The Truth About Divorced Friendship
Drinks or tea, it’s a girls’ night out no matter what. When you’re out shopping and need someone to remind you that it’s not your buttocks, it’s your pants. When it comes time to job seek, it’s nice to have someone to read and proofread your resume and cover letter.
Providing a sofa to rest on when your job search sends you to another location for a last-minute interview is a great way to help. I’m not sure how I would have survived my divorce if it hadn’t been for my pals. My friendships have lasted an average of twenty years, with many of them lasting longer. Look at my Facebook friend list, and you’ll see that, with the exception of a small core group, most of my acquaintances have only known me for the last two years or so.
It’s commonly believed that going through difficult situations reveals who your genuine friends are. This is true to some extent. My experiences after leaving a verbally abusive relationship were apparent when I complained on social media or began blogging about my experiences. For every piece I wrote, I’d lose about one buddy.
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There was a silent unfriending, a “I was here for the happy couple photos, even if they were phony, but I’m not going to be here for the unraveling” attitude. The couples who had been hanging out with my ex and I were especially upset at first. But I eventually came to terms with it and even expressed gratitude for having discovered who my genuine pals were. As opposed to worrying who I could trust and who had chosen my ex’s side, it felt quite comforting.
For my meditation practice, I’d even engage in a ceremony or two. I’d sit cross-legged on the floor, shut my eyes, and reminisce about the fantastic times we’d had. After expressing gratitude to the Universe for such instances, I would envision myself breaking the links that bound us together and lovingly releasing that individual. It aided me in accepting and honoring their loss without wallowing in my own regrets and anger.
When word got out about what I’d written, when my website went up, and when I met so many beautiful ladies from all over the nation and the globe, my friend list began to expand again. This time, I was around folks who were familiar with and accepting of my whole self-expression. What is wrong with them? The jagged edges are very noticeable. When a relationship comes to an end, it may be frightening to be left exposed.
Knowing that you are not required to conceal your genuine self and discovering that some people may actually prefer your honesty to the façade may be very freeing, as well as empowering. Three years after leaving my ex-husband, I’ve lost and gained back (plus some) more than twenty percent of the people on my pre-divorce friends’ list.
There is occasionally an inferred and/or explicit statement that internet connections aren’t’real’ while talking about them. That is something I would want to tackle.
Who needs friends when you have someone to lean on when things are rough, or someone to root for when they achieve a significant achievement – whether it’s finalizing their divorce or selling an article to a prominent publication? Friendship is about support, not competition.
The act of communicating involves discussing your personal life, children, new jobs or living quarters with other people. Fortunately, all of this can be accomplished over the internet. Even the most basic of things may serve as a foundation for and evolve from it. A same alma mater, a former profession, a shared passion for the same sports team, and, sure, comparable but distinct life experiences bind them together.
It makes no difference whether a friendship is genuine or virtual, and whether or not it is valued for the love and support it provides. Same social media platforms that make it easy to pretend to be happy or to have a nice marriage may also make it simple to connect with individuals who accept you for who you really are.
As a result of my work on the Worthy blog, I’ve met a slew of incredible women who all have one thing in common: they’ve gone through a divorce. Other social media platforms, such as my Facebook page, Twitter, and Instagram, have enabled us to communicate. Having the knowledge that you are not alone, that other women have been through this and survived, is a wonderful feeling of relief.
I’d want to express my gratitude on Friendship Day. Thank you to all of my loyal friends who have stood by me while I – at times publicly – crumbled. I appreciate your support. The friends who have left me are grateful for the moments we had, the pleasant memories they have left me, and for teaching me how to embrace and accept the ebb and flow of life’s circumstances. Finally, I’d want to express my gratitude to the new friends who have shown to me that being myself is not a source of fear. I’m thankful to have each and every one of you in my life, whether online or in person.
11 Breaking Divorce Truths You Must Know
Divorce, as is well known, can be an extremely stressful and traumatic experience for everyone involved. Divorce signifies the end of something significant; it might seem as if all of your efforts and devotion to a partnership have been in vain.
It’s a fact of life that divorce signifies the end of something significant, and if it’s not handled properly, it has the potential to completely transform your life. Getting a divorce is a difficult process.
There is no one-size-fits-all divorce, and no one-size-fits-all attitude to divorce either. One thing that all divorces have in common is that the marriage, which once gave happiness to the couple’s life, has come to an end for the pair. In the absence of prior divorce experience, it may be impossible to predict what will happen and how one will feel throughout a divorce proceeding.
While the fundamentals of divorce are well known to most people—we have all learned about them from someone who has gone through a divorce, from watching a movie about it, or from reading a book about it—the real messy truths about divorce are not as well known through other people’s personal experience, from movies, or even from reading books.
Even if you can’t fully prepare for this major event in your life, there are certain things you should be aware of in order to make the best decisions for yourself and your family. Listed here are 11 harrowing realities about divorce that no one ever tells you in person.
