How to Get What You Want in Relationships.
It’s frustrating when someone does not know how to ask for what they need in addition to telling you what they want. If you’ve ever gotten a text message from a partner that said, “We need to chat,” you understand what I’m talking about.
You get a sinking feeling or a stab in the belly that makes you believe that someone is leaving you on their own will. Nonetheless, while expressing yourself and what you need in a relationship, it is important to realize that your actions have an influence on two people: you and your partner.
In every relationship, your requirements are continuously changing and developing. If you want your relationship to be long-lasting, you must have a partner who is ready to adjust to changes, who can determine what those shifting demands are, and who is also able to meet and offer what your partner requests.
Serious interactions should definitely not begin by text message, although it is the main form of communication for the majority of individuals when making arrangements. When you get into the practice of sharing what you need in a relationship on a daily basis, you may find that you don’t even need to set out time for a huge, in-depth discussion anymore.
Because you are seeing the relationship as a continuing and changing process, you can have these conversations in little chunks rather than getting everyone pumped up for a serious and maybe painful topic all at once.
Some more techniques on how to request what you need in a relationship while still making everyone feel secure, comfortable, and loved are included below.
1. Keep in mind that not every conversation is a make-or-break opportunity.
When you are saying what you need in a relationship, your requirements should not be so stringent that they become an ultimatum. Either a person can accomplish something because they have the emotional or material resources to meet your demands, or they can’t since they don’t have those resources.
If you’ve reached the stage where you’re saying things like, “Either you change or I’m splitting up with you,” it’s possible that it’s already too late to save your relationship. When you have the feeling that someone is about to bring an axe down on your heads, it’s difficult to flourish as a pair.
2. Recognize that your partner cannot read your thoughts and communicate what you need calmly and clearly.
Nobody has the ability to instinctively know what another person needs in order to be happy. Because your spouse may not instinctively recognize what you need does not imply that you are not meant to be in a relationship with him or her.
A relationship is not about two halves meeting and falling in love; rather, it is about two full persons making the decision to be together. A person will not provide you with all you need, nor will your missing piece be waiting for you elsewhere in the world.
Despite the fact that I am open to the notion of soulmates, I also feel that relationships are projects that must be completed. Don’t let your probable misgivings about the relationship creep into your requests for what you need in a relationship while you are asking for what you need in a relationship.
Your spouse will almost certainly pick up on your insecurities, which will infuse worry into the fabric of your relationship. This isn’t about getting back together; it’s about remaining together.
3. Don’t make it about you personally.
When articulating what you need in a relationship, remember that your spouse has requirements as well. You are both flawed human beings, and that does not make one of you more or less worthy of respect than the other.
If your requirements are incompatible, this is not due to any personal failures on your part; it is also not due to the fact that your relationship need improvement. Instead of focusing on what your spouse isn’t providing you, consider the possibilities you see for your connection.
When you and your spouse are discussing what you need, be sure to inquire as to whether you are providing them with what they require as well, and if you may be a better partner for them. One shouldn’t have to completely change oneself in order to be in a relationship, nor should the relationship be the only thing that determines one’s happiness. Essentially, it’s about constantly rising and falling away from one another, much like the tide.
Approaching your relationship as a constructive effort in which both of you are equally involved removes the connotations of guilt or emotions of insecurity that may cause your spouse to be concerned about whether the relationship will be able to survive in its current form.
Being in a relationship is a decision that you make on a daily basis. Keep in mind that the reason you are discussing these issues in the first place is because you want to remain a couple. Otherwise, you would have already vanished.
How to Get What You Want in Relationships.
Know what you want and what you don’t want
Initially, I assumed that my spouse would be aware of my desire to speak with someone about Georgie. His listening and helpful qualities, as well as reassuring and understanding, were just what I was expecting.
A comrade in arms was just what I needed! No, he didn’t do anything wrong or bad…he just didn’t understand the extent of my suffering and need. I’m not sure how he found out. I kept it a secret from him.
There are far deeper roots to Nikki’s demands of her husband and children. In exchange for helping him through medical school, she expected him to support her after he had paid off his student debts and established himself as a doctor in his own right.
She is forced to learn how to endure a divorce when he abruptly abandons her. As for her children, she wants them to remain by her side and to take care of her when she becomes incapacitated. As a result, she believes that they are siding with their father.
Contemplate your expectations before you even consider asking for what you need. Is there anything you anticipate from the people or the circumstances around you?
you should question your expectations.
