Divorce and the Way Your Mind Works
It’s something we’ve all experienced: raging rage, seething envy, and spinning guilt. It may be triggered by practically any event or circumstance. Finding a single hair from the “other lady” clinging to your son’s teddy bear is a terrifying experience. Alternatively, you may find yourself sitting next to your ex during parent-teacher conferences. You’ll be thrown for a loop no matter how little or large the mistake is.
These emotions may cause us to lose sight of reality, leading us to hurl hurtful words or do things we know — intellectually — we shouldn’t be doing. It might have the sensation of being outside of one’s body.
However, the reality is quite the reverse. It’s not strange in the least. It’s a normal reaction. You are in control of your brain when it comes to divorce, and extensive scientific study has shown that it is nearly inescapable. Understanding how to detect it and handle the experience in a healthy manner is the key to success.
So, what exactly is going on? In general, emotion is more powerful than rational reasoning. Extreme dangers, whether physical or emotional in nature, are processed in the same manner by our brains. If we find ourselves face-to-face with an enraged grizzly bear or an estranged spouse, our fight or flight response kicks in. A primordial reaction, the amygdalae are one of the deepest sections of our brains and are responsible for this response. A lot of our memories and emotions are stored in that part of our brains. This is what I’ve come to refer to as the “puppy brain.”
When the puppy brain is exposed to frightening stimuli, particularly those that have strong emotional attachments, it does more than simply respond; it freaks out. It’s completely out of control. It stops listening and rushes to the corner to hide, or it starts chewing on the furniture out of irritation, depending on the situation. Things become a little tangled.
It is only under certain situations that the prefrontal cortex, or “wise owl” section of the brain, may be activated in order to persuade the puppy to pay attention. When faced with adversity, this intelligent owl remains sensible, if not even serene. The wise owl is the home of our critical thinking abilities. It is the portion of the brain that is responsible for our reasoning and behavior regulation (at least during less stressful periods).
The’s the problem: when we’re under great stress, such while going through a divorce, that wise owl portion of our brain disappears, allowing the puppy to run amok. When a trigger is encountered, the puppy brain may begin to run amok in as little as 20 milliseconds, far before your wise owl has a time to notice. This is a perilous moment to be alive. That dog has the potential to get us into serious problems, toppling established accords and lash out at the earliest indication of a danger, among other things.
So, what is the best way to keep the dog under control?
1) Recognize when your dog has gotten away from you.
This begins, of course, with being familiar with some of the warning indicators, such as: Are you expressing yourself in a way that you typically wouldn’t? Do you get a feeling that your body temperature is rising? Are those in whom you have your confidence advising you to calm down? Everyone is unique, but if you can learn to recognize when your puppy brain is out of control, you can learn how to bring it back under control.
2) Go for a stroll with the puppy if possible.
It’s remarkable how much physical exercise can assist us to relax and de-stress. Give it a go. If you see your puppy starting to act up, go outdoors. Take a stroll or make a brief trip to the gym to burn some calories. Movement will assist you in disengaging from your puppy brain or, in the worst case situation, will just help you tucker out.
3) Teach the dog how to sit properly.
If you’re having trouble getting going, try the reverse. Rest. Relax. Meditate. The puppy will slow down if you spend even a few of minutes being appreciative or thinking about happy memories of your childhood. Consider it a self-massage in the form of a belly rub.
A strong likelihood exists that you will not be the only one who suffers from puppy brain after a divorce. In that case, what should you do if you see the puppy taking command of someone else? There isn’t much. Maintain your composure and pay attention. To assist the puppy in returning to its wisdom owl, try asking open-ended questions to see what happens. Always remember to be patient and know that attempting to “fix” puppy brain in the moment, particularly when you or the scenario you are in is the trigger, is unlikely to be successful. Developing the ability to recognize and govern your puppy brain is a learned skill that is unlikely to be taught in an emergency situation.
The presence of puppy brain, no matter how naughty, is not always detrimental. It exists for a purpose, and I’ll explain why. It is always on the lookout for possible threats and dangers, even some that you may not be aware of at the time. For this reason alone, it’s critical not to dismiss your puppy brain’s warning signs. Just keep an eye out for it. And bring that wise owl back as quickly as you can to keep everything under control.
