How to Cope With the Death of Your Mother
For most individuals, losing a mother will be one of the worst experiences of their lives. This incident will almost certainly have a huge influence on your life, regardless of whether you had a wonderful relationship or a difficult one.
According to one poll, between 20 percent and 30 percent of participants claimed that the death of a loved one was the most painful event in their lives—even among those who had experienced other terrible incidents during their lives. The death of a loved one was remained the most distressing occurrence for 22 percent of those polled in that category. “
Why Is a Mother’s Death So Difficult?
Whether you’re mourning the loss of a mother who gave birth to you or a mother (or mother figure) who raised you, you’re mourning the link you had or the one you wished you had.
Children are born with a need to form attachments with their caretakers, according to British psychologist John Bowlby. Unlike others before him, he felt that connection was developed by nurture and response, rather than feeding.
As a result, it’s understandable that mourning that attachment—or lack thereof—would be difficult.
“In part because we are not reared in communities with a variety of carers, a mother is such a fundamental component of our life in our culture,” says Liz Schmitz-Binnall, PsyD, who has studied mother loss and resilience.
Her study looked at adult women who had lost their moms as youngsters and found that they were less resilient than those who had not.
She said that she encounters a lot of folks who didn’t have a good connection with their mother but are amazed at how strong their sorrow is once she dies.
How Does a Mother’s Death Affect You?
While maternal loss varies from other losses in several important ways, it also has some of the same impacts as any other loss or grieving. Here are some common sorrow thoughts and feelings:
Shock
Numbness
Sadness
Disbelief
Concentration is proving to be a difficult task.
Anger
Confusion
Grief, in addition to the more well-known mental and spiritual manifestations, may manifest itself physically. Grief may manifest in your body as:
Complications with digestion
a loss of energy
Nervousness
Having trouble sleeping
A change in weight
Nervousness
Psychiatric Disorders Have a Higher Chance of Occurring
However, even among people who have never had a mental illness, the death of a loved one might trigger mental health problems in others.
A novel relationship between mania and loss was discovered in one research, which indicated an elevated risk for the following disorders:
Depressive illness (major depression) is a mental illness that affect
Anxiety attacks
PTSD is a condition that occurs after a severe
Adults over 70 years of age in particular:
Episodic mania
Phobias
Problems with alcohol abuse
Anxiety disorder (generalized)
What Is Bereavement That Is Complicated?
Although all sorrow is difficult, many individuals are able to gradually return to their usual routines after losing someone they care about (or create new routines). If it’s been at least a year and your everyday function is still considerably disrupted, mental health practitioners may label it difficult or complex grief.
(Note: Persistent Complex Bereavement Disorder is the current clinical designation, although the American Psychiatric Association has accepted a name change to Prolonged Grief Disorder.)
Symptoms that are still affecting your everyday functioning after a year are some of the markers of persistent grief:
Moving on in life is difficult.
Numbness of the emotions
Suggestions that existence has no purpose
The death was met with a strong feeling of skepticism.
According to one research, 65 percent of those who were dealing with difficult grief4 considered suicide after losing a loved one. So, if you or someone you know is grieving and having suicide thoughts, know that you are not alone and that what you are experiencing is not unusual.
You should seek help from a mental health professional if you are experiencing suicide thoughts but believe you can keep yourself safe. If the ideas become too much to bear and you are in risk of harming yourself, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for help from a certified counselor.
What to Do After a Mother’s Death
When you’ve just experienced a loss, it might seem as if you’ll be in that state for the rest of your life, but you won’t.
“You will probably discover that the extremely severe sentiments will subside during the first few months following the loss of your mother if you allow yourself to mourn, and if others allow you to grieve,” Schmitz-Binnall adds.
While most people understand that losing a mother is difficult, she claims that many underestimate how difficult it can be—and how long it may take. “In our culture, people frequently believe that we can get over sadness in a month and be done with it.”
Even if we don’t recognise those emotions, they are still there and have an influence on our life.
Many people pressure us to ‘get on with life’ too quickly after a major loss. We must be allowed to mourn, but we must also alter our standards for ourselves.
LIZ SCHMITZ-BINNALL is a freelance writer who lives in New York City.
Her advice includes the following:
Observe your emotions
Or don’t feel anything at all.
Feel free to express yourself.
Spend time alone or with others.
Talk to her (in whatever manner suits you and your views; it might also involve sending her letters.)
Workplace Coping When a Loved One Dies, What Should You Do?
After such a traumatic loss, talking to a professional might be beneficial. While most therapists have dealt with sorrow since it is one of life’s most universal feelings, there are some therapists that specialize in dealing with grieving clients. Find a grief therapist or grief counselor in your region by doing a Google search.
