Do These 8 Things To Boost Your Self-Esteem
1.Values, principles, and standards are the foundation.
In certain cases, a person attempts to evade the responsibility of integrity by disavowing, or pretending to disavow, all moral principles and norms. We cannot effectively return to a lower level of development; we cannot go back to a period when thinking in terms of principles and long-term planning were not conceivable.
This is the reality of human existence. We are conceptual creatures by nature, and we are unable to operate effectively in any other mode of operation. Our actions must be guided by our values if we are to be successful. In order to conduct our lives according to principles, we must first establish certain rules for ourselves.
We may find our standards to be suitable or inappropriate for the demands of our lives and well-being, but it is impossible to live a life free of any standards. It is a statement of impoverished self-esteem and a guarantee that the poverty will continue when we engage in such a fundamental revolt against our nature as the endeavor to reject all values, principles, and standards.
Recognize that the challenge of living up to our expectations is not always straightforward. How can we know whether our standards are incorrect or illogical in any way?
2.A Set of Core Beliefs and Principles
As living things, we may be able to accept a set of values that is at odds with our requirements. For example, some religious beliefs implicitly or openly condemn sex, condemn pleasure, condemn the body, condemn ambition, condemn worldly achievement, and condemn (for all practical purposes) the enjoyment of life on earth. This acceptance of life-denying norms is a huge issue, and one that I have written about in The Psychology of Self-Esteem and Honoring the Self, two books that I have written about.
I’ll just say that when we perceive that living up to our standards is taking us down a path of self-destruction, it’s time to reassess our ideals rather than just submitting ourselves to a life of inconsistency. It is possible that we will have to find the courage to question some of our most fundamental beliefs about what we have been taught to consider to be just and good in our lives.
3.Self-Acceptance
Affirmation of one’s own worth is synonymous with self-acceptance. Individuals who have a high sense of self-worth are less likely to engage in an adversarial relationship with their own minds.
Developing self-acceptance is the first step toward growth and transformation. Self-acceptance, in my opinion, is a difficult notion for the majority of people to grasp. ) (In the book How to Raise “Your Self-Esteem, the largest chapter is dedicated to this topic. Often, we mistakenly believe that self-acceptance entails approving all aspects of our personality (or physical appearance), as well as the denial that any changes or improvements would be desired.
Having a positive attitude about one’s self does not imply a lack of desire to develop or progress. To be at peace with oneself is not to be at war with the truth of what is true about ourselves right now, at this point in our life. When it comes to facts, we’re talking about the question of respect for and acceptance of the facts – in this instance, the realities of our own existence.
Accepting oneself entails acknowledging that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all manifestations of the self at the moment they take place. We will not be able to change as long as we refuse to embrace the reality of where we are at any given time in our life, as long as we refuse to allow ourselves to be completely aware of the nature of our choices and actions, as long as we refuse to allow the truth to enter our awareness.
When I accept who I am, it is necessary that I approach my own experience with an attitude that renders the ideas of acceptance and disapproval irrelevant: a desire to become conscious of what I am going through.
4.Self-Acceptance without Conditions
The concept of self-acceptance must be understood on a deeper level before it can be applied. To be clear, self-acceptance refers to a state of mind that is based on the fact that I am alive and aware in its most basic sense. It also refers to an attitude of self-worth and self-commitment. It goes far deeper than just having high self-esteem..
A form of primal egoism, which is the heritage of every sentient creature, it is a prerational and premoral act of self-affirmation. Human beings, on the other hand, have the ability to act in opposition to or to invalidate this profound self-affirmation.
Exactly this is what an effective psychotherapist appeals to or attempts to awaken in a person with even the lowest level of self-esteem: an attitude of self-acceptance This attitude may motivate a person to confront whatever it is that he or she is most afraid of confronting inside himself or herself, without falling into self-hat rence, denying the worth of his or her own person, or giving up the desire to survive. It is possible for someone to be sad about having low self-esteem, but to accept it along with the self-doubts and guilt that accompany it. They are accepted as a part of my current state of consciousness.
It is possible to have unconditional self-acceptance at this level. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is not and cannot be measured in terms of monetary value.
I sometimes encounter resistance from clients when I attempt to express the notion of self acceptance to them in therapy.
“However, I’m not happy with the way I’m turning out….” “I’d want to stand out from the crowd. “I see individuals I respect – people who are powerful, confident, and outspoken,” says the speaker. That’s the kind of person I want to be in any situation. So, why should I be OK with the fact that I am a nonentity?
There are two fallacies that we might address here: the assumption that if we embrace who and what we are, we must approve of everything about ourselves, and the notion that if we accept who and what we are, we will be indifferent to change or progress.
Change is made possible through self-acceptance.
