Even the most loving relationships may get stifled by these irritating but frequent complaints from time to time. The good news is that you can completely restore them.
“He’s never been much assistance around the house.”
In 2013, males spent almost 10 hours per week on housework, compared to 18 hours per week for women. The disparity is still bothersome—and exhausting—even if it has improved since the 1960s, when males spent four hours to women’s 30-plus hours. One of the most effective ways to guarantee that your spouse does his share is to be clear about what you want him to do—kid cleaning, meal preparation, laundry loading—and then to let him to do it his way.
Charles J. Orlando, a relationship specialist and author of The Problem With Women… Is Men, believes that if you put yourself in his shoes and tell him how to do everything, he will back off since it would seem that it is simpler for him to simply let you handle the situation. And keep in mind that tasks do not have to be split down the middle in order to be equitable.
If he is excellent at supper preparation but not so good at getting the kids ready in the morning, it may be simpler if you take on that task alone, with the understanding that he will have food on the table when he returns home from work thereafter.
“HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE KIDS,”.
Many women complain that their husbands are just unaware of the day-to-day specifics of what is going on in their children’s life, despite the fact that studies have shown that males interact with their children for at least three hours a day. According to Orlando, this is partly due to the way their brains are wired: males speak to share knowledge, while women communicate to connect.
As a result, beloved movies, toys, or the names of friends may often be unconsciously rejected as unimportant information by the subconscious mind. As long as your spouse is on top of the major issues, you may delegate responsibility for the little issues to your kid. Indeed, hearing a beautiful explanation from his 2-year-old as to why Dora is her favorite will not be something he forgets in the near future.
“HE’S ALWAYS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES,”.
Whether it’s video games, fantasy football, or just spending countless hours on social media, technology has the potential to cause serious problems in a marriage. As a matter of fact, research have shown that video games, in particular, may be problematic—but only if they interfere with daily activities. Have a discussion about screen time and set some ground rules—for example, no phones until after the kids are in bed, or a promise to turn off all electronics a half hour before your own bedtime ritual. That way, you’ll both have time to indulge in your sinful technological pleasures in a manner that won’t endanger your relationship.
EVERY DAY, “WE HAVE THE SAME ARGUMENTS,” says the group.
Why didn’t anybody clean up after themselves in the playroom? When are we going to make our vacation arrangements? No matter what the source of the conflict is, every couple has a handful that seem to recur on a regular basis. And it’s possible that this is a good thing. According to a research conducted by Florida State University, “angry but honest” discussions may be beneficial to relationships since they prevent concerns from festering. However, if you see that you are often debating the same topic, it is worthwhile to take the time to sit down and figure out what is causing the problem.
According to Bob Taibbi, L.C.S.W., a couples counselor and author of Doing Couples Therapy: Craft and Creativity in Work With Intimate Partners, a marriage meeting with you, a bottle of wine, and a chance to talk uninterrupted about something specific—for example, feeling overwhelmed by the kids’ schedules or the fact that vacation planning brings up some financial insecurities—can be beneficial.
Drinks too much
You’re not alone in feeling this way: Channing Tatum has revealed that his wife, Jenna Dewan Tatum, isn’t always pleased with his excessive use of alcoholic beverages. However, keep an eye on what you’re drinking, since one research discovered that married women consume more alcohol than their unmarried counterparts. According to the researchers, this is most likely the consequence of couples developing some less-than-healthy behaviors.
For example, red wine and Netflix evenings are not welcome here. Making the decision to drink less jointly is a wonderful start, and if you think that your drinking is more than a habit, Al-Anon is a great resource.
His family is a source of constant frustration for me.
Your spouse is quite attached to his mother, maybe a bit too much. If it seems like she is constantly there, it may be worthwhile to investigate why this bothers you so much. According to the findings of a 26-year research conducted by the University of Michigan, women who lived closer to their husband’s parents had a 20 percent higher chance of divorce.
