Developing The Ability To Let Go Of Toxic Relationships
If I’m being really honest, I realized I needed to get go of my ex long before my kid was born. Despite the signals, it was difficult for me to accept that he would not be a part of my dream ending. I had a strong attachment to him. I had more faith in him than I had ever had in any other guy, with the exception of my father and my brothers. The Universe continued attempting to convince me that he wasn’t intended for me, but I refused to listen. As a result of your continued disregard for all the delicate and subtle indications, the Universe will smash you in the face with it!
When I was in a toxic relationship, the Universe showed me how much it cared for me by practically ripping it away from me. Because that relationship crumbled to the point that there was nothing left to do except learn from it, I could no longer choose to accept less than I was worth.
Today, I am quite grateful that the Universe was on my side in the manner that it was, but back then, I was heartbroken! I even attempted to get that old thang back…despite the fact that that old thang got a new child, stepkid, and girlfriend only a month after we broke our relationship with them. I was so persuaded that it should have been mine…that the happy ending should have been mine. I convinced myself that this was simply another exam that I would have to pass in order to be happy. What the heck was I thinking at the time?
It wasn’t until I started doing some serious work on myself and my recovery that I realized just how poisonous that scenario had become for me. That connection made me feel unimportant and unworthy. I altered aspects of my personality and my way of life just to suit him. I had to distance myself from my family and friends in order to be accessible to him. Everything in my life centered around him and how he was feeling. So, what was I supposed to do now that he was no longer here…heal? Even though that’s a quick response, it took me a long time to get there. Prior to being able to proclaim, “I am healed,” I had to go over my despair and anger. I’m in love with you. Please accept my forgiveness. I’m sorry for bothering you. Thank you very much.”
When someone you care about wounds you, it may be difficult to come to terms with it. However, unless you are able to forgive and let go of the suffering, the individual will continue to have influence over you. They have the ability to move you to tears. They have the ability to get you enraged. They have the ability to make you unhappy. All of this without a second thought for you. It is YOU who is in need of forgiveness and release. You care about them since some of us are suffering and can only communicate in their language. They need just as much affection, if not more. You don’t forgive someone because of their actions; rather, you forgive them for your own.
Rather than excuse poisonous conduct, you are eliminating it from your soul and out of your reality. If you’re sorry, it’s not because you’re in the wrong; rather, you’re sorry because you recognize that you made choices and actions that led you to where you are now. You’re praising them for withdrawing yourself from your life because they, too, knew that they were not right for you deep down within. Forgiving them does not imply that you must allow them to re-enter your life.
It wasn’t until I started doing some serious work on myself and my recovery that I realized just how poisonous that scenario had become for me.
It’s been about two years since I ended my relationship with my ex, and it still takes my breath away from time to time. I had just shed tears two weeks ago when a meditation session asked me to send love to someone who I perceive to be “difficult” to love. It was a challenging task for me. Because we have a kid in common, it is a more difficult position to forgive and move on from. Although he is not now involved in my daughter’s life, I can see some of the same hurt that I felt in her eyes now. Some days are more difficult than others. On a daily basis, I must actively forgive him for his actions.
“I have been cured. I’m in love with you. Please accept my forgiveness. I’m sorry for bothering you. Thank you very much.” On a daily basis. When my natural tendency is to be enraged, I have to remind myself to love and forgive instead. I pause for a while to get my breath. I meditate in order to cleanse my head. When I make that decision for myself, I feel better.
It might take years for you to totally let go of a relationship, and that’s perfectly normal. Intimate connections provide us the opportunity to form soul links that are more difficult to sever than most people think. The process of letting go will get simpler as long as you choose to forgive and love despite the hurt and betrayal you have experienced. Be patient and have a little trust in your heart’s capacity to love and let go.