Getting a Peaceful Divorce: A Natural Approach
According to research, divorce is the second most stressful event in a person’s life. With more divorces settled than anybody else in the nation, Wevorce set out to discover the science of a peaceful divorce, which they discovered after years of research. It was determined that the top five criteria that make the difference between a peaceful uncoupling and a full-fledged battle are as follows:
There are five major factors that contribute to divorce explosions (Even In A Peaceful Divorce)
What you should do to begin your divorce
When and what you tell your friends and family are important decisions.
What you share on social media is really important.
Remove wedding bands off your finger
Having a conversation about dating
But perhaps most significantly, our professionals have some excellent suggestions for how to deal with each of these sensitive circumstances and prevent Divorce Explosions.
1. Getting a Divorce in a Peaceful Manner
Your divorce is not a legal issue – it just has legal ramifications, as you know.
Assuming that you are treating your divorce as a legal matter, an attorney will create an official complaint, file it with the court, and have your spouse served in a public manner. Wow, what a sight! That is a terrible way to learn that your marriage is ending, and it almost always results in a Divorce Explosion in the aftermath.
If, on the other hand, you utilize your divorce as a chance to redefine your partnership, no one will be shocked, and you will not need the services of attorneys. We can tell from our data that the initiator (the person who starts the divorce dialogue) has been thinking about divorce for an average of more than 18 months before they actually start the divorce procedure. He and his wife believe they have done all they can think of to save their relationship. When everything else fails, people choose divorce because they are at a loss for what to do next.
If you’re ready to start the divorce process, please do it in a calm and orderly manner. Talking to their partner about tackling change jointly, working through arguments peacefully, and avoiding blaming are all examples of peaceful initiators. Their goal is to find a helpful, like-minded team of specialists that are committed to helping them achieve a smooth divorce.
2. Creating a Sacred Environment
Friends and family members have thrown a wrench into many otherwise amicable divorces. Divorce is one of those phrases that elicits powerful emotional responses as well as a flurry of unwanted advice. Only a select few individuals are capable of keeping their opinions to themselves while allowing you to enjoy your own experience.
Make a list of all the things you want to tell others about your family’s divorce before you start telling them about your family’s divorce. After that, discuss with your spouse about how they want to remember their divorce journey thus far. In order to have a more peaceful divorce, it is recommended that you make a Peace Pact. Logging into your Wevorce.com account will allow you to create your own Peace Pact. There, the two of you may decide what information about your divorce you are comfortable sharing with your friends and family. You are under no need to inform everyone at once; after all, it is truly none of their concern.
For you, your spouse, and your children, a peaceful divorce is a precious environment to be in. The more time you and your husband have to define and live the divorce experience you want — without the interference of other people — the more probable it is that you will have a pleasant divorce experience.
3. Posting in a Calm and Orderly Manner
One out of every eight Divorce Explosions is triggered by a post on social media. It seems to be basic sense not to publicly discuss your divorce, but regrettably, this is not always the case. In fact, social media is responsible for so many divorce explosions that it is a good idea to take a break from it for a while. Regardless, please be mindful of the images you publish on social media and the statements you make to all of the people who are now seeing your public profile – or who may read it in the future.
4. Taking Off the Rings
Remember that your wedding rings are important symbols of your devotion to each other, so don’t treat them lightly even if you are in the midst of a divorce proceedings. You may be astonished by the number of Divorce Explosions that are created by someone taking off their wedding band before discussing it with their partner. Your bare ring finger, with its typically clearly defined tan line, sends a statement to the rest of the world that you are an independent individual. Naked ring fingers may spark much more controversy than the social media photos we discussed before in this article. So, first and foremost, consult with your spouse – it is the appropriate thing to do. Recall that the less shocks there are throughout a divorce, the more calm the process will be.
Do you need assistance getting the discussion started? Visit WeDiamonds.com to learn more about giving your diamond ring to help us put an end to child homelessness in America.
5. Having a conversation about dating
Four out of every ten Divorce Explosions are sparked by sentiments of betrayal or betrayal-like behavior. Make a mental note to say after me: “I respect my spouse enough to discuss with them when it is time to begin dating.” Some couples are comfortable with dating while going through the divorce process, but the majority prefer to wait until the divorce is official before dating again. There is no right or wrong answer here; as long as you discuss your options with others, you may be confident in your conclusion. In contrast, if you surprise your spouse with the news that you’ve been seeing someone else, you’ll almost certainly find yourself in the middle of a Divorce Explosion.
