Is Self-Esteem Related To Achievement?
Self-esteem is not a free gift that we can just take advantage of. Its ownership for a period of time marks a significant accomplishment.
The sensation I am expressing must be grounded in reality in order to qualify as true self-esteem. A person’s self-esteem is more than just a question of “feeling good about oneself,” which may be caused in a variety of ways, including having a pleasurable sexual experience, purchasing a new wardrobe, getting an encouraging comment, and even ingestion of certain medications.
A genuine sense of self-efficacy and self-respect requires more effort on our part.
The magazine Time (February 5, 1990) published an item in which it was said that “a standardized arithmetic exam was given to 13-year-olds in six nations last year.” The top performers were the Koreans, while the lowest performers were the Americans, who finished below Spain, Ireland, and Canada.
The dreadful news has now revealed. In addition to seeing triangles and equations, the children were given the sentence “I am excellent at maths.”
Americans ranked first, with an astonishing 68 percent of the population in agreement. Students in the United States may not be proficient in mathematics, but they have clearly acquired the principles of the increasingly trendy self-esteem curriculum, in which children are encouraged to feel good about their own selves.
Because of this simplistic and primitive understanding of self-esteem, the author of this piece is justified in his subsequent critiques of “self-esteem curricula” (self-esteem programs). As a result, when I write about self-efficacy or self-respect, I do it in the context of reality, rather than in the context of sentiments induced by desires or affirmations. It is one of the characteristics of individuals who have a strong sense of self-worth that they prefer to appraise their talents and achievements realistically, neither rejecting nor inflating them.
Is it possible for a kid to perform badly in school while yet have high self-esteem? Yes, without a doubt. There are a variety of reasons why a specific boy or girl may not do well academically, including a lack of appropriate challenge and stimulation.
In most cases, grades are not a reliable measure of an individual’s sense of self-efficacy and self-respect. Students with high self-esteem, on the other hand, do not deceive themselves into thinking they are doing well when they are really performing badly.
Schools should be concerned about incorporating self-esteem ideals and practices into their curriculum, and there are several outstanding initiatives in place right now to assist them in doing so. However, when we convey to young people that self-esteem can be achieved by reciting “I am special” every day, or by stroking one’s own face while saying “I love me,” or by identifying one’s self-worth with membership in a particular group (“ethnic pride”) rather than with one’s own personal character, we are not serving their healthy development.
Remember, when it comes to this final point, that self-esteem is concerned with that which is subject to our volitional choice. It cannot be fully explained as a result of the family we were born into, our race, the color of our skin, or the accomplishments of our forefathers and foremothers, among other factors. In order to avoid taking responsibility for gaining real self-esteem, individuals may hold on to these ideals in certain instances.
They are origins of what I refer to as “pseudo-self-esteem” in the next section. Is it possible to legitimately take pleasure in any of these values at any point in time? Yes, without a doubt. Can they ever give temporary support for egos that are on the verge of exploding?
Probably. However, they are not a replacement for conscious awareness, personal accountability, or personal integrity. They do not contribute to feelings of self-efficacy or self-respect. They have the potential to be causes of self-delusion, though.
Is It, nevertheless, Genuine?
Sometimes we meet individuals who have achieved worldly success or who are well admired, and who have an outward veneer of assurance, but who are terribly unsatisfied, nervous, or melancholy on the inside.
They may give the image of having high self-esteem, but they may not have it in fact. What do you think we should make of them?
As a starting point, let us note that when we fail to establish real self-esteem, the results are varied degrees of worry, insecurity, and self-doubt. This is the sensation of being, in fact, unfit for life (although no one thinks of it in these words; instead, one may have the impression that something is amiss with him or herself).
This is a really terrible situation to be in. And since it is unpleasant, we are compelled to avoid it by denying our anxieties, rationalizing our actions, and pretending to have a sense of self-worth that we do not have.
It is possible to establish what I have labeled “pseudo-self-esteem.”
Pseudo-self-esteem is the illusion of self-efficacy and self-respect that exists in the absence of actual self-esteem. In order to alleviate anxiety and offer a fictitious feeling of security, it is necessary to satiate our desire for genuine self-esteem while simultaneously enabling the true reasons of our lack of self-esteem to be avoided. It is founded on principles that may or may not be suitable, but which, in any event, are not intrinsically linked to the qualities that real self-efficacy and self-respect need in individuals.
