5 Relationship Tips I Wish I Had Known When I Was 20
Everyone is aware that partnerships are difficult. Regretfully, you can’t always count on a “happily ever after” when you have chemistry with someone.
These are some life lessons I’ve learned from a variety of partnerships throughout the years.
Time Alone Is Just as Important as Time With Others
It’s a common misconception that having a good relationship requires you to be content and happy on your own. Certain notions are cliched precisely because they are. It’s tempting to hang out with someone you’re attracted to for as long as possible when you first meet them.
In reality, it may seem quite hard to refrain from acting in this way. However, spending too much time with your lover does harm to both of you.
Being with someone all the time will inevitably lead to a co-dependent relationship, whether you are aware of it or not. You will gradually lose touch with your ideals if you don’t spend enough time by yourself. If you don’t routinely take time to reconnect with yourself and evaluate your needs and preferences, how can you have a healthy relationship?
Being vulnerable is not a weakness but a strength.
When we show grief, our culture instructs us to “chin up” or “stop crying.” Many of us get so used to repressing our emotions by the time we reach adulthood that we are unable to weep, even when we would want to!
Emotional repression is detrimental in many ways and will not improve your relationship. Talk to your spouse the next time you’re experiencing pain, vulnerability, fear, or sadness. Almost seldom does the response we want to get match reality.
Having Diverse Interests Is Beneficial
My boyfriend didn’t think much of the band, so I stopped listening to them. Because my girlfriend at the time was interested in politics, I once began reading the news every day, even though I detested it.
I didn’t know at the time that having hobbies and interests that diverge from your partner’s might be constructive and beneficial. How else can you both learn from one another?
Unsolved Conflicts Stay Put
When you live with someone, it might be easy to brush off disagreements to make the place seem cozy. Nobody likes to be angry. But every time you have a dispute with your spouse, I beg you to go deeper and have a full conversation.
Examine what caused your anger and how you can both handle a comparable argument more skillfully in the future. If not, the long-buried grudge you believed you had moved behind will keep surfacing.
It’s Critical to Have a Common Future Vision
I’ve always had a great desire to see the world—or at the very least, the country—but I also had a strong tendency to suppress that desire to maintain connections. When one of my ex-partners said that he would never want to give up the stability of a house to live a semi-nomadic existence, I chose to disregard my desire and keep the relationship going instead of seeing right away that this was a sign that we were incompatible.
That didn’t work out so well, and we both suffered more as a result of the relationship dragging on longer than it needed to.
Excellent Communication Doesn’t Ensure Excellent Outcomes
Many of us make the mistake of thinking that if we get along well with someone and are attracted to them, a relationship should just happen on its own.
Usually, this isn’t even close to reality. Every partner in a relationship has personal baggage, presumptions, hopes, and complexes. Regardless of the initial spark, a relationship cannot continue without work and clear communication.
Extended Chemistry Needs Work
It is usually not difficult to find the motivation or energy to have sex with your spouse in a fresh relationship. This frequently changes after a few years. People provide a variety of explanations for why this occurs, but I believe the primary one is that people believe there should always be a sexual spark and that if it disappears, something is wrong.
The fact is that it takes work to keep up a regular sex life with your spouse. Whether or if you have a strong foundation or a tendency for closeness, if you aren’t consistently rekindling the flame, it will most likely fade.
Certain activities meant to foster closeness might help maintain this. Scheduling sex is another option; although it may not seem very romantic, it may be a major game-changer. Scheduling sex indicates that you both desire it and offers you something to look forward to, as opposed to hoping that one of you would be in the mood to start a romantic relationship and maybe go into a rut devoid of passion. It might even end up being the highlight of your day or week.
It’s ok to be jealous, but your partner shouldn’t foot the bill for you
Our world is one of insecurity. It is instilled in us that valuable resources are limited, and this also applies to our interpersonal interactions. Our partner’s attraction to someone else might make us feel anxious or even panicked.
When we see the chemistry between our partners, we may get angry with them because, deep down, we fear they may find someone better. You must resolve that, although jealousy will occur, you will not vent your anger on your spouse to maintain a really good relationship. Whether you’re in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, if you’re not cautious, jealousy may swiftly destroy your bond.
You may be holding onto preconceptions from a past relationship.
Have you ever found yourself becoming far more angry with your spouse than their behavior deserved? It’s easy to blame your spouse for your insecurity or rage, as they are the ones causing the feelings to arise.
However, the truth is that you may still be dealing with hurt and baggage from a past relationship. A person who was betrayed by their relationship and thus came to distrust partners is an excellent illustration of this.
Consider how you could be engaging in this behavior. You shouldn’t have to compensate your spouse for your prior traumas.
A Partnership Should Help You Be Your Best Self
Individuals get into partnerships for a variety of reasons. However, if you’re not sure whether your spouse or prospective partner makes you feel more like yourself and gives you more confidence to accomplish your objectives, consider this if you’re unsure if yours is the perfect choice for you. It is unhealthy if your significant other dislikes your aspirations, but it is not always easy to figure this out.
Serious uncertainties and harm might result from your partner’s passive indifference to your enthusiasm. If you continue in this kind of relationship, you can wind up underestimating yourself or putting your aspirations on hold, which won’t make for a happy conclusion for anybody.
Finally, I want to stress (again) how crucial open communication is.
Our brains tend to trick us into believing that revealing our most intimate facts is a dangerous thing that would ultimately do us harm. But if you take a risk, reality might surprise you. Tell them if anything is upsetting you. Ask questions if you have any questions about anything they said or did.