How to use Sex and Affection for a lasting relationship. 7 questions to ask.
How often do you want to have sex?
Sex is a vital part of expressing your love and desire for one another.
“I think that sex matters: It’s the glue that holds us together,” writes David Schnarch, PhD, in an article for EverydayFamily.com.
“Without it, couples become ‘excellent friends’ at best, or ‘bickering roommates’ at worst.” You and your partner may have different ideas about how often you should have sex, but Dr. Schnarch recommends at least once a week to keep your relationship strong. Discuss your life demands, worries, and emotions that are interfering with your sex life with each other. Come to an agreement on the least quantity of sex that your relationship will tolerate.
Do you have any sexual fantasies that we could share?
Don’t become stuck in a rut with your private life—the same position, the same day of the week, same room. You’ll be less likely to initiate or react to sex if it gets dull. Perhaps you’re hesitant to tell your spouse about your dreams, especially if they’re, hmm, progressive.
If you and your partner have a high degree of trust and respect, having this talk might strengthen your bond. Take it slowly and gradually reveal your desires to avoid offending your lover. Simply discussing your desires might add spice to your relationship.
What can we do to better our sexual lives?
What might you do, apart from frequency and fantasy, to make your sex life more personal, interesting, and fun? Sex might seem compulsory and monotonous due to daily duties, stress, and tiredness. We become stuck in a rut and lose touch with the inventiveness, passion, and desire we had when we first started dating.
Discuss how you may enhance your sex life together. Changes in your routine and habits are possible. It might imply a shift in location, position, or time.
You may come up with inventive ways to use toys, watch movies, or dress sexily. Consider this discussion as a collaborative creative endeavor.
Do you feel at ease discussing your sexual wants with me? Why not, if not?
One of you could be uncomfortable talking about sexual wants and desires. You may be hesitant to speak about or reveal your inner sentiments if you were raised in a family where sex was never addressed or was considered shameful or humiliating. You may be concerned that your spouse may not respond favorably to your demands and wishes.
You must both feel comfortable talking about sex, but you must also respect each other’s sexual experiences and concerns that may lead to bad or embarrassed sentiments about sex. What one of you finds enjoyable and thrilling may seem repulsive and unnatural to the other. Find out why your spouse feels uncomfortable talking about sexual desires. Provide a comfortable environment for him or her to express sentiments and reveal whatever he or she has previously been hesitant to share.
How essential is the foreplay before sex to you?
Preparing a couple for a mutually pleasant sexual experience requires both physical and mental foreplay. Women, in particular, need foreplay since they take longer to attain the excitement level that leads to orgasm. Beyond its physical significance, foreplay conveys that you both desire to give couples the time and attention they need for passionate lovemaking.
You may have different expectations for how much foreplay you want, so talk about what you want and how you can satisfy your desires.
What can I do to make you feel more attractive and seductive?
Knowing you are appealing and sexy in the eyes of your spouse or partner is a big component of feeling sexually secure and satisfied. When we don’t believe our spouse is sexually interested in us, the closeness of the sexual contact is harmed for both participants.
You may need to hear your spouse say you look hot and sexy, or you may need to see it in your lover’s facial expressions.
Perhaps you’d want your spouse to surprise you with sexual overtures because he or she just “can’t resist you” in-between sexual meetings. Find out what your lover needs from you in order to feel sexy.
Would you enjoy a lot of non-sexual affection?
Hugging, backrubs, cuddling, hand-holding, and massage are all examples of non-sexual love that you and your spouse might have. Touch strengthens your relationship and brings you closer together.
Physical attraction may lead to sex, but it shouldn’t be the aim of the first encounter.
Affection should be exchanged to demonstrate affection and to reinforce the desire to be physically near to your mate. Women need and seek more nonsexual love than males, yet the benefits of physical proximity are beneficial to both men and women.
What form of affection makes you feel loved and good?
Although you like a good backrub, your spouse does not. You may need your space if she wants to cuddle in bed before sleeping. All affection is not created equal, and what seems nice and calming to one of you may not be to your partner. Talk about your favorite physical demonstrations of love and how you might respond with a loving touch that your partner appreciates.
How much public affection do you feel comfortable with?
You may feel at ease kissing, embracing, and cuddling in the quiet of your own home, but it makes you uncomfortable in public. At home, he can draw you into his lap, making you feel cherished and wanted.
When it occurs in public, though, you are humiliated. When it comes to public displays of love, how much is too much? Discuss a happy medium where you both feel safe and comfortable touching while others are around.
When do you need the greatest affection?
When we’re sad or going through a terrible time in life, some of us need and need love. It may be necessary after a conflict with our spouse to establish reconciliation. We want a caring touch when we are unwell or exhausted. Others, on the other hand, are less likely to offer or receive love at these periods. Affection may be extremely therapeutic at times, and it can also be just a method of bonding. Discover the times when your lover values affection the most.
Follow-up: Are there any sex-related behavior modifications you’d want to seek from your partner? What particular actions would you and your partner take to improve your sex life? Make a list of them and decide how and when you will implement these modifications or activities.