When You Fall in Love with a Man Who Has Low Self-Esteem
Now imagine falling in love with a man who has a poor self-image. Becoming you is a pain in the neck. That’s coming from a guy who used to despise himself. Those that do, in a way, still do Everything you go through is familiar to me. No wonder you’re stressed out.
The name Mary will be used to refer to a lady with whom I had a romantic connection. Marry’s spirit was a thing of beauty and perfection. After a while, we got along. Looking into her eyes brought me comfort and helped me to overcome my anxieties. Mary had a strong affection for me, and I had a strong affection for her as well. Nevertheless, I despised myself much more than before. The long and the short of it is that I had to flee from her affection.
I was undeserving of the affection I was receiving. Female company, alcoholic beverages, and professional changes provided me with the affirmation and diversion I needed. Other sinister approaches that I will not discuss are as follows:
It is simple to express yet difficult to comprehend for certain people who have low self-esteem. Being self-conscious about one’s appearance is a common symptom. A deep-seated sense of remorse or embarrassment about one’s own identity “You’re experiencing something new.” It has been harmed or flawed in fundamental and irrevocable ways. The fact is that you don’t like your own company. The fact is that your boyfriend wishes he were someone else, even if he never says it out loud.
The reality is that there is no such thing as a “return policy.” This is our skin for the rest of our lives, and hating ourselves and feeling sorry for ourselves will get us nowhere. The problem is this:
Whenever a guy is coping with low self-esteem, he is more prone to making errors. Several serious errors have been committed. I became careless as a result of my guilt and poor self-esteem. In the background, I was plagued with a persistent, quite excruciating sense of unease. It was necessary for me to alter my perception of my own self.
It was necessary for me to flee the building. The good news is that there were various reliable options available, like endless partying, reckless sexual behavior, founding enterprises with large sums of money, and exotic travel. Having to be alone in a silent room was my biggest dread. The thought of being alone made me feel sick. Could it be that your partner is feeling the same way? I hope he isn’t! However, my sentiments are not uncommon in this regard.
More humiliation and remorse followed as a result of my errors. As a result of running away from such sensations, even more errors are created. After then, the cycle repeats again. Thus, we get to the ninth dimension of shame, as I like to refer to it. You never know how deep the hole will go. This seemingly endless spiral of suffering seems to be unabated.
Mania may present itself in a number of ways depending on how low his self-esteem is. Men will behave in their own unique manner. A few choose to retreat and conceal themselves, while others escape and seek new experiences and opportunities. Those who don’t work attempt to prove themselves by partying and rage-mongering. For both the person who is suffering and the impoverished person who is devoted to them, it is a difficult situation. It’s difficult to deal with low self-esteem; the sufferer might divert his or her attention away from it or run away from it completely for years. A person suffering from low self-esteem may not even be aware that they are experiencing it. In addition, it’s f*cking tragic.
It is likely that he will need your help to get through it if you really care about him. You may be able to show him the way out of his funk. Make no mistake: he needs your assistance. The situation will be perplexing for him on many occasions, and he may unintentionally harm you. ) I assure you that he has no intention of harming you. Just being himself causes him enough pain.)
A cheat sheet to help you get through the difficult moments is provided below; keep it close by. Also, maybe, to assist him in seeing the error of his methods.
Despite how much he cares for you, he is very self-hating.
He’s in a state of disorientation. While you and your partner may be presented with a clear and beautiful chance for love, your significant other chooses to ignore it. In his own eyes, he only sees his own failings. It seems like a dark, heavy, thick blanket has been draped over him, and he can’t seem to get free of it. However, as previously said, it is possible that he is unaware of this situation.. You shouldn’t be concerned that he’s attempting to tamper with your thoughts. You may contact him if you want. While he is in a continual state of anxiousness, he is always fantasizing about becoming someone he loves. “Why would you say that?” he may question if you tell him you love him. The answer is “no.” It is incorrect to say that’
It is his deepest need to be loved by himself, and the fight to achieve this may be destructive to your relationship. Shouldn’t this be considered a positive development? This emotion is not expressed in a healthy manner by all guys, though. But try to see things from their point of view, even if it’s difficult. If they don’t love themselves, maybe you can intervene to assist them.. Make every effort to assist his HEART if you love him. Make a point of purchasing spirituality literature for him and inquiring as to how he perceives himself. Be patient with yourself and, if necessary, seek the assistance of a competent therapist or psychologist.
Dr. Robert Glover’s book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, is one that I would suggest you reading. A wake-up call that aided in the beginning of my amazing transformational journey. The book is not about shame, self-worth, or learning to accept oneself despite the title’s ambiguous meaning. It’s an excellent starting point, so get it right now….
Outside of the partnership, he may engage in activities or seek attention elsewhere.
