How to Help Friends Who Ask for Advice
When friends seek advise, it is possible that they are not looking for help in particular. People who will listen and provide help are often in high demand. Taking counsel is something that some individuals struggle with. When they have requested for assistance, they may be in denial and deny any solutions that are made to them.
Everything you need to know about giving individuals excellent guidance when they want assistance will be covered in this post.
The Time and Effort Invested in Giving Advice
You should avoid becoming involved if your buddy is not ready to receive advise, or even worse, if they don’t want to accept it.
In order to determine whether or not they need assistance, I inquire first. A restricted life with limited success and little pleasure is preferable to some individuals, who want to live a limited life with limited success and little happiness. They allow difficult situations in their lives to deteriorate. On a regular basis, I see it. This is the lifestyle that people choose because they have good reasons for doing so.
One of the most prevalent causes for making errors and not understanding how to get out of a jam is a lack of knowledge. It might be advantageous if you have the expertise to supply information that they may be missing.
Please only provide your comments if you are well-versed in the subject matter and can provide useful guidance. Be forthright in your assessment of it. I’m sometimes asked to assist someone with a task in which I have no prior knowledge or experience. The best course of action in such situation is to acknowledge the problem and propose a more appropriate resource for assistance.
Before giving advice, ask thoughtful questions.
Active listening is the first step in offering guidance. In order to discern what your buddy hopes to gain from the talk, it’s critical to question them once you’ve finished listening to them.
You should explain that you need information about their desires. The feeling that you are really listening and attempting to assist them will be enhanced as a result of your actions.
As a result, it is beneficial to ask meaningful questions before to proceeding forward, such as the following:
Was there anything in your life that you valued?
Was it your intention to achieve anything in this situation?
What is it about it that you find so significant?
Is there anything in particular that you anticipate being difficult?
The answers you get to these questions might have a significant impact on the counsel you provide. When you do it well, people will thank you for your efforts and understand the importance of the aid you have provided them.
Is There a Most Effective Way to Provide Advice?
To remain objective, it is essential to refrain from critiquing. You can make them feel too humiliated to continue the talk if you concentrate on their blunders too much.
The remedy should be the primary emphasis, rather than bringing up the difficulties they brought upon themselves. That they made a mistake is already known to them. Ensure that they have something solid to see in the future by providing them with a vision.
Psychologist Art Markman, who blogs for Psychology Today, suggests that you provide facts with your buddy that they may have neglected. The ability to present other choices to choose from is beneficial, but it is not necessary to express your personal opinion on any of the alternatives. Choices support is a term used to describe someone who helps somebody make their own decision. 1
Your acquaintance will be able to think for themselves and make their own selections if you use the tactic of making them aware of the possibilities open to them.
People Who Do Not Listen: What You Can Do to Help Them
When giving advice to someone, it is critical to be open and upfront about your thinking. In order to view the larger picture, one must first provide advice. It is unlikely that anybody will be inspired to act if you are unable to assist them in seeing the possibility of tragedy.
You should always inquire about how someone comes to a decision that is not in their best interests. Afterwards, you might offer a more precise inquiry, such as, “What do you hope to gain from this?”
Someone who follows this line of enquiry may have a better understanding of where they are going. In the event that you made the wrong decision, you can wonder: “Why do I feel that way?”
Things become more evident when the reality behind a terrible choice is revealed via feelings.
As soon as this is accomplished, develop a strategy for resolving the issue they are encountering.
In order to view the outcomes they may still be disregarding, it is vital to do so.
Describe the difficulties you’re experiencing.
Recognize a window of opportunity
Make a suggestion for an order of events.
It may be preferable to just support them in their choices rather than making specific advice if the answers to the above questions have provided a clear picture of what needs to be resolved.
Helping Others Is Easy When You Know How
The capacity to hear where they are coming from should never be taken for granted. Certain sorts of conduct lead individuals to put off accomplishing what is required of them in certain situations. They just lack the motivation to put up the effort necessary to get themselves out of a jam.
In order to be understood, you must listen carefully and clearly. As soon as you’ve caught the complete scope of their issue and comprehended what they’re attempting to achieve, you’ll be able to answer appropriately.
