Reasons for and Solutions for a Sexless Marriage
Physical closeness is often what distinguishes a love relationship from a simple platonic friendship in the eyes of most people. There are some couples who get into the pattern or habit of neglecting the physical aspect of their marriage. Others had little or no sex right from the start of their relationship.
Many couples suffer a decrease in sex and physical intimacy during the first few years of marriage, especially if children are involved in the relationship.
But the full lack of sexual intimacy that was previously a part of the relationship is frequently an indication that something is wrong and that something needs to be done.
Married couples might become more or less roommates if they lack the physical closeness that distinguishes a love relationship from a platonic one. The fact that both parties are comfortable with this form of relationship does not raise any red flags. When physical closeness and sexual intimacy are lost, one or both partners may get disappointed or upset.
An explanation of what it means to be in a sexless marriage
It is possible to be in a sexless marriage if there is little to no sexual interaction between the spouses. Many couples go through phases when they have more and less sex at different times. “Sexless” isn’t generally used to describe a time of reduced sexual activity.
In spite of the fact that there is no formal definition, many people believe that a sexless marriage is one in which the couple has not had sexual relations (or has only had very rare sexual relations) for a period of a year or more.
For a variety of reasons, a couple may find themselves in the position of being in a sexless relationship. Being in a non-sexual relationship is a personal decision for each couple; nevertheless, if a lack of sexual and physical intimacy is a problem, there are methods to work through it both together and individually, beginning with recognizing the underlying reason of the problem.
There are a variety of reasons why a marriage may become sexless, ranging from health difficulties to changes in one’s personal lifestyle. Some of the most prevalent explanations are listed below.
Affecting Your Health
One’s entire physical and mental health, as well as their libido and desire for physical closeness, may have a significant influence on both. Disruption of the physiological process of arousal in both sexes may be caused by health issues and physical impairment.
It’s normal to have some issues with sexual functioning, but if they persist for more than a few months or are creating difficulties for you or your partner, it’s a good idea to seek medical attention.
Libidos which are mismatched
It is normal for sex drive to fluctuate in intensity, and not everyone craves the same quantity of sex. When the desire for sex does not coincide, it is common for couples to find themselves delaying sexual engagement until both parties are in the mood, which may be seldom occurred.
Childbirth
After childbirth, there is no set time when someone can resume sexual activity, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). However, many healthcare providers recommend waiting for at least four to six weeks (and sometimes longer) for physical recovery alone before engaging in sexual activity.
However, while this period of no sex would not normally qualify as a real “sexless marriage,” it is up to the individual to determine whether or not the person who gave birth is psychologically and emotionally prepared to have sex after this point. After having a kid, the increased stress of caring for a baby, physical changes, fatigue, and hormonal changes may all have an impact on a person’s libido.
Stress
Extraordinary stress may have a detrimental effect on your health, as well as your sexual desire.
Similarly to insulin resistance, the stress hormone cortisol has been shown to decrease libido. In addition to the physical reasons why stress decreases sex drive, the psychological impacts of stress may leave you feeling exhausted, frazzled, and apprehensive, leaving you with no desire or energy for sex at all.
Reasons for and Solutions for a Sexless Marriage
Problems with Communication
Physical closeness might be tough to sustain while you are in a state of disagreement with your significant other. It’s possible that you don’t want to converse to your spouse, much alone engage in sexual activity with them.
Factors that make a difference
Disagreements and disagreements
Feelings of gloom and doom
Retaliatory or passive-aggressive acts are unacceptable.
Infidelity
Disputes over power
Pornographic addiction is a serious problem.
Erectile Dysfunction is a medical condition that affects the ability to have an erection.
For a variety of reasons, having difficulty getting or sustaining an erection might make it difficult to engage in sexual activity.
However, although erectile dysfunction (ED) is a frequent condition, it may also have a negative impact on a person’s anxiety as well as their confidence and self-esteem. People who have symptoms of ED should always consult with a doctor since they might be a signal of a more serious underlying health problem.
Low Sex Intensity
The condition known as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) affects both men and women, and it is characterized by a lack of sexual desire. A variety of circumstances, including menstrual cycles, the use of hormonal contraception, delivery, nursing, hysterectomy, and menopause, may have a role in the development of HSDD in females.
Adverse Effects of Medication
Many drugs produce adverse effects that are sexual in nature. Over-the-counter decongestants, certain antihistamines, antidepressants, and high blood pressure medicines are examples of medications that might cause sexual dysfunction in some people.
Problems with one’s mental health
Lack of energy, loss of interest and pleasure, social disengagement, and a low mood are all symptoms of depression, and all of these variables may have an impact on a person’s desire for sex and physical intimacy.
Abuse in the past is a problem.
Past sexual abuse may have long-term consequences that might have an impact on present and future romantic relationships.
Emotional responses such as dread and humiliation, post-traumatic stress disorder, and distortions in one’s self-perception may all have a negative influence on a person’s sexual life and should be addressed immediately.
Problems in Daily Life
There are a variety of various life events that may have an impact on how often individuals participate in sexual activity with their spouse, including the following:
Aging
Problems with one’s body image
Boredom
Having financial difficulties
Job loss is a source of sorrow.
Tiredness
What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Have Sexual Relations
What to Do in Response to the Problem
The first step is admitting that you are in a low- or no-sex marriage and deciding whether or not a lack of sex is a source of conflict in your relationship. It is totally up to you and your spouse whether or not you perceive a low-sex or no-sex marriage to be a problem.
In a marriage, there is no optimal level of sex to be enjoyed by both partners. The fact that you still have physical and emotional closeness with your spouse, as well as the fact that both you and your partner are content with your marriage, is often more essential.
