8 Reasons Women Fall In Love With Jerks?
It’s something you hear all the time.
It is common for men to say that the women they seek are just not interested in decent people like them, and that they are only interested in men who treat them horribly and don’t take good care of them. He has, of course, mistakenly elevated his “relationship” with that specific lady to a level that he will never be able to reach, despite his strong desire to do so and his sense of entitlement.
Women on the opposite side of the gender divide will say that all of the guys they date treat them like garbage and are typically apathetic to their presence and affections. Because she views these guys as fascinating, she fails to realize that a decent man need not be devoid of excitement, charm, and personality in order to be a pleasant person.
If these two statements seem like they are two sides of the same coin, that is precisely what they are.
What the majority of individuals fail to do on a continuous basis is distinguish between the specific personality qualities that they are drawn to and the people with whom they come in contact.
Translation: People may believe they know what they want, yet they often end up with the incorrect item in their possession! On the surface, many objects seem to be same or almost identical to one another.
Let me give you an example: a woman feels that she is drawn to independent and manly guys… and as a result, she constantly ends up with men who are emotionally distant and unresponsive to her needs since they are similar enough on the outside and might be beautiful. Do you see the erroneous attribution?
This is what this book is about, what it uncovers, and what it strives to solve in the process.
How can the decent men of the world (or anybody who isn’t a jerk) harness the flare and sheer appeal that the jerk has in spades? What are some of the best ways to do this? In what ways can we distinguish between the distinct jerk personality characteristics that individuals exhibit and utilize them to our advantage in a healthy manner to our benefit?
To put it another way, how can we stay decent guys while yet attracting ladies on par with the greatest of them?
At its most fundamental level, pattern recognition and correlation analysis are involved. If this is beginning to seem more scientific, it’s because I’ve split it down into smaller, more manageable pieces. With this in mind, let’s go back through the assertions from above once again: “Women aren’t interested in lovely people like me!”
We’re about to get a reality check. Women like gentlemen who are considerate of them and who provide for their needs. They, on the other hand, despise the man who puts them first, second, and third on his priority list and who is obedient to her every word and deed… or men who are concerned about everyone’s pleasure but their own… men who secretly assume that developing a strong connection with her would eventually lead to her falling in love with them, like in a romantic comedy – “It was you all along… you were hidden in plain sight… I adore you.” “It was you all along… you were hiding in plain sight…”
In spite of the bad long-term consequences, it’s understandable why she would choose a jerk who pushes her and keeps things interesting over a good person who is always pleasant to be around.
“All of the men I’ve dated have treated me like garbage!”
We’re about to get a reality check. Girl, you’ve just been played by a man who isn’t all that interested in you.
And, let’s be honest, it undoubtedly piqued your attention and piqued your curiosity even more at the onset. In this case, it’s simple to understand the beauty of a person who enjoys marching to the beat of his own drum and who has many other priorities in his life apart from you… as opposed to a guy who is constantly there, clinging to you and smothering you.
Jerk, you’ve been beaten again again.
Because there is an obvious disparity between what individuals believe they want and what they actually receive, the following issue arises: What should people do? Who you are, and how can you represent the characteristics that others believe they desire, doesn’t matter. In what ways can you take use of the jerk’s characteristics, get rid of the jerk aspect, and embody the characteristics that women find attractive?
In this book, you’ll discover how to navigate that fine line with confidence and competence.
I’ll go through the specific characteristics that encourage women to gravitate to jerks like moths to a porch light in detail.
On the other hand, I’ll look at the specific characteristics that cause males to be labeled and dismissed as “boring,” “uninteresting,” and “simply pleasant.” Finally, I’ll show you precisely how to take advantage of this occurrence in order to achieve success and mastery with females.
When have your female love interests expressed to you their dissatisfaction with your actions, or their desire to protect your friendship rather than risk losing it, you should take note. This book is written just for you.
Do you have a good rapport with women and just want to make yourself the most appealing version of yourself? This is a novel that you should certainly read.
Let us remove the stigma associated with the jerk label and harvest the rewards of our labor into… the Jerk Complex.
When it comes to the Jerk Complex, the nice men always come last… at least when they don’t understand it.
However, I do not want to be a jerk!
This is an important topic that needs to be reiterated. If you’ve read this far into the book and are still doubtful of my aims and teachings, it’s possible that you’ve missed my major point completely.
The common view of a jerk is that he is careless or uninterested in the ladies he encounters. This may be true of the True Jerk, but I believe that the Jerk Complex is built of attributes that might be perceived to seem that way, but are actually overwhelmingly good traits of a well-balanced guy.
The term “jerk” may refer to a variety of things, and jerks aren’t necessarily jerks in the traditional sense depending on who you are talking to.
“Jerk” is slang describing a man who does not seem to pander to women, and who may even offend them at times.
For women, the term “jerk” refers to a man who does not seem to cater to their needs, and who may even be offensive to them at times.
No, it was not a mistake. Those descriptors apply to both the True Jerk and the Jerk Complex in terms of their external appearance. While the True Jerk manifests these characteristics because he believes it will (1) attract women or (2) compensate for his own insecurities, the Jerk Complex manifests these characteristics because it comes from a place of positivity and self-assurance – independence, conviction in their own beliefs, understanding of their own self-worth and esteem, and an indifference to offending the peanut gallery.
