Is it okay to fantasize about an Ex?
Yes, it is okay to some extent.
Even though I’m in love with my present partner, I’ve been daydreaming a lot about my ex-boyfriends recently. Is this a typical situation?
Relax, take a deep breath, and let your mind to roam anywhere it wishes. Not only is it perfectly acceptable to daydream about an ex, but I’d even argue that it’s healthy: Fantasy is our secret playground, where we may explore wicked taboos we’d never dare to act on in real life.
It turns out that filthy daydreams are important for female pleasure as well: According to scientific studies, in order for a woman to have an orgasm, regions of the female brain (those linked with stress and anxiety) must shut down during sexual stimulation, and daydreaming plays a crucial part in aiding that process of mental deactivation.
By the way, you may find it interesting to learn that men do the same thing. I polled over 500 guys during the research for my book, He Comes Next, to see what they felt about masturbation (when they weren’t using porn). Almost everyone answered the same thing: the lady they’re with right now or an ex.
Now, if you weren’t in love with your partner or if your relationship was experiencing problems, I’d suggest you were using these fantasies to ignore the larger picture or to escape the problems. However, because you’re in love, don’t attempt to repair something that isn’t broken.
Even though I know we won’t be able to be together, I still fantasize about my ex.
My ex was the kind of man who made me weak in the knees and turned me in ways no other guy had ever done, and I couldn’t get enough of him while we were together. Even though I’ve accepted that we’re bad for one other and will never be able to be together again, I still fantasize about him.
1. I’M NOT SURE IF I’M OVER HIM BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM.
I’m to the point where I’d never say yes if he asked me out. What does it mean to desire to sleep with him at the same time? Is it true that I’m over him, or am I deceiving myself?
2. I KNOW HE’S WRONG FOR ME, AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY.
To some extent, this problem has pushed me to distinguish between sex and love. I know he’s not a good fit, but that doesn’t stop me from riding him till his ankles are numb.
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4. HE CONSTANTLY APPEARS IN MY SEX DREAMS.
Yep. It occurs, I’m not going to lie.
5. THESE FANTASIES ARE MASTURBATION MATERIAL FOR ME.
I’m sure I’m not alone in this, and to some extent, I’m glad that I only think about ex-girlfriends during solitary rounds. During masturbation, the majority of individuals will think about someone they know, and around half of all people will think of an ex while having sex with their present partner.
6. I’M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED THAT I’M STILL THINKING ABOUT HIM AFTER ALL THIS TIME.
I should have forgotten about him by now, logically speaking. I frequently worry whether there’s anything wrong with me, or if it’s interfering with my love life unconsciously. However, it’s more of a whim than anything else, so I don’t believe it’s a major concern.
7. I ADMIT THAT AS TIME PASSES, I FANTASIZE LESS AND LESS ABOUT HIM.
Was he a good bed partner? Yes, but as I grow older and meet new men, my dreams about him are beginning to fade. I’m certain that I can find someone in bed who is equally as excellent as, if not better than, him.
8. I LEARN A LOT ABOUT SEXUAL CHEMISTRY FROM THE WAY I FANTASIZE ABOUT HIM.
Because of such dreams, I’ve learnt that I don’t want a tepid sex life. I’ll need that sort of blazing spark in the bedroom if I’m going to stay with someone for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I’m going to be very disappointed.
9. IT DOESN’T HARM ANYONE, SO IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.
Why We Remember Our Exes (and Why That Isn’t a Bad Thing)
For starters, it’s not always an indication that you want them.
Occasionally, do you have thoughts about your ex-partner? What do you do when you get flashbacks of past relationships that interfere with your pleasure of those in your current relationships? You’re awake, but you’re having nightmares about your ex-boyfriend. It’s not uncommon to find yourself in this position.
However, even if a previous relationship may have ended for very good reasons, memory has a tendency to smooth the sharp edges of those problems that have occurred. The fact that your ex is becoming more attractive causes you to get obsessed with the shortcomings of your present relationship. The fact that you’re still thinking about your ex may be for a variety of reasons.
That individual, for one, has passed on. Those little things that annoy you about your present spouse, such as his propensity to leave filthy glasses lying around the home, are visible to you on a regular basis. The fact that your ex was engaging in the same conduct, or (most likely) worse, has slipped your mind. Because they are no longer associated with your previous partner’s bad actions, they gradually fade away.
In addition, the fact that you have so many reminders of your previous relationship is another cause to romanticize your ex. Possibly the sofa you still have or the crystal vase you and your spouse got as a gift from a close relative. There are still physical remnants of your ex-partner present in your life, and with those remnants come related memories of your ex-partner. Those hours on the sofa spent arguing with your ex may have been replaced with an equal amount of time spent enjoying a nice discussion or watching a romantic film. That vase may have been given to you as a wedding present at a time in your life when you were joyful and hopeful about the future.
You may also be preoccupied with visions of your ex. Neurons may be triggered by physical things that you come into contact with on a regular basis such as the sofa or the vase. However, these brain waves never make it to your conscious awareness. A dream that brings back memories of your childhood begins to take shape while you are asleep. Little pieces of memories may combine to form “experiences” that we recall in the morning with the same vividness as if they had really taken place the previous night. In addition to your proclivity for sugarcoating your recollections of the past, you have created a scenario in which your ex is always at the forefront of your waking awareness.
As shown by the high prices for items from our childhood on internet auction sites, we have a strong attachment to our past. Toys, novels, and stuffed animals from decades ago, for example, provide us with a link to our previous selves and experiences, as well as a comforting relationship. It’s no surprise that individuals from your past arouse powerful feelings of nostalgia in you as well.
A condition known as “nostalgic reverie” may be beneficial, according to research conducted by psychologist Cathy Cox and colleagues at Texas Christian University (2015). According to the studies they examine, nostalgic reverie is surprisingly prevalent among the general population. At some point throughout the day, people reminisce about the past, which occurs on average multiple times each week. On a once-a-month basis, almost no one remembers anything. The possibility that we reflect on the past is because doing so is beneficial to our well-being. In accordance with Cox et al., nostalgic reverie has been shown to improve our mood, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth.