It’s important not to compare your marriage to others since every relationship is different. Research has shown that going without sex is more frequent than you may think, despite the fact that you and your spouse may come across data that make you believe you and your partner are not having enough sex.
The General Social Survey data from 1972 to 2004 showed that 6 percent of married couples were sexually inactive the previous year, according to the statistics from the survey. It’s crucial to note, however, that the number is substantially lower for only younger couples (ages 18 to 49), ranging from 1.3 to 2.5 percent
If you and your spouse are experiencing a lack of sex in your marriage, here are some suggestions on how to handle the issue.
Communicate
Discuss the topic of poor or non-existent sex in your marriage with your significant other. It may be challenging, but communication is essential in this situation. Even the most stable of partnerships may have difficulties with sex and intimacy. It isn’t always an indication that your marriage is in turmoil or is at risk of failing.
A lack of sex may just indicate that you need to communicate more and set aside more time for your relationship as a pair.
To get suggestions on how to speak to your spouse, try first consulting with a mental health professional or therapist to get their perspective on how to approach the matter. Keeping the talk upbeat and not leaving your spouse with the impression that they are being attacked or blamed is really crucial!
Every marriage is unique, and you will need to work together as a couple to find out what would work best for your situation. Don’t strive to live up to other people’s expectations or to conform to what you perceive to be the usual. Discuss what each of you wants, needs, and expects from the other. Then collaborate with your partner to make it work for both of you.
As you converse, try to come up with ideas for how you and your partner might revive your sex life. Making a change can only be successful if both of you are committed to it and willing to collaborate.
How to Have a Sexual Conversation with Your Partner and Increase Intimacy
If you have made the decision that you want to have more sex, you should try scheduling sex on a regular basis. It may seem unromantic, but if done well, it can also be thrilling and memorable for the couple. Creating a schedule provides you and your partner something to look forward to while also demonstrating a commitment to one another and your physical connection.
Additionally, it’s crucial to look at other methods of fostering intimacy, which is sometimes lacking in low-sex or nonsexual relationships. Physical closeness may not always imply sexual intimacy. Make a concerted effort to rekindle your romance and ignite that unique flame.
Relationships that are strong in both emotional and physical intimacy are essential for long-term happiness. In addition, it’s crucial to remember that physical closeness isn’t only reserved for sex.
Greater intimacy is developed by spending more time together, whether you’re cuddled up on the sofa watching television or taking turns giving each other a massage. Here are some more things that you may want to try to increase your intimacy:
Try out a new hobby with your partner.
Take part in a physical activity together, such as going on a stroll.
Make a reservation for a vacation or break.
Make a reservation for a staycation at your home.
Make a reservation for a dating night.
Help Is Available
Depending on the underlying issues, enlisting the assistance of a professional may also be an excellent alternative. For assistance with communication and connection, you can consider attending a marital retreat, workshop, or seminar.
Consult with a doctor to see whether you have any underlying medical issues that are interfering with your sexual life. In order to improve communication skills or acquire stress management strategies, seek help from a mental health professional, either jointly or individually.
If you believe that counseling is the best course of action for you, try visiting a counselor who specializes in sexual difficulties in marriage, such as a licensed sex therapist. Your therapist can assist you in addressing any difficulties that are interfering with your ability to enjoy intimacy. Take advantage of these chances to work on making your marriage stronger and more intimate.
Choosing the Most Effective Online Sex Therapy Services
Will a Sexless Marriage Result in Divorce or Separation?
While there has been little contemporary study on the subject, previous studies have shown that lower levels of sexual pleasure and frequency of sexual encounters are connected with marriages ending in divorce.
The results of a 2015 research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that having more sex is associated with increased well-being for persons in partnerships, but only when it occurs once a week or more often. More than that, according to the research, did not.
It is possible to cause problems in a relationship if you are unsatisfied with your sexual life.
10 Alternatively said, the absence of sex is not inherently a problem, but rather any discontent coupled with the absence of sex is.
In the event that you and your partner are dissatisfied with the quantity of sex you and your partner are having, you may question if your relationship will be able to last. Making the choice to terminate a marriage may be a difficult and emotional process. While there are many distinct aspects that might lead to feeling sexually happy in a relationship, each individual’s experience with these factors will be unique. 11
A low-sex marriage may quickly spiral out of control, according to Michele Weiner Davis, author of the book “Sex Starved Marriage.” She outlines how this might happen in her book.
“That point in a relationship when one spouse is frantically longing for more contact, greater physical intimacy, or more sex, while the other partner thinks to themselves, “What is the big deal?” ‘What is it about you that you are giving me such grief?’
When this kind of big distance occurs, intimacy on all levels is likely to suffer. […] [However,] it is really about feeling needed, feeling loved, feeling valued, and feeling connected “she explains.
Following that, Davis explains that due to the pain that may arise as a result of not being fulfilled, the link between a couple can weaken to the point where their marriage is in danger of disintegrating.
Separation and disillusionment, poor communication, differences in preferences, and financial difficulties, according to divorce study, are some of the most typical causes that cause troubles in a marriage.
If your spouse does not acknowledge that there is a problem in your marriage and does not want to improve, you will have to determine whether or not a low- or no-sex marriage is a dealbreaker for your relationship.
According to the pair, whether or not being in a sexless relationship is a dealbreaker. To be successful in your marriage, the first step is to voice your dissatisfaction with the level of sexual intimacy you and your spouse are experiencing. The second step is to investigate methods in which you might discover the closeness that each of you needs to be content.
Several factors may contribute to a relationship’s becoming sexless, and many of them are solvable. Being in a relationship where you are having sexual problems may be very stressful, but you are not alone in your struggles.