He sets a great value on his own time, and as a consequence of his tenacious pursuit of his interests and hobbies, he becomes unreachable and distant. He also recognizes that, as essential as a relationship may be, it does not define him or take up all of his time.
In order to avoid being rejected by women, the True Jerk does not text or pay attention to them much. He believes that doing so will make him more attractive to them.
The Jerk Complex will never overtext, but he may seem aloof at times due to his preoccupation with enjoying life on his own terms.
It’s a collection of personality qualities and ideals that, by their very nature, will offend and turn some people off… yet the Jerk Complex is quite content with this. In addition to being appealing to women, this kind of attitude is almost sure to be attractive to men.
Consequently, in the context of what we’re attempting to do here, I’m extracting characteristics that jerks exhibit and converting them into benefits for everyone else.
The remainder is characteristic of human nature and interaction theory – as will be plainly proved by the following concepts. Indeed, studies have shown that inconsistent incentives are addictive, and isn’t that precisely what jerks do, to put it in the simplest words, when they treat others badly? You never know when they’ll come through, which keeps you on your toes.
The anticipation has developed to the point that when they do come through, it’s a pleasant surprise and a joyful event.
In addition to promoting beneficial internal changes that result in an improved social and love life, the Jerk Complex also helps you remain loyal to your origins.
1.She will flee if you chase after her.
Flowers, candies, and a soft teddy bear are all included in the gift.
That seems like a great gift basket to give to a lady after a few dates, according to some people.
Not long ago, the idea was thrust upon us that women like being courted, wooed, and dined.
I, for one, believe that it would be more prudent to spend the money you would have spent on all of that on a great steak for yourself rather than others.
Not that you shouldn’t make an attempt to pursue and impress a lady who has caught your attention. The fact that when you follow someone, they become significantly less interested in being apprehended is just a fact of human nature.
Their attention spans are dwindling due to this. Because of this, they are turned away. Moreover, overpursuing a woman gives the impression that you have nothing better to do, that there are no other women worth pursuing, and so on… in addition to the fact that you are not a very valuable person in general.
In certain circles, you may even be considered desperate to find work. Don’t ladies and other people flock to a person who is more charming and generally captivating, after all. It perfectly exemplifies the attitude of “If he’s running after me… he must not be worth it! “.
All day long, we may argue about the justice of such categorization and perceptions, and I’d agree with you that it’s judgemental and ludicrous… but I’ll still stand by the fact of it.
Pursuing your goals aggressively also puts you in the terrible situation of being labeled as a “people pleaser,” which is not meant to be seen in a favorable light in this context.. You will not be an exception to the rule that people pleasers lose respect unconsciously.
Is this the kind of situation you’d want to be in with a lady you’re interested in, though?
Due to his genuine disinterest in the lady in issue, the True Jerk never falls victim to this trap.. In order to retain his mystery and attraction, he will never overextend himself since he will not be interested enough to do so. In his own abilities, the True Jerk is self-assured (maybe to an excessive degree), and he believes others would flock to him in their time of need.
Many people are attracted to him because of his boisterous confidence.
To be attracted by someone who isn’t interested or captivated by you is human nature, and this symbolizes another aspect of human nature: “If you tell me I can’t, it makes me want to even more.”
“Everyone desires something they can’t have,” to put it another way.
For the respectable guy, though, who appreciates a woman’s presence and individuality without becoming overbearing, this is a different story.
But how can he approach her in the most appealing and best manner possible without being too aggressive and overly seeking her? Can the Jerk Complex be of use to us in this situation?
In this book, I’ll be emphasizing the importance of having the right mentality on a regular basis. You are a jewel of a man, and you shouldn’t be lowering your dignity in order to chase someone, especially a woman.
What signs should you look for to determine whether your dignity is being violated. The “tell a friend” test is all that is required. In the event that you are able to inform a buddy about your quest and you get any unfavorable emotions, such as eyerolls or moans, you have most likely behaved in a disrespectful manner.
There is no need for you to live your life or behave in accordance with this lady or all that happens after.
The feeling of self that you have is powerful. In comparison to the rest of the chumps, you are the only one who will let her to walk on their jacket over a puddle rather than hipbumping her out of harm’s way in a humorous manner.
As long as you are in this frame of mind, you will not give up everything to chase a lady… in fact, you may not give up anything at all. Don’t overdo it; just express your interest in her without being too aggressive.
A significant part of the reason why some men feel the need to overpursue is their worry that the woman is not actually interested in them, and so he feels the need to do everything he can to guarantee that she is is. The fact is that nothing you do in the interim between actually spending time with her will shift the balances in your favor – it will very certainly have the opposite effect and disqualify you psychologically from the relationship.
When it comes to emotional intelligence, women outperform their male counterparts, and they can frequently predict our intentions before we are even aware of them; they can detect and be put off by our vulnerabilities. Overpursuit results in a lose-lose scenario for everyone involved.
