How to Spot a Man Who Is Emotionally Abusive

Jackie’s story: “I never imagined my boyfriend would abuse me.”
It never occurred to me that anything like this might happen to me. That wasn’t me at all. I’d seen the talk programs when the lady had a black eye, and I was intrigued. 

 

Her spouse beat her and mentally tortured her, but she remained because she loved him and didn’t want to leave him. That was something I felt would never, ever happen to me. To be honest, I was never the sort of girl who would fall for a man who was physically or verbally violent. That my lover would really harm me was a complete shock to me since it was my first relationship.

 

 

I was self-assured, popular, and attractive, and I dressed appropriately. I had an easy time making friends, participated in varsity athletics, and was intelligent. I happened to be one of the fortunate ones. My classmates not only accepted me, but they also regarded me as popular, well-liked, and a member of the “in” crowd.

 

 

I seemed to have it all on the surface, but on the inside, I felt like I was never good enough. I was always aiming for perfection, and I got dangerously near… a lot. No offense intended, but I was one of those persons who excelled in whatever she attempted to do. The majority of things came naturally to me. 

 

However, I was never perfect… and we are never perfect. I usually came up a little short in the end. My grades were decent, but they were far from flawless. I was really talented in athletics, but I was far from flawless. I was attractive, but not flawless. Everywhere I went, from school to the football field to my own house, I felt like I wasn’t good enough.

 

 

Do you realize that you’re dating an abusive guy, but you can’t seem to shake the feeling that you’re in love with him? Check out 10 Reasons Why Breaking Up Is So Difficult to Do.

 

 

 

You have a wonderful boyfriend who is both charming and kind.

One day, I happened to meet a man. This gentleman complimented me on my excellent and attractive appearance. He informed me that he had fallen in love with me the first time he saw me, which had been more than a year before we had ever met in person. He was pleasant and nice, with a tinge of bad boy in his demeanour.

 

 

 

 

 

My partner was flawless, and when I was with him, I felt as if I was also perfect! I was in love with him! We began dating, and I fell head over heels in love… quickly and unexpectedly. I wished I could spend every waking moment with him.

 

 

 

 I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Everything about him appealed to me. Sure, he had a bit of a temper with other people, but with me he was nothing but nice. I adored him, and I lived only for the purpose of being with him and pleasing him. There was nothing else that mattered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. He wants to exert control over you and your life.

We had been dating for some months and had spent a significant amount of time together. Because I was spending all of my time with him, I didn’t have time for my other friends anymore. And even when I wasn’t with him, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He was a constant in my life, and I loved him for it.

 

 

 

 

Before I knew it, we’d been dating for six months and everything was going swimmingly for us. Because he couldn’t drive, I was in charge of transporting us everywhere we went. Because he didn’t have any money, I had to foot the bill for whatever we did. 

 

Because he disliked large groups of people, we spent a lot of time together alone. We stayed away from my pals since he didn’t like them. 

 

He didn’t care for my family, and I wasn’t particularly fond of them, so we avoided them as well…. I didn’t realize it at the time, but being alone is a clue that my partner was emotionally abusive till after the fact.

 

 

 

Everything about our television viewing experience was decided by my partner, including where we watched it and how we watched it. He chose the music that we were listening to on the radio. He decided where we would eat, what we would do, and when we would do it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. Your boyfriend doesn’t want you to spend time with anyone else besides him.

Every time we weren’t together, my boyfriend would spend time with his friends, while I sat at home, either waiting for the next time we would be together or waiting for the call to come pick up my boyfriend from work, buy him something, or take him and the rest of his buddies someplace.

 

 

 

He could need me, therefore I couldn’t possible stay out with my pals for fear of missing his call or failing to show up if he did. Although I had no understanding what was going on, he had fully isolated me and I was at his disposal. I was there anytime he needed me, to do anything he required of me. I was a part of him.

