How and When to Talk About Sex with Your Kids.
Kids are supposed to learn about sexuality at much earlier ages than their parents did, and they are likely to learn about it through sources that are largely outside the control of the parents and that do not place sexuality in the appropriate perspective.
Children are subjected to jarring depictions of sexuality on a regular basis, whether it be through cable television and movies, the internet, or even other children at school. These depictions portray sexuality less as a beautiful and sacred act of bonding between two people and more as a freak show of curiosity.
All things considered, including health and sex education programs at school, the greatest place for children to learn about sex is at home from their parents, who care about them the most and understand their unique sensitivity and needs.
Despite this, the majority of parents have the misconception that their children do not want to hear from them regarding sexual matters; the reality, however, is that this is not the case.
According to the results of a survey called the Parent Power Survey that was carried out by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, it was discovered that 52 percent of children between the ages of 12 and 15 said that their parents had the most influence on them in terms of sexuality.
On the other hand, when parents were polled, sixty percent of them believed that their children’s friends had a greater influence in sexual issues than they did. In point of fact, just 17% of youngsters reported placing their friends’ views on sexual matters above those of their parents.
While 28% of youths between the ages of 16 and 19 said they respected their friends’ thoughts on sex more, a tiny majority of 32% still stated their parents had a larger effect on them.
Talking Points
The basic facts of reproduction may be taught by anybody; nevertheless, only parents are in a position to provide this knowledge in a context that is most suitable for their children and the spiritual beliefs that their family upholds.
It is helpful to keep a few things in mind, even if there is no universally accepted method for how and when to communicate knowledge about sexuality with youngsters.
Children’s innocence is not jeopardized in any way by adults having sexual conversations with them. It is attitude, not knowledge, that determines whether or not someone is innocent.
A youngster who develops an understanding that the two major functions of sexual activity are to communicate one’s love for another and to bring new life into the world may have a positive perspective on sexual activity and, as a result, keep his innocence.
Without this essential foundation, children run the risk of being introduced to sexuality in a manner that is either harmful or demeaning, which may have a bad effect on their perspective of the other sex as well as themselves.
If you experience an excessive amount of nervousness or inhibition while talking to your kid about sexuality, you may want to examine your own views about the topic.
It’s possible that events in your life have left you with the impression that sexual activity is immoral, unclean, or embarrassing. It is vitally essential to become aware of these emotions before passing them on unknowingly to your children.
Recognize that this is a concern for you, and that in order to start the healing process, you may need to address it with a therapist.
Avoid putting off the moment when you can teach your kid all you know about sexuality in one sitting. If you do this, you run the danger of either waiting until your kid has already been impacted by others or of overloading them with too much information.
Your kid should be given information about sexuality in stages over the course of many years, with the level of detail steadily increasing as they become older. Sharing any kind of knowledge with your growing kid, whether it is about how to handle money, relationships, spiritual ideals, or anything else, poses the same challenge.
“The Talk” is more accurately a conversational series that has to start at a pretty early age.
The information will be provided on a “need-to-know” basis. It is not necessary for your five-year-old to understand how the baby got inside Aunt Susan’s tummy in order for her to be interested in how the baby is going to come out of her belly.
It is not necessary for you to offer that much information right now. On the other hand, if you haven’t broached the subject of sexuality with your eight-year-old child yet, now would be an excellent moment to start doing so.
Always be honest and confess what you do not know. If you are unable to respond to a kid’s inquiry, it is polite to state that you do not know the answer but that you will investigate the matter and get back to the youngster.
If you bluff and the children find out later that you deceived them, they will regard you less than if you are straightforward and honest with them.
The What and the When
All children are different. Some people are able to process more complicated information at earlier ages than others, while others are unable. A broad overview of what children can grasp at various ages, as well as when and how it may be addressed, is provided in the following paragraphs.
Using the correct terminology for genitalia at this age, such as “penis” and “vagina.”
Ages 3 to 4: The age range that encompasses the location where a newborn was born. “Mommy has a uterus located inside her abdominal cavity. There you stayed until you were mature enough to emerge into the world.
At about 4 or 5 years old, children learn about how a baby is born. “When it was time for you to come into the world, the uterus pushed you out of your mother’s vagina,”
At this age, you should have a fundamental understanding of how infants are created. Tell the kid, “Mommy and Daddy formed you.” If the youngster is interested in further information, say something along the lines of, “A little cell within Daddy called a sperm combined with a tiny cell inside Mommy called an egg.”
A fundamental comprehension of interaction at this age range. “God or nature made the male and female bodies so that they might be pieced together like a jigsaw.”
When the penis and the vagina are in the correct position, a sperm cell from Daddy swims up to meet an egg cell that is already present in Mommy, which results in the creation of a baby. You may also add,
“This is one of the ways that mommies and daddies demonstrate their love for each other,” as an alternative.
At this age, it is crucial to understand that sexual encounters should take place within the appropriate setting. Children of this age are capable of handling more direct and/or abstract talks regarding sexuality.
“Remember when we spoke about how having sexual encounters can be a part of a loving relationship?
A person is considered to have committed the crime of rape if they are coerced into having sexual relations against their will.
The changes that occur during puberty often begin between the ages of 9 and 11. Also, be ready to talk to your kid about sexual themes that they could encounter in the news, including things like nocturnal discharges, masturbation, and menstruation.
After the age of 12, your youngster is beginning to develop his own thoughts and beliefs regarding sexuality. Make sure to check in on them at regular intervals in order to frame the information that they are receiving correctly.
Take care not to seem obtrusive to the other person. When your children are older, you will want to adjust the dialogue to concentrate more on what they are experiencing on the inside, since this is what often drives what they are doing on the outside.
It is important to make sure that youngsters are aware of the fact that the sexual pictures that they encounter in the media are not genuine, especially with respect to the way that young women are portrayed, in order to encourage young girls to have a healthy relationship with their bodies.
Avoiding Mistakes at an Early Stage
Children have a natural curiosity about their bodies that begins long before they are even aware of the concept of sexuality. Never humiliate a youngster by calling attention to the fact that they are stroking their genitalia.
Even if they aren’t able to talk for a while, they will pick up on the negative energy that is emanating from your shaming actions and tone, and they will associate it with their genitalia and, later, their sexuality.
Children investigate their genitalia for the most part out of curiosity as well as a desire to feel more secure.
Children, on the other hand, have the propensity to touch themselves in inappropriate settings and settings where the public is present.
It is sufficient to simply state that “This is not the appropriate time or place. That’s the kind of thing we do in the privacy of our own homes.
According to statistics gathered from the internet, seventy percent of children between the ages of seven and eighteen have discovered pornography online.
If you find out that your child has visited a pornographic website or if you catch them while they are on the site, you should try not to get angry.
Put love, relationships, and having children at the center of discussions about sexuality in order to combat the effects of what they have seen. Explain that you do not support pornography and do not approve of those who view it, but that you are not judging them for doing so.
Always make sure that the internet devices in your home and those used by your children have the appropriate family safety settings enabled.
Books can be an excellent resource for children of varying ages, serving as a great tool to support what you’ve shared with your child along the way.
Be sure to do some research on them and ask your friends for recommendations so that you will be prepared to answer your children’s questions when they start to inquire about particular things.
If you prepare ahead of time and get started when they are young, you will be able to educate your children about sexuality in a manner that will not only protect the majesty and sanctity of sexuality but will also encourage them to continue to share their most private thoughts and feelings with you as they get older.
You are able to have peace of mind that they will make the right choices when faced with challenging circumstances and the confidence that they will come to you when they still need guidance because you know that they have grown up anchored in your values.