I believe this had a significant role in the breakdown of my relationship. Because of my poor self-esteem, I found myself yearning for the attention of other possible partners. The acceptance and affirmation of other women had become an addiction for me.
Perhaps he enjoys being the center of attention, flirting with others, and receiving come-hither glances from others? I’m hoping you haven’t found him on any dating websites or applications yet. Because I desired attention, it was another thing I’d do to get some. Possibly he yearns for others to compliment him on how cool he is, how well he dresses, or what a fantastic career he has. All that matters is that he’s insanely obsessed with being seen.
But what about you? He is looking for attention and acceptance from other people. One of the most frustrating aspects of life is having low self-esteem. To him, it seems that he must either prove to himself that he is worthy, or search for proof of his worthiness wherever he may find it. It follows that if other people think I’m amazing, it must follow that I am.
We should all love and respect ourselves as human beings – this may seem like plain sense to you. However, this is not the case for those who suffer from low self-esteem. Being low on one’s own self-esteem is similar to being in a legal proceeding. Moreover, you are presumed to be guilty unless proved otherwise. To the heart of his being, he feels ashamed. His soul looks to have been tarnished, scarred, and irreparably harmed in some way. Escaping from reality is what he wants.
Discuss the situation with him if at all possible, If you behave in this manner, I believe you are doing it because you like the way it makes you feel. So, what is it that you need to be feeling like this? “Why aren’t you simply being yourself and expressing how you are feeling right now?” The question is, “Why don’t I seem to be enough?” Is it possible to learn to love oneself with a little assistance?
Take into consideration whether or not your guy is capable of handling this exchange. He isn’t quite ready yet, though. Changes must be made by him in order for the healing process to take place properly. The onus of doing something for him is never on your shoulders.
As a result of his good fortune, he believes. He believes he is undeserving of your love and affection.
He adored you at first sight. You were the reward he was looking forward to. And then he showed the rest of the world what he had. Intoxicating and intense, it was a great night out. His suspicions were confirmed, and he began to look about. That rush of adrenaline that you and your new connection provided him began to wear off quickly.
He’s looking for more supplies since the medication has worn off. If he wants to feel good about himself, he needs more strong stimulating encounters.
I had a wonderful girlfriend in Mary, but I didn’t think I was deserving of her love and support. The guy I was, despite the turbulence of my life, was apparent to her. But I couldn’t believe she could see beyond my humiliation and self-loathing.
I’d gotten myself into a trance and couldn’t get out.
“I was under the impression that I’d been fortunate, that I’d somehow managed to trick her.” Therefore, I wanted to demonstrate to myself that I was deserving of such a wonderful person. Isn’t it a ridiculous statement? I wanted to be able to ‘earn someone’ who everyone else desired, and I wanted to show to myself that I was a worthwhile man by accomplishing this goal. If I could do that, I’d be able to appreciate myself.
Please keep in mind that this isn’t about you – it’s about him and the hole in his heart that you’ve created for him. The fact that he didn’t merely “luck out” when he got you is important for him to understand. Don’t allow him to get depressed. Please tell him how much you appreciate him. – Please share with him everything that you believe makes him stand out and intriguing. Do not make it only a matter of physical attractiveness either. If he believes that he has deceived you, he will not treat the relationship with the respect that it deserves to get. This is a critical factor to remember..
He may be restless, or he may be always striving to prove something to the world or to himself, and this is understandable.
Hustle and ambition are two terms that have been used to describe it. Possibly he is brimming with grandiose notions and a fervent desire to succeed in business. He aspires to develop something that will have a profound impact on society. However, it is possible that this is a ruse to divert his attention away from the voices in his brain, which is excellent. “You’re not enough,” say the whispers in our heads. With his life, he hopes to demonstrate his value to others.
He doesn’t want to live his life without you at his side. – Large dreams or extravagant ambitions help him to move out of his own brain and into reality. They bolster his confidence in the possibility that he would come to like himself as a person one day. This is after he has completed all of his amazing feats.
When it comes to desire and initiative, there is nothing wrong with it! He is, nonetheless, motivated by a number of factors. Is there a reason for his strong desire? Many heartaches may be avoided if we took the time to ask ourselves “why?” when we desire the things we do. Stop chasing after so many bright red balls, we’d say to ourselves. A greater sense of purpose might guide our lives. Why is it that your guy wants to do so much? This is something he should contemplate.
To pull him back down to earth and remind him of how much life he still has left to live right now, at this now. During this particular moment between the two of you. Hold his head in your hands while you kiss his lips together. Twist your hair back and gaze deeply into those eyes you like so dearly. Declare, “I adore you for who you are right now,” as if nothing else matters. Make it clear that he has done enough.
