Fearful Avoidant Attachment: What Is It?
The attachment style of fearful avoidant attachment is one of four types of adult attachment. These individuals have a great need for deep connections, yet they mistrust people and are fearful of closeness because of their insecurity style of attachment.
People who have a fearful-avoidant attachment are more likely to avoid the very relationships they want as a result of this.
Throughout this essay, you will learn about the history of attachment theory, get an overview of the four adult attachment types, and understand how fearful-avoidant attachment develops. It also examines the psychological and emotional consequences of a fearful-avoidant attachment style, as well as how individuals might deal with this attachment type.
The Evolution of Attachment Theory
Professor of psychology John Bowlby developed the concept of attachment theory in 1969 in order to understand the ties that newborns form with their carers. In his opinion, attentive and accessible caregivers will establish a feeling of comfort in their newborns, enabling the youngster to go out into the world and boldly experience its wonders.
According to Bowlby’s colleague Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s, three particular attachment patterns in babies were identified, which accounted for both secure and insecure attachment styles, therefore expanding on his views.
This notion that individuals may be classified into various attachment types played a crucial role in the work of researchers who sought to extend the concept of attachment to adulthood.
Adult Attachment Styles: A Look at the Research
When Hazan and Shaver published their findings in 1987, they were the first to draw the link between child and adult attachment types.
The Three-Category Relationship Model developed by Hazan and Shaver
When individuals are young, Bowlby argues, they are forming working models of attachment connections, which they will take with them throughout their lives. The way individuals act in and experience adult relationships is influenced by the working models they use.
Hazan and Shaver established a three-category model of adult romantic relationships based on this concept. The fearful-avoidant attachment type, on the other hand, was not included in this paradigm.
The Four-Category Model of Adult Attachment developed by Bartholomew and Horowitz
Then, in 1990, Bartholomew and Horowitz published a four-category model of adult attachment styles, which included the concept of fearful-avoidant attachment for the first time.
A mixture of two working models informed Bartholomew and Horowitz’s categories: on the one hand, whether or not a person feels deserving of affection and support, and on the other hand, whether or not a person believes other people are trustworthy and accessible.
This resulted in the creation of four adult attachment types: one secure style and three insecure styles, respectively.
Different Types of Adult Attachment
Among the attachment styles identified by Bartholomew and Horowitz are the following:
Secure
People who have a secure attachment style think that they are deserving of affection and that other people are trustworthy and receptive to their needs and feelings. Consequently, they are at ease with intimacy while simultaneously feeling safe enough to be on their own.
Preoccupied
Those who suffer from preoccupied attachment think they are unworthy of love, yet they typically believe that others are sympathetic and tolerant of their situation. As a result, these individuals look for affirmation and self-acceptance in their interpersonal ties with other people.
Dismissive-Avoidant
People who have dismissive-avoidant attachment have a strong sense of their own self-worth, yet they do not place their faith in others. As a result, they are contemptuous of the importance of intimacy, which causes them to shun personal connections.
Fearful-Avoidant
When it comes to insecure attachment patterns, terrified avoidant attachment is a blend of the preoccupied and dismissive-avoidant forms. They feel they are unlovable, and they do not have faith in other people to support and embrace them as they should be. They retreat from relationships because they believe they will be rejected by others in the long run.
While at the same time, they have a tremendous yearning for connection since the approval of others makes them feel better about themselves.
Their conduct may be perplexing to friends and love partners as a consequence; they may urge intimacy at first but then emotionally or physically withdraw when they feel vulnerable in the relationship.
Fearful Avoidant Attachment What Is It?
The emergence of a fearful-avoidant attachment style
When a kid grows up with at least one parent or caregiver who shows terrifying conduct, they are more likely to develop fearful-avoidant attachment. The terrifying conduct might vary from overt abuse to more subtle indicators of fear or doubt, but the end consequence is always the same: the person is terrified.
It is difficult for parents to offer consolation to their children when they contact them for help. Because the caregiver does not provide a stable basis for the kid and may even be a source of anguish for the child, the child’s first reaction will be to approach the caregiver for comfort, but he or she will quickly back away.
In their interpersonal connections with friends, spouses, partners, coworkers, and children, people who carry this functional model of attachment into adulthood will demonstrate the same tendency to approach then recede as they do with their childhood attachments.
The Consequences of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
People who suffer from frightened avoidant attachment desire to create deep interpersonal relationships, but they also wish to protect themselves from being rejected by others. It is as a result of this that they seek out relationships but avoid actual commitment, or they quit partnerships as soon as they get too intimate.
Those who have a fearful-avoidant attachment have a variety of problems as a result of their beliefs that others will harm them and that they are unworthy of being in a relationship.
For example, several research have shown that there is a link between fearful-avoidant attachment and depressive symptoms.
Fearful-avoidant attachment has been linked to depression, social anxiety, and other negative emotions, according to research conducted by Van Buren and Cooley4 and Murphy and Bates5. These researchers discovered that the negative view of oneself and self-criticism that accompany fearful-avoidant attachment makes those with this attachment style more vulnerable to depression, social anxiety, and other negative emotions in general.
Another research discovered that, when compared to other attachment types, fearful-avoidant attachment predicts having more sexual partners in one’s lifetime as well as having a larger inclination to agree to sex even when it is not desired.
Coping with an Attachment that is Fearful and Avoidant
There are strategies for dealing with the difficulties that might arise when one has a fearful-avoidant attachment type. These are some examples:
Discover Your Personal Attachment Style
You should study more about fearful-avoidant attachment if you identify yourself in the description. This will provide you with insight into the habits and mental processes that may be preventing you from receiving the results you want in love and life.
Keep in mind that each of the adult attachment categories is wide and may not be a perfect match for your own behavior and emotions at this time.
You cannot modify your habits, though, if you are not aware of them. Learning about the attachment type that best suits your personality might be a good starting step in this regard.
Establish and communicate boundaries in interpersonal relationships.
If you are concerned that revealing too much about yourself in a relationship too fast would cause you to retreat, take things slowly at first to avoid this outcome. You should tell your spouse or significant other that you are most comfortable taking your time to open up and that you will be doing so in stages.
Also discuss what makes you feel worried and what will make you feel more comfortable, allowing you to feel more confident in the connection and so feel safer.
Take Good Care of Yourself
People who suffer from fearful-avoidant attachment have a poor view of themselves and are generally critical of themselves.
It may assist you in learning to converse with oneself in the same manner as you would with a buddy. The ability to be more sympathetic and understanding of oneself while simultaneously shutting off self-criticism is enhanced as a result of this.
Seek Help from a Therapist
Speaking with a counselor or therapist about your concerns about fearful-avoidant attachment might be beneficial.
Fearful-avoidant attachment, on the other hand, has been demonstrated to be a barrier to therapy since persons who have this attachment type are more likely to avoid connection with others, even a therapist.
Consequently, it is critical to seek out a psychotherapist who has had success treating persons who have fearful-avoidant attachment and therefore understands how to overcome this possible therapeutic obstacle. Fortunately, there are many options.
