Being Alone in Public and what people think

Many people are hesitant to engage in recreational activities in public.
People often look forward to having particular experiences alone, according to research on the psychology of being alone.
Fears of being unjustly evaluated when out alone in public are largely unfounded.

One of the assignments in my graduate course, “Singles in Society,” years ago was for students to go out for a supper by themselves. The pupils were completely engrossed in the activity. They increased the stakes by requiring supper rather than lunch. Then they stepped it up a notch: they couldn’t bring anything to occupy their time during supper, such as a book or a television. They were forced to eat on their own.

One undergraduate persuaded me to accept her attend this graduate class, and her classmates were appalled when she told them about the assignment. They couldn’t picture going out to eat on their own.

The graduate students, as well as the undergraduates’ bemused friends, were all on to something. A series of investigations reported by a couple of marketing researchers have backed up their intuitions. It’s one of the better studies on the subject, and it’s worth reviewing now that the pandemic is subsiding in certain areas of the world and people are returning to public life.
Going Out by Yourself for the Purpose of Having Fun? Thank you, but no.
People are hesitant to do things only for the sake of having fun in public. When asked whether they would want to go out to dinner or see a movie in a theater, they exhibit greater interest in the event and anticipate to enjoy it more if they do it with friends.

Their apprehension stems, at least in part, from their concerns about how others may see them. They believe that if they are alone in restaurants or movie theaters, others will judge them and conclude they don’t have many friends. That’s probably why my students’ mates were terrified of going out to supper alone because they believed it would make them look like losers.

The researchers discovered that the fear of being evaluated harshly for going to the movies alone (as opposed to attending with companions) was not limited to those in the United States. The psychology of being alone in public was similar in India and China.

Are You Alone for a Reason (Not Just for Pleasure)? That’s a lot better.

My students who persisted on taking the project to the next level by refusing to carry any reading materials or any resemblance of work were accurate in their assumptions that going out in public solely to have fun would be more challenging. In one of the tests, participants imagined themselves in a coffee shop drinking a drink or doing some work while there. And, as is customary, they envisioned themselves performing such things alone or with friends.
They liked to be working if they were going to be alone at the coffee shop. They reasoned that they would appreciate the experience more if they were working rather than merely drinking their drinks.

They also believed that while they were only sipping, people would evaluate them more severely (as a person with few friends) than when they were sipping and working.

When they envisioned themselves at a coffee shop with pals, their psychology shifted. They felt they’d have a better time if they were all simply hanging around instead of working. If they were just hanging around, they anticipated being perceived more favorably by others than if they were working.

The fear of what others would think seemed to take precedence. In another experiment, participants were instructed to imagine going to the movies alone or with friends. Were they more interested in seeing the film on a Saturday night than on a Sunday? When was the theater the most crowded, and when was it the least crowded?

If they were going to the theater on their own, they would prefer to attend on a Sunday night and to a less packed theater. If they were with friends, they preferred Saturday night and a packed theater. People who went to the movie alone did not want to be noticed, and they reasoned that they would have a greater chance of avoiding other people’s attention if they went alone.

One of the most intriguing aspects of these research is that they demonstrate that individuals are not always afraid of being alone in public. When participants had the cover of conducting work in the coffee shop research, for example, they were less afraid to be there alone. Another study found that when individuals went out in public for a practical reason, such as obtaining groceries or exercising, they preferred to be alone rather than with friends.

When you’re alone at home, do you prefer to watch movies or play video games? That’s perfectly OK.

People who are single at heart enjoy their alone time rather than dreading it. According to research on the psychology of being alone, there are some experiences that individuals in general (not just those who are single at heart) look forward to having on their own. People, for example, prefer to watch movies at home or play video games on their computers by themselves rather than with their friends. They believe they would have a better time if they did it that way.

But, wait, how do people feel when they’re alone in public?

Participants were recruited through the student union to attend the university art gallery for the main research.

Students who were in the student union alone went to the gallery alone, whereas students who were with a buddy went to the gallery together. (This isn’t optimal from a methodological standpoint; random assignment would have been preferable.) Other individuals could plainly observe the pupils as they gazed at the show because the art gallery had glass walls.

Participants were asked to forecast how they would feel before leaving the student union for the art exhibit.

Students who went to the gallery on their alone felt they would like it less than students who went with a companion, just as they did in the previous research. They also showed a lack of enthusiasm for comparable exhibitions. People who went to the museum alone, more so than those who went with a companion, believed that other people would criticize them severely, which is consistent with past research in which participants simply imagined what their experience would be like.
After spending time in the art exhibition, the participants were given the same questions again. There were scarcely any distinctions any more.

The students who went to the art exhibition by themselves had just as much fun as the ones who attended with a companion. They were both excited to see more displays like this in the future. And the gap between students who were alone and those who were with a buddy in their estimations of how others regarded them was narrower than it had been previously.
The takeaway from this study is that we worry much too much about doing things alone. We believe we will not appreciate the event, yet it is possible that we will like it just as much as we would if we were with friends.

My colleagues and I did a thorough investigation on how people are appraised at restaurants based on whether they are alone or with others. The photographs we took of people alone or with others (for example, as a pair) prompted both positive and negative feedback. The bottom line, on the other hand, was crystal clear. Persons dining alone were evaluated no more adversely than people dining with others, as I explained in these two Living Single blog postings.
That fear that other people would judge us severely if they see us alone in public enjoying pleasurable things? That is very likely the case.