Look for a group.
Many people find solace in support groups, whether they are in person or online, since loss may seem so isolated. The Motherless Daughters network, which is both virtual and offline, may be of interest to women who have lost their mothers.
One of the most terrible experiences a person may have is the loss of a mother. Allow yourself grace if you are now mourning your mother. There will always be pain connected with either the real connection you had or the one you wish you had with her, regardless of whether you had a good relationship with her or not.
How to Cope With the Death of Your Mother
the most effective methods of getting through a difficult situation
1: Do not conceal your feelings of sadness or your recollections.
If you had a nice connection with your mother or not, it was almost certainly the most important relationship in your life. The intense emotions that have been triggered by her death are natural and should not be feared.
People typically shy away from intense emotions because they are afraid of being entrapped inside them. While you should not run away from your pain, you should also avoid wearing it like a stifling blanket. Having the ability to sorrow demonstrates your capacity to love.
Share your emotions with the people that matter to you, such as your spouse, friends, and family. Most of all, your siblings will understand and empathize with your feelings towards your mother.
2. Avoid torturing yourself with triggers that you are aware will create discomfort.
That is to say, avoid those who are certain to cause you misery. The following are examples: strolling down the greeting card aisle and taking in all of the Mother’s Day cards, browsing through Facebook or Instagram and taking in all of the photographs of joyful families, and dining out at the height of Mother’s Day family reunions.
3. Make detailed plans for the rest of the day.
Don’t spend the day hiding under the covers, shunning the rest of the world because the day seems like a non-stop Hallmark greeting card. Make a plan for how you intend to spend this Mother’s Day without your mother.
Self-compassion and acceptance are essential while dealing with oneself. Consider practicing self-care rather of overindulging in junk food and viewing depressing movies if you opt to spend the time by yourself. Put your body and spirit first by nourishing them with nutritious foods and engaging in physical activity.
Perhaps you might listen to some meditation recordings, concentrate on your job, or look at some old photographs or movies that bring back pleasant memories. Read a fantastic book that you’ve been wanting to get to for a long time.
The objective is to engage in things that make you feel good, rather than engaging in activities that will exacerbate your grief. Perhaps you could go for a trek or engage in another activity that is good for your soul. If you decide that you don’t want to be alone, make sure you have a backup plan. Plan ahead of time with a friend or family member who will be pleased to have you call or join them for a social gathering.
4. Do something to show your appreciation for your mum.
This may manifest itself in a variety of ways. You may, for example, make a charity gift in her honor to organizations such as Save the Children, Develop Africa, or any other non-profit organization that she supported and believed in.
Taking a step outside of yourself and doing something for people in need is a beautiful way to honor your mother while also helping yourself to feel better about yourself. As a way to give back to the community, Sandy, whose mother died in 1988 from metastatic breast cancer, offers working at a domestic violence shelter. It is possible to serve meals, do manicures, style hair, tell tales, or just sit and listen to stories.
Get together with your family and exchange tales – try to keep the stories on the light and humorous side, particularly if this is your first Mother’s Day without your beloved mom.
5. Establish new customs and traditions.
If your mother was still living, it was probable that the ritual for the second Sunday in May was to spend time with her on that day. Now that she’s gone, you have the opportunity to start new traditions to make the day more meaningful. Here are a few more suggestions to get you started:
Lunches for Daughters Who Do Not Have a Mother It was 1982 that Hope Edelman, author of the book Motherless Daughters, suffered the death of her mother. One of the most important aspects of her charity, Motherless Daughters, is its Mother’s Day meals for women who do not have moms.
You are not required to become a member of one of Edelman’s chapters. You may organize an annual get-together with friends who have also lost their moms in the same year. On this Mother’s Day, Jill, author of The Fab Mom’s Guide: How to Get Over the Bump and Bounce Back Fast After Baby, will commemorate six months after the death of her mother to cancer.
She plans to commemorate the tragic anniversary with a joyous occasion. “I’m hosting the whole extended family of my spouse – a total of 17 people – over for a late lunch at our home.” “I’m going to cook all of Mom’s favorite foods and serve them all on her beautiful plates.”
Despite the fact that Jill sheds tears when she thinks about planning the celebration, she feels it is the greatest way to keep the spirit of the most important lady in her life alive for as long as possible.
If you have lost a mother, there are no quick fixes, but there are ways to turn the day that is so publicly committed to happy looking families pouring love on their matriarch something that provides you, if not pleasure, at least satisfaction and a sense of belonging.
