New Moms Reveal How Long They Waited For Sex After Delivery
All of us have a distinct memory of their first time.
Oh dread, the discomfort, the vow to take it slow, the hurried removal of clothes, the copious quantities of lubrication, the agony, the pausing, more lube, more lube, more lube, the holding each other afterward under the gentle light of the baby monitor… it’s all there.
Having sex for the first time after having a kid is a very unique experience, yes. However, everyone’s experience is unique (although lubricant seems to be a prevalent theme), which is why we invited our readers to share their stories with us in their own words about their own lubricant-related experiences.
Responses were honest, bold and inspiring, but they were also horrifying (try not to squirm when you read the phrase, “It felt like a razor blade ripped into the interior of my vagina”) and — most important of all — they helped to normalize the experience.
In our new parenting series, “Life After Birth,” we want to open up the dialogue about motherhood’s toughest moments and encourage women to share their own experiences. And, as we cover in our most recent episode, postpartum sex is a tough and embarrassing subject to broach.
During their six-week postpartum visit, many women are given the go-ahead to resume sexual activity with their partners. It can seem difficult for some women to have sex six weeks after giving birth, but it isn’t. And that’s perfectly natural. Others may be ready to return to work sooner than six weeks after giving birth. That is also acceptable (although please check with your doctor or midwife before you rip off that bandaid, as having sex too soon can put you at risk for infection and other health issues).
The seven new parents we talked with represented the whole spectrum, ranging from having to wait just two weeks to having to wait two years. We hope that their interviews will help you prepare for your own experience, offer you hope that things will get better, and make you feel less alone if you are going through anything similar. Simply put, I am unable to.
For privacy reasons, several of the ladies preferred that just their first names be published or that they remain anonymous due to the very intimate nature of the interviews.
How was it possible for this mother to have sex only two weeks after giving birth? Extra virgin olive oil
Myriam is her given name.
Currently resides in: Moncton, New Brunswick
She waited a total of two weeks.
“Weird,” said the sex partner. Painful. Fun.”
She describes the experience thus way: “It truly did seem like the first time you ‘do it’ and break your virginity.” You will find yourself, in both terrible and positive ways, as you travel through life.
In the end, I didn’t tear or need stitches, so my doctor informed me that whenever I felt like having sex again, I should feel free to do so. I thought it was time to get things started two weeks later, when I was sleep-deprived, had a breast full of milk, and smelled like I hadn’t washed in two to three days.
Is it possible to use olive oil as a lubricant? This is something that this mother swears by.
LOTS of (foreplay) to be absolutely certain that it is time to place ‘the object’ inside of you. And then there was the emotion, which I will never forget. It felt like a razor blade was cutting into the interior of my vaginal canal. We did come to a complete halt at that point. And then I recalled what we had learned about olive oil during our prenatal care class. Isn’t it true that olive oil is an excellent natural lubricant? Well, I didn’t know about it till then, but I can assure you that it works great.
So for the following several months, an olive oil bottle sat on our bedside table, waiting to be opened. We did, however, resume our love-making activities that first night. The only difference this time was that we were prepared with olive oil and a position where he was in charge, allowing him to move SUPER slowly and just putting in the tip (also known as boring missionary).”
According to a mother who had sex three weeks after giving birth, lube is your best friend.
Te-Anna Paradis is her given name.
Goderich, Ontario is where he resides.
When she had her first child, she waited three weeks; when she had her second, she waited five weeks.
The intercourse was described as “very fine.”
“There are so many individuals who have terrible tales or who are genuinely reluctant to go back into it,” she says. Both of my pregnancies ended in vaginal delivery with no medication. The first one was simply a tiny tear, while the second was a major tear. My hormones were running postpartum, and I shocked my husband by beginning sex at roughly three weeks after giving birth. He was cautious and meticulous the first time, and everything went wonderfully. For a couple of weeks following that, we didn’t do it again, but there were no problems.