In response to the guys who pay too much attention and feel the need to overpursue, I submit the following question: Would you like to win, or would you prefer to soothe your feeling of impatience and chivalry instead? In order to win, you must leave her wanting more… which will force her to desire everything at once.
As I’ll discuss in further detail later in this book, feelings of emotional insecurity and a lack of control may be powerful aphrodisiacs for both men and women. What if I tell you that I’m not lying? (Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed? Since the True Jerk does not care about a woman, she has no influence over his actions, and the True Jerk welcomes this.
The Jerk Complex has his own existence, which replicates how this presents itself… which keeps you in control and eventually makes it a difficult to deal with him.
In any case, who can say no to a test of wills?
2 – If you leave an empty space, she will quickly fill it.
When it comes to playing pranks on us, the human mind is rather amusing to watch. If something is less achievable, such as a jerk who doesn’t appear to care, they are inherently intriguing and desirable for the precise reason that they are less attainable.
Things that follow us are naturally unattractive, and they suggest a lower worth, as we taught in the preceding chapter. We have a tenfold yearning for things that we have been informed that we are not allowed to have. This applies to people from all areas of life.
A potent strategy that True Jerks have known about for years, and that everyone else should be aware of as well: if you can gently create a vacuum (i.e., a void where your presence and communications used to be), it will encourage a lady to make an extra effort to spend time with you. In essence, it causes her to chase after you, and over time, she will come to trust her actions… and that you are worth pursuing.
The True Jerk, of course, causes the vacuum by not caring about other people, but everyone else may take advantage of the situation by just observing human interaction.
The ramifications are immense.
The idea that you are elsewhere occupied and do not or cannot prioritize her will be reinforced if you create an apparent void and do not pursue. Despite the fact that it’s a narrow line, this view is usually favorable for you. People of great worth are known to engage in this activity.
When you create a void, it is natural that she will attempt to fill it by drawing closer to you to fill the void.
There are many possibilities for her: she may be curious about what you’re doing with your time, believe you’re more beautiful, or just be bored with you. It doesn’t matter what the explanation is, she’s going to have a gnawing doubt about you in her mind.
So when you remain stationary and she walks towards you, it is effectively her chasing after you, as opposed to her pursuing her. Because the mind takes care of the rest, she is unlikely to notice. Take a look at the internal monologue: “Hey, I’m curious as to what Joe’s been up to lately?” says one.
“Say… I haven’t seen Joe in a while…”
“Is he avoiding me because he’s distracted by another female…”
“Why didn’t I ever go on a date with Joe…”, I wonder.
The mind has a propensity to roam like a tumbleweed, and when you create a vacuum, the tumbleweed will surely drift to you, where it will think that there is a purpose for its movement.
In the case of guys, what do they think of us when we’re after a female companion?
While pursuing, we are typically thinking about and preparing our next move, which is a sign that we know what we want. It doesn’t matter how much we like her; the lady takes up a significant portion of our mental bandwidth for many hours every week. Additionally, you will occupy her attention and awareness when there is a pause in activity. Perhaps she believes she was the source of the vacuum or that she is to blame, and she will want to win you back and make apologies for her mistakes.
Because they won’t feel like they have the upper hand on you, people will immediately respect and defer to you more when you create a vacuum – which gives you the upper hand in the long run! It’s easy to forget about any power imbalances that may have existed while someone isn’t there; instead, we’re simply thankful that they’ve returned to our lives.
So, how can you fill that all-important void in your relationship with a female partner? Is it possible for the Jerk Complex to make efficient use of a vacuum?
Simple, to say the least. Don’t waste your time being accessible at her beck and call; instead, live your magnificent life! It’s even a source of pride to be sparse and missing from times to others.
Make her a second-class citizen while you focus on your other concerns. Keep your distance from her and resist the temptation to see her or renew your acquaintance.
If you’re in love with a buddy, chances are that the friendship itself isn’t actually built on anything meaningful.
Due to your hectic schedule, please do not respond to her quickly. If necessary, I would even advise you to ignore and separate yourself from the object of your devotion for a period of several weeks in order to create a vacuum in your relationship. You can determine her degree of interest by whether or not she completes the form.
Often, women are so skilled at subtlety that their intended targets aren’t even aware that they’ve been duped by them! In contrast, women may choose to pursue in a direct manner merely because they believe they will not get caught.
Never give in to temptation, especially if you are tempted to do so right away. Aphrodisiacs are not limited to Marvin Gaye; as I shall discuss later, anticipation and the thrill of the hunt are among the most powerful aphrodisiacs known to man.
Most individuals want to win something. She will think that you have snuck into the position of the prize and object of her devotion and objectives by allowing her to narrow the space between you and fill the resulting vacuum.
Having unlimited control over one’s life is the ultimate buzzkill… and dependence is the ultimate buzzkill…
As an example, consider what it might be like to be a blood-sucking parasitic leech. You are solely responsible for the feeding, activity, and survival of a leech. Generally speaking, it will suffer irreparable harm if removed from you, and it will not live if separated. In general, we do not like for leeches… whether they are real leeches or their human equivalents.
