How to be truthful while expressing a desire for a committed relationship.
Dating in today’s modern world may be difficult, particularly if you are intent on finding a partner for a long-term commitment. It is much too tempting to keep a level head or to settle for something of lower quality. Persia Lawson, a certified love coach, discusses why being honest is always the best approach when it comes to receiving what you really want.
The dating scene in today’s world may sometimes seem like a battleground.
The advancement of technology has made it far less difficult for us to put ourselves out there and interact with others who could be romantic interests; nevertheless, this process can also be quite daunting and fraught with worry.
These days, there is an overwhelming variety of options. Not just in terms of the kind of individuals we are able to date, but also in terms of the kinds of romantic relationships we are able to have.
However, what if we are interested in a long-term, committed partnership? Should we maintain our composure? Do we keep a steady relationship with more than one person at once, just in case? Or, should we forget about games and be specific from the beginning about what it is that we are trying to find?
The most efficient strategy for dealing with this predicament is to pose a very basic question to one’s self, which is:
What type of dynamic inside a relationship am I actually hoping to find?
If all you want is to ‘earn’ someone’s attention and love, then playing games is likely going to be a good way to get you closer to achieving that objective.
If, on the other hand, you want a relationship that is strong, genuine, and committed, then you should take my recommendation and try the direct method.
BEGIN WITH AN HONEST EXAMINATION OF WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE WORLD OF DATING.
I am aware that you find this disturbing. When we date someone, our society tells us to seem cold and distant in the hopes that this would somehow result in the other person falling head over heels in love with us. However, this is not the case.
The issue is that by acting in this manner, we are concealing the true nature of who we are.
It would be impossible for me to count the number of coaching clients who have to me in search of hints or strategies on how to convince a guy to make a commitment.
The very last thing that they want to hear is that the one and only piece of advice that I’m ready to provide is to be completely open and honest about what it is that you really want.
They often react with something along the lines of, “But they’ll freak out and run a mile!”
Because we are all so fearful of being rejected by the individuals we date if we are honest with them, we are all terrified of being honest with those we date.
In a twist of fate, however, it is often our dishonesty that causes others to turn their backs on us rather than the other way around.
By lying to one another and playing mind games, no one ever falls in love with another person.
Being cold and unapproachable is not enough to make us fall for someone. We could have a crush on them or grow obsessed with them, but this does not constitute true love.
You, my friend, are deserving of genuine love, not a substitute for it.
You have to be bold enough and vulnerable enough to own your truth in order to obtain it.
I am aware that even under the best of circumstances, this may be difficult, therefore in order to provide a hand, I will provide you with the following three pointers:
DETERMINE WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT
Before you can be honest with your date about what you really want, you have to be honest with yourself about those desires.
Get out a piece of paper and jot down the characteristics of the romantic partnership you’d want to have. Do you want to start a family by getting married and having kids? Would you be interested in taking a trip across the globe with me in the next few years? Are you content to date other people, or do you like to remain exclusive in your romantic relationships?
When you have a better understanding of what you’re searching for, it will be much simpler to convey that understanding to potential business partners.
AFFIRM YOUR DESIRES
Another reason why it is so hard, to be honest about what we want is that we don’t truly feel that we deserve it. This makes it very difficult, to be honest about what we desire.
Because of this, making the practice of adopting positive affirmations a habit is of the utmost importance.
Affirmations encourage us to believe in the possibility of what it is that we want to bring into manifestation. When we state aloud what it is that we want, we immediately feel a surge of confidence along with a profound feeling of certainty that our goals are capable of being realized.
The most effective affirmations are positive words about how you want to feel, phrased in the present tense (and with gratitude), so that you experience the sense of actually having those things, as opposed to only desiring them.
Take, for instance:
“I am so thankful that I am in a soulful, committed relationship in which it is effortless and natural for me to be myself.”
Create a list of all the characteristics that you found during the activity that came before this one, using this template as a place of departure. Every day, first thing in the morning and just before night, read the list out loud.
When the time comes to communicate these desires on a date, it will seem substantially less terrifying because you will be claiming these wants and needs, rather than attempting to conceal them because of fear, insecurity, or self-doubt. This will be the case because you won’t be trying to hide them out of fear, insecurity, or self-doubt.
VOICE WHAT YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE
In the past, when a man I was seeing told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious, I would disguise my disappointment and pretend that I was only up for a bit of fun too, even though I knew deep down that I wanted something more.
Please don’t make the same mistake I made. At the end of the day, you are simply fooling yourself by continuing to believe this. You can’t hold it against someone for ghosting you or flaking out on you if you weren’t honest with them in the first place about what you were looking for in a relationship.
Now, just so we’re clear, when I say you shouldn’t shove your dating objectives down the throats of every guy or woman you meet for a drink, what I really mean is that you shouldn’t do that.
The discussion should naturally go in that direction, and when it does, I want you to communicate your truth with your date in a manner that is composed, adult, and does not put any pressure on either of you. It will inevitably happen at some point, often around the time when you question each other about the nature of your most recent romantic partnership.
You have nothing to lose, no matter how they react.
Either they will desire the same things that you want, in which case you may continue dating and see where it goes, or they will not want the same things that you do.
You will have given them the option to take a step back before you get very emotionally connected if they decide that they do not want a committed relationship or that they are not ready for one. This clears the way for someone who is a better match for you to enter your life at the correct moment, and it makes room for them to do so.
It’s a victory for both sides.
