How to have a fantastic phone sex experience.
It may be challenging to maintain a sexual spark in long-distance relationships for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being the fact that it can be tough to maintain the sexual flame. Phone sex, although it may make you grimace, is a fantastic method to keep the house fires going.
While technology provides us with tools such as FaceTime and Skype to assist us in our digital endeavors, it might be much more fascinating to just utilize our imaginations.
It’s all about the buildup to something.
It might be strange to bring up the subject of phone sex out of the blue, especially if it isn’t something you do on a regular basis. Instead, send your spouse a romantic text to give them a heads-up that something may be on the horizon. Tell them you can’t wait to hear their voice tonight or that you’ve been thinking about them all day. Alternatively, since texting is far more convenient than spoken communication, you could just go right to the point and tell them that’s what you’re planning—that way you’ll both have the rest of the day to think about it.
Don’t forget to create an atmosphere.
Even if you are unable to be physically there with your lover, you may still create an atmosphere that is a bit more romantic. Put on something that makes you feel attractive instead of your sweatpants (unless, of course, your sweatpants genuinely make you feel sexy), and light a candle to create an atmosphere of serenity and comfort.
You’ll have to think beyond the box.
With your descriptions, the more specific and vivid you are, the more you will spark your partner’s—and your own—imagination. Asking leading inquiries, such as how they want you to touch them or where they want you to place your tongue, might make it simpler to understand what they want. Alternatively, you might begin with a “confessing” about something you’ve always wanted them to do to you and then go into depth about it.
Revise your grammar and punctuation.
What’s that you say? Grammar isn’t sexy, we hear you say. Well, phone sex is a whole lot more enjoyable when you use active verbs to describe things—suck, twist, stroke, tickle, tug, push, lick, caress, and so on.
Allow your imaginations to go wild.
Unlike traditional sex, phone sex allows you to indulge in your wildest dreams without having to worry about the real physical mechanics of the encounter. Say you’ve always wanted to get it on in a restaurant booth or up against the library stacks—things that, you know, may lead to you being jailed for public indecency—then here is the place for you! Phone sex allows you the opportunity to indulge in your fantasies without the danger of obtaining a criminal record.
Try your hand at roleplaying.
Not only does it not matter where you are while you are having phone sex, but you can also use the chance to roleplay and become a whole other persona. Whether you’ve always wanted to get it on Game of Thrones-style or you’ve always wanted to have a hot doctor/patient encounter, pretending to be someone else might really help you feel less self-conscious in social situations.
Additionally, since you have a scenario to follow rather than simply trying to think of things to say off the top of your head, roleplaying may assist to keep things going. It is possible to begin by establishing the atmosphere and explaining your character’s characteristics before going on to the more heinous aspects of the story.
Play it as though it were a tennis match.
Similarly to how real-life sex should be a mutually beneficial experience, make sure you alternate who is doing the talking. Along with that, attempt to answer favorably to what your partner is saying, just like you would in any other excellent discussion. Even the odd sigh, mmm-hmmm, groan, or heavy breathing will suffice; just remember that, because they may not be able to see you, it will be necessary to communicate what is working to them.
If you’re in doubt, simply whisper it out.
Trust us when we say that if you whisper it softly and keep your voice low, almost anything can sound seductive (try saying “I’m going out to purchase some milk and bread,” and you’ll see what we mean). Having practiced it previously, you may find it beneficial to feel more confident in your ability to perform. Alternatively, you may begin by reading a section from an erotica book aloud—well, in a whisper—and then shifting into your own dreams to get things started.
Reminisce on the past.
Assume that you and your partner had some extremely wonderful sex at some point in the past—perhaps you joined a mile-high club or went for an actual roll in the hay at that adorable little farmstay in the Hudson Valley. Using the telephone to have sexual encounters is an excellent way to relive the event and tell precisely what you found to be so appealing. You may even add a few more details to make it even more enticing; after all, it is your imagination.
Have a good time.
If you’re not accustomed to using profanity, phone sex may be uncomfortable and even a touch corny at times. So just go with it and don’t be scared to laugh at yourself. However, be cautious not to make light of your partner’s efforts at it in a manner that makes them feel self-conscious about themselves.
How to have a fantastic phone sex experience.