Whenever anything becomes unduly reliant on us, every person experiences feelings of sorrow, a desire to disengage, and overall disdain. In order to reclaim their freedom, the initial inclination is to withdraw themselves from one another in a non-purposeful vacuum manner.
When someone is reliant on you, your independence is intricately tied to theirs, and they have just caused you to lose your independence as a result of this. It severely impedes your feeling of freedom and places you under a load of shame and duty that you did not choose.
It is quite easy for a woman to lose respect for you and begin to take you for granted if you are completely reliant and dependant on her like a parasite. Who gives a damn about the ubiquitous shadow? Who gives a damn about the shadow? This book is about being the most appealing version of oneself, and there is nothing attractive about a shadow that requires your participation in order to exist in the world at large.
This lack of regard and taking you for granted will unavoidably set the tone for a relationship that will be uneven in every aspect… as a result of which you will always come out on the losing end. Woman gains control of the relationship by being clingy and dependent. She also gains control of the home and ownership of the dangling danglers in your trousers.
It will be seen by everyone outside of your relationship as well, and it will not leave a positive impression on others about you. This kind of interaction in a relationship with a significant other is desired by approximately.0001 percent of the female population. When was the last time you heard someone say that a woman prefers a guy who is in control and assertive, rather than passive and submissive?
One of the most pervasive problems with clinginess and reliance is that it indicates a lack of masculinity and strength, which are qualities that women inherently and expressly want. That is, they do not want to be in charge of a relationship, and particularly not the entire power that a dependent guy may provide. This is a huge turnoff at the very least!
Think you know what a True Jerk would never, ever do? To put it another way, you grow reliant on others.
This might be due to the fact that he is too selfish or self-absorbed, but the True Jerk is often wary of exposing himself to the vulnerability of being reliant on someone else because he is afraid of what could happen next.
Alternatively, the Jerk Complex requires that you put yourself and your time first (as if learning that women do not want to be smothered isn’t enough of a motivating factor for this).
Women will follow your lead if you place a high importance on yourself and demonstrate your independence. If you think about it, the reason we all contemplate postponing responding to emails and messages is to retain the appearance of productivity and independence. This is something we instinctively understand and appreciate.
When you are able to construct a lifestyle for yourself that is really self-centered to a degree (and this phrase is not used in a derogatory manner!) and independent, you will also acquire the strength and masculinity that women want and seek in a man.
The principle of equality and meeting your match are important aspects of chemistry.
When you have your own strengths and she has her own, the power balance is virtually equal and matches have been met – this results in a great deal of mutual respect between the two people.
And when you have such a fantastic balance, there is always a certain degree of uncertainty because you never quite feel like you have the upper hand, which results in constant sexual tension, effort, and a subtle pursuit and dance between partners.
It is inevitable that someone will become the reacher in the relationship and someone will become the settler if the balance is thrown either way due to someone being clingy or dependant on the other party. Respect will begin to dwindle in the near future. In this case, the advantage will be evident.
A negative cycle of bursts of effort followed by times of complacency is created, which plagues all problematic relationships.
And do you want to predict where all of this is going to lead?
8 reasons women fall in love with jerks?
4. You are who you are, and she is merely a part of who you are.
Pussy-whipped.
Heaps of unsettling terminology, and it’s one that most males avoid like the plague. Essentially, it indicates that you have subjugated yourself to a woman, regardless of whether or not you are benefiting from the relationship. You put her needs ahead of your own and place her on a pedestal so high that you can’t possibly aspire to reach the top of it one day.
When you are unattractively pussy-whipped, you have lost your sense of self since it has been devalued and relegated to a secondary position in your life.
Obviously, this is absurd, but it’s not like the majority of pussy-whipped males are actively choosing to behave in this manner. This kingdom of the pussy-whipped is a result of a succession of tiny choices and forks in the road — allow me to lay out the road map for you.
First and foremost, “Sure, I’ll come pick you up instead of going out for a drink with my mates!”
“Don’t worry about it, I was in the area anyhow,” says the next character.
“Hey, I’m available any time Monday-Friday; just let me know when is most convenient for you!”
Finally: “No, I completely understand; your buddy arrived into town at the last minute, and you decided to cancel on me!”
If any of those statements seem even somewhat similar to you…
This chapter is about keeping your independence and uniqueness when not in the company of your significant other or the lady you are seeking as a romantic partner.
Let’s have a peek at our dependable True Jerk first.
Perhaps he is self-centered, or perhaps he just does not give a damn about the women with whom he is associated. Perhaps he is dating a number of women at the same time. Whatever the case, he maintains a healthy (or unhealthy!) distance from the lady and prioritizes his own needs above those of the relationship. He does not make exceptions for women, and his identity is not determined by his connections with women.
He will spend virtually as much time with his buddies while he is single as he will when he is with a partner, if not more. Rather than apathy, the Jerk Complex appears as a feeling of power and independence, in contrast to the True Jerk’s lack of interest. You are not reliant on her, you do not need her, and you will be alright if you do not have her. Never let another person to define your universe.
Because she has infused passion into your life, this does not imply that she is the only thing you should be enthusiastic about!