Rather of pursuing self-esteem via awareness, accountability, and integrity, we can seek it through fame, status, monetary possessions, or sexual experiences, to name a few examples. It is possible that we place more importance on belonging to the proper clubs, the appropriate religion, or the right political party than we do on personal authenticity.
An alternative to asserting ourselves appropriately is to demonstrate uncritical commitment to a certain set of individuals. As an alternative to achieving self-respect via honesty, we might seek it through charity (I must be a nice person, I must do “good acts”) – It is possible that, instead of pursuing the “power” of expertise, we may desire the “power” of influencing or dominating other individuals.
All of the blind alleys down which we might become lost, not comprehending that what we want cannot be acquired with counterfeit coin — the opportunities for self-deception are almost limitless —
Self-esteem is a very personal feeling for me; it is rooted deep inside my being. Not what others think or feel about me, but what I think and feel about myself is what is important to me. It is difficult to overstate the importance of this basic truth.
I can be adored by my family, my partner, and my friends, but I can’t bring myself to like myself. I may be respected by my colleagues while yet considering myself to be useless. I can put on an air of confidence and elegance that fools almost everyone, but underneath I’m trembling with a feeling of inadequacy because I’m not good enough.
The expectations of others may be met, but my own cannot; I can get every accolade while feeling as if I have achieved nothing; I can be admired by millions while waking up each morning with a horrible sensation of fraudulence and emptiness
In order to be successful, one must first develop good self-esteem, otherwise one would be enslaved to the sense of being an imposter who is anxiously awaiting revelation.
Acclaim Is Not the Same as Self-Esteem
The approval of others does not contribute to our sense of self-worth.
Knowledge, talents, material things, and marital status do not qualify as assets.
Is Self-esteem related to achievement?
It might be anything from marriage to kids to charity efforts to sexual conquests to facelifts. All of these items have the potential to momentarily improve our self-esteem or make us feel more comfortable in certain settings, but only on a temporary basis. Comfort, on the other hand, is not synonymous with self-confidence.
Unfortunately, instructors of self-esteem are no more immune to the worship of false gods than anybody else when it comes to cults of personality. During a self-esteem session I attended, I overheard a guy speak about his experiences. One of the most effective strategies to improve our self-esteem, according to him, is to surround ourselves with people who are positive about us.
My mind wandered to the horror of poor self-esteem in those who are surrounded by praise and admiration — such as rock stars who have no concept how they got to where they are and who can’t function normally for more than a few hours without using medications. To advise a person who has poor self-esteem, who considers himself or herself fortunate if anybody accepts him or her, that the best method to increase one’s self-esteem is to surround oneself with admirers, seemed pointless to me.
Without a doubt, it is preferable to choose companions that are friends with one’s self-esteem rather than foes with one’s self-confidence. When compared to poisonous relationships, nurturing connections are better. However, relying on others as a key source of our self-esteem is problematic for two reasons: first, it doesn’t work; and second, it puts us at risk of becoming approval junkies, which is detrimental to our mental and emotional well-being in the long term.
To be clear, I am not implying that a mentally sound individual is immune to the effects of feedback received from others. It goes without saying that we are social creatures, and that others influence our opinions of ourselves.
However, there are enormous disparities between individuals in the relative relevance of feedback they get to their self-esteem – those for whom feedback is nearly the sole element of value, and others for whom feedback is a great deal less important. In other words, there are enormous differences amongst individuals when it comes to the degree of autonomy they have over their own lives.
Working with people who are unhappily preoccupied with the opinions of others for more than thirty years, I am convinced that the most effective means of liberation is to raise the level of consciousness one brings to one’s own experience;
the more one raises the volume on one’s inner signals, the more external signals tend to recede and return to a healthy state of equilibrium. To do so, as I said in Honoring The Self, it requires being more in tune with one’s body, becoming more in tune with one’s emotions, and becoming more independent of others.
Pride in one’s own skin
The feeling of our fundamental competence and worth, but pride is the more clearly aware pleasure we take in ourselves as a result of our activities and successes, is the difference between self-esteem and pride. What has to be done is pondered and the statement “I can” is made. “I did it,” says the person who is proud of what they have done.
The feeling of genuine pride has nothing in do with boasting, arrogance, or any other kind of arrogance. It is derived from the oppposite of the original root phrase.
Its source is not nothingness, but fulfillment. Instead of trying to “prove” anything, it is just trying to have a good time!
The emotional reward for achieving one’s goals is known as pride. It is not a sin that must be conquered, but rather a value that must be reached Is it always the case that success is accompanied with feelings of satisfaction? The following anecdote demonstrates that this is not the case.
