Getting Rid of Bullying
Pettiness. Even though it’s a trait traditionally associated with women, ask any recently divorced woman whether a male has it and she’ll laugh bitterly. It may manifest itself in a variety of ways, such as not returning clothing you purchased for your children when they visit him, organising birthday parties for which they invite all of the kids from school without informing or inviting the mother.
Emotional abuse may also be present, like in the case of a friend whose soon-to-be-ex felt the need to write her a lengthy email outlining how much happy he is with his new girlfriend, which she found upsetting. Don’t even bother trying to take the high road; it’s practically hard at times not to fall into their traps.
I discovered that I only had a handful of my son’s clothes and a limited number of pairs of underpants around a month after I finally got the home to myself. When I was packing to move away, my stbx demanded that I split our son’s clothing into two boxes, making certain that they were absolutely equal in size. The socks were included. In the meanwhile, half of my son’s outfit went gone from my possessions.
I went through all of his drawers, burning with righteous indignation, and made a list of everything. In the following email, I requested the return of the following goods, which was received in response. Yes, I retaliated to pettiness with more petty behavior. That moment felt great, and it continues to feel fantastic today! Two days later, things aren’t so well.
My experience has taught me not to criticize other women who have fallen to the level of an ex. Taking them to task after years of swallowing your sorrow and putting up with their conduct may be quite liberating. That spurt of energy and success may keep you going for a few of days at a stretch. Up to the point when you hit the ground. It comes with a cost, just as a sugar high does, however.
Carrying a paper bag full of clothing out of daycare after I had descended to pettiness did not make me feel good. My mood was just depressing. The fact that we had reached this position made me sad, as did my state of financial distress, which forced me to start arguments about underpants. For the sake of our kid, it’s a shame that we couldn’t work things out.
I believe this is due to the fact that pettiness is not about the other person. When we have unresolved emotional pain, we have a strong want to strike out at the one who has wronged us, in my opinion. If the one being petty was the one who was left behind, it might be seen as an attempt to reclaim power. It wasn’t really about the clothes when my husband insisted that I split up our son’s wardrobe.
When we have unresolved emotional pain, we have a strong want to strike out at the one who has wronged us, in my opinion.
While you cling to your pettiness, you are also holding to your suffering. Furthermore, remaining in that location might seem strangely comfortable after a while. If you remain there, you will escape having to undertake the difficult work in therapy or on yourself that will be required to become complete once again.. It’s also possible to avoid walking into the unknown by remaining in that place. Moving on from that hurt and into a new life when you have no idea what that life will look like may be terrifying.
Not that you won’t have your share of low points once you’ve recovered from your divorce. Even when the pain has subsided, it is possible to relapse into old habits. We may find ourselves in a situation where we feel the need to react reciprocally. However, this is generally a fleeting period of clarity. No, it is not something to be held on to, nor is it something to be fed by another.
It is giving someone control over you when you respond in response to their activities. It requires a certain measure of trust to act on one’s conviction. Believe that you will be better off in the long run if you don’t participate in the discussion.
What You Think Is Worth More Than Your Diamond Ring Isn’t
Consider this: who hangs on to such a great deal of resentment and fury that they’re still indulging in petty activities four years after you’ve abandoned them? It’s almost comical in a sense. Who knows why they’re still investing so much time and effort on you. Also, why should you allow them that much power to still be able to reach you and do harm?
Allowing oneself to be free of pettiness is a courageous act of progress. I guarantee that you will be better off as a result of our efforts, but you must believe me in order for us to put our promises into action. You’ll realize how much time and energy you’ve been spending on your ex after the first time you rise above their pettiness.
As you take the first step toward your new life, remember that there are many other women who have already gone through this procedure and are waiting for you to join them in having a rich and fulfilling life.
