Which is best Autonomy versus Mutuality in a relationship.
A conviction that each individual should be able to stand independently of the other and should not expect to be cared about is present in both Jenny and Bradley’s account of the events. One may characterize their approach as an autonomous one. To put it another way, they prioritize their identities as individuals above that of a couple.
When it comes down to it, they put more emphasis on their own requirements than the requirements of their relationship. If you were to query them about this, they could respond that they place high importance on their independence, or that they consider themselves to be “their own person,” and that they refuse to allow the other person to tell them what to do.
However, it’s not quite as straightforward as that. Yes, both parties believe that the other will act independently, but in fact, this will only occur if one of the parties believes that it will serve his or her own interests.
When one of them realizes that the metaphorical shoe is suddenly on the other foot, they may experience feelings of being disregarded, dumped, or irrelevant. This couple’s strong feeling of autonomy serves them very badly in circumstances in which they must rely on one another to experience a sense of being significant and to be protected.
When people believe they are exercising their so-called autonomy, they are blissfully unconscious of this issue; nevertheless, when they believe they are being neglected, they are terribly aware of it.
In light of Jenny’s and Bradley’s actions, I believe it’s reasonable to state that the autonomy that they seem to be exercising is not, in fact, autonomy at all. Instead, they are conducting their lives in accordance with an agreement that goes something like this:
“If it’s beneficial for me, you should be all right with it.” As a direct consequence of this, they repeatedly act out scenarios in which they both fail to recall the presence of the other person. The underlying message that they are trying to convey is, “You do your thing, and I’ll do my thing.”
It does have a reciprocal tone, doesn’t it? However, this is in no way a reciprocal relationship since one partner is responsible for ensuring the wellbeing of the other, and it enables both parties to openly criticize and undermine the performance of the other. This kind of autonomy is not indicative of genuine independence but rather a fear of being dependent on others.
It is possible for it to stand in place of a representation of strength.
In contrast, it seems as if both Bram and Greta are aware of some of the ways in which the other person thinks and feels, and they both care about that awareness. One may claim that their approach is based on reciprocity. It is based on cooperation and regard for one another.
Both of them take advantage of the fact that they have this common understanding to safeguard one another in both private and public situations. Neither of them anticipates that the other will be different from who he or she is.
As an example, Greta is able to foresee Bram’s distress and respond to it in a manner that preserves his dignity. She behaves as though she needs him, despite the fact that she is aware that he is the one who is more in need in this circumstance. Neither Bram nor Greta is in a position to betray the trust of the other at this time.
It’s almost as if they keep a barrier of protection about themselves at all times.
It is a word that I like to use to describe the cooperatively built membrane, cocoon, or womb that keeps a couple together and shields each partner from the elements of the outside world. I refer to this as the “couple bubble.” A couple bubble is an intimate atmosphere that is created and maintained by the partners jointly. This environment implicitly assures things such, “I will never leave you,” and other similar statements.
“I would never on deliberately try to scare you,” the speaker said.
“Even if it is I who is inflicting the discomfort, I will relieve you when you are in it,” he said to her. “I will relieve you when you are in it.”
“My desire to be correct, your performance, your looks, what other people think or want, or any other competing value is not as essential as our connection,” you say. “Our relationship is more important than any other competing value.”
You won’t be the second, third, or fourth person to find out about anything since I won’t tell anybody else about it before you.
When I say “implicitly,” I don’t mean to imply that couples can’t or don’t sometimes make formal agreements on any of the components that go into making up their couple bubble.
Test Your Knowledge: How Close Are You?
The sensation of intimacy is an individual experience; that is, the degree to which you feel connected to your spouse and the degree to which you experience a sense of safety are both internal processes. Even if you may have a strong emotional connection with your spouse, it is unlikely that they are aware of how you really feel until you specifically tell them. And the same is true for your partner’s feelings for you.
Find out some of the ways you can become closer to your spouse, and then describe those methods to them.
- In the preceding paragraph, I provided a list of some of the assurances that married couples provide to one another, such as stating “I will never leave you.” What kind of assurances have you provided to your spouse in this regard?
- What kinds of assurances are you hoping to provide?
- Which assurances are you looking forward to receiving?
- It is not necessary for you to get a guarantee from your spouse before you provide one to them. Keep an eye out for opportunities to convey the closeness you feel and the protection you pledge to one another.