Don’t simply say what people want to hear in order to make yourself appear more impressive to others. Being supportive does not entail doing so. It is my belief that the only way to be of assistance is via “tough love.” If a buddy asks for assistance and you have decided that they are definitely looking for direction, then explain what they need to do, no matter how tough it may be for them to hear what you’re telling them. In order to provide long-term assistance, it is necessary to do it in this manner.
When a friend is having relationship difficulties, what should you say to him or her?
A difficult scenario might arise here. Before recommending anything radical like divorce, it’s critical to comprehend the situation with which you’re dealing with your spouse or partner. You may find your connection with that person suffers as a result of how they resolve their differences in the future.
She informed me that she and her husband had a financial disagreement, and that he had left her after a year. Because he had threatened her on several occasions, I advised her to change the locks and not to allow him to return now that he had departed on his own initiative.
She must have done something, but what? She went on and told him that I had suggested that he be barred from entering the building altogether. That didn’t accomplish anything beneficial.
Never know what someone may do with the ideas you provide. There are certain situations when it’s better not to get involved, particularly if you’re unclear of how your buddy may respond to your advice.
Friendship mentoring may be beneficial if their spouse engages in toxic conduct that is detrimental to the marriage. Think about suggesting the appropriate counselor who has been educated to help with these kind of issues..
Realize when it is preferable not to participate.
Some individuals who are in need of assistance may flatly refuse to accept any answers that are offered to their problems. We are unable to assist these individuals and should refrain from even attempting to do so. Nothing except annoyance and time wastage will result from this decision.
These individuals get irritated when their friends attempt to assist them because they have unresolved emotional problems that drive them to remain in the same scenario for an extended period.
When a buddy has asked for counsel, I’ve had to decline on multiple occasions. Immediately, I saw that they were lying. They were adamant about rejecting any and all of my proposals. Unfortunately, I would subsequently learn that they had exacerbated the situation. Their decision had been made. There’s nothing we can do to change the situation at this point.
Finding out what is going on in their head can be beneficial, for example:
What is it that your buddy is terrified of?
They have a certain goal in mind.
Most importantly, are they asking for advice or just someone to reassure them that they are on the correct path? Now here’s where it gets tricky: And if that’s what they want, you’ll probably never be able to assist them again.
When a person is in denial, it is difficult to provide them with guidance. They justify their condition and allow it to continue to negatively impact their quality of living.
Sadly, when individuals are in denial and don’t want someone to teach them the way, it is inevitable that they will suffer. No matter how many times someone attempts to convince them otherwise, they will almost always refuse to hear it.
The exact reverse happened with one of my friends who I was attempting to assist, and she ended up in much more trouble.
There are times when people will act as though they desire aid but may not really need it. Therefore, you must have an open mind when following through with suggestions and be prepared to accept the possibility that you are squandering your time.
When Dealing with a Chronic Complainer, You Should
It is the same folks who grumble about their life and dire circumstances over and over again who are unable to find a way out of the mess. Prefer of doing anything, they would rather just talk about it.
When a buddy continues to blabber on about their difficulties, inquire as to what they exactly want from the conversation.
“Are you feeling better now that you’ve told me everything, or are you looking for some useful advice?” I often ask them.
Consider eliminating the possibility that they are in denial and will not take the required action.. Without this, you and your companion may get frustrated with the effort.
When someone is in denial, it is difficult for them to receive counsel, even when they seek it. I make it obvious that I understand that they want to continue failing by doing what they have always done and that I accept it. In order to rouse people awake, that sentence must be spoken loudly.
Additionally, I provide them with the opportunity to return when they are ready to be guided along a more successful route of discovery. They may change their minds if anything occurs that causes them to rethink their position.
Final Thoughts
Occasionally, someone may be in desperate need of therapy to assist them with serious issues that have arisen in their lives. True friends will stand back and give an alternate solution that is more fitting in the situation.
It would be preferable in certain situations to have a mentor or life counselor who has the credentials to provide motivational therapy to guide one in the proper route rather than a buddy in some situations.
Providing assistance to a buddy who has strayed from the path is not always our place to do. Even though we believe we know the answers, we may not be competent to carry out the task.
