4 Reasons Husbands Cheat On Their Ideal Wife
This is something we’ve heard from friends and family members: a loving woman who has done everything ‘exactly’ cannot comprehend why her spouse has cheated on her. She believes she has done ‘everything’ correctly, including taking into consideration her husband’s wants and putting them even ahead of her own.
Perhaps she chose to forego her professional aspirations in order to support him and care for their children. And, to be honest, it’s difficult to fathom why a husband would cheat on his perfectly matched wife. This ideal wife may exhibit excellent attributes that many people in her life – including you – find admirable. So what is it about flawless wives that makes men want to cheat on them?
Psychotherapists have a plethora of responses to this topic, some of which may come as a surprise to you. Some of the reasons why men may be unfaithful to their loving wives are listed below (hint: they have very little – if nothing- to do with the betrayed partner).
Inadequate Maturity
Some men (and women) may be unfaithful to their spouse due to a lack of past relationship experience or an inability to comprehend the repercussions of their actions. Nearly 68 percent of males report feeling guilty after having an affair; maybe this is due to their failure to comprehend how devastating a betrayal can be?
It’s critical for a woman to realize that if her husband strays because of a lack of maturity, it is his problem, not hers, to recognize. In the case of a guy who justifies cheating on his wife, it is his own selfishness – not the difficulties of his wife- that is enabling his conscience to make those judgments on his behalf. Consider the following: if a husband is not grown enough to see how detrimental his affair would be, it is doubtful that he is mature enough to appreciate a ‘perfect’ spouse in the first place.
Issues with Addiction and Self-Control include being unfaithful, being a male, and cheating.
It’s possible that your partner’s underlying addiction and lack of self-control were the reasons he cheated on you. Addictions to drugs, alcohol, and sex are just a few of the disorders that may wreak havoc on a romantic relationship. In order to justify their seclusion and continuing self-harm, addicts will often struggle to make good choices, and they may even choose to injure people closest to them in order to do so.
There are a variety of factors that a spouse of an addict should examine, such as whether or not you are involved in a co-dependent relationship that permits the addict to retain their quality of life rather than seeking treatment. You may have believed that you were benefiting your spouse, or even being a nice wife, by assisting them in concealing their addiction. However, you were wrong. This kind of aid, no matter how enticing it may seem at the time, is seldom beneficial on the long road to recovery.
They are dissatisfied with their relationship.
However, even if your spouse has been unfaithful, it is not because they believe there is something “wrong” with you or your relationship. Despite the fact that you may be flawless, happiness is not always guaranteed. Sometimes men would cheat on their spouses in order to put an end to their relationship, possibly because they feel bad about being unhappy with someone who is otherwise a lovely person.
Unfortunately, some men may believe that adultery is the only option to bring a relationship to a close, which is incorrect. therapist Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, says, “As a therapist, I find most of the reasons that cheating men offer to excuse their infidelity intriguing – since almost all of these reasons indicate that cheating was the only logical answer to their relationship troubles and other life problems.” Further, Weiss challenges the notion that cheating is an intelligent decision, pointing to several different ways in which a man might express his emotions “[without] reducing, excusing, and justifying” his actions.
lady who is emotional and destitute
It doesn’t matter why your spouse strayed; adultery is a painful experience for everyone involved. It is not necessarily an indication of the end of a marriage, but it is an opportunity for a woman to consider if her pursuit of perfection has been at the expense of her own best interests. In addition to self-care, exploring new and old interests, and finding fellowship with good friends, a woman may regain part of her identity that is not limited to becoming the “ideal” wife by engaging in activities that she enjoys.
Substance Abuse / Problems with Self-Control
This might be the result of your partner’s underlying addiction and difficulty with self-control. Some of the conditions that may wreak havoc on a relationship include drug addiction, alcoholism, and sexual addiction. In order to justify their seclusion and continuous self-harm, addicts will often struggle to make good choices, and they may even choose to injure others who care about them in the process.
Numerous factors should be considered by the spouse of an addict, such as whether or not you are involved in a co-dependent relationship that permits the addict to retain their quality of life rather than seeking treatment. Assisting them in covering up their addiction may have made you feel like you were doing something nice for your spouse, even being a good wife. This kind of support, no matter how enticing it may seem at the time, is seldom beneficial on the long path to recovery.
Insecurity
Marriage therapist Aaron Anderson writes in his essay ‘Why Happy People Cheat’ that insecurity in one spouse might lead to a desire for a little of concealment in the relationship, which can eventually lead to infidelity in the marriage. “After a period of treatment, most cheating spouses come to the conclusion that they were motivated by some kind of dissatisfaction with themselves.”
Anderson explains that rather of accepting their fears and attempting to overcome them, people strive to conceal them.” In order to attempt to work through a spouse’s unmet wishes, he advises married couples to develop open and clear channels of communication, especially concerning unpleasant subjects. This may assist you to avoid infidelity from entering your relationship, or it may even allow you to better understand why your spouse was dishonest after it has already happened to you.
Do not quickly conclude that your whole life has been a fabrication because you believe your spouse was motivated by insecurity to have an affair. The author asserts that “it’s a prevalent misperception that couples cheat because they’re unhappy in their marriage.” When couples come to my couch for counseling, the one who had an affair almost always states that they still love their spouse.” Despite how difficult it may be to face, personal unfulfillment is a primary cause of some affairs, regardless of how much a couple cares for one other.
to vent one’s rage or exact retribution
Sometimes, men cheat in order to avenge their wife’s betrayal or to right a long-standing wrong they believe has been done to them by their partner. In some circumstances, they sincerely want their behaviors to be felt by their significant other, and they deliberately choose conduct that is harmful to them. Couples may naturally argue and have difficulties that occur over time, but some will slip into destructive routines of arguing that are detrimental to their relationship. Even while this might be detrimental to both couples, it is not an acceptable reason to cheat (is there truly an acceptable reason?)
It may be particularly difficult to recover after an act of infidelity, particularly when the husband has attempted to emphasize the anguish of the affair by cheating on his wife. Family therapy and/or couples counseling may provide an opportunity for each partner to express themselves to someone who is unbiased, attentive, and supportive of their decisions and feelings.
If you are going through a divorce, this might be quite beneficial. But if your spouse has deceived you and will not accept therapy or other remedial steps, and the prospect of divorce is being discussed, consulting with a family law attorney may be beneficial. A divorce attorney will meet with you and provide advise, and may even give you time to consider if terminating your marriage is really what you want.
