behavior are just glad to have made it to six months since their previous relationships had failed.” Your point is well-made.
However, they are unaware that the fault is with their selecting procedure. They don’t give themselves enough time to recover after a break-up or relationship breakdown. Instead, when anything succeeds, they consider themselves fortunate and make a huge deal out of it.
Instead of using facts to influence emotions, this individual attempts to use emotions to change facts. Rather of modifying oneself or adapting their technique, they seek to push emotions in an effort to alter the reality they are experiencing. Anyone who has alternatives or a feeling of normality is pushed away as a result of this.
It is also possible to observe this faulty idea of forced growth in action when dealing with individuals who are forthright and honest about their objectives and want you to be the same way. Once again, time has been compressed in an effort to save time. And it’s inconvenient to do so. It aims to eliminate the need for seduction and to avoid the potentially dangerous process of falling in love with someone else at the same time.
The Most Serious Red Flag is the following:
Take notice of red signs and do not disregard them
When someone begins the relationship with pronouncements, it is the single most telling sign that you are dealing with a low-quality individual.
Generally speaking, when a man is explicit early on, this is a significant red signal, and when a woman is “weary of playing games,” this is a major red flag. They are manufactured by someone who does not have the necessary expertise or patience to properly seduce a woman in her prime.
The phrase “She’s not here for hook-ups, just for something serious” is often heard on dating websites when a female states her intentions. Those who have played for a long time and studied human nature understand what is going on:
A preemptive excuse for everything they do or any bad conduct they demonstrate in an effort to avoid the necessary steps in the process of creating a relationship. Everything about her, whether she’s demanding, pushy, or eager to get into bed, indicates that she’s seeking for something more serious.
The fact is that she isn’t serious about falling in love with someone for whatever reason she may be thinking about. In the company of another person, of course.
Guys who send unsolicited dick images and take the initiative in the connection by sending highly sexualized texts are the male version of this kind of behaviour.
Rather of taking the time to slowly attract a woman, they attempt to leap straight to sex without demonstrating value or making the woman feel comfortable in their presence.
Dumb choice memes are used in poor dating practices.
I once heard a man tell me that he informs any female guests that he expects them to hook up before inviting them over.
Some exceptionally high-value males (just as the female counterpart may work for some extremely high-value women) may be able to pull this off, but high-value individuals do not use such methods.
When it comes to picking locks, they realize something that burglars and negotiators are all too familiar with: it is preferable to pick a lock with subtlety than than smashing the door down with a baton. Persuasion is preferable than issuing an ultimatum in most situations.
They are unwilling to put in the effort necessary to improve their personal attractiveness via self-development. They’re sluggish and uninterested in learning. They attempt to evade and defy the laws of seduction because they, too, are impatient.
Society and biology have established some norms.
Relationships Can Be Explained Using a Poker Metaphor
Relationships are similar to games of chance.
Dating is similar to high-stakes poker games in that it requires a lot of risk.
Making the greatest legal moves consistently over time increases your chances of winning.
There are many stages to a poker game: the deal, the pre-flop, the flop, the turn, and the river, to name a few examples. As you continue through each level, the stakes get higher and more difficult to overcome. There is no way to move backwards or skip around to various levels of the game in progress.
A person’s genetic makeup is the “bargain.” You have no control over your physical characteristics such as height, face shape, and IQ. These are the only aspects of your personality that you cannot alter.
When you’re doing the work on yourself, it’s called “the pre-flop.” There are certain hands that don’t need much effort to compete (for example, being born wealthy or attractive is considered “pocket aces” in the dating world).
To the greatest extent possible, some of us will be required to refine our personalities as well as our grooming, fashion sense, and physique. Obviously, you should always play with caution, but certain beginning hands simply have a larger margin of error than others.
You begin a romance when the “flop” and “turn” are dealt. After that, you’ll be able to participate.
The odds are against you, but if you’re doing your job right now, you should be receiving excellent value. You should be confident in your play to the point that, unless an evident indicator appears, you should refrain from doing anything that would cause the individual to fold out of the game.
When the truth is revealed, it is at “The River.” Ideally, you should be able to “win” the majority of the time if you performed well. If you don’t succeed, you learn from your mistakes, tighten up your game, and try again the next day, etc. Alternatively, you may only need to “charge it to the game.”.
The rewards of victory are only obtained through participating in the game itself.
The difficulty arises when you attempt to skip steps in the process and just get the conclusion instead of the process itself.
That is by far the most serious red sign.
If you don’t play through the flop and the turn, you will not be able to win on the river. –
A distinct set of abilities and goals are required for each section. In the event of a poor performance, you will be penalized, but it will not be catastrophic.
In any case, there’s always something else to play.
When you keep trying to make others love you, what happens is that you will eventually fail.
If you want to improve yourself, you should take something away from each performance..
When you keep losing and playing and losing, you have a serious issue on your hands.
