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You’ve most certainly been taught a slew of sexuality myths. We’re going to debunk one of them today: men and women have dramatically different sexual experiences.

First and foremost: What is the definition of sexuality?

The phrase “sexuality” refers to how we think about our bodies, sex, and relationships.

That implies, contrary to popular belief, sexuality is much more than being “gay” or “straight.” Your sexual orientation is just one aspect of who you are.

Your sexuality is also made up of the following elements:

gender identity is the combination of your designated sex at birth and the gender you were socialized with.
libido, interest in sex, and physiological and physical signals of want and arousal kinks, fetishes, and sexual preferences libido, interest in sex, and physiological and physical signs of desire and arousal
Trauma in your connection with your body, sex, and pleasure previous sexual experiences

When people ask, “How do men and women differ sexually?” (or something similar), they’re usually referring to cisgender women and men, or those whose gender identification aligns to their given sex at birth.

Cisgender refers to someone whose gender matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

For example, a cisgender person is someone who is born with a vagina, is assigned female at birth, and then self-identifies as a woman.

When a person’s given sex at birth does not match their gender identity, they are classified as transgender, nonbinary, or agender, to name a few gender identities.

A person who is born male but subsequently self-identifies as anything other than solely male or exclusively as a man, for example, may fall somewhere else on the gender spectrum.

We at Healthline, on the other hand, strive to be more inclusive. So, for the sake of this piece, when we say “men,” we mean all males, cisgender and transgender alike.

And when we say women, we mean all women, including cisgender and transgender women. We’ll also provide information on non-binary and other gender nonconforming people.

 

The findings of the study
Unfortunately, most (if not all) of the research on this issue focus only on cisgender men and women, leaving gender nonbinary and gender nonconforming persons out altogether. (For example, hereTrusted Source and hereTrusted Source.) *Ugh.*

Curious about the findings of these research, despite the fact that they may be more inclusive? Here’s the short version.

 

exhibit a stronger interest in sex, relate violence to sexuality to a larger extent, put less importance on commitment in their sexual relationships, and have more stagnancy and flexibility in their sexual orientation.
However, (and this is critical!) this does not imply that cisgender guys are born with all of these characteristics. Sarah Melancon, PhD, a clinical sexologist and specialist with The Sex Toy Collective, believes that upbringing and culture have a significant effect.

“Men and women are socialized differently and confront various societal expectations surrounding sex,” she adds, adding that this may impact when, how, and how frequently they have sex, as well as with whom they have it. (See below for further information.)

Your sexuality is influenced by your body from birth.

“Whether you were born with a penis or a vulva will absolutely impact how sex feels to some level,” says Justin Lehmiller, PhD, author of “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life.”

Why? Because the mechanics of having sex, as well as the mechanics of achieving orgasm, will vary.

“We know, for example, that persons born with vulvas are more likely than those born with penises to have many orgasms,” he explains.

Those who have penises have a longer refractory time than those who have not.

Despite this, Melancon observes that “there are still a lot of parallels in how persons of different biological sexes feel their sexuality.”

Your gender, too, has an impact.

Persons who were socialized as females are trained to be significantly more sex-averse than people who were reared as guys.

While the particular messages you hear depend on your culture, religion, and society, most guys are taught that masturbating is acceptable and that having sex with as many people as possible increases their coolness factor.

Meanwhile, females are often taught that masturbation is unclean and that sex should be saved for marriage.

“Manhood is established in part on promoting unrestricted sexuality, while femininity is focused on rejecting or suppressing it,” Melancon argues. The “sexual double standard” is a term used to describe this situation.

While this may seem to be beneficial to males, she warns that it might also have negative implications.

“As a consequence, males are stigmatized for having fewer sexual partners or experiences, they are encouraged to take greater sexual risks, and their emotional needs in intimate relationships are ignored.”

 

 

 

Getting the facts about gender and sexuality straight

If you’re reading this, you’re presumably curious in something particular, such as “Do women love sex?” and “Do men and women have orgasms in the same way?” So, let’s get started.