One of the most significant consequences of losing your identity is that males would gradually but steadily quit standing up to and expressing themselves in their relationships with women. They learn to accept whatever the lady chooses and have gotten used to the definitely totalitarian procedure in which they now find themselves. It’s a procedure that results in being walked all over the place. This is shown by the thought bubbles above, which demonstrate how it may be so subtle that you are unaware that it is occurring.
However, to elaborate on the Jerk Complex’s point of view, your actions should not be determined on whether or not they keep the lady in question. You have your own set of ideals to which you should adhere. People will naturally begin to lose respect for you if you are continuously compromising your values and individuality in order to please someone else. If you take a step back and look at yourself through the eyes of someone else, you may find yourself losing respect for yourself.
How many times have you heard someone, whether a woman or a guy, express their desire for a partner who shares their interests and goals with them? If we strip away all of the customary happiness and rainbows that come with that phrase, it truly implies that they don’t want to be the center of anyone’s world at its core.
They don’t want to be held accountable for the happiness or unhappiness of another person, or for their highs and lows.
It’s a lot of strain, and to be honest, it gets old after a while. When it comes down to it, what exactly are they receiving out of this relationship?
People like being prioritized, but when they are the number one priority at all times of the day and night, it may be frightening, even for the most dedicated. For every dependent act you do, you unintentionally bind the other person to the label of “Jim AND Karen,” which might lead to anger and avoidance on their part if the situation continues.
Women want a man who can compete with them on a level playing field, since dating and relationships are about finding partners and companions, not sycophants who are beaten into submission. Sometimes this implies that disagreements will lead to the dissolution of relationships or that they will become more severe than they would have been otherwise. This is not altogether a bad thing, since, as previously said, you do not need her assistance and are a self-sufficient person.
The moment you get involved in anything, you become involved in that thing – and being involved in the other person does not qualify!
5. Anticipation has the power to attract everything in its path.
A major enthusiast, I believe firmly in the importance of exploring as many different interests and abilities as possible.
My most recent venture has been woodcarving, which has proven to be one of the most difficult obstacles I’ve faced in my life.
Despite the fact that I’ve always been skilled with my hands and have even dabbled in certain sorts of carpentry and building in the past, there’s something about handling knives that I simply can’t seem to get my head around. And do you know what else? That motivates me to work even harder to achieve success, and I am certain that the resulting win will be even more fulfilling and victorious as a result.
What does this have to do with jerks, the Jerk Complex, and being more appealing to women, you may wonder.
It is true that the longer you have to wait for anything you want, such as learning woodcarving, the more desirous you get of it. This phenomena of human wants is precisely what occurs in the contexts of dating, courtship, and partnerships.
The longer a woman has to wait for someone she is interested in, the more she will desire and appreciate him when she finally does achieve her wish and meets him. She will most likely desire him (you) even more if he is not available to her.
Of course, this is the “chase” that we are all familiar with and either love or despise. There’s a reason why so many individuals consider the chase period to be the most enjoyable stage of their relationships, and it definitely elicits strong feelings in those involved.
According to my definition of the chase in this book, it is the soft and delicate interaction between how much interest and reciprocation is permitted to be expressed throughout a courtship. Let’s have a look at what it means.
The delicate and soft interaction between the two… It has to be this way because an unstated rule of the game is that you are not playing the game until you are in the game. Please bear with me. The goal is to make your lower level of interest and reciprocation look normal, since if the other person discovers that you are participating in the chase, it will naturally be interpreted as greater interest and reciprocation on their side.
You may shake your head as often as you want, but you should embrace it.
What level of interest and reciprocation is permitted to be shown… When it comes to meeting your match, there is a delicate power balance to consider, and skewing the balance too much one way or the other may disrupt that equilibrium and project the idea that you are less valuable and hence less in demand.
Correctly executing the hunt will instill the expectation of needing something you can’t have right now, but which is just near enough and credible enough to keep you motivated and hungry for it in the future (her). Consistent incentives are scientifically shown to inspire us more and elicit stronger sensations of fulfillment and satisfaction – apply this to your relationships with females and see what happens.
The True Jerk maintains a high level of expectation by being aloof, and he typically does well in the pursuit since he does not anticipate much attention, if any. It is possible to replicate such feelings by merely acknowledging that uncertainty is a potent prelude to anticipation, which is a tremendous driving factor in human interactions.
As you have done in the past, keep your goals and actions to yourself. Maintain your own set of priorities. You don’t always return her phone calls or respond to her messages in a timely manner.
If she does not call you at the time you have specified, go ahead and make alternative arrangements.
While you’re not engaged with other concerns, use push and pull strategies to get her to pay attention to you in bursts when you’re available, and zero attention when you’re not. There is no manipulation going on here – you are just doing the best you can given your hectic social calendar and time constraints.
If you remain in a permanent chase phase by keeping your expectations high (and your availability low) with any woman you believe has promise for you, you will generate tension, attraction, and avoid the friendzone like the plague.
6. Be the reward, rather than acting as the prize.
One of the flaws in many men’s dating attitudes is that they are blind to the disparities that exist in the dating industry.