Even though it’s difficult, respect for one another is the foundation of a smooth divorce. Especially when the going gets tough. By creating your own Peace Pact with your partner, you may redefine your relationship in a calm, respectful, and compassionate manner. Identify and agree on the terms of your divorce so that you both have clarity as you begin your new life together – without an explosion.
Are You in a Toxic Bond? Get Help if You See These Signs
Is there such a thing as a poisonous relationship? To put it another way, a toxic relationship is one in which one or both participants do not feel secure, supported, or completely welcomed. A toxic relationship is often characterized by dysfunction, and the persons involved suffer from low self-esteem as a result. Insecurity, self-centeredness, power, and control are all common characteristics of such a partnership. The toxic relationship has a pattern of dominating and manipulative behavior.
Is this a description of your situation?
Typical Characteristics of Toxic Interactions
It might be difficult to identify toxic behavior in a relationship. In long-term relationships, we form tremendous routines and attachments, and our emotions may sometimes conceal major concerns. In relationships, toxic patterns are sometimes mistaken as signs of passion – for example, frequent and intense arguing might be misinterpreted as signs of a deep affection for one another. Regardless of the motivation, toxic relationships are detrimental to the emotional health of both parties as well as the children who may be raised by the toxic couple.
When it comes to toxic relationships, there are always certain harmful habits that may be readily identified if you know what to look for. Listed below are some examples of actions that may indicate toxicity in a romantic relationship.
Substance abuse: Any substance misuse that occurs inside a relationship will instantly turn it poisonous. Immediately seek professional treatment if there is evidence of drug or alcohol misuse, and it may be essential to terminate the relationship.
In the instance of physical or emotional abuse, it is critical to seek quick assistance and to seek refuge in a secure environment.
Putting down and demeaning behaviors: These are typically given as “jokes,” but they are intended to exert control over a partner by decreasing their self-esteem over time.
Anger management issues: Yelling, wrath, and furious outbursts are all destructive habits in a relationship.
A dominating and toxic relationship dynamic is characterized by the induction of guilt by your spouse. If your partner is continually making you feel guilty about your actions and choices, this is an indication of a controlling and toxic relationship dynamic.
It’s entirely natural to bring up difficulties and unpleasant sentiments with your spouse with the purpose of resolving them — but it’s not normal when one partner constantly deflects issues and blames the other.
Over-dependence: When a spouse expects to have all of your time to themselves, refuses to make choices, and generally behaves passive, leaving all decision-making to their partner, this qualifies as a toxic pattern that causes an imbalance.
Unreliable behavior: This is sometimes camouflaged as “independence” within a relationship, but if a partner does not follow their commitments and does not completely show up in a reliable manner, the relationship may become toxic.
It is easy to establish a toxic dynamic in a relationship when one spouse relies on the other for financial support, sex, housing, connections, or anything else.
Highly possessive/jealous behavior: Healthy relationships are founded on a foundation of independence and trust, but toxic relationships feature a partner that constantly asks where their mate is, checks in on them, and restricts their independent time.
If you find yourself in constant conflict with your partner, feel as if you are walking on eggshells, and are chronically exhausted, anxious, or depressed as a result of your disagreements with your significant other, you are most likely in a toxic relationship, according to the American Psychological Association.
Changes to Be Made
Once you’ve determined that your relationship is toxic, there are a handful of options for moving forward.
Tip 1: Dissolve the relationship and seek professional help.
When there is physical, mental, or drug abuse involved in a relationship, experts often advise ending it completely. If you decide to end your relationship, it is critical that you get professional assistance – generally in the form of counselling – to guide you through this difficult time. Therapy may also assist you in regaining the confidence and security that you may have lost as a result of your relationship.
Tip number two: Seek professional assistance as a couple.
It is possible to save a relationship in certain circumstances if both spouses seek professional treatment and are dedicated to tackling the dysfunction jointly. This generally takes a lengthy term of counseling, as well as a shared commitment to honesty and openness, as well as a willingness to discover how the poisonous habits developed. You shouldn’t try to handle toxic relationships and their consequences on your own. To begin the healing process, seek help from a therapist, support groups, community partnerships, trustworthy friends, and family members.
