After we shared a sleepover, he stopped texting me; what should I do?
The act of having sexual relations between two or more consenting adults is meant to be a pleasurable experience for all parties involved. But what do you do if you have a great night out with a guy and then you don’t hear from him again after that? Let’s discuss the reasons why he could stop texting after sex as well as how you handle the issue if he does stop messaging.
Key Takeaways
After sexual activity, there are certain males who want no touch.
There are many possible explanations for why he would act in such a way, but none of them are acceptable explanations.
You may try to contact him if you wish to, but you should be aware that you could not get any responses.
5 Reasons Why He Might Have Left You in the Dark After Sleeping with You
It’s possible that he wasn’t interested in sexual encounters at all.
Let’s get the most awkward explanation out of the way first since it’s probably the one that the majority of women are concerned about. Let’s say that you’re pregnant. It’s conceivable that the sex wasn’t really satisfying for either of you. It’s possible that he won’t text you since he’s not interested in doing it again.
There are a few problems with the explanation that you provided. To begin, using the phrase “The sex wasn’t mindblowing” as a justification for hurting someone or making them feel insecure is a terrible idea. I do believe that there are circumstances in which ghosting might be considered acceptable, such as when a person is very violent or abusive, but “meh sex” is in no way even close to meeting that criteria.
Even if the sex wasn’t very good, he could still contact you to check how you’re doing and be truthful about the fact that he’s probably not going to be around for a repeat performance. He should do this. It would still be unpleasant, but the level of discomfort would be reduced.
Having sexual encounters is not at all like doing a gymnastics routine. There is no correlation between the number of unique places you managed to achieve and the number of points you received. It is an activity that the two of you participate in jointly. It is not because you are a poor performer in bed but rather because you are not a good sexual fit with the other person if the sex experience was not satisfying.
You learn how you each prefer to be touched, and you’ll often discover that there are some things that are really powerful with this person that you aren’t too fond of with someone else. In general, sexual activity grows better with time and as you get to know each other’s bodies. You learn how you each want to be caressed.
If he backed out of the relationship after the first time you slept together, it demonstrates that he is reluctant to put in the work required to learn or to grow.
It is also important to keep in mind that a large number of individuals have their very own unique sexual proclivities and preferences. It’s possible that he needs something special from the bedroom that he didn’t receive from you, and he’s seeking it there. Once again, it is imperative that he be forthright about his aspirations. If he isn’t, he has no right to criticize you for your failure to pick up on their telepathic signals.
It says nothing about your sexual performance if he ghosts you after sleeping with you because he didn’t get the sex he was hoping for, but it says everything about his inability to communicate effectively.
Something that occurred (or did not occur) in the past has caused him embarrassment.
Sometimes a man will not text a woman after having sexual relations with her because of anything embarrassing that occurred during the session, even if it didn’t really take place.
The most typical illustration of this would be if he had trouble getting or keeping an erection for any length of time. It may sound absurd, but there can be a great deal of shame associated with something that is nothing more than a natural biological reaction.
If a man is unable to become erect, he may believe that this makes him less of a man. As a result, the whole sexual interaction may become preoccupied with the man’s penis rather than anything that may have to do with real pressure being applied by both partners. As was to be expected, the pressure has no positive effect on his ability to rise to the occasion. It may also cause him to act aggressively toward the lady he is with.
This has personally happened to me. One of the guys I hooked up with had a few too many beers before we got together, and he ended up being really ashamed. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect on him and turned him into a hugely passive-aggressive person, which was not something I was willing to put up with. It didn’t matter that he didn’t have an erection. This was due to his lousy attitude.
It is simple to see how a man may feel so ashamed after having sex with you that he would want to ghost you afterward. He probably convinces himself that you won’t want to hear from him either, and as a result, he attempts to shield himself from the pain of being rejected by going no-contact.
This is not the only humiliating thing that might occur when having sexual relations with a partner. If the woman a guy is sleeping with doesn’t have an orgasm, it might make those males feel uncomfortable. If someone else burps or farts in the bedroom, the others will feel embarrassed.
The act of having sexual relations is seldom respectable. There are many different sorts of liquids, sounds, and awkward postures that are involved. If he can’t seem to enjoy himself or even crack a smile now and again, you’re probably going to have a hard time unwinding and just taking pleasure in the experience for yourself.
Even though it may not seem like it at the time, the fact that a man doesn’t contact you after hooking up with you because he is ashamed is definitely doing you a favor.
He was never in it for anything other than the sex.
There is a good possibility that the man who stopped communicating to you after you slept together was solely interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship from the beginning.
I am going to be as transparent as possible here. In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with engaging in sexual activity on a casual basis. There is no need for there to be a desire for a romantic connection between the two of you, as long as the sexual activity is healthy and voluntary. However, this does not imply that it is acceptable to ghost someone after having sexual relations with them.