Many men will adopt the attitude of taking whatever scraps a woman offers them since women are seen to be in such poor supply, and males usually have a more difficult time connecting with women. It goes without saying that this is a system in which men also allow women to behave in this manner since men tolerate and even promote it, preferring it to doing nothing at all.
They are the modern-day equivalents of Oliver Twist, meekly pleading with the waitress for more soup.
You will no longer be associated with these guys because they just do not behave like winners, and hence women do not consider them to be winners. My message in this chapter is straightforward: if you present yourself like a treasure, women will begin to appreciate and regard you as such.
The True Jerk behaves as the prize because he may legitimately believe that he is superior to others and, as a result, he attempts to force his view on others. Despite the fact that he may not be causing others to see him as such, a little arrogance and overconfidence is undeniably more appealing than appearing as if you’re glad that a lady has shown you any interest.
The actual nature of a prize’s behavior inside the meek and unassuming Jerk Complex is unknown.
It is not necessary to present yourself as if you are everything and a bag of chips.
A award just conveys the impression that his time is valuable and that others should be thankful for his presence. It is not the responsibility of anybody to call or visit with them, and they surely do not take simply the crumbs of attention that are offered to them. A prize person takes great delight in his or her own hobbies and places a high value on their time.
As previously said, if you feel yourself to be a winner (or at the very least pretend to be one), others will follow your example. The winner has more dignity and respect in himself than any amount of secondary attention from a woman could ever hope to achieve.
A prize has self-confidence in his or her talents and does not allow himself or herself to be mistreated or taken for granted by others.
Confidence is a subject that might fill a whole book (and an entire chapter afterwards), but it is also an incredible aphrodisiac in and of itself.
The most crucial issue here is whether or not people see you as a prize, and if so, what you must do to alter their impression of your importance.
Here are some litmus questions to determine whether or not you are considered a prize or a priority. How far in advance do you make arrangements with your colleagues? What if she asks you about your plans for the day? If she cancels or postpones an appointment with you, does she make an effort to reschedule with you? Does she cancel appointments with other people in order to see you?
As an example, booty calls are one of the finest innovations since vacation sex and putting on socks that have just come out of the dryer, among other things. Even while you may be receiving advantages from booty calls, they are occasionally prompted by feelings that are not the most beneficial. Don’t interpret her approaching you as an expression of spontaneity or yearning.
If you get a call at 2:00 a.m., you may feel free to rejoice and begin cleaning your room, but I recommend that you consider the specific reason why the call was received at such an ungodly hour. That is, the fact that you are the backup for the night and are better company than having no one at all – that isn’t really a reward, is it?
In other words, if building your image is something you really value as a treasure, don’t answer that phone call, no matter how badly you want to get on the train to Bonecity. You will fundamentally alter the sense of power in that relationship, and you will position yourself as a problem that she must overcome in order to maintain her position of power.
A treasure will not tolerate being handled as if it were only a backup. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t consider you as a treasure… or in a relationship that is already lopsided and biased towards simply meeting her wants and needs?
A prize does not apologize to women solely out of instinct or to avoid confrontation; instead, he demands a compelling explanation because a prize recognizes his own value and does not pander to other people’s expectations.
For example, if she inquires about your plans for the next day, provide just a handful of specific opportunities, since a winner is continuously keeping himself busy and filling his calendar rapidly. A prize will not tolerate terrible behavior from women and will express his or her discontent in the appropriate manner.
This process starts from inside. Those around you will notice and follow your example if you clearly regard yourself as a priority.
7. Treat her like a lady, rather than as a daughter.
Whether you agree with it or disagree with it, chivalry is still very much alive and well today.
At their core, all women are romantics, and their storybook romances nearly always begin and conclude with a prince who sweeps them off of their feet. Females want and wish to be protected and cared for, while males often feel a reciprocal urge to be the protector and caregiver in their lives.
In a way, the tradition of chivalry is inextricably linked to our contemporary image of romance.
The act of showing chivalry, on the other hand, is taking care of your wife in the primitive manner that every man does for his mate… and not in the way that every father does for his daughter. Your relationships must walk a fine line between your chivalrous feelings and smothering father territory, which may be difficult to navigate at times.
It has the unique impact of making someone feel overwhelmed and that they are being followed by someone for their own goals – rather than being cared for and treated like a princess as is often the case.
For those of you who did not grow up with overbearing dads, here’s what fathers do when they are in charge: ask you where they were, ask you to check in with them, account for time spent away from them, be overly clingy and focused on you, place their own expectations on you, be preachy about what you’re doing and who you’re seeing, dote excessively, and assume that time will be spent together are all examples of what they mean.
As a result of the fact that we are all working in the same environment, how do you feel when you encounter someone like them?
You’re probably angry, suffocated, and mothered, and you’re probably ready to break free and run away. “Thank goodness I was able to get away from him for the night! “He’s a little too much!” Yes, when you treat a woman as if she is your daughter rather than your spouse, you are having the same impact on her as you are on yourself.
Some women eventually come to the decision that they want to marry someone who is extremely similar to their father – but not in this particular component of their personality. They’ve already spent (about) eighteen years living under the same roof with them and following their directions; they don’t want to do it again!