My client, the CEO of a medium-sized firm, came to me because he was dejected and dissatisfied, despite the fact that his company had achieved considerable success. He was baffled as to why. We learned that what he had always wanted to be was a research scientist, but that he had given up on that dream in order to please his parents, who pushed him into a commercial career. Non-stop disappointment in himself, coupled with a lack of more than the most rudimentary sense of success, left him with a damaged sense of self.
No problem figuring out what had happened. Because of his desire to “be liked” and to “belong,” he had sacrificed his intellect and ideals to the demands of others in the most critical problem of his life. This concession was clearly prompted by a previous issue with self-esteem.
Severe despair had set in as a result of a lifetime of exceeding expectations while disregarding his most basic need.
Pride and pleasure were out of reach for him as long as he performed inside that framework. We couldn’t get to the bottom of the problem unless he was prepared to question the existing structure and overcome his fears about doing so.
This is crucial to grasp since we occasionally hear individuals claim things like, “I have done so much.”
What is it in myself that makes me feel less than proud of myself?
There are a variety of reasons why someone may not be satisfied with his or her results, but it might be helpful to ask, “Who selected your objectives?”. “Do you hear yourself — or the voice of a’significant other’ inside of yourself?” The pursuit of second-hand ideals that do not represent our true selves may provide no support for either pride or self-esteem.
What We Are Willing To Do Is A Matter Of Willingness
The length to which we are willing to go to in terms of our own activities and behavior determines our level of self-esteem to a significant degree.
Because there is reason to believe that we may come into this world with certain inherent differences that may make it easier or more difficult to achieve healthy self-esteem — differences pertaining to energy, resilience, disposition to enjoy life, and the like — I want to emphasize this aspect of volitional choice. Over the next several years, I expect to find out more about how much of our genetic heritage is involved in the tale.
Unquestionably, upbringing may have a significant impact.
Without intensive psychotherapy, it is hard to estimate how many people endure such psychological harm in their early years, before the mind has completely developed, that it is all but impossible for them to develop good self-esteem later.
According to Stanley Coopersmith’s The Antecedents Of Self-Esteem, one of the most effective methods to develop positive self-esteem is to grow up with parents who value themselves and who serve as role models.
Furthermore, if we have parents who love and respect us, who allow us to experience consistent and benevolent acceptance, who provide us with the supporting structure of reasonable rules and appropriate expectations, who do not bombard us with contradictions, who do not resort to ridicule, humiliation, or physical abuse as a means of controlling us, who project that they believe in our competence and goodness — we have a reasonable chance of internalizing their attitude.
This has never been shown to be the case in any academic study, however. It is not, according to Coopersmith’s research, which plainly demonstrates. Individuals who seem to have been raised perfectly according to the norms outlined above, but who are anxious and self-doubting as adults, may be identified.
And there are people who have emerged from appalling backgrounds, raised by adults who did everything wrong, yet who do well in school, form stable and satisfying relationships, have a strong sense of their own worth and dignity, and who, as adults, meet any rational criterion of good self-esteem that can be established. Like they were sent on this planet just to confound and perplex psychologists.
In spite of the fact that we do not fully understand all of the biological or developmental variables that impact self-esteem, we do understand a great deal about the particular (volitional) actions that may either boost or diminish it. Understanding that an honest commitment to understanding can inspire self-trust is well known; yet, we also know that avoiding the effort will have the opposite impact.
Those who live thoughtfully report feeling more capable than those who live mindlessly, as we have previously discovered. Integrity, on the other hand, is associated with self-respect, while hypocrisy is associated with lack thereof. Despite the fact that we intuitively understand everything, it is amazing how infrequently such topics are spoken.
Self-Esteem Enhancement
The problem is that we cannot directly affect self-esteem, either our own or that of others, since self-esteem is the result of internalized practices, such as those that are aware, responsible, intentional, and honest in our daily actions.
Knowing what those practices are, we can make a commitment to implementing them in our own lives and to interacting with others in a manner that facilitates or encourages others to do the same. Create an atmosphere that promotes and encourages the activities that help people build their self-esteem in the home, at school, or at work, for example, in order to boost their confidence.
What are the manifestations of a healthy sense of self-worth?
There are several rather straightforward and clear ways in which good self-esteem reveals itself in our being. Here are a few examples. A person’s appearance, demeanor, style of speaking and movement that conveys the joy he or she derives from being alive are examples of this.
Being in a cordial relationship with facts makes it easier to speak candidly about one’s triumphs or failings with directness and honesty.