 

 

 

 

Afterwards, the counselor explained that this is how to determine whether or not your relationship is emotionally abusive: Guys who mistreat their girlfriends are required to keep their ladies away from their friends and family members. Isolate them from the rest of the world.

 

 

 

My recollection of that particular day is vague, but I recall that we began to dispute a great deal. I was spending a lot of time waiting around for him and waiting for him to come to me. I spent a lot of time by myself.

 

 

 

 

 I longed for my buddies and for my old life. He didn’t like it when I spoke to my friends, went out without him, or engaged in conversation with other men. I asked him whether his previous girlfriend had cheated on him and he said that it wasn’t me he was concerned about, but rather the other males around him.

 

 

 

 

4. Your boyfriend feels envious of the attention of other men.

My boyfriend told me that since I was so attractive, other men would want to take advantage of me, and that he was just looking out for me. I believed him. Because it sounded fantastic, I decided to trust it.

 

 

 

 He had a unique ability to twist situations in order to explain his behavior. So I remained at home and waited for him to want my assistance… which he always did… and I was always there to assist him. However, we got into a fight since that wasn’t enough for him. I couldn’t make up for my inadequacy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. You do all you can to make him happy, but he never seems to be satisfied.

I did all I could to satisfy my partner. I did all I could to be everything to him… yet it felt like I was constantly falling short. I didn’t dress in a manner that he would have approved of, I didn’t watch the appropriate television program, 

 

I didn’t have enough money to spend on him, I couldn’t locate my keys quickly enough, and I didn’t pick him up quickly enough. My performance was just inadequate, and he consistently made it clear in subtle but unequivocal ways.

 

 

As a result, we battled. My partner happened to catch me in the hallway one day when I was chatting to a buddy of mine. I was breaching his number one rule, which was to not speak to another man. After school, we got into a fight, and he called me a slut, which hurt my feelings. I should have just walked away right then and there…. 

 

No way in hell was I going to be the kind of lady who stood by and let a man disrespect her like that. When he realized what he had done, he apologized and told me how sorry he was, adding that everyone says dumb things when they are furious. 

 

 

 

I should have realized what I was getting myself into. I should have foreseen that would happen. Despite the fact that I should have left, I remained because I was certain it would never happen again.

 

 

In a relationship, this is referred to as the Cycle of Abuse, and it is the reason why it is so difficult for women to break away from emotionally abusive relationships.

It seems like the conflicts are becoming more regular, and the name calling is becoming more commonplace.

 

 

 

 Every derogatory term imaginable was used to describe me, with some of his favorites being dumb, whore, obese, and useless among others. Every time, he apologized profusely and cranked up the charm even further. During the same breath, he would disparage me as a worthless piece of garbage and then tell me he cherished me more than anything else in the world.

 

 

 It was perplexing, humiliating, and abusive in nature. I should have gotten out sooner. Clearly, I should have informed someone. But I didn’t tell anybody. It was the same every day as I strolled into high school, with that phony grin and wearing that mask. Everything was great, everything was fantastic, and everything was perfect, I spent my days persuading the rest of the world of this fact.

 

 

 

 

6. Your boyfriend pushes, slaps, or hits you in the face.

 

After that, my boyfriend’s stepfather passed away. My guy was in a lot of discomfort, but he claimed everything was ok. He began to exert more control over me, dictating what I could wear, where I was permitted to go, and who I was allowed to see.

 

 

 

 He was certain that, even if his biological father had abandoned him and his stepfather had abandoned him, I would never abandon him. Our disagreements became more frequent, and he finally pushed me. That was the point at which the symptoms of emotional abuse began to manifest themselves physically.

 

 

 

It’s a shock the first time the person you care about, who claims to care about you, places his hands on your shoulders out of frustration. It’s a little surreal. That was never going to happen to me in a million years. That wasn’t me at all. This was the man I was in love with, as well as the guy who was in love with me. 