By overindulging in affection and being reliant and clinging on her, you will trigger the identical instincts that a woman would experience. She’ll feel trapped and begin looking for an escape route right now… As a result of generating that gap, it immediately transforms you into the pursued party. The reasons why this is a losing proposition for you have already been discussed. She could even strike out at you in the same way a daughter might if her father imposed her curfew for the night.
Finally, women seldom have love chemistry with their dads or anybody else who they perceive to be nagging them and keeping a close eye on them like a hawk.
Even if she loves you and isn’t bothered by the excessive amount of attention and supervision, you will develop a negative connotation with each of your encounters, and she will feel forced to spend time with you, and she may even do it out of guilt if you continue this pattern.
It is you who is placing your expectations on someone else, and whenever this occurs, the other will feel burdened by the need to live up to those expectations.
Is it beneficial to have someone spend time with you because they feel obligated or guilty to do so? Without a doubt, this is not the case! Your time spent together, as well as your dates, should be enthusiastically anticipated and anticipated with great excitement.
So, how does the Jerk Complex handle his partner, in contrast to the True Jerk, who is completely unconcerned? He protects her, but he isn’t overly concerned about her well-being. He looks after her, but he doesn’t bother her to make sure everything is in order.
Despite the fact that he protects her, he does not force her to carry her rape whistle. He takes use of the romantic and charming aspects of chivalry and does not get stuck in the rut of treating her like a princess the whole time. The Jerk Complex is confident in his ability to care for himself and thinks that his wife is similarly confident.
He plays the role of her prince charming and takes her on dates, but he doesn’t inform her about the history of the restaurant’s pizza and doesn’t allow her to eat pepperoni on her outings.
Your attention should be focused on the romantic gestures that a partner makes to seduce you, rather than on oppressive fatherly actions that will cause her to rebel against you. Contact her to show her that you miss her, not to check in on her and make sure she’s well, that she’s taken her vitamins, and that you’re up to date on everything.
8. The power of space cannot be overstated.
The proverb says, “If you love someone, leave them free… and if they return to you, it was meant to be.” I believe this is true.
Of course, it’s a load of nonsense. If you want it to happen, you should invest in a boomerang.
If you give someone the distance they want, it is practically impossible for them to glance back. When used in the context of a breakup, the proverb primarily provides individuals with a ray of optimism.
However, concluding this chapter right there wouldn’t be very helpful, would it?
When you are granted space, such as when you are released from prison, it will not benefit you. However, when you skillfully create space for yourself, the emptiness will simply serve to attract more ladies to you.
It’s perhaps worthwhile to reiterate my position.
Providing women with excessive space and time to themselves does not ensure that they would return to you thereafter… They may just flee or get bored – moreover, this takes control of the situation away from you, which is never the intention.
But when you allow yourself the same space and freedom as others, such as while talking to other ladies, they will take notice quickly and come flocking back to you for more.
How can the Jerk Complex masterfully provide himself with the same amount of space that a lady could like to have? If you stop and think about it for a second, it’s really rather simple. What type of freedom would women not want to see you with, and what kind of power would make them feel like they no longer had the upper hand on the relationship?
The first thing to remember is that you shouldn’t rule out your connection at the first sign of uncertainty — it’s that ambiguity that will draw her back to you and keep you interesting. As soon as you start talking about your relationship and become exclusive with her, you are signaling to her that you are fully committed to her and have eliminated any option of being apart.
This is a good thing in general, but for a Jerk Complex’s desire and endeavor to become appealing to a woman, the ability to operate in an unknown environment is critical. Space maintains its sense of espionage and mystery. The Talk was something she would have planned herself if she had wanted it. Make her quietly plead for it, and you’ll be forced to give in.
Most likely, if you project an attitude of avoidance when it comes to the relationship and exclusivity issue, even if that is exactly what you desire, she will attempt to alter your opinion.
At that moment, it’s no longer a personal attack, but rather a test of her will and her sense of self-worth. She will want to lock the door and will be upset if she sees you entering with your own.
In the same way, telling her that you are confused about wanting to be with her exclusively or that you are unsure about wanting to go long-distance has the same impact… If you are adamant about wanting to date since you are colleagues, she will use that as an opportunity to try to persuade you otherwise.
Second, just as you have given her room and freedom in all elements of her life, you now have the same amount of space and freedom in all aspects of your life as she does. This has implications for how you interact with other women and how you date them.
This is exactly what ladies mean when they say they want more room, therefore it’s only right that you get to enjoy the same amount of space. Everything that happens after that will be eye-opening (provided that they are aware of the subtle clues and call-outs to your new location and lifestyle that you make public beforehand).
They’ll start checking in with you more often all of a sudden. I’m just texting you to say hi at random. I’m inviting you to spend more time with me. They are making room in their calendar for you. You should make plans for the next week or two.
In the same way, publicly competing with other guys for her has the same impact and for the same reason – it devalues her and demonstrates that you are unable to cope with your own space.
