Know Your Sexual Fantasies
In what ways do you want to be sexually entertained? When you’re fantasizing, self-pleasuring, or spending time with a lover, where does your mind take you? Perhaps a romantic rendezvous with a former lover, a steamy moment with many partners, or an episode of Bridgerton come to mind (you know the one). What emotions do you have right now concerning the fact that your brain got to that place by accident?
A lot of people get a thrill out of having sensual fantasies. They bring with them feelings of regret or humiliation for others, on the other hand, It is for just this reason that some people will get into treatment. In what way does this fantasy reflect on my personality? How common is this? This seems to be a kind of cheating. In the actual world, is this something I’d like to experience?
Therefore, let us define normal, which may refer to two things: something that is common and something that is healthy. Normal can be defined as follows: Both are involved in fantasizing. In fact, having little or no sexual fantasies is one of the criteria used by medical specialists to diagnose low libido, which is a condition that affects one out of every five people.
Do you have a phobia about your fantasies or desires about others?
A lot of people have been taught that certain fantasies are inappropriate, immoral, or even sinful, or that fantasies are acceptable only if they are about the person you’re in a relationship with, heterosexual, involve people who look a certain way, or involve people who look a certain way in general. If your brain is craving anything else, these types of impulses might cause you to worry that something is wrong with you.
Truth be told, most dreams do not revolve on a missionary position inside a long-term marriage (but if yours do, it is perfectly acceptable as well) Our imaginations may carry us to places we would never otherwise be able to visit in our daily lives, and this is the entire idea of fantasy.
With over 4,000 persons from 18 to 85 years old, the researcher discovered that people’s dreams typically included taboo or banned activities, which were frequently something they didn’t want to perform in real life—even things they were aware were improper or unlawful, such as having sex in public. It’s perfectly OK to approach fantasies as a safe haven in which to explore the depths of one’s imaginative realms. In the meanwhile, is it considered cheating if you have fantasies about someone else while having sex with your partner? Is this a sign that anything is wrong with your marriage?
However, imagining is frequently a part of even the most healthy and hottest relationships, and fantasizing during sex may be a fantastic method to avoid sexual boredom or burnout, as well as infidelity, if done appropriately.
When it comes to people who have difficulty establishing or maintaining sexual interest, or who struggle to reach orgasm, many sex therapists (including myself) will advocate imagination as a strategy. After all, throughout any protracted sexual encounter (whether with a partner or by ourselves), our thoughts are sure to stray to anything from what we’d like for dinner to that pile of clothing in the corner of the bedroom. In the moment, it might be beneficial to redirect your thoughts on something seductive to help you remain on track.
The process of remembering the person you caught eyes with on the train last week might be as simple as maintaining meaningful eye contact with your companion. It is possible to dial up the heat in any of these methods.
While retreating into imagination might be a wonderful weapon in your sexual toolkit, there is also much to be gained from connecting with a real-life partner while having sex with him or her. Nonetheless, dreaming without guilt eventually opens the door to a whole new world of sexual exploration, so take advantage of it while you can.
What to know about sexual fantasies.
How to Recognize Your Sexual Fantasies
Perhaps a sexual partner has ever inquired as to your fantasies, and you were at a loss for what to answer. Alternatively, you could wish to reconnect with your sensual side. Don’t let the fact that you’re not sure what you’re looking for deter you from asking.
“Keep in mind that dreams come in many shapes and sizes,” said Ian Kerner, a New York City-based sex therapist and author of “She Comes First,” to HuffPost. “Others of my patients have kinky dreams, some have sensuous thoughts, some daydream about sex with others, and some fantasize about sexual circumstances with their existing relationships.”
Some common fantasies include role-playing, power dynamics such as dominance and submission, threesomes or group sex, “forced” sex, voyeurism, and (if you identify as straight) having sex with someone of the same gender, to mention a few examples.
It’s important to remember that some are not interested in playing out the sexual dreams that they have in their heads. In real life, many individuals have dreams about having sexual encounters with strangers in a public area, but they aren’t necessarily interested in doing so in actual life.
A fantasy is first and foremost a “thought,” which means it does not have to be translated into a physical action. “Most of my patients do not want their dreams to come true,” Kerner stated of his patients’ wishes. “All they want to do is enjoy them in the privacy of their own sensual imagination or share them with a companion.”
If you want to be able to access your fantasies, start by recalling your first sex-related memories. Consider what you believed sex was like at the time and what about it appealed to you at the time.
It is possible that your real sexual encounters include hints about what makes you want to have sex, according to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, founder of the online course Rediscovering Desire, in an article for Bustle. “Can you tell me about your top five sexual experiences?” Is there anything that they share in common that you can point to? or does anything stick out as being particularly noteworthy? “
“It may sound straightforward, but so few people really do it,”
Then consider the sex scenes in television programs, movies, novels, or porn that have really caught your attention or piqued your interest. When you masturbate, what is it that you are thinking about? Is there anything that keeps coming up again and again?
When asked about their fantasies, many of Kerner’s patients say they don’t have any. “But once we start talking about the porn they like to watch or the erotica they like to read, or even the peak experiences they can recall, it becomes clear that there are consistent erotic themes bubbling beneath the surface,” he says.
Starting with some erotica, sensual movies, listening to an erotica podcast, or seeing some ethical porn is a good place to start.
I’m talking about IAN KERNER, who is a SEX THERAPIST.
Give yourself a few minutes to nurture and play about in your sensual imagination and watch what comes to fruition.
“Don’t be concerned about having to go into your subconscious,” Kerner said. Starting with some erotica, sensual movies, listening to an erotica podcast, or seeing some ethical porn is a good place to start. And simply spend some time observing what it is that makes you tick.”
And if nothing in particular catches your eye or if you discover that your desires are very standard, that’s just OK, too.
“There are plenty of individuals who are OK having sex without the inclusion of a fantasy aspect,” Marin wrote for Bustle. “Alternatively, you may have fantasies that are plain and straightforward, but not very strong. For example, you may think about having sex with a reverse cowgirl every now and again, but you might not be all that enthusiastic about it. The fact that you do not find yourself thinking about sex on a daily basis means that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.”