Tools to help you start the process of letting go of control
Any kind of connection, including mother-daughter, romantic, and work-related interactions, may be toxic. Similar to this, there are several ways in which a connection may be harmful. Some individuals might be unreasonable in their demands; others can be manipulative or harsh in their treatment of other people. The effects of toxicity may be harmful, unhealthy, and depleting regardless of the nature of the connection. Finding a means to let go of a toxic relationship is sometimes the greatest road to self-care, despite the fact that it is quite tough to do so.
They may have a negative impact on your mental and physical health if you don’t deal with them right away. Because of recent developments in neuroscience, we now understand that the immune system located in the gut interacts directly with the brain. Stress from a toxic relationship may impair your immune system, which can impact everything from cognitive function to digestion and beyond.
A toxic relationship might be difficult to recognize since it can be difficult to tell whether a relationship is actually unhealthy.
If you are in a toxic relationship, there is no one solution that will work for everyone. In order to begin setting boundaries, caring for yourself, and healing, there are tactics and patterns that you may utilize to get started.
Learn how to distinguish between “toxic” and “abusive” substances.
While every abusive relationship is poisonous, not every toxic relationship is abusive. Conversely, not every abusive relationship is toxic. Because abuse necessitates prompt action, it is critical to recognize when you are being mistreated. It is necessary to extricate oneself from the abusive situation and to put a stop to the abuse.
In certain cases, though, toxicity in a relationship may be avoided. Having to listen to someone speak for hours on end, every day, may be poisonous if they expect you to do so. However, although this is hurtful, it is not abusive in the traditional sense.
Think on what you can do, rather than what you can change about the other person.
Making a concentrated effort to change the other person’s behavior or mental patterns is simple when the situation calls for it. Possibly, you’ve experimented with a variety of various approaches throughout the years. In the case of friendship, you believed that by demonstrating empathy and unconditional support, they would cease to doubt your degree of friendship with them. Possibly, you even attempted to establish moderate limits in the hopes that your buddy would heed your advice.
In certain cases, however, traditional methods of relationship restoration are insufficient to restore a damaged connection. Next, you must direct all of your emotional and mental energy into the only person you have complete control over: yourself.
Identify a common point of agreement for assistance.
While it is essential to have the support of others, such support does not necessarily have to come from close family and friends. Search for support groups that are appropriate for your circumstance as well. A self-help book, as well as online and in-person support groups, are available. It is all about creating the life you desire for yourself, according to Dr. Joe Dispenza’s Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself book.
Find a location where you may see your desired reality mirrored back to you, no matter what your source of inspiration is! You need a setting in which you may feel supported in your decision-making and in the fulfillment of your requirements. It may also be beneficial to engage in guided meditations focussed on transformation to aid you in your path.
List your motivations and sources of inspiration.
You may entirely forget about any fantastic insight you have when you are swept away by the frenetic pace of everyday life. When it comes to toxic relationships, it’s easy to slip back into old patterns. It is critical to write out your objectives as well as the rationale for your activities. This procedure assists you in being more conscious, so guaranteeing that you continue to go in the correct way.
It has been shown that the act of writing things down helps your brain remember the information more quickly. Sticky notes on a bathroom mirror are often used to help individuals stay on track. A diary or notecards might also be kept next to your bed to help you remember important things.
Contact should be kept to a minimum or avoided altogether.
If a relationship is poisonous, the toughest aspect may be letting go of it all at once, even in little increments. That is why it is critical that you have laid a solid foundation in the previous phases before proceeding to the next.
Determine how you will create a boundary after receiving help.
Is a week’s vacation in the cards for you? Consider gradually decreasing the amount of time you spend with this individual. Make a game plan, no matter how you want to go about it.. When someone pushes your limits (which they almost certainly will), you may be prepared with a response in hand.
It is OK to provide a basic explanation such as “I’ve been feeling stressed recently, and I’m worried I could get ill.”
As long as the individual keeps pushing, you may listen, repeat yourself, and then find an excuse to hang up. Please accept my apologies; E. has called and I must go.” Being well-prepared will aid you in maintaining your personal limits and protecting yourself. Refer to your books or your support network if you see feelings of guilt beginning to sneak in.