Well you’ve perfected the art of nude-taking, as well as the skill of sexting and flirting with others through text message. Even if a physical date or a hot hookup would normally follow, such in-person encounters are now off the table for now. Fortunately, we still have phone sex, which is the next best thing.
How do you have phone sex, you may be thinking right about now. What is the best way to go from saying sexual things through text to saying sexy things out loud? What is the best way to transform a solitary activity into one that includes a group of people? And what occurs as a result of doing so? Before you go too far ahead of yourself, keep in mind that although phone sex might seem daunting, it is not necessary. And, if all goes according to plan, you could even have a fantastic orgasm. Below, you’ll find our greatest phone-sex ideas and suggestions, which are suitable for everyone from the expert to the novice to the interminably bored.
Getting Things Started
The following are some suggestions on how to prepare yourself and your partner for a phone sex session, along with suggestions for how to lead into it in a manner that is comfortable for you both.
Put on your best outfit.
Before we begin, consider the environment in which you will be working. For your phone sex encounter, Demeter deLune, author and former phone-sex operator, recommends that you dress appropriately. “Even if your partner can’t see you, it helps you get in the mood for the sexual conversation that is about to begin.
Take the time to put on something that will put you in the right frame of mind for what is about to happen. This may include donning your most seductive pair of underpants or simply sliding into your most comfy pair of sweatpants. It is entirely up to you and what makes sense to you in your mind.”
Put yourself in the right frame of mind.
As Erin Taylor, a writer who also works in the sex industry, points out, “an open mind steeped in imagination” is essential for excellent phone sex. Likewise, deLune believes that it is OK to speak about topics that one has been dreaming about. “After all, you’re only chatting, right?” he says.
Keeping a positive attitude is also key, according to DeLune: “It’s natural to feel scared about attempting anything new,” she says. Keep in mind that the person on the other end of the phone is interested in hearing what you have to say.”
Determine whether your spouse is interested.
Sentimental messages, sexting, and flirting through text are all effective methods to test your spouse’s interest in having telephone sexual encounters while also preparing you and your relationship for what’s to come. They function similarly to foreplay in that you are not going from zero to one hundred percent; after setting the mood with a sexual text or picture, you might inquire as to whether they would be interested in having phone sex with you.
Make a phone call to your lover.
Alternatively, you might begin by contacting them and proceeding from there. It is possible to guide the discussion toward phone sex by first inquiring about their current location (“Where are you right now? “). You will also be able to check if it is a suitable time for them to communicate in this manner. Next, by asking questions about their appearance and feelings (“What are you wearing?”), you may tailor the dialogue to their needs. “Do you happen to be in bed right now?” “I wish I could be there with you,” and so on.) Because so much of phone sex is spent discussing things, starting off with something simple is a smart idea.
So, what am I going to say?
First and foremost, understand that you are not need to assume some kind of different “sex personality” in order to engage in phone sex. However, there is no pressure to modify the normal sexual relationship you have with your partner — Taylor observes that phone sex is “a terrific opportunity to play around with sex, shame, and kink in a manner that is extremely safe and pleasant” — and there is no obligation to do so.
For example, if you tend to be more submissive, you may ask them to give you directions; conversely, if you tend to be more dominant, you can ask them to give you instructions. If you’re in a more romantic relationship, there’s no need to start talking about filthy things if you’re not interested.
Describe what is taking place. Phone sex is important about giving detailed details. What you’re wearing, how you appear, what you smell, and how you’re touching yourself are all important details to discuss. If possible, deLune advises being specific about it and immersing yourself in the moment: “Once you’ve began, there’s no reason to be timid,” she adds. “You may be as loud as you want to be. Except for your spouse, no one else can see or hear what you’re doing. “It’s all about the two of you right now.”
Describe a recollection.
If articulating how you’re feeling right now doesn’t seem like enough content, turn to your past for inspiration. Consider talking about a moment when you and your partner had sex, and explain in detail everything you did as if they were sitting in the room watching you. You may then go on to what-if scenarios (“What if I had done [X]?”) if that feels nice. If I had done [X], what would you have done?” “Next time I want to do [X],” etc.).
Make a withdrawal from your “dream bank.”
Talking about what-if scenarios, deLune points out that phone sex is also a “fantastic opportunity to bring out the dream bank.” You can describe things that make you feel good but that you wouldn’t want to do in real life if you could. Some suggestions include public intercourse in public places such as a park or a library.