Baby number two was born in October of this year. My tears were nonexistent, and I actually felt better the day after giving birth than I had done while pregnant! We waited until five weeks since living with a toddler and a baby is hectic enough already. There were no concerns or soreness this time.
After having children, my greatest advise is to take it easy and remember that lubrication is your best friend! Hormone swings and tiredness have a significant impact on how things work, making it simpler to provide your body with the additional assistance it requires.”
Mother who had sex five weeks after giving birth tells her doctor, “Don’t tell my doctor.”
Alannah is her given name.
Victoria is where she resides.
She waited a total of five weeks.
“Alright,” said the sex partner.
“I’ll start by mentioning that my little son was delivered three days early, which was a first for our family.” I had a perfectly natural delivery with him, and I tore a little where I had previously torn with my daughter during her birth. It wasn’t a major rip, but it did need stitching. We were urged to wait six weeks after giving birth. We carried out the deed at five weeks (don’t tell my doctor, please, hehe).
The missionary position might assist you in determining how far your partner will go.
I was in the mood for it and missed the connection. We went at a snail’s pace. We remained in the missionary posture throughout the trip. Missionary made sure that we didn’t get too far into our investigation since my buddy is rather well-endowed. It didn’t bother me at all. Even while it didn’t injure me, I wouldn’t describe it as very nice. My spouse was pleasantly pleased by how natural everything felt down there, exactly as it had been before the kid was brought into the world.
I have absolutely no regrets, and I am really pleased we did it in the early weeks since my little son is now so busy that we hardly have time to get anything done.”
According to a mother who had sex six months after giving birth, having an understanding spouse is beneficial.
France is the country’s name.
She resides in the city of Ottawa.
She waited a total of six months.
The intercourse was described as follows: “Slow and delicate, with me setting the tempo.”
Her own words: “I have had six children and am now expecting my seventh.” For a variety of circumstances, I had to wait around six months for each of them.
Because I had suffered a severe internal tear and was loosing sutures for many months, we had to delay the procedure the first time. I was terrified. However, we waited since I was disinterested in the game because I was a new mom who was continuously breastfeeding her infant. This was also the reason why we waited for additional infants as well. Being tapped out, fatigued, and uninterested is a natural part of being human. My spouse has always been courteous and has never started a conversation with me. He was aware of what I had gone through and how awful that may have been.
Yes, it is still possible to have (good!) After having children, you may have sexual relations with other people.
It’s Not Just You Who’s at Fault: Some new parents refrain from having sexual relations for many years.
The process of being acquainted after having a new baby did not begin with sexual encounters. It all began with a few steamy make-out sessions in the bedroom. And I believe that this contributed to the improvement. It was slow and soft, and I was in control of the tempo. Being intimate after having a kid may be difficult, and for me, not feeling obligated to do it was beneficial. And our bodies undergo significant transformations after having a child. Because our bodies have become softer, some of the things we used to like may no longer be enjoyable. As a result, it may take some time to sort everything out and get comfortable with your new physique.
Another consideration is that while breastfeeding, there is a “not above the waist” restriction in effect. It’s all part of the process of rediscovering one another. The emotional and physical nature of the connection changes as a result of the shift. That is, it worked for us at least. It is not necessary to be negative; it might even be enjoyable! It also helps to have a mate that is extremely understanding and loving.”
When one mother tried postpartum sex for the first time, she screamed and sobbed because of nerve damage.
Anonymous is the name of the character.
She resides in the city of Ottawa.
She waited: nine months with her first child, then two weeks with her second child, before giving birth.
The intercourse was described as follows: “It’s not painless.”
“We had to wait nine months,” she explains in her own words. For the first eight months, I was in excruciating pain, and it was difficult to move, drive, or sit for extended periods of time.
It was six weeks after my natural delivery that I was given the all-clear because I had obviously recovered. I had only incurred second-degree tears and was given the all-clear since I had physically healed. However, I suffered nerve damage that no one could identify, and it took us a long time to discover out what was wrong with me. When I went to the doctor, I was assured over and over again that I was “fine,” despite the fact that pushing a stroller to the park caused me to sob. I didn’t do much outside of the home.
