What are the signs of emotional neglect?

7. He’s full of justifications and defensiveness.

When individuals are control freaks and want to exert control over everything and everyone around them, they often have difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions.

So it is not unusual for emotionally detached men to provide a slew of excuses rather than take full responsibility for anything they have done.

 

 They also have a tendency to get extremely defensive when confronted with questions regarding their activities, conduct, and blunders.

Don’t get me wrong: no one enjoys having to apologize after making a mistake.

However, one of the most telling indicators of a man who is unavailable is when nothing is ever their fault (and he will often say that it is your fault).

 

8. No matter how much you get from him, you always feel empty within.

Whenever we’re with a partner who provides us with little to no genuine emotional connection, we might find ourselves feeling like a guy dying of thirst in the middle of the desert.

And even when someone goes out of their way to do something kind for you, such as give you flowers or surprise you with a meal, it might leave you feeling a little empty.

 

The reason for this is because, although considerate, these sorts of gifts do not need an emotional commitment on the part of the recipient. As a result, since you’re already depleted of emotional intimacy, it has the effect of handing that dying guy a thimble full of water and expecting it to satiate his thirst.

 

9. He deceives you (and it doesn’t seem to upset him).

The fact that someone is emotionally cut off from you does not make lying about things to you any more difficult.

It’s not that he doesn’t care about you; it’s simply that the protective wall has been built up so high that it becomes simple for him to rationalize the lie and make it seem as if it doesn’t matter.

 

In the aftermath of lying, a guy who is actually emotionally entire is practically ripped apart by his emotions of shame over the lie. This indicates almost usually a type of disinterest in you or his own misbehavior when you experience emotional estrangement.

 

10. You have no notion what he is thinking at any one time.

We all want for a strong emotional connection with our partner.

After all, this individual should be the one in whom we have the greatest amount of confidence, with whom we share our most intimate ideas, and in whom we have the greatest amount of faith.

 

However, for the wife of an emotionally distant husband, that connection just isn’t there to begin with (or barely there).

So, although he most likely engages in small conversation, you are frequently left in the dark about what he is truly thinking or feeling on the inside, as well as the specifics of what he is doing or working on.

 

11. He is extremely critical of your performance.

defensiveness, a reluctance to accept responsibility for his actions, lying, and being a control freak have all been discussed, and they are all factors that often lead to him verbally assaulting you.

 

If you’re not accessible, unavailable guys may become unduly critical of you, but perhaps verbal abuse is too harsh a phrase to use.

The reasons for this are that it allows him to escape out of the firing line. You’ll be so preoccupied defending yourself that you won’t have time (as he wants) to draw attention to yourself.

 

12. You have the impression that you are on your own.

The fact that he can make you feel like a person who is dying of thirst in the desert has previously been discussed.

This kind of pattern of behavior, when it persists for a long period of time, may leave you feeling entirely alone in your marriage, starving for that emotional connection you so desperately need.

Life may be difficult, and one of the most significant advantages of being married is having someone who has your back and who can act as a storm shelter when the going gets tough.

 

Also necessary is the presence of someone you can rely on to lift you up when you’re down.

It’s like being single if you don’t have that support (but with someone else in the room). At best, you’ll get cash assistance, but you’ll still be yearning for emotional assistance.

 

 

13. When you attempt to get closer to him, he withdraws.

In a marriage, when we feel like we’re on our own, it’s normal for us to want to draw closer together.

After all, we aren’t receiving what we need from the system. Returning to the example of the guy who is dying of thirst that I mentioned earlier, it is evident that the man would be pulled to the closest source of water (in this case your husband).

The disadvantage is, of course, that an unavailable individual is unlikely to be able to meet your requirements.

 

In fact, the closer you get to him, the more probable it is that he will retreat, and the relationship will wind up seeming like a game of cat and mouse, with a lot of movement but neither of you feeling very satisfied with the partnership.

The following are some often asked questions: Is emotional separation from one’s spouse a transient or permanent condition?

 

The behavior of emotionally distant spouses is frequently permanent, unless the emotional distance was precipitated by an incident such as the adultery of a wife. However, if they seek expert assistance, it may be possible to make the situation transitory.

It’s important to consider if his conduct is new or whether he’s always behaved in this manner before proceeding any further.

People who are unavailable may become such after experiencing a terrible incident such as the following:

 

There has been an affair.
An intimate friend or loved one has passed away.
Something that makes him feel like he has failed him (such as a job loss)
Trauma from previous relationships that has not been handled
In certain situations (particularly if you had an affair), he goes into his shell because it provides him with a sense of security.