Before you get into bed with someone, I believe it’s essential to be open and honest about what it is you’re looking for in a partner. If you simply want a one-night stand, that’s totally OK, but you should make it clear from the beginning. Be clear about the fact that you want the relationship to go further if it’s something you’ve been waiting for.
It is entirely wrong for him to have faked that he desired a relationship with you even though he knew you weren’t interested in having a one-night encounter with him. There is never an acceptable reason to tell a lie only to entice someone into bed with you. If what you say is true, then you have every right to feel upset and angry about what took occurred.
Men may sometimes make an effort to justify their actions by claiming that they were just interested in having sexual encounters with women and had no intention of developing a romantic connection with them. They use this as the reason why they stopped messaging you immediately after the event in question.
When you give it some serious consideration, you’ll realize that this justification isn’t valid.
If you find someone beautiful enough to have sex with, then it’s safe to assume that you find them sexually appealing. In addition, I think it’s important to show them that you respect and even like them as a person. You don’t need love or commitment, but you do need to respect one another and exhibit a certain level of care and attention for one another.
Is it like pulling teeth to convince him to hang out with you, or does it come naturally?
Understanding men on a much deeper level emotionally is the key to finding a solution to the problem. You may easily modify the number one reason that drives men to behave in this manner by saying a few subtle things to him. All you have to do is adjust the way you talk to him.
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sending a message to someone by text to say “thank you for last night. Just because you say anything along the lines of “I had a great time and I hope you did too” does not signify that you are dating. Simply said, it indicates that you are a kind and compassionate person.
It is evident that there was no misalignment of expectations here given that he is unable to bring himself to do it. It was all about how he was such a self-centered jerk.
He is trying to keep a low profile.
In this iteration of his ghosting you, he truly expresses interest in reconnecting with you in the future. Unfortunately, he believes that the greatest way to establish a relationship is to keep you wondering how he feels about you. This is a really unhealthy method to build a relationship. This dating philosophy adheres to the maxim “Treat them mean, keep them keen.”
Any man who is content to leave you feeling insecure, abandoned, and unhappy because he believes that it will increase the likelihood that you would want to see him again is not someone who will place your needs first in his priorities. Ever.
He is demonstrating to you that he will never stop thinking about what he wants and that he has no intention of looking out for you or shielding your emotions from harm. That does not make for a strong basis for a healthy romantic connection.
This kind of man would often come back into your life with an explanation as to why he ghosted you rather than an apology for doing so. Don’t allow him. If he ignores your messages after having sex, he has to provide a genuinely strong explanation for his actions and apologize for the way that he has made you feel as a result of them.
It’s best not to give males positive reinforcement for keeping their calm.
Something besides the sexual aspect turned him off completely.
We have discussed the possibility that he would stop messaging you after they hook up since the sex wasn’t what he was seeking for in a partner in the first place. It is also conceivable that anything other the sexual encounter turned him off to the idea of continuing the relationship.
It’s possible for males to back out of a date because of anything else that occurred earlier in the evening if they feel threatened or frightened. It’s possible that he returned to your home and was taken aback when he spotted your 14-foot-long pet python. From my observations, I know that this is a deal-breaker for a lot of males.
It’s possible that something in the talk put him in an awkward position, but it wasn’t necessarily that. For instance, if you had told him that you loved him, it may have been a far more significant increase in the amount of commitment than he had been anticipating.
Even when we make an effort to comprehend the reasons why he may have stopped texting you, none of these answers provide an adequate justification for his behavior. Someone who is grown enough to be having sex should be able to be mature enough to speak about the reasons why they no longer want to have sex with you when they were previously interested in doing so.
What Course of Action Should You Take Next?
Consider if it is really something you want to do to see him again.
It’s possible that the solution to this query won’t be easy to find. Even if I’ve already shown that there aren’t any reasonable excuses for ghosting someone after you’ve had sexual relations with them, it’s possible that this information isn’t sufficient to sway your opinion of him.
You need to have a genuinely honest conversation with yourself about whether or not you want to see him again and the reasons why. Is it because of how enjoyable the sex was? Is it because you had a deep and profound connection on an emotional level? Or is it because all you really want to do is understand what happened and have the peace of mind knowing it wasn’t due of anything you did?
If you’re not completely head over heels in love with this person, it’s probably better to stop clinging to him in the hopes that he’ll change your mind about moving on. Recognize that he is not genuinely the best candidate for a lover, and make every effort to put him out of your mind.
If you are in fact still considering him as a prospective companion, it may be time to seek the assistance of your friends in order to be reminded that you are worthy of someone far better. A person who is unable to communicate with you is not someone who is interested in developing a meaningful relationship with you.
If you find yourself in this situation on a regular basis, it may be beneficial to consult with a licensed therapist in order to get insight into the reasons behind your inability to let go of individuals who do not treat you with the care and respect that you are due.
Make the first contact.