I remember a female client who argued that she couldn’t possible feel anything other than self-loathing as a result of her inability to deny any sexual advances from men. I questioned her reasoning. During our conversation, I inquired as to whether it was indeed true that she considered herself as a woman who
do these 8 things to boost your self-esteem
I was unable to say no. “Yes,” she said, her eyes welling up with tears. I inquired as to whether or not she was prepared to accept that truth. “I really despise it!” she said.
Because it was true that this is how she perceived herself, I asked whether she was prepared to accept and acknowledge that fact. She answered she was. Despite her initial hesitancy, she said, “I embrace the reality that I perceive myself as a woman who is unable to turn down an opportunity.”
When I inquired as to how she felt after saying that, she responded with the word “angry.”
Then I asked her if she could face the reality that she gets extremely furious when she realizes that she perceives herself as a woman who is unable to say no. She said she couldn’t.
Indignantly, she said, “I refuse to accept the reality that I am the kind of person you describe!”
“How do you think you’ll ever be able to change?” I inquired.
I walked her through a series of psychological exercises designed to help her come to terms with her current situation.
Overall, they were concerned with assisting her in accepting that this was the way she was now feeling. After a period of time, she observed a shift in her emotions; she no longer felt the need to battle herself. The sensation that “at this point in my life, this is a part of who I am” started to wash over her as she began to relax.
“This is quite unusual,” she observed. “There hasn’t been any change. I’m still having difficulties. But I’m feeling a lot better. I’ve decided to quit yelling at myself. It’s simply… a truth of my existence. It’s not something I want to think about, but it’s a reality.
It is something I acknowledge. Not just with words, but, you know, with something that is really regarded as true. “Nothing has changed, yet I feel as though I have more self-respect than I had before.” “
Then she made the most important statement of her life. “In addition, when I begin to grasp the truth of what I’ve been doing and how I’ve been living, it seems as though it would be much more difficult to change my ways.
to keep doing what you’re doing — I mean, to keep doing things that you know I don’t approve of. Things that are embarrassing to say. Perhaps this is why I’ve been reluctant to embrace it. Something starts to happen as soon as you stop struggling and accept your situation.” “
5.The Influence of Personal Accountability
When I am working with clients in psychotherapy, I am fascinated by the ability to capture the moment when progress seems to take a dramatic leap forward. A common occurrence in my practice is that the most drastic transformation comes when the client realizes that no one is coming to their rescue. “As more than one client has said to me, “When I finally allowed myself to accept complete responsibility for my own life, I started to develop.” I made the decision to change.
My self-esteem started to increase as a result of this.”
When it comes down to it, we are alone accountable for our decisions and actions. Not accountable in the sense of being the receiver of moral blame or guilt, but responsible in the sense of being the primary cause of our lives and conduct.
Not that a person is immune from suffering as a result of an accident or through the fault of others, nor that a person is entirely accountable for all that happens to him or her during his or her lifetime. We do not possess omnipotence. Self-responsibility, on the other hand, is unquestionably necessary for positive self-esteem.
When we avoid taking responsibility for our own actions, we become victims in our own lives. We are rendered impotent as a result. It is precisely from this point of view that many individuals must emancipate themselves if they are ever to achieve a nontragic understanding of life.
Declaring (and meaning!) “I am accountable for the accomplishment of my aims and goals” gives one a sense of self-determination and strength.
“I am solely accountable for my decisions and actions.”
“I am solely accountable for how I interact with others.”
The amount of awareness and conscientiousness with which I approach my task is entirely my responsibility.
“I am solely accountable for the choices that I make in my life.”
“I am solely accountable for my own personal well-being.”
The circumstances of good self-esteem are much more complex than what can be explored in this book, and there is much more to be said about them. What I’ve provided here are some broad observations on the basics, which I believe are important.
6.Internal factors contribute to one’s sense of self-worth.
Self-esteem is based on internal processes – on mental operations — rather than on external triumphs or failures, as is often believed. This is a very important concept to grasp.
The inability to comprehend this concept results in an incalculable amount of avoidable suffering and self-doubt for the individual.
If we assess ourselves based on criteria that are influenced by situations that are beyond our control, the inevitable outcome is a fragile sense of self that is always in peril of being shattered. Although we will not feel the same sense of accomplishment that we would have had if we had succeeded in a specific endeavor, our self-esteem will not be harmed or hindered if, despite our best efforts, we fail in a particular endeavour.
Furthermore, we must remember that the self is not a static, completed creature, but rather a constantly changing creation, an unfolding of our potentialities that manifests itself in our choices, decisions, thoughts, judgements, reactions, and acts, among other things..
To believe that we are fundamentally and irreversibly good or wicked — regardless of our current and future modes of functioning — is to deny the realities of freedom, self-determination, and personal responsibility. Change is always a possibility for us since we have the ability to change.
We don’t have to be slaves to the decisions we made yesterday.