Creating an aimless, lazy ass isn’t the purpose here. He must be checked to make sure his motivation and priorities are in the proper order.
He might be exceedingly envious of or insecure about other guys, depending on his personality..
The only way for my ex-girlfriend, Mary, to see me was as flawless and fantastic as possible at all times. In addition to being a source of confidence and security, she was my full support system. She was the most important thing in my whole life. (Even so, I was a horrible boyfriend – aren’t males the best?)
It is only if I feel threatened or that I am no longer the most important person in her life that I begin to lose my mind. An tremendous hole is created inside your guy by his poor self-esteem. He filled it with you and sprinkled in other things like as vices and the attention of others. When you threaten to leave them empty once again, they become insane or become illogical, depending on the situation.
The last thing he wants is for you to be in pain. He also has no desire to be in a position of authority over you. While he isn’t sure why he is feeling this way, he believes it is because he despises his own appearance. Because your acts have wounded him, it is in effect self-defense. Just being him is terrible enough — when you threaten to make him feel even worse about himself, he lashes out or becomes uncomfortable with the situation.
It doesn’t make sense at all. Simply put, I’m telling you how things really are.
Making him live ‘in the now’ might be next to impossible at times.
Many low-self-esteemed men are stuck in the past, regretting their decisions. Perhaps he is filled with regret and regret about possibilities he did not take advantage of. Perhaps he is disappointed in himself for not doing better in school or for not attending a more suitable institution for him. In the eyes of his family, he could feel like a failure and a disappointment. Who knows, but the point is that he constantly rides himself down.
Or, he may be in the future and be living in the past. It is his ambition to be “happy” for the rest of his life. You may be depressed because it seems like all he is concerned with is acquiring a lot of money, achieving great things, or gaining fame and recognition. Alternatively, he might make his family happy. In his utopian view of the future, he may seem to leave you out of the picture. His motivation, on the other hand, is likely to be that he believes he will only be worthy of you when he has conquered the globe. So he believes he is not deserving of pleasure until he can demonstrate his value. These ideas obsess him, and he’s yearning for that delicious moment of relief when he’s finally’made it’ to put an end to them. The issue is that it will never arrive.
What I mean is that you like him just as he is. Now is the time to inform him of this.
Authentic commitment terrifies him — but not for the reasons you would suspect.
I was terrified in my relationship since I had no idea who I was in the first place. It wasn’t until later that I realized how much I messed up. Nobody wanted to be with me because I didn’t feel like a decent person. When I refused to give her marriage or children, I persuaded myself that I was assisting her in some way. I thought I was doing her a favor by not committing myself completely and completely to her 100 percent completely.
At the time, I didn’t have confidence in myself. In my own decency or potential, I had no confidence whatsoever. Because of this, I was certain that I would be unable to cope with the difficult times that would come my way. Because everything I come into contact with turns to sh*t, I couldn’t see the point of wasting her time’. “It was doomed from the beginning, and I didn’t want to harm her.”
Nothing you say will change the fact that he will seem like a deer in headlights no matter what you do. Knowing this may assist you in comprehending the intricacy of a man’s personality. To love you through difficult times, he must first learn to love himself through those same difficult times.
For whatever reason, he may take pleasure in seeing you in distress or suffering because of the connection.
Oh my God, that’s terrible. If you choose to be mean to me, that’s your choice. Truth be told, I’m here to tell you the truth about myself. Speaking about this subject is challenging. When a man’s self-esteem is at its bottom, witnessing his spouse suffer might provide affirmation. We might experience a sense of accomplishment when we see someone go through hell for us or suffer agony that we have created.
The ‘I’m worthy’ medication has been administered… If this individual is willing to go insane for me, I must be deserving.
Finally, it’s time to call it quits on the marriage. No amount of suffering warrants more suffering.
He loves you – but he has to learn how to love himself as much as he enjoys others.
In order to love himself, your man must learn to love himself first. The deepest and darkest aspects, as well as the ones that make him feel sick to his stomach, are included in this category. The aspects of our mind that remain unseen and unfelt are the root of all neurosis and misery. I did not say it; Carl Jung did.
The rest of him will remain underdeveloped if he solely cares about a certain aspect of himself, such as his appearance or his personality. In many respects, I used to be like a kid. At every opportunity, I avoided suffering or making a sacrifice, and I grew into a giant manchild. This is something that must be stopped immediately if it is occurring to your guy.
We can work through this together in the end. He will never stop loving you, and you will have an unshakable tie with him. That you were the girl who guided him to the greatest love of his life will be etched in his memory for all eternity. His adoration of his own personhood. Persevere, but make a strategy for moving forward immediately. In addition to him, you are also suffering. Now is the time to start acting. Unless he is willing to put down a marker and alter his life, it may be necessary to walk away from your relationship.