Parenting Advice When You Don’t Agree with Your Spouse.
Being a parent is a journey that is not only difficult but also gratifying and profoundly humbling. Without Jesus, we would be completely clueless about how to raise our children in a way that brings honor to God, and this is something that is common knowledge among Christian parents.
I am very grateful that the Holy Spirit has provided us with the discernment that can only come from him in order to assist us to navigate the challenging and rewarding journey of parenthood.
But what happens if you and your partner have different ideas on how best to raise your children?
Where can you even begin to find your way around that? How can you come together, work through the differences in your perspectives, and yet maintain your peace of mind?
My husband and I have been parents for the last 18 years, and over that time we have had our share of arguments and fights.
Both of our upbringings were incredibly different, which contributed to us having very distinct fundamental beliefs. We are fortunate that, as time has passed, we have discovered certain strategies to assist in bringing our values into alignment.
In order to be the most effective parents we can be, we have devised a strategy that involves listening to both God and to one another.
Today I will go through four easy actions that my partner and I have learnt to follow whenever we have a disagreement regarding the best way to raise our children.
When you and your partner aren’t on the same page about parenting, here are several ways to broach the subject.
Engage in a Free-Flowing and Sincere Dialogue
Many married couples do not take the time to explain their differences, despite the fact that this may seem to be the thing that should be the most apparent to do.
Before you come to a decision on your parenting responsibilities, it is essential that you both take the time to listen to the other person’s perspective on the matter from the heart.
Maintain an open mind and let the love of God dictate the course of the dialogue. Don’t interrupt. Before you answer, make sure you give your partner an opportunity to genuinely convey what’s on their mind.
One of the best presents you can offer your offspring (as well as your partner) is the gift of attentive hearing when they have something to say.
Combine your thoughts without causing any friction.
My husband and I have spent many years counseling couples together, and over that time, we’ve seen that many married couples struggle to combine their respective points of view.
Why? Because in their eyes, it constitutes a “compromise.” On the other hand, this is not always the case. The majority of the time, it’s about fusing your fundamental beliefs with an approach that is sensible for your family.
When you consider integrating your thoughts in order to enhance your family, the problem of right and wrong becomes much less of a concern.
This point of view is useful for avoiding confrontation since, even if your fundamental principles may be different, it does not imply that someone is doing it inappropriately.
Recognize and Accept That You and I Are in Disagreement
Anyone who has been married for more than five minutes can attest to the fact that they and their partner do not always see eye to eye on everything. And that is something that should be seen as a positive.
Confronting differences of opinion in a civilized manner is not only beneficial to your mental health but also to the health of your relationship. It introduces you to new ways of thinking and broadens the scope of your viewpoint.
When we are unable to reach a resolution to a problem, we simply and civilly agree to disagree with one another.
This has shown to be an effective strategy for us. When we both have different ideas about how children should be raised, we have found that this approach works best.
And despite the fact that we may not always be on the same page, we make it a point to pray together in order to beg God for insight and consensus as we go ahead.
Determine your objectives, and then commit to meeting them on a consistent basis.
Our decision to regularly meet and discuss issues pertaining to our families has proven to be one of the most significant aspects of our marriage.
These discussions serve as the basis for our marriage and family objectives, which include a wide range of topics, from childrearing to marriage to financial planning and all in between.
These recurring gatherings take place on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis for our group. During our daily meetings, we go through what we have planned for that day and how it relates to the objectives we have set for the week.
During our weekly meetings, we make sure that our weekly plan continues to support the objectives we set for the month. The purpose of the monthly meetings is to evaluate what aspects of the organization are successful and which ones are not, as well as to check that we are making progress toward our annual objectives.
In addition, we conduct yearly gatherings in the month of December to go through our family’s long-term objectives for the next year while praying. For the last 21 years, this has been our ritual as a couple, and it has been very beneficial to both our marriage and our family.
When it comes to making decisions about your children, you and your partner won’t always see eye to eye. And that is just OK.
As long as you can figure out how to put the actions outlined above into practice while maintaining an attitude of prayer, you will be well on your way to establishing the kind of family culture that you and your partner want.
Just keep in mind how important it is to maintain consistency, walk in love, and have faith that God will see you through this.