Alternatively, you may have sex in a vehicle, an aircraft, or the toilet of a posh restaurant. You may also describe sexual situations, such as role play, group sex, or BDSM, in addition to setting descriptions.
Instructions must be given.
Alternatively, you might ask your spouse to direct you. To make things more participatory for both of you, you should establish rules about how, where, and when they may touch themselves. It also just aids in the flow of the discussion and creates a dominant/submissive dynamic that may be entertaining for both of you at the same time.
This still seems to be a difficult task!
The fact is that some individuals will find themselves unwilling to engage in filthy chat or phone sex at all, according to deLune, and that’s just OK. However, if you’re serious about having phone sex, there are simpler methods to get into it that don’t need you to wax poetry about your genitals in front of strangers.
Simply request that they pay attention.
Maybe you’re not ready to chat just yet, but you’d want to experiment with phone sex anyhow. According to deLune, “Whether you’re genuinely interested in doing this with your partner, ask them if they’d be interested in listening to you masturbate.” “This is a fantastic way to expose your spouse to the sensuality that phone sex can offer to a relationship, without putting them under any pressure to perform on their end of the phone.”
Completely defer to your partner’s authority.
The suggestion from deLune is to “hand everything over to them.” “Inquire as to what they would want to do! To get your creative (and other) energies flowing, sometimes all it takes is a little nudge in the correct direction.”
What happens if I’m not in the mood?
As Taylor points out, “the ultimate aim of phone sex is getting off (for everyone involved), but it’s also crucial to be aware of your own limits and feel comfortable expressing them to your partner.” Consider the following scenario: if you’re explaining fantasies to your spouse, you should make it obvious that they’re solely for phone sex, if that’s the case.
If your spouse suddenly begins saying things that make you feel uncomfortable or calling you names that you don’t like, what do you do in such situation? If you still want to continue ahead, Cosmopolitan recommends being honest about your intentions without completely shutting off the process: In order for both parties to realize that it is acceptable to call a “detour,” they must agree that (detour is a word that can keep things moving, as opposed to stop). Agree that any party may say, ‘This isn’t working, let’s take a diversion to you explaining what’s happening to me.’ Both sides acknowledge that turn-ons are not always a sign of a personality flaw in this situation.”
In addition, if you feel that things are getting out of hand or if your partner refuses to stop doing anything after you’ve asked them to, you may always hang up. As with any kind of intimacy, you should make certain that the phone sex is consensual and that you feel secure and trust your partner before proceeding further.
There are also more considerations.
It’s your voice.
Given that you are not presenting a work presentation or attempting to transmit information, you are under no need to talk loudly and rapidly. Reduce the volume of your voice and talk more slowly if this is something that seems natural to you. The sound of your breathing — not necessarily heavy, but detectable — may be quite sexual and signal to your partner that you are turned on.
It’s in your language.
“All well and well to refer to your various parts and pieces by their technical names, but let’s face it: it’s not very attractive.” The use of obscene language is quite acceptable, particularly during phone sex,” deLune explains.
Making use of toys
While you’re chatting, play with a toy on your own body. Consider placing it next to the phone so that your companion can hear precisely what you’re doing on the phone. As an alternative, Ava, who resides in New York but has a Parisian boyfriend, employs a vibrating device that her partner can control from his iPhone while they are talking to each other.
Laughing.
According to deLune, “don’t be scared to laugh because sex may be uncomfortable, particularly over the phone.” “Being goofy with one another is a clear indicator of a healthy relationship, therefore allow yourself to be silly with one another.” Once you’ve let out a few guffaws, you can always bring it back around to the filthy sections.”
Don’t be intimidated by quiet. It’s quite OK to fall into quiet. The discussion may be redirected in the same way that you would any other: “You were talking about [X] before,” “Tell me more about what you’d do if I did [X],” and so on.
Finally, some last ideas
According to DeLune, the key to having a successful phone-sex session is to have an open mind and walk in with no expectations. “You could be having the hottest, sexiest experience of your life!” “Alternatively, you and your companion may wind up laughing so hard that you cry,” she continues. “Either way, you’ve talked with one another and done something new together, and you’ve determined if this is a circumstance you want to repeat or whether you want to go on.”
