Is Dating A Cure For Loneliness?
I (Dr. Blue) advised to Carolyn, “Just phone him and tell him it’s over.” I’d been listening to her talk about her relationship with Scott and how she couldn’t stomach some of his cruel habits for months. And I was becoming worried as well as irritated with her denial of who he truly was. I started shoving her around.
As a result, she made the decision to go through with it. She gave him a call and ended the conversation. He went insane, as planned, and came up at her door pleading with her not to do it. There were pledges of reform and the typical things that people in denial say when they are faced with the loss of love. However, she stood firm. For a day, at least.
Marsha cancelled her next appointment two days later. I returned the call and learned the truth. She was embarrassed to inform me that she had returned to Scott. I told her she was welcome to come in anyhow so we could discuss it.
I felt bad for Carolyn as she said. When she broke it off and stood her ground, she revealed the despair and loneliness she felt. She felt as if she was trapped in a black hole with no way out, and she was absolutely despondent. It was a very risky situation.
None of Carolyn’s friends or family members would have known about her internal struggle. She was a successful businesswoman who was also a devout Christian who served as a ministry leader in her congregation.
All of her friends and family adored her, and no one could have predicted that she would put up with a jerk like Scott or that she would be so saddened by her breakup with him. Yet her depression as a result of the breakup left her unable to go on with her daily activities.
Working through her emotions, we discovered that there was a very deep part of her that felt very much alone and unloved, and that splitting up with Scott had brought up an intense sense of loneliness that she had never before experienced. She avoided feeling this interior loneliness, as we discovered when we started looking into her past.
When she ended one relationship, she would immediately begin another, even if the men involved were not the kind of men she would want to spend the rest of her life with in the long run. Just being alone was too much for her.
Her dread of being alone prevented her from setting boundaries with those who were abusive to her. Prefer than having no relationship at all, she would rather give in to a horrible one.
When it comes to dating limits, this is a crucial factor to remember. For fear of being alone, you can be giving up boundaries if you engage in any of the following behaviors:
• Tolerating disrespectful conduct
• Giving in to things that aren’t in line with your ideals
• Accepting less than you know you truly want or need
• Returning to a relationship that you know should be finished
• Staying in a relationship that you know has past its deadline
• Suffocating the person you’re dating with excessive wants or control in a relationship that you know isn’t going anywhere
There must be more. So your dating decisions are dictated by your loneliness, not by your God, aspirations, ideals or spiritual obligations. Your loneliness pushes you into partnerships you know won’t work. In addition, it prevents you from becoming a person who is happy without a partner.
Rule #1 in dating and romance: If you want to be happy in a relationship, you must first be happy alone.
You will never be happy if you are relying on dating or marriage to be happy. To completely actualize a relationship with a healthy person, you must be free of reliance. You can’t utilize the genuine affection of others unless you face your own concerns of loneliness and abandonment.
So, first, heal aloneness, and then date.
The limit is: A relationship is not necessary to heal your dread of being alone. First, overcome your fear, then seek love.
How can you get over your loneliness without dating?
First, become closer to God. A connection with a person should not be your priority above God’s requirements.
Second, build Christian friendships. Don’t expect a dating relationship or God to meet your needs. You do need God. You need people too.
Dating is for mature, intact individuals. Adults will always have a solid support structure that satisfies their human interaction demands. Moreover
Is dating a cure for loneliness?
There are undoubtedly other indicators as well. However, your dating is governed by your own isolation rather than your God, ambitions, ideals, or spiritual convictions. Your loneliness causes you to get into partnerships that you know will not endure. It also prevents you from being alone for long enough to develop into a person who is content without being in a relationship.
In dating and romance, there is a golden rule: You must be able to be happy without a relationship in order to be happy in one, and to choose the kind of relationship you want.
You are dependant if you must be dating or married in order to be happy, and you will never be satisfied with anyone you meet.
You won’t be able to be selective enough to locate the right sort of person for you, and you won’t be able to completely realize a relationship with a healthy person because of your reliance. If you’re terrified of being alone and abandoned, you won’t be able to benefit from the genuine affection of others until you address your own worries.
So, loneliness must be overcome first, and this is a suitable dating boundary. The line is as follows: You must set a limit around your desire for a relationship in order to overcome your fear of being alone. First, get rid of your fear, and then look for a partner.
How can you get over your loneliness if you’re not in a romantic relationship?
First and foremost, improve your connection with God. Make him your first priority so you’re not seeking to meet God’s wants via a human connection.
Second, build your bonds with godly Christians who are safe and healthy. Make sure you’re not relying on a romantic relationship or God to meet your people’s requirements. Yes, God is required. However, you will need the assistance of others.
Dating is an adult relationship that should only be pursued by mature, unmarried people. And mature individuals will always have a strong support structure in place to satisfy their human interaction demands. Furthermore, mature individuals are capable of expressing their requirements to others for healing.
It will not work if you attempt to use a romantic connection to satisfy your healing requirements. You’ll need a support system to keep you grounded so you can make decisions based on strength rather than weakness or reliance. Marsha was picking guys based on her flaws, and as a result, she could never find the kind of man she desired. You may pick out of strength if your wants are addressed outside of dating.
When you’re in a supportive environment, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Many individuals have a large number of friends, yet their connections aren’t fulfilling their deepest needs. As a result, they are still subject to dating dependencies.
Just because you have pals doesn’t guarantee you’re on your way to recovery. Make sure you’re allowing yourself to be reliant, have wants, express emotions and hurts, and so on in some of those connections. As part of that support structure, you may need to involve therapy or a counseling group. However, a support system can only help you as much as you let it by stating your requirements. This vulnerability will lead you to a place where you can be both powerful and not alone.
Have a rich life of spiritual, personal, career, altruistic service, hobbies, intellectual, and other development opportunities. The busy, expanding existence has neither the time nor the desire to be bound by a date.
The less you feel that you need a relationship to be entire, the more you have a full life of connection with God, service to others, and intriguing stimulating activities.
Pursue a state of completeness. Work on the problems that are in your soul in addition to living an active life.
Whatever those difficulties are (previous childhood wounds, recurrent themes and patterns in your relationships and professional life, and other areas of brokenness, suffering, and dysfunction), you will be healed of your loneliness as you go through them. It’s a strange thing, but spiritual development may aid in the healing of loneliness.
As you develop spiritually, you will naturally get closer to people and have a more fulfilling existence. The individual as a whole is not a dating junkie. He or she is content and fulfilled in life. “He is like a tree planted by streams of water, yielding its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither,” Psalm 1:3 states of the person who is developing into all of God’s ways and laws. He is successful in all he does.” A complete life is one that encompasses the whole of one’s existence.
And, as a result of their completeness, the satisfied person is also incredibly appealing.
Check to see whether your dread of being alone is related to a particular problem.
Marsha, for example, was abandoned as a youngster. Others are dealing with unsolved losses of various types. There are a variety of pains that cause anxiety of being alone. Check to see whether your discomfort is related to anything specific you’ve experienced in your life, and then strive to fix that problem.
The strongest defense against poor relationships, less-than-satisfactory partnerships, or negative dynamics in a good relationship is the fact that you don’t need that connection. That will come through being rooted in God, having a strong support system, working through your problems, living a full life, and pursuing wholeness. You will not be tempted to say yes when you should be saying no if you do those things.