can loneliness ruin my friendships?

3. During a difficult period in a relationship, one partner may develop romantic sentiments for the other out of his or her own neediness. This neediness gets “romanticized,” which means that it disguises its genuine character by evoking feelings of love. People who are in a relationship with someone feel alive, driven, and motivated to be with them. However, the yearning is usually triggered by a sense of emptiness on the inside.

 

It is this third reason that may bring a perfectly fine friendship to a grinding halt. What is the process through which dependent sentiments become passionate feelings?
This condition is shown when an emotionally lonely individual is unable to safely experience and respond to his or her lonely feelings. 

 

 

 

In fact, loneliness is a beneficial experience in and of itself. It is a signal that we need assistance from others, whether in the form of comfort, support, or empathy. It prevents us from being emotionally hungry. God has created us in such a way that we will react to that signal. If you’re hungry, go grab a burger at Burger King. If you are feeling lonely, try to become involved in a relationship.

 

 

 

 

It is not quite so straightforward, but it is the basic concept.

Many individuals, however, have problems in this area. Somehow, their God-given desire for companionship gets distorted into something that makes them and their friends very unhappy, for whatever reason. They may have a history of making unsuccessful attempts to develop friendships into something more serious. Alternatively, it is possible that this will occur just once or twice throughout their lives. The words “I genuinely like you—as a friend” are the ones that strike people the hardest, despite their good intentions.

 

 

 

 

Loneliness may be classified into two types: emotional and physical. It is the first of these types that implies that we must maintain regular interaction with others on a daily basis. Relationships are a never-ending journey. We need fairly continuous resupplies of support and presence from others in order to maintain our energy levels. For example, a salesperson who embarks on a lengthy business trip may feel isolated from his or her support network while on the road and may take measures to reconnect once he or she comes home.
A second sort of situation is described as a trouble condition. 

 

 

 

 

This sort of loneliness is characterized by a persistent, long-lasting sensation of emptiness in one’s life, regardless of the circumstances. A person might be surrounded by a large number of loving and caring individuals and yet feel alone. She may believe that people are uninterested in her or that she is unable to accept what they have to offer. When one feels lonely, it is an indicator that something in one’s soul has been broken and that it has to be healed as part of God’s healing process.

 

 

 

There are several reasons for individuals to romanticize their loneliness, regardless of the sort of loneliness they are experiencing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conflicts in the Process of Experiencing Dependence

Most of the time, those who romanticize their dependence are unable to see their dependent for what it is: dependency. Being reliant on someone else is truly a blessing in disguise: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, because they will be satisfied” (Matthew 5:6). That is a wonderful thing, because when we react to it, God provides us with the excellent things we need.

 

 

 

 Many people’s dependant emotions, on the other hand, are cut off. They are unable to recognize loneliness for what it is, emptiness for what it is, and relationship hunger for what it is, among other things. For a good reason, this is the case. Despite the fact that loneliness is a healthy and God-given feeling, it is not always a pleasant one. 

 

 

 

 

It denotes a condition of lack, need, and incompleteness, among other things. Being starved may be a very terrible experience. And we often attempt to ignore what is difficult in order to avoid being confronted with the emotion.

 

 

• They may be afraid of the depth of their interior emptiness. • They may experience the negative feelings connected with loneliness. These are some of the reasons individuals are unable to sense their hunger. People who have had furious and distant relationships often have acute sensations of badness.

 

 

 

 

• They may be embarrassed by the fact that they are in need.

The dread of being injured may prevent them from seeking out for assistance. They may also feel helpless and powerless while they are experiencing their own personal needs.
As a consequence, lonely individuals may not feel as lonely as they should, which makes them feel much more lonely. They may, on the other hand, experience other emotions such as annoyance, despair, addictive urges, and amorous yearning as a result.

 

 

 

 

 These are often significantly more acceptable and tolerable than the alternatives. It is important to note that acting on these “fake” feelings does not address the genuine needs of those who are seeking compassion, care, and comfort. If you have ever struggled with an addiction, or dated someone who did, you understand how the drug may temporarily satisfy certain cravings while also assisting the individual in remaining detached from the life of the relationship.

 

 

 

Other individuals may be able to relate to their loneliness, although they may be at odds with their feelings of loneliness. The fact that they are lonely is not a secret to them, but they do not see it as a positive development. Their neediness is excruciating and unpleasant to be around. As a result, they do nothing about it. For example, a buddy of mine once told me, “I date women that I’m not very enthusiastic about in order to avoid having to take a chance.” Simply said, I despise the feeling of desiring someone who may or may not want me.”

 

 

 

Failures in Relationships with the Same Gender

Sometimes, persons who romanticize their friends do so because they too have had difficulties connecting securely and profoundly with the same sex. They may have a variety of unpleasant feelings against persons of the same sex, including:

 

 

 

• Afraid that they will damage the other person • Uncertainty about their own abilities • Disdain for the perceived shortcomings of their gender • Concern that they would miss out on opposite-sex possibilities by spending time with same-sex acquaintances

 

 

However, when it comes to opposite-sex relationships, they may experience the polar opposite. An enjoyable romantic experience will leave them feeling invigorated, revved up, and fully alive. The majority of the time, these individuals have had difficulties in the past with same-sex partnerships. For example, a woman may have grown up with a distant, controlling, or enmeshing mother, and as a result, she may have been overconnected to her father in order to meet her needs.

 

 

 

 Another possibility is that she had a seductive father who sought to interfere with her mother’s relationship with her. Whatever the reason, the same-sex dependence needs that should be addressed in a healthy same-sex fashion are being played out in the romantic relationship.
In the end, romantic sentiments are reserved for grownups.

 

 

 

 They serve as a means of preparing us for one of the most grownup processes in life, namely, marriage and family. The wants that romanticizers have include pre-adult needs such as a sense of belonging, a sense of safety, and a sense of being soothed and cherished, among other things. 

 

 

These requirements should be satisfied first and foremost by God and by your secure nonromantic connections. Maintain your commitment to these connections as a significant aspect of your life. It will assist you in approaching romance from a mature adult viewpoint rather than from the perspective of a lonely kid.

 

 

If you have a buddy who is experiencing this difficulty, you may have observed that you serve as a type of “bus stop” for him. When he is in between women, he wants to spend as much time with you as possible, regardless of the situation. However, after he locates a suitable candidate, you will not hear from him again for a long time. You’re sitting on the bus stop bench, and he’s just gotten off the romanticizing bus and is on his way to another destination.

 

 

 

 

Romance as if it were perfect

Associated with this is the issue of believing that romantic love is the ultimate type of friendship, which is incorrect. Many individuals who are “into” romance (be wary of anybody who tells you that!) believe that friendship is on a lesser level than a relationship in terms of importance.

 

 

 

 

 

 As a result, they will strive to create love emotions for someone with whom they are already friends, thinking that they are elevating the connection to a higher and more meaningful level. A friend of mine told me that she had done this with her high school and college buddies on a number of occasions. They reasoned that because we were so close, there must be romance in the air. Fortunately, as she explained to me, “we were able to back off, despite the fact that at the moment we were feeling threatened.”