 

 

 

The fact that this was my universe and that it was now turning against me and harming me in so many ways was heartbreaking. He expressed his regret and turned on the charm, promising that it would never happen again. I was under the impression that it would just happen once, but I was mistaken. 

 

 

 

Physical violence became a part of our daily lives as a result of our relationship. Pushing and shoveling me, grabbing my arms and punching me in the chest, breaking windows and hurling items at me are all things that my partner has done to me.

 

 

 

 

 

7. He expresses regret, but claims that it was your fault that he hurt you.

I was 16 years old at the time, and I was subjected to physical, mental, and verbal abuse on a regular basis. He always made a vow that it would be the last time, and he expressed regret every time. 

 

 

The only thing my lover ever told me was that he was in love with me and that he would change. I recall believing that it was my fault at the time. He was really cunning, and he was always able to turn the tables on me. What is it about me that makes him so enraged? Why am I defying his instructions? What is it about him that I don’t like more?

 

 

 

When I was dating him, I would often threaten to leave… but after I broke up with him and returned to him on multiple occasions, my partner realized the threats were hollow. I had the strength to end my relationship with him a few of times, only to get phone calls from him threatening to commit suicide unless I accepted him back.

 

 

 

 I’ve done it all my life. I assumed that he would change, and that I would be the one to bring about that transformation. I reasoned that if I began having sexual relations with him, things would begin to change. He would almost certainly adore me even more. Unfortunately, this was a horrible decision since he then proceeded to sexually abuse me as well.

 

 

 

 

 

8. Your boyfriend’s words are more painful than his physical actions.

 

I was aching on the inside, and I was in discomfort. My boyfriend’s verbal abuse was the most painful, but the physical assault was the worst. They went deeper than any bruise could have gone. The words burnt themselves into my heart, my mind, and my soul, and I couldn’t get them out of my brain.

 

 

 

He referred to me as “worthless.” I made a mistake. No one could ever love me as much as he did. I was a complete and utter failure. The truth is that I was dead inside, but no one could tell since no one looked close enough or for long enough to notice. 

 

 

 

Everything in my life had gone wrong, including my connection with my parents, and I’d lost all of my close friends. Moreover, even if I wanted to inform someone, who would I choose to tell? That’s all I did: put on the mask. I put on a happy front and assured everyone that I was alright. Everything I needed was in my possession, and there was nothing wrong with my life.

 

 

 

 I dressed well, had appropriate hair, had high grades, participated in sports, and drove a great automobile. I had no trouble persuading the rest of the world that I was free of issues.

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. You keep your boyfriend’s abuse a secret from your friends and family.

 

So, rather of discussing the physical and mental abuse that I experienced in my relationship, I chose to keep it all within. I lied to my partner over and over again to get what I wanted. In order to conceal the wounds and bruises he had inflicted on me, I donned long sleeve shirts in warm weather.

 

 

 I came up with excuse after excuse as to why I couldn’t spend time with my buddies. His rage was spiraling out of control, and he would lash out at me in front of his buddies to vent his frustration.

 

 

 

It was easy for me to find reasons to justify my relationship with my partner, his actions, and my unconditional love. The events of the day had been a blur: his stepfather had passed away, things at home were tense, his mother was absent, his brother had beaten him up, his natural father had abandoned him, he’d had a difficult day at school, he’d woken up late, he, he, he… There was always something going on. I never ran out of reasons to not do anything.

 

 

 

 

 

10. You begin to abuse drugs or alcohol in order to cope with the pain.

I began to experiment with various medications and alcoholic beverages. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was turning to drugs and alcohol to cope with the agony, the stress, the secrets, and the lying that I was experiencing.

 

 

 

By then, I didn’t have to ponder whether I was in an abusive relationship since I was already aware of the situation. When I was high or intoxicated, I was perfectly acceptable. I had the impression that I was on top of the world.