 

He’ll remain in his shell, refraining from discussing his sentiments or exposing himself to others, at least until he’s had enough time to digest and cope with his emotions and feelings.

But if your spouse has been emotionally unresponsive from the beginning, that’s a different issue.

 

If he’s been this way from the beginning, the good news is that it has nothing to do with you and is likely founded in some kind of childhood trauma or it may just be the way he was reared and who he is now.

That doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to live with, but if you can come to grips with it, you may be able to find some peace with it.

 

Whether you’ve ever wondered, “Can Marriage Counseling Help?” 

you won’t want to miss one of my most popular pieces, which goes into great depth regarding just how and if it can benefit you and your marriage and is one of my most shared topics.

 

Nothing improves or even remains the same without nurture and effort, and even in good marriages, some kind of relationship work is necessary to maintain or improve the connection.

Simply click on the link to be sent to my website where you may read it.

 

What causes a guy to become emotionally unavailable?

It is common for a guy to be emotionally unavailable because of childhood trauma or because of how he watched his father interact with his mother throughout his youth. A kid who has been trained to be the “strong quiet type” and who has been discouraged from being vulnerable and sharing his thoughts may grow up to be emotionally unavailable.

Husbands, on the other hand, might become emotionally distant as a result of an incident that triggers a retreat, such as a wife’s infidelity.

 

We males are not often taught to express our emotions or to be vulnerable when we are young. We’re frequently under the impression that we should simply get a hold of ourselves, bite our lip, and keep going without displaying any symptoms of weakness (paraphrasing Miranda Lambert intentional).

 

At the end of the day, women must recognize that only their husband has the ability to choose to modify his conduct and enable himself to become more emotionally linked with them.

While it is always OK to tell him how his conduct makes you feel, be careful to express your sentiments clearly and to keep your expectations of him out of it.

 

When we as men feel like we have failed, it may have severe and often opposing repercussions on our health and wellbeing. While venting may feel nice in the moment, it is unlikely to have any positive effects on the emotional connection between the couple.

No, it will almost certainly make things worse. Also, keep in mind that the fact that he is an unavailable partner has absolutely nothing to do with his feelings for you.

As a result, don’t take anything personally.

 

He may be completely in love with you, but he may be unable to express himself because of a physical or mental barrier.

One of my finest blog pieces (click here to read it on my site) delves into the pattern of bad conduct that many of us participate in despite our knowledge of the consequences. More crucially, that piece examines how it CAN be overcome with increased awareness, patience, and concentration.

 

 

 

 

 

The devastating influence that early trauma may have in the lives of emotionally unavailable males

For others of us, the causes of being emotionally unavailable may be traced back a bit farther in time.

I used to poison relationships before they could go any further in my case, even though I wouldn’t characterize myself as emotionally unavailable (I shed a few tears when watching The Notebook).

 

I did it because I was a young child and practically everyone of significance had abandoned me.

I was terrified of being rejected or abandoned as a result of this experience. As a result, I had a propensity to finish things first in order to feel like I was in command of the situation.

My parents separated when I was 6 months old, and by the time I was 2, my mother had remarried and we were living more than 1000 miles away from my father.

 

I did have contact with my biological father, but it was not on a regular basis, and it took decades before we got close. He, too, was investigating who he was as a closeted homosexual man coming to grips with being a gay parent (click here to read our story on my website), and as a result, he was more concerned with himself than with being a father.

 

Later, when I was nearing the age of 11, my mother and stepfather separated because of his escalating alcoholism and physical violence. He went dead just a few years after this incident.

Despite his alcoholism, I still loved him, and he remained the guy I referred to as “Dad” until I was far into my thirties and beyond. Even still, growing up with an alcoholic father (which you can read about on my website) was a difficult experience.

 

If his emotional isolation is a result of an affair, we should understand that life is not always ideal and that we are not either.

When a spouse cheats on their partner, it may have severe consequences for both of the parties involved. Because, after all, only the most ruthless sociopaths are unable to feel regret or sorrow after having deceived.

 

Obviously, if these distant partner indicators are new, and one of you has had an affair, that is the problem that has to be addressed in order to get beyond this situation.

Although adultery has a terrible impact on a relationship, the good news is that it does not have to spell the end of the partnership.

 

 

 

 

It is possible for your marriage to heal following an infidelity.

 In reality, you will most likely discover this after you have gone through the critical steps to Save Your Marriage After Infidelity outlined above (click to read on my site).

 

Described in detail in my most popular Pinterest article, I highlight the critical measures that must be done after an affair. An affair does not always spell the death of your marriage, and with the appropriate effort, your relationship may be better than before.

Almost every marital difficulty can be solved with patience, complete responsibility, and accountability, but it will take time and effort.