Instead of figuring out why you lost, you decide to relocate out of place (force development). Alternatively, you might compel your opponent to do what you want in order to seem to be the victorious party (forced intentions).
You will be booted out (dumped) of the game and banned from most other games if you continue to behave in this manner. (your reputation precedes you).
Once you reach a certain level of skill and morality, only the lowest players (low-quality individuals) will allow you to continue playing.
10 Signs You're Forcing a Bad Relationship
After all, you’ve met someone and things are going great. The fact that you’ve gone on a few dates and that you’re messaging every day suggests that this might develop into more. Another possibility is that you’ve been dating for a long enough period of time that you’re content with your relationship and you’re completely content with yourself. When you’re with someone, that nagging thought in the back of your mind starts to sneak in: are they really The One, or am I wasting my time?
True, when you know something, you know it. But when you’re not sure, you know something as well; it’s just that admitting it is more difficult in that situation, since what you know will lead to a breakup in that case.
All of us have found ourselves in relationships with individuals that we know aren’t appropriate for us, but have chosen to disregard our instincts. Our reasons for remaining are as follows: it’s easier than being alone, we “should” like the other person, or we’re concerned that there won’t be anybody else around. Perhaps this individual ticks all of the boxes, but there’s simply something missing from the picture. You’ve heard the phrase “it’s not you; it’s me” while talking about a breakup.
Occasionally, though, it is not you who is at fault, nor is it me who is at fault; it is the collective “us” that is at fault. Chemical compatibility (or incompatibility) is unexpected, and it’s tough to forecast when something isn’t working properly. It’s also difficult to recognize when something isn’t working well when you can’t pinpoint what it is.
But, since you deserve indisputable love and a joyful, long-lasting relationship, keep reading for 12 symptoms that you could be faking the spark and that your significant other isn’t actually “The One” in the first place.
1.One of the most important things to you is a connection rather than the individual.
This person may be more in love with the concept of being in a relationship than with this person if you’ve been wishing for a relationship for a long time, feel pressure to be in a relationship, or are tired of feeling lonely. Consider whether or not you’d be friends with this individual if you’re trying to decide if you want the person or the relationship.
Was there anything about them that made you want to hang out with them, even if it was just platonic and there was no possibility of getting into a relationship with them. If this individual had no desire to marry and resided across the nation, what would you suggest? Is it still your preference to stay with them, or would you want to move on to someone who was more convenient for you? It’s likely that you’re more in love with being in a relationship than you are with the person if you’re just with them because of favorable circumstances or because you want to be in a relationship.
2. You have a self-consciousness about your appearance
Whether you have a spark or not, if you’re in a relationship with someone who stifles your creativity, makes you feel like you have to censor yourself, or leads you to overthink your words and actions, you are not in a meaningful relationship. Even if there is “a spark,” it is chemistry between your significant other and a censored version of yourself; after all, why would you desire that spark in the first place? – If the success of your relationship is contingent on your ability to walk on eggshells, it is not worth your effort to pursue it further.”
3. The partnership is unable to heal from disagreements.
When it comes to arguments in a relationship, we get a lot of contradictory signals from our parents. We either anticipate a passionate love affair (a la The Notebook), where a spark implies continual arguing, or we believe in the concept of “The One” being the right person for us. They don’t do anything wrong, and as a result, we never have to argue; one quarrel or error must imply that there’s someone better waiting in the wings.
However, compatibility and the success of a relationship are not determined by whether or not you disagree, but rather by how you heal after having a dispute. No matter who your ideal match is, they will not be a robot (just a wild guess! ), so keep in mind that you will both make errors, have bad days, and have disputes. Pay close attention to how your significant other responds throughout certain situations.
Do they pay attention to you, communicate properly, and never make the same mistake twice? Do you and your partner care more about your relationship than you do about being right? Alternatively, do you find it difficult to communicate, hang onto bitterness, and believe that every disagreement may spell the end of your relationship? If your closeness does not return after an argument, it is possible that you are forcing the connection.
4. Your PDA is more loving than your private conversations.
Every individual and every relationship is unique. For some, posting monthiversaries on Facebook and getting embarrassed kissing in front of your pals is a silly tradition; for others, it’s a way of letting the world know how happy you are. However, you should have just as many (if not more) private shows of love as you do public ones. There is no guilt in it.
It’s likely that you show affection by chance rather than by overt PDA, such as exchanging smirks across the room or holding hands beneath a table or expressing them how much you care as you get ready for bed at night.
Instead of making out in front of your friends or plastering your love all over social media, you might openly tease each other, boast about each other’s successes, and maybe even sneak a kiss or a hug when you don’t think anybody is watching. In a relationship where your devotion is more public than private (for either or both of you), it is possible that you are more concerned with demonstrating something than with how you really feel inwardly.
5. You’re hoping that certain aspects of their personality will alter.
This person would be amazing if only [insert item here], or we’ll have a terrific connection once they [insert change here], are both examples of people attempting to push the spark. The same is true with manufactured sparks: they will never stay. It is not always necessary to have the same ideals, ideas, and attitudes, but it is necessary to recognize, accept, and appreciate one another’s differences. You shouldn’t have to alter someone in order to love them.