 

 

 

 I couldn’t care less about anything in the world, and I couldn’t care less about what he thought of me. And he was generally kinder to me when he was high or drunk, at least for the most part. As a result, drugs and booze became my companions.

 

 

 

During my junior and senior years of high school, my boyfriend and I were in a relationship. Fighters, bruises, guilt, shame, drugs, booze, and lies marred those magnificent years that should have been filled with friends, laughing and never-ending memories instead became a blur of fights, bruises, remorse, shame, and lies. But here I was, in the midst of something that wasn’t intended to happen to me. That my guy was abusive was beyond my comprehension.

 

 

 

 

 

You Believe Everything Your Boyfriend Says About You 11.

 

Due to his disinterest in attending prom when I was a junior, I chose to skip it. But dad assured me that we would be able to travel during my senior year. It seemed like everyone else was traveling in limousines with huge groups. Of course, it wasn’t his style, so I drove and we went on a date by ourselves. 

 

 

 

On the way to prom, we got into a quarrel, and he struck me in the face.

That’s about all I remember about prom, except for the fact that I came to the conclusion that night that this was the last straw, that the ultimate line had been crossed. I was going to put a stop to it. 

 

 

 

The next day, I returned home without saying anything to him about our prom experience. Although my relationship with him was gone, the consequences of having an emotionally abusive lover would follow me for the rest of my life.

 

 

 

I ran straight into the arms of drugs and drink when I got away from him. I was always having a good time. I couldn’t stop because, when I did stop and regained my composure, I had to think, and then I had to feel, and I detested feeling anything. 

 

 

 

Regardless of whether or not anything is true, if someone tells you something enough times, it will become real to you. He had told me I was useless so many times that it had become my belief in myself. Sober or not, I was that useless, foolish girl you see in the movies. Despite the fact that we had ended our relationship, I continued to believe everything my ex-boyfriend had told me while we were together.

 

 

 

One abusive boyfriend for another is what you do in 12.

 

So I went out and partied. When one emotionally abusive boyfriend ended up with me, I found another. That is, until I get into a new relationship with drugs and drink that will continue far longer and lead me somewhere I never imagined I would go… or at least places I never thought that girl would go. 

 

 

You’re familiar with her. All of the awful things are going to happen to her – since it can never happen to us – and she is the focus of attention. I suppose I am that girl, or, maybe more accurately, I was that girl.

 

 

 

We believe that horrible things happen to other people, yet it really happens to us. We never imagine we’ll be looking for information on how to tell whether a relationship is abusive or the indicators of emotional abuse, yet here we are. 

 

 

 

 

It may happen to anybody since it begins off slowly and you don’t even realize it’s happening. However, this does not have to be the case.

Perhaps things might have turned out differently if I had paid heed to the warning signals or spoken with someone sooner.

 

 

 

Is your lover verbally or emotionally abusing you? In a poor relationship, it’s not only about being aware of the symptoms that something is wrong. Your whole self-perception has shifted, making it more difficult to determine whether or not your relationship is harmful to you. 

 

 

 

10. Abuse alters your perception of oneself as well as your thoughts about yourself.

Don’t give up on your dreams! If you call out for help, you will discover that you are not on your alone.

 

 

Today My age is 33, and I am happily married with a one-year-old kid. It gives me great pleasure to announce that, after a fifteen-year battle with drugs, alcohol, and an eating disorder, I have been clean and eating disorder-free for more than four years. I had no idea where this terrible relationship was going to take me.

 

 

 

 I broke up with this man when I was a senior in high school, and we never communicated again, but I still have memories of him that I carry with me to this day. This connection will have an influence on me for the rest of my life, and it altered the path of my life. At the time, I had no clue how much of an influence it would have on my life, both then and today.

 

 

 

 

Those who are involved in an abusive relationship should be aware that they are not alone. There are individuals that wish to assist you, and everything will be OK. You may not be able to recognize it right now, but you deserve better and you are deserving of better! Please speak with someone in person or over the phone if possible.