If you’re upset because a man you’ve slept with hasn’t contacted you yet, I’m going to assume that you’ve already given him at least one encouraging message since then. This is the presumption I’m making based on your statement. If not, then what exactly are you holding out for?
There is not the slightest bit of regulation that stipulates a male must be the one to initiate contact initially after sexual activity. There is no reason why you shouldn’t be the one to say things like, “I had a fantastic time last night. I really hope today doesn’t wear you out too much.
Nearly all of the reasons why you might experience some level of unease by engaging in this behavior are also likely to apply to him. If you start to get the impression that you’ve put it off for too long, it’s likely that he’s thinking the same thing. You’re not certain that he wants to communicate with you, are you? It’s possible that he has the same opinion of you.
Send him a note if you are interested in seeing him again in the future. Send him a single message even if you don’t want to see him again; it’s the courteous thing to do (obviously, this does not apply if you are concerned for your safety).
Even if he is not making an effort to improve his own communication skills, you should demonstrate how amazing yours are.
Investigate the possibility that there was a more covert reason.
Make an effort to reflect on the exchanges you’ve had or the connection you’ve made. Do you have any ideas as to why he could consider it acceptable to just ghost you without giving you any explanation?
In spite of the fact that I have said that there is no justification for ghosting someone after having sex with them, there are certain signals that it is in your best interest to be aware of in order to prevent this from occurring in the future. For instance, you may be able to recognize patterns that indicate that another person has values that are dissimilar to your own.
When you meet someone for the first time at a bar or nightclub, it’s possible that they’re simply searching for a one-night encounter. If you met them through an activity such as a book club or a religious organization, it’s possible that they’re searching for a long-term commitment.
If you are going to meet someone online, it is very important that you read their profile in its entirety. Are there any terms that often come up in conversations with males who then ghost you? For instance, if a person’s online dating profile is very sexual without expressing any other interests, this might be a red flag.
Don’t place the responsibility on yourself.
The majority of us go on a lot of dates, and the majority of those encounters don’t end up being successful for whatever reason. This is especially true with the development of online dating. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you if you hook up with a guy who doesn’t text you after you’ve had sex with him. Simply put, it demonstrates that the two of you aren’t a good match for each other at all.
I am aware of how difficult it is, but please make an effort not to dwell on it or obsess over it. It is not going to help you feel better to ruminate, which is defined as “going over and over the same negative thoughts over and over again.” [3] In fact, ruminating nearly always makes you feel worse.
Spend some time with your friends, go for a stroll, or engage in another activity that you take great pleasure in if you want to keep your mind off of him.
Decide to walk away
After reading this essay, you should hopefully feel more certain that he is acting inappropriately if he ghosts you after you have had sex with him. Remind yourself of this, and then make the choice to withdraw from the situation.
In the event that he contacts you a few weeks (or months) later, this will make it much simpler for you to maintain your boundaries and not allow him back in.
Make sure that your expectations and boundaries for the future are crystal clear.
Saying that you need to be honest about your expectations is all well and good, but just because you say it does not imply that other people will really listen to you or that they will be honest about their own expectations. If the other person merely wants a hookup, saying something like “I only want sex if we’re actually dating” does not ensure that they will be honest about how they feel; in fact, it makes it less likely that they would be honest.
If you tell someone clearly that you’re only interested in a hookup, then you don’t need to feel guilty if they fall for you and start pushing for more. Being clear about your boundaries and expectations enables you to be proud of your actions and helps you avoid regret. If you’re only interested in a hookup, then being clear about your expectations helps you avoid regret.
In the end, you have no influence over whether or not a man will be honest with you or whether or not he will text you after they have sex with you. No matter what you do, all you are doing is attempting to increase the likelihood of it happening. There are no assurances to be made.
Concentrating your attention on the things you can command, namely what you say and do, is the best way to ensure that your expectations and limits are communicated clearly. You may rise above a man who disappears after having sex if you are certain that you have done in accordance with your ideals and with honesty.
FAQs
Should you try to get in touch with a man who has stopped sending you texts?
Messaging before and after sexual activity shouldn’t be any more stressful than the other. This indicates that it shouldn’t make a difference who sends the initial text message. If he stops messaging you and doesn’t respond, he is demonstrating that he does not have the integrity or the communication skills that you expect from a spouse. Let him go.
Why do males behave so strangely after they’ve had a hookup?
Some males start acting strange after they’ve slept with you. This is often an indication of a lack of maturity or communication skills on the part of the individual. You’re better off without him in your life if he can’t deal with the reality that you’ve had sexual encounters with other people.
Conclusion
After having sex with you, a guy could quit texting for a variety of reasons, but none of those reasons are good ones. It is an indication of immaturity, a lack of ethics, and poor communication skills most of the time. You deserve better.
I hope reading this post helped you understand why a man could stop texting after sex and gave you the confidence to establish firm limits around this sort of behavior. Please let me know in the comments, and don’t forget to share this post with someone who may know someone else who might need some encouragement and a reminder.
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