This may be due to the fact that his parents’ well-intentioned conduct may be easily misinterpreted as interference with and undermining of your parenting decisions. Does this sound familiar? According to experts, discussing the issue—that you adore his parents but want to ensure that you and he are on the same page when it comes to choices that affect your children—is important.
I’ve noticed that he brings caloric bombs into the house on a regular basis.
He doesn’t feel as strongly about food as women do, so when the doughnuts at the bakery seem wonderful, there’s no reason not to buy a dozen of them. And, despite the fact that they may ruin your diet, his sweet gift may have a less-obvious benefit: according to a new research from Ohio State University, maintaining a stable blood sugar level is critical for reducing spasms and tantrums.
Simply tell him that you adore him (and that you like doughnuts! ), but that you would be delighted if he brought home a nice fruit salad instead. According to Jamie Turndorf, Ph.D., author of Kiss Your Fights Goodbye, handling the issue as if it were no big problem is the most straightforward choice since that is exactly what it seems to be to him.
“It’s always been his desire to have sexual relations.”
Whether it’s camp pickups, job turmoil, or an overflowing email, it’s no secret that women find it very difficult to get into the mood when they have a lot on their thoughts at the same time. However, following his example, particularly when you and your partner are both anxious, may not be a terrible decision. According to research, having a regular and active sex life is essential for a happy marriage—and gradually increasing the frequency of sex may make it even better. Tell your spouse about the things that make you excited, whether it’s sending romantic messages throughout the day, putting the kids to bed so you can take a lengthy shower, or letting you choose the Netflix movie you want to watch. As a result, the foreplay begins long before you and your partner hit the beds.
When it comes to credit card statements, “there is never a dull moment.”
According to Taibbi, even if he may have bought the flat screen as a surprise for you, the fact that the two of you didn’t discuss such a large purchase is a problem—and may signal that you need to have an honest discussion about financial openness with each other. When you do, establish some ground rules, such as agreeing to speak with a financial advisor about purchases larger than $200, to serve as a foundation for future financial honesty.
IT WOULD BE NICE TO RECEIVE A LITTLE APPRECIATION.”“
According to Turndorf, this typical complaint is often the result of a misunderstanding: your spouse may just not understand how you want to be appreciated. You’d want to get praises on your work at home, wouldn’t you? Every morning, how about a passionate kiss? Surprise bouquets on occasion, perhaps? Despite the fact that spelling out what you want seems everything but romantic, experts agree that being specific is the most effective approach to guarantee that the admiration continues to flow. And keep in mind that gratitude is reciprocal. If you sprinkle genuine compliments throughout your discussions, people will be more inclined to return the favor to you.
“HE NEEDS TO LEARN SOME ESSENTIAL LIFE SKILLS”
Not only do you anticipate having to remind your children to put their dishes in the sink or walk the dog, but what about your husband? If he could only notice a fundamental home requirement, such as a trash can without a liner or a screaming kid, you’d think he’d step in and solve it without being asked. Despite this, so many women claim that they must draw their husbands’ attention to fundamental tasks and then educate them on how to do them.
It is not simply anecdotal evidence. According to a research conducted in 2016, not only do women do the vast majority of household tasks, but both men and women anticipate that this would be the case and believe that males are just not as capable in this regard. This is not correct! Taking action is necessary if you do not want this scenario to continue in your home. Of course, there are times when you wish you didn’t have to tell him what you’re thinking, but telling him what you’re thinking is a far more effective method of obtaining the assistance you urgently need.
“He Snores”
Men snore twice as much as women do, owing to the fact that men have a bigger oropharynx (the space behind the tongue). Although this is reasonable (especially during daytime hours), it does not make the situation any less unpleasant. In addition to children and sleeplessness, women already lose more sleep than men, so when he wakes you up with his nocturnal ruckus, it may seem downright personal. However, there are certain things you can do to assist a snoring guy stop. You have a variety of choices, ranging from minor changes such as utilizing a humidifier or nasal strips to more significant ones like as a CPAP machine or surgery.
“WHEN HE’S ANGRY, HE GIVES ME THE SILENT TREATMENT.”