On reflection, I see I was incorrect in expecting my husband to recognize that I needed to speak about our dog in more depth with him. It seemed as if he was entertaining people and that they were having a good time, and I was completely unaware of his requirements. To assume, or even expect, that my spouse is aware of what I need was a mistake on my own.
I don’t even know what I’m looking for half of the time! God, on the other hand, is aware. Could it be that I didn’t have to say anything else? Could it have been that what I truly needed was a good long weep, to rid myself of all the pain I’d been dragging about in my heart, mind, and spirit? It’s possible that, despite my inability to ask for what I truly wanted, I did get what I needed.
When it comes to Nikki’s expectations, is it reasonable for her to expect her husband to support and care for her in the same manner that she has supported and cared for her spouse? But I don’t believe that to be the case. In the future, I hope and pray that my spouse will be there for me, but I don’t expect him to be.
It it reasonable for Nikki to expect her children to support her and be there for her indefinitely since she claims to have given her whole life for them. Is this reasonable? But I don’t believe that to be the case. She opted to give her life in order to provide for her husband and children, and she has no right to ask anything in return for her sacrifices.
The fact is that she has every right to request what she needs.
Refrain from placing too much emphasis on your outcomes.
First, let go of your assumptions about how things “should” be before you practice asking for what you need. Whether you’re right or wrong doesn’t matter at this point. Whether Nikki is right or wrong, she should be supported financially throughout her life by her husband.
Irrespective of the circumstances, She is being eaten alive by the expectation, which is tearing her family apart, and causing her relationships to deteriorate.
In the midst of the things and people you believe you need, what expectations do you harbor? Get your hands on some! Submit them to questioning. Then let go of your preconceived notions about the situation.
Learning how to ask for what you want
The thought crosses your mind, “At long last!” She’s going to advise me how to ask for what I want, at long last!” she exclaims.
Believe it or not, this is true.
This is what you say: “Georgia, I need you to stop wailing and gazing at me because I have no clue what I can do to make your misery cease.” I have no guarantee that Georgie will stop screaming — just because I asked for something does not guarantee that I will get it.
Alternatively, you may say, “Husband, I need your presence upstairs to hear me explain what has just occurred to me. Please come upstairs.” The experience was horrible, and I need to speak with you about it.” It’s OK whether your husband does or does not agree with your plan. My expectations have been set free.
In Your Relationships, Learn How to Ask for What You Need.
It’s also possible to state anything along the lines of “Ex-husband, I need you to care for me financially, socially, and emotionally for the rest of my life because I believe you owe me something based on all the years I’ve given for you.” Well done on inquiring! In addition, you are conscious of your own expectations, and you have disavowed any notion that anybody owes you anything.
Are you in need of something in particular? If you want to practice, you might post your question in the comments area below. I can practically promise you that I will not be able to provide you with what you need, but it never hurts to inquire. However, before you ask for what you need, make a list of your expectations for the circumstance.
Have faith in God to provide for your needs
Inquiring of God for material things is completely acceptable and even encouraged! To the contrary, Jesus instructed us to ask, and to keep on asking, until we received what we were seeking. And if you ask in the name of the Holy Spirit, your petitions will be heard and fulfilled.
You should keep in mind that you must be in tune with the Holy Spirit in order for God to fulfill your desires.
The fact is that you cannot just determine that you want or want X and then pray for God to provide it to you. Instead, you must pray in the Spirit, which means you must be willing to let go of your own expectations and accept God’s plan for your life when you pray.
God provided me with just what I needed throughout my horrendous experience with Georgie’s agony. He provided me with emotional relief — I really needed to weep because of all the dreadful things I’d let to accumulate in my heart and soul over the years. I didn’t even realize how much I needed to mourn until I began weeping and couldn’t stop myself from doing so.
In a relationship, do you find it difficult to forgive others? Read the article 7 Steps to Forgiving Someone Who Has Broken Your Heart for more information on this subject.
Occasionally, we don’t need to know the proper way to ask for what we need.
Simply accepting and surrendering are all that is required of us. It is essential that we give ourselves permission to blossom in unexpected ways and heal in unexpected ways. Be receptive to receiving what God thinks you need and ask for what you believe you need.
“Due to your failure to inquire, you do not possess. It is not possible to get because you ask with the incorrect reasons, such as the desire to spend the money you receive on your pleasures. – James 4:3 (New International Version)