Masturbation is permitted and practiced by people of all genders.

Masturbation is often seen in society as a boy’s game. Masturbation, on the other hand, is something that individuals of all sexes and ages may and do enjoy.

Lehmiller argues, “We need to do more to mainstream women’s masturbation.”

Masturbation is how many non-men first explore their sexuality, experience orgasm, and find pleasure, just as it is for boys and men, he argues.

It isn’t a person’s gender that decides whether or not they like sex.

Many people believe that women aren’t interested in sex. Sure, some women dislike sex, but this broad generalization is nonsense!

“The notion that males enjoy sex while women do not is a misconception that has to be debunked,” Lehmiller adds. “Sex may be liked and enjoyed by persons of any gender” — just as it can be disliked by people of any gender.

Much better indications of whether someone enjoys sex are if they claim they like it, as well as whether they are asexual or allosexual.

It shouldn’t need to be repeated… but it does. People of both genders have the ability for pleasure during sex.

 

 

 

 

 

“Women’s pleasure is an issue that has long been overlooked in both culture and sex education,” adds Lehmiller. “As a consequence, women’s enjoyment during sex has become less of a priority.”

The “pleasure gap” is a term used to describe this situation.

Women (and other gender minorities) may, nonetheless, enjoy themselves while playing.

Other aspects, according to Lehmiller, that determine whether someone has pleasure during sex include:

age \health \personality
history of sexual relations
Relationship dynamics in mental health
Distraction and stress
Most genders experience orgasms in a similar way.
Cisgender men and cisgender women may experience orgasm in a variety of ways.

 

 

 

 

 

However, study comparing cisgender men’s and cisgender women’s descriptions of what an orgasm feels like revealed that both genders offered identical replies, according to Lehmiller. (People of other genders were not surveyed in this study.)

Both cisgender men and cisgender women used the following orgasm descriptors:

gratifying satisfaction
relaxation
emotional closeness
ecstasy builds, floods, flushes, shoots, or creates a throbbing feeling
The takeaway: “Sexual pleasure feelings seem to be very comparable across genders,” adds Lehmiller.

Sexual dysfunction may appear in both men and women.

Sexual issues for males, women, and gender nonconforming people have both similarities and variances.

“I did some research.”

“According to Trusted Source, the most prevalent sexual trouble — a lack of sexual attraction — is the same for both men and women,” Lehmiller explains.

Penis-wearers of either gender, on the other hand, are more likely to report:

erectile dysfunction, trouble orgasming, premature orgasm
Vaginal users, regardless of gender, are more likely to report:

Vaginal dryness makes it harder to orgasm.
poor sexual pleasure
Factors that have a greater impact on sex experience than gender
There are several examples, but here are a few.

Beliefs and upbringings in terms of culture, religion, and spirituality
Individuals’ sexual conduct might be influenced by cultural and religious beliefs about sexuality.

“Many cultures and faiths only permit sex under certain conditions,” Melancon explains. “Hearing these sex-negative, shame-laden messages as an adolescent, [and] as a married adult, might impair someone’s sexual experience.”

a history of trauma
“Any form of trauma may cause neural system dysregulation [interfering with sexuality physiology] and lead to challenges with trust and intimacy,” Melancon explains.

The following are some examples of trauma:

births that are problematic
natural calamities
automobile mishaps
war \neglect \abuse
sexual abuse
“Additional sex-based triggers might develop in the present with sexual trauma, leading to avoidance, flashbacks, fear, or numbness surrounding sex,” she says.

Mental well-being
According to Melancon, the following factors might influence a person’s sexuality relationship:

depression
anxiety
bipolar disorder is a mental illness that affects people in
schizophrenia
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a kind of obsessive-compul (OCD)
psychosis
“Stress and burnout may disrupt sex because they influence the neurological system and hormones, lowering sexual desire, arousal, and pleasure,” she continues.