While we’re on the subject, if you find yourself blaming a lack of attraction on a strange hairstyle or poor fashion sense, realize that it’s unlikely that it will improve even if they get a new haircut or update their clothing. It is about how your bodies connect that you should experience a magnetic draw towards them and an irrefutable connection that will not be affected by changing circumstances.
6. You don’t have faith in them.
Doubting their allegiance, of course, is the most serious red sign (women’s intuition is always correct). If you don’t have confidence in them to be loyal, they are most likely not The One. But I’m also talking about trusting them in other aspects of their lives.
If they’re someone you’d like to spend time with, you’ll respect their thoughts, cherish their contributions, and believe in their own abilities. You have trust in their honesty and don’t put any doubts about their character. They keep their promises and make you feel protected even if you’re not with them. Yes, a spark is reliant on attraction, but it is also dependent on your ability to maintain a connection when you are not physically together.
7. You must seem to be interested, or vice versa, in order to get what you want.
You and your spouse are likely to have a diverse range of interests. In fact, you should, since else dating someone else would be tedious as hell. No, you may not always be interested in their passions or interests, but you should be interested in learning more because you understand how important it is to them, and you’ll really want to be able to share what they like.
In contrast, you shouldn’t have to pretend that you don’t like listening to Broadway soundtracks in the vehicle or that you can’t discuss the current fashion trends because you know your spouse won’t be interested. They should be interested in everything you like and want to speak about everything you enjoy. In the event that their eyes glaze over when you tell them about your day or if you are uninterested in learning about their latest activity, the spark may not be there.
8. You can envision yourself living with them, but the prospect does not thrill you.
Just because you may envision yourself and your partner having a happy life together does not necessarily imply it is appropriate for you. Which is more exciting: the dream of being in a relationship with this person, or the reality of being in a house with them, or the reality of getting old with them?
Not to be cliché and quote a rom-com (JK, I usually quote rom-coms), but “when you discover you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.” A lifetime with them should be full of adventure.
If the spark is still there, you’ll look forward to each new stage and see yourself blissfully married at the age of 80. If you try to force a spark, you’ll either be uninterested in spending the rest of your life with them, or you’ll be more interested in the major life events (wedding, home purchase, children, etc.) and won’t be able to see the two of you 50 years from now.
9. You don’t have a good friendship.
If you’re not smiling, joking, and enjoying even unromantic activities (like as running errands, cleaning the home, or walking the dog), your “spark” could simply be an illusion based on physical chemistry or the fact that you’re in a new relationship, rather than a permanent connection. Isn’t it true that the finest friendships are the ones who make you laugh and make you laugh for no reason?
If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, it had better be the finest friendship you’ve ever had. When things are harsh, dull, or monotonous, your spouse should bring out your silliest side since that’s how you’ll know they’ll keep you smiling when things go tough, boring, or ordinary. That’s what I call a light bulb.
10. You only feel good about yourself in certain situations.
Perhaps you like spending time with their nieces and nephews, but you cringe every time your spouse is around your family since they don’t seem to belong. Or maybe you believe you adore them on date evenings, but you can’t stomach the thought of being around them on a Sunday morning when you’re relaxing at home.
Rather of being sidetracked by the moments when you do feel good about yourself, concentrate on the times when you do not. Love is an inconvenience; it is caring about something when it is difficult to do so. If your emotions for someone are strong in certain circumstances but absent in others, the spark may be an illusion caused by external stimuli.
11. You don’t feel protected or respected.
We often mistake “a spark” with a slew of other feelings. Comfort, addiction, and infatuation are some of the most typical feelings that are mistakenly interpreted as love. While love might seem addictive at times, the difference between genuine addiction and simply addiction-like characteristics of love is that with healthy love (also known as a lasting spark), there is also respect, trust, and commitment. If you’re just hooked to a person for a short period of time (a fast spark), it will seem more like a quest for “highs” at any costs.
Similarly, the difference between a comfortable love and a love for the sake of comfort is the sensation of security. With a comfortable love, you’ll always feel safe and secure, no matter what happens. If you’re in a relationship for the purpose of comfort, you’ll feel uncomfortable anytime you’re not with them since you don’t have faith in them or the connection. Recognize the sensations of love and avoid mistaking them for anything else.
12. You’re not on the same page as each other.
We’ve created convoluted definitions and tales around what “chemistry” truly means, but the fact is that having a spark simply means being on the same page in terms of humor, intimacy, morals, and what you want out of the relationship.
If there is a true spark, one that will stay long after the novelty has worn off, you will not have to question whether or not it is there because you will both intuitively know. Never will you feel obligated to spend time with a soulmate, The One, or even simply someone who is worth your time. Even when the relationship is challenging (which it will be), loving one another will never be difficult. So if anything seems “off,” it’s probably because it is.