Some women report that postpartum sex is very uncomfortable.
A pelvic floor physiotherapist determined that the nerves had regrown by this time (who knew nerves could take so long to heal?). At eight months, the numb/stinging feeling had altered, and I sought treatment. It was advised that we use a vibrator with varied sized “heads,” and we had to “desensitize” me first before ever trying foreplay. Talk about a downer of a day.
If it hadn’t been for the fact that my hoo-ha was on full show during delivery, I’m sure I would have been too self-conscious to allow my husband to do such a thing to my body. But, because he was the one who caused it to be destroyed, I believed he should be included in the recovery process. Have you ever heard the saying that seeing your wife give birth is similar to watching your favorite bar burn down?
In real seriousness, though, we first tried sex at six months after the birth of our child. My husband barely went in because it hurt so much. After screaming and crying, I spent the next two weeks attempting to persuade him to leave me for someone who could fulfill his “wifely obligations.” In hindsight, it’s amusing, but at the time, I was going through a terrible hormonal phase. However, once we repaired the plumbing, everything was back to normal at the nine-month point…
Our discussion (and subsequent disagreement) on whether to have more children (me: no, him: yes) occurred when I was accidently knocked out a few feet away… Because of all of my past issues, my OB-GYN recommended that I have a C-section. We chose to go the natural route once again. However, for some reason, I did not suffer the same nerve damage as the other people who went through it.
I am now eight weeks postpartum with my kid, and I am feeling a WORLD OF difference. As in, we’ve already tried sex again, and although it hasn’t been painless, I think I’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. I’m not sure what was different this time around. To be honest with you, he weighed nine pounds and three ounces, which was two pounds more than my daughter! In other words, if you are apprehensive about having baby number 2 because of what baby number 1 did to you, my tale should serve as an inspiration to you.”
This mother, who had to wait 11 months, was relieved that she didn’t have to deal with the burden of a spouse.
Anonymous is the name of the character.
She resides in the city of Ottawa.
She waited a total of 11 months.
“It was better than I thought,” the man said after the intercourse.
“I can tell you that, after a vaginal delivery and tearing, the prospect of sex was horrifying for at least 10 months following the birth of my daughter.” I had been unmarried since my pregnancy, so I was relieved that I didn’t have to worry about pleasing or maintaining a relationship.
One night, 11 months after giving birth, I had the stunning realization that, yes, I was ready! The other day, I phoned up an ex-boyfriend with whom I’ve always felt really comfortable sexually, and he was more than willing to comply. I was a bit anxious at first, but it turned out to be better than I had anticipated! Despite the fact that boobs were still strictly prohibited.
It got better the more we rehearsed, but I was still too fatigued to put in any effort toward being seductive at this point in time. My body wasn’t really healed for another two years after giving birth, and I’m grateful that I was able to allow myself the time and space to recover without feeling rushed.”
This mother’s inability to feel connected to her spouse was a significant factor in her decision to wait two years before having sex.
Anonymous is the name of the character.
Victoria is where she resides.
She waited a total of two years.
“It was better than I imagined, but it wasn’t great,” the man said after the intercourse.
“It’s Baby’s second birthday today,” she explains. The timing was coincidental – it happened on a Saturday night, which happened to be my first weekend free in quite some time. There were several factors contributing to the delay, including vulvodynia (chronic pain in the vulva) that became worse after pregnancy, the need to wait for my breasts to heal after breastfeeding (though I had already discontinued the practice), the difficulty in finding time with a toddler and my unusual work schedule, and a lack of libido.
In reality, the most difficult aspect was not wanting to have sex with someone while we were both unhappy with each other 90 percent of the time, which was difficult. Our “love languages” are pretty different as well, and I wasn’t feeling his means of showing interest in me at the time. How it went: It was better than I anticipated, but not spectacular. The one time since then, it has gotten better. Counseling, a lot of non-penetrative sex, and a lot of lubricant were among the things that helped.