He may believe that stonewalling is a smart strategy for defusing the situation — and if he is correct, it may lead to a temporary ceasefire. However, when one side refuses to speak with or even recognize the other, it is difficult to reach a resolution. You eventually get weary of talking into the air and give up. However, this strategy is very harmful in the long run, and it serves as a major red signal about his communication abilities. It may be necessary to engage the services of a professional therapist in order to persuade him to alter his habits, but the effort will be worthwhile.
“HE’S GONE ALL THE TIME,”.
Because of his workaholic tendencies or his unwavering commitment to a particular interest, many women find themselves feeling more alone in their marriage than they ever did while they were single. Meanwhile, he’s away taking care of things that are essential to him, and you’re left to deal with everything else on your own. He may be physically present at times, but he might just as well be in Mongolia, given the amount of time he devotes to you and your children, due to the use of computers and phones.
“On Facebook, he’s friends with all of his ex-girlfriends.”
To be on good terms with (at least some of) one’s ex-spouses, on the one hand, is a positive reflection on the individual who is doing so. However, once they cross the line from friendly-ish exes to friends who communicate on Facebook on a daily basis, the goodwill ceases to exist. Although your spouse may not be still holding emotions for you, the fact that he continues to like all of her selfies rather than complimenting you on your appearance may be a major blow to your self-esteem and self-confidence. Help him prioritize face time (the actual kind) above social media, and you’ll have a lot less reason to be concerned about what he’s thinking about former flames.
“He has never shown a desire for sexual relations.”
Sexe drives that are misaligned may be fatal to a relationship, and — surprise! — it is not always the guy who is seeking more. In long-term partnerships, it’s all too easy for individuals to fall into the trap of being “roommates with kids” and letting the passion dwindle out of sight. Whether he seems uninterested or just interested until he gets off the train, it is worthwhile to speak with him about the reasons for his lack of excitement.
“IT HAS THE FEELING OF “I can’t seem to get anything right.”
According to specialists, there is a single ratio that distinguishes healthy relationships from unhealthy ones: 5 to 1. In other words, for every bad contact you have, you should have five good interactions to counterbalance it. So, if your spouse is continually pointing out that the house is a mess, that the kids are watching too much television, or that you aren’t home enough, draw attention to his negativity in order to assist him snap out of it and get back on track. Offer an example of something you like about him and encourage him to reciprocate by doing the same for you. Finding the good in people is a taught talent that you may practice with your family and friends.
“HE IS IN CHARGE OF THE BUDGET.”
Of course, you and your spouse should be held jointly and severally liable for large expenses – that’s just good marriage 101. The problem is that no one enjoys being questioned about the prices of every item they purchase at the grocery store. The tendency of husbands, particularly those who earn the majority or all of the family money, is for them to attempt to maintain a tight grip on spending, which may make you feel more like his employee rather than his partner. Set a budget with him and schedule times to go over it with him, and then ask him to put his confidence in you in the interim.
“HE’S AFRAID OF MY FEELINGS,” .
Unfortunately, the manner in which men and women are socialized frequently result in partners who express themselves in quite different ways. If you’re angry, he may see your emotions as yet another issue that has to be “fixed.” This may be very irritating for a woman who is just seeking for a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on in her marriage. Let him know the next time you’re having a bad day, and that sometimes a hug is the most effective remedy of all when you’re feeling down.
“He’s desperate for happiness.”
Wives who are dissatisfied in their marriages are more likely to be married to unhappy husbands. When you’re overwhelmed by your own emotions, it may be difficult to notice his anger, worry, and sadness. However, because you said “I do,” your life and feelings have become irrevocably linked, and you can’t separate them. And, after you’ve identified the source of his dissatisfaction, dealing with it may be difficult, particularly if you believe that you or your children are to blame. But don’t get too worked up over it; this does not imply the end of your marriage. According to a research conducted by the University of California, two-thirds of couples who were on the verge of divorce but decided to seek therapy ended up remaining together and reporting that they were happy in their relationships once again.