1. Divorce will be traumatic, even if you are over your relationship.
Even if you are well prepared for a divorce, going through it is very difficult to bear.
It’s likely that you’ve pondered the following questions: “How do I know when to divorce?” and “How do I know when to get a divorce?” When is it appropriate to divorce, and how do you know? Be aware that you will not discover solutions to these queries in a day or two.
Given that you are aware that staying with your ex might be poisonous and detrimental to your physical and emotional well-being, you make the wise decision to seek a divorce from them.
While divorce is still difficult owing to legal disputes, the reality is that going to court to settle or resolve certain issues is difficult, and social situations such as being approached by strangers may be awkward. If you wish to have a divorce, you should be prepared for difficult moments and difficult feelings.
Second, getting a divorce does not immediately make you happy.
The primary reason you divorced your spouse in the first place was because you were no longer happy in the marriage; nevertheless, going through a divorce would not make you any happier in the long run either. Divorce, on the other hand, is incompatible with happiness.
However, the reality of divorce is that although most individuals feel liberated after a divorce, they are seldom happy immediately after it. After a divorce, you could feel as if you’ve lost a piece of your personality or identity.
3. If your spouse is adamant about getting divorced, it’s possible that they’ve already found someone else.
How do you know when it’s time to call it quits on your relationship? If your spouse seems to be restless and quick in his or her decision to divorce, pay attention to the warning signals. Finally, you must acknowledge that there is no possibility for a successful reconciliation and politely withdraw from the situation.
Perhaps the most important reason why your husband may be rushing to divorce you is because they may have someone else in line to take your place in the family. Even if you are not aware of this new person, it is possible that someone else is prepared to assume your position in the marriage.
Prepare yourself for the possibility that your spouse is having an affair, which may be severe enough to warrant a divorce.
4. You may lose the support of a few family members and close friends
It’s likely that after your divorce, most of your ex’s relatives and friends would isolate you since you are no longer married to them. This is a potential fact about divorce. Although you may have become too close to your spouse’s family and friends, they may break ties with you immediately upon the dissolution of marriage. When a close friend or family member is divorcing, being close to that person may be difficult and unpleasant.
Five, divorce brings out the worst in individuals.
Children’s custody and financial distribution are often a part of a divorce settlement agreement. This is the unvarnished reality of marriage and divorce: It may be very painful and terrible to go through this. Inevitable, nevertheless.
It is money and children that have the ability to drive otherwise decent individuals to do terrible things. As a consequence, a great deal of unpleasantness might emerge during the battle over who gets what.
6.It is not necessary to wait until the divorce is finalized in order to make life modifications.
Aside from recognizing when to divorce, it is critical that you recognize that you must make some significant adjustments in your life to achieve success.
Something isn’t functioning properly in the partnership, which leads to the decision to end the marriage. Is it necessary to wait until after the divorce to correct what is not operating properly? Put your current situation to good use.
7.You will notice a significant improvement in your financial situation.
Getting your hands dirty with your money will be quite difficult for you, particularly if you were in the usual position of the party that did not pay the bills. The reality about divorce is that it may result in a compromised lifestyle, despite the fact that it allows you to be more independent.
In terms of “what to know about divorce” items, keep in mind that if you want to start living separately after your divorce, you may need to have a nest fund in place well in advance.
Divorce is a reality in which you must start again from the beginning. The process is both freeing and time-consuming.
(8) You may find it difficult to put your faith in others.
If your marriage has ended in divorce, you may develop the belief that all men and women are the same and that you will be abandoned by them. Things others say don’t ring true to you. One of the realities of divorce is that it may cause you to lose trust in other people and their statements.
9.Almost all divorced couples reconcile at some point.
Whatever the difficulty of getting a divorce, many divorced couples are still attracted to one another, and after a lengthy period of separation and reflection, they may eventually fall back in love and reunite.
10.It’s inevitable that you’ll repeat the same errors over and over again.
You will very certainly discover that individuals who are similar to your ex will be attracted to you when your divorce is finalized. The reality of divorce is that you may find yourself trapped in the same vicious cycle of picking the wrong spouse over and over again after your separation or divorce.
Whatever the reason for your attraction or your subconscious desire for them, you must make a deliberate effort to break the cycle or else the same tale will repeat again.
11.Divorce is not the be-all and end-all solution for you
When it comes to divorce, there is one thing that you must accept. The end of your life is not marked by divorce.
If you are divorced, it is almost certain that you will suffer much and that your life will be extremely difficult as a result of the divorce. Perhaps it will even be considered dishonorable, and it will certainly be heartbreaking.
But, despite all of the difficult situations you will encounter throughout the divorce process, you will prevail. Perhaps these observations will be of use if you find yourself searching for “what I need to know about divorce.”