They believe you’ve provided them with the space they seek, but once they discover how attractive you are as well as how happy you can be without her, her perspective on space will be radically altered. You’ve given us a newfound sense of power with the introduction of option — choice is thrilling, and we tend to feel that all of our own decisions are made for reasons we understand.
As a result, when you offer her the space and freedom to choose between you and someone else, and she chooses you, she will assume that it was a real decision based on chemistry and attraction on her part. This is somewhat accurate – the only asterisk being that the chemistry and attraction between them is due to the space that you’ve provided for them to fill, which they are eager to do. You have just taken on the role of the pursued, as she is attempting to shut up the space.
Individuals are often interested by individuals who aren’t instantly accessible to them, which brings us to our third point. Simple human nature has been discussed, and will be discussed again, in this book, as has been done before. In the same way that I was pushed and fulfilled by my attempts to master woodcarving, the ladies will be driven and satisfied by their attempts to master you.
Once you add space, you transform into woodcarving in their eyes – something that is now unachievable but seems to be worth the work and wait.
Finally, you must accept the emotional and mental space that you have gained from her. You should avoid being emotionally reliant on her, and you should keep your own interests and hobbies alive.
The presence of this emptiness will remind her of the beneficial and enjoyable effect you have had on her life, and it will prevent her from relying on you only as an emotional crutch, also known as the friendzone, since she will begin to feel it very immediately.
If they see you delegating the tasks and privileges of someone you wish to date to another woman, they will demand that you return them quickly. The result is that she will consider herself fortunate to be with you: the independent guy who has granted her space while in reality merely taking his own.
9. You are Tarzan, and she is Jane.
Even if you’re dating a woman who is a successful CEO, it’s likely that she doesn’t want to be in charge of the direction of the relationship. In fact, it’s a safe chance that she desires the polar opposite of what you want.
He must be macho in order for her to be able to take a backseat and just be Jane. Even if there are few exceptions to the norm, many (if not the majority) women are quite content to fulfill the gender role of wanting to be taken care of.
He does this because he has no respect for the sentiments of a woman, and he takes control of the encounter since he is only concerned with himself. He doesn’t pause to consider the preferences or views of others, and he takes the initiative without ever looking back.
Once again, we witness a motif of apathy being misconstrued as a sense of security.
In contrast, the Jerk Complex simply acknowledges that her need to be feminine is very real and apparent, and that it can only be fulfilled when you take on the male and dominant role.
Make her feel that she can take on the position of Betty Homemaker or Hilda Housewife, and she will embrace it to the maximum extent possible. Act in the direction of that objective, and the rest will fall into place.
Because they appeal to a woman’s primitive impulses, inflicting such sentiments on her is incredibly effective. You’re basically the guy that she’s been looking for. Ensure that she feels protected and secure. Open jars and eliminate pests to make her life easier. Hold her umbrella or lend her your coat to keep her warm. I’ll park the automobile in front of her. Set a date with her by providing her with merely the time, place, and attire to be worn.
It’s difficult to do this when she’s in charge of everything and guiding your relationships. So go ahead and be the powerful guy she desires to have sweep her off her feet. If you conduct yourself in this manner, you will exude the confidence and masculinity that she seeks.
Furthermore, and maybe more crucially, the dominating guy does not remain stuck in insecurity.
The term “chivalry” may be used to describe it on the surface, but it refers to an entirely different attitude. In this situation, you are asserting control over the conversation simply because you are the sort of guy who would do so, not out of respect or reverence to her, or to pamper her and “treat her like a lady,” as you may be inclined to do elsewhere.
As a result, hesitation is one of the most unappealing characteristics a person may possess. Specifically prohibited are the following types of exchanges:
“Can you tell me what you want to do/eat/see next?”
“I’m not sure what you want to accomplish, but I’ll try.” “I couldn’t care less.”
As a result, it is up to you to take charge and organize the whole event, including segmentation and backup plans. You will be the one to guide the date through each of your phases.
You will take care of the instructions and will not need to ask her to look up the location on her phone. You will make sure she has access to a blanket, an umbrella, and gloves in case she needs them. In this case, you will deal with the bill (without necessarily paying it) and any complications that emerge as a result of the date itself.
You will be in charge of the transportation arrangements. You will guide her through a maze of people. You will introduce her to the head chef of the restaurant where she will be working. I believe you have grasped the situation.
If you take the initiative, she will take note and follow your lead. Most importantly, she’ll respect you and your talents, which may be enough to have you kicked out of the friend zone for good.
Practice tip: think about where you and your pals will go on your next excursion.
All of the planning details, problems, dealing with waiters, dividing the check, renting the property, and maintaining control of the guest list are in your capable hands. When you know precisely what is required for such an event (or date), you will have gained valuable experience and confidence in your ability to take charge..
This method can also help you feel more at ease with the prospect of a possible confrontation while trying to solve or correct an issue on a date.
Be aware that there is a mountain of difference between taking command of the conversation and being one of the men who will carry her handbag for the duration of the interaction. Take good care of her, but don’t indulge her every whim.
In this situation, I prefer to use what I refer to as the groan test. The fact that you may tell your male friends about something you’ve done for her and their response is to moan indicates that you are definitely catering to her too much.
