7 tips to Survive Abuse When You Can’t Leave Your Home

When you are unable to leave your abusive parents, here are 10 strategies to help you cope.

I’m no longer a youngster confined at home, but I grew up with a mother who suffered from schizophrenia. She was abusive on many levels: emotionally, psychologically, and physically. We slept on the streets on a number of occasions, even while we had an apartment to call home.

 

 She was often admitted to the hospital and subjected to shock treatments. For the most of my life, I was housed in three separate foster homes; I never attended the same school or stayed in the same household for more than six months at a time.

It wasn’t easy, but I made it through.

 

 

1. You’re absolutely correct: it’s not fair!

Growing up with an abusive mother or father is a nightmare. It’s not fair or right in any way. I can’t even begin to list all of the ways it annoys me or convey how difficult it is…but I can assure you that this, too, will pass. It doesn’t seem as though the abuse will ever end…but it eventually will. It may not seem that your wounds will heal or that your body will be in good condition, but they will.

 

 

You may not know when you will be able to live on your own, in safety and independence, but one day you will have your own place to call your own. Maybe you’ll live in a home with a roommate, or maybe you’ll live in an apartment by yourself.

 

 

 It’s possible that you’ll find accommodation in a million-dollar property in a lovely neighborhood owned by an elderly woman who will address you as “dearie” and “sweetie” (like I did! It was just fantastic). If your father hits you, your mother calls you names, your brother puts you down, your sister beats you up, you won’t have to live with these things all the time.

 

 

This, too, will pass in time. Keep it in mind. This will not be the case for the rest of your life. Furthermore, growing up with violent parents in a household you are unable to escape does not have to define who you are now. It is a significant portion of your life, but it is not the whole of your life.

 

 

Not only will this pass, but you will also heal as a result of it. Would you believe that I had completely forgotten what my mother had done to me and how severe the abuse was? Only recently, when I re-read my journal from when I was 13 and in eighth school, did I understand how verbally and physically violent my mother had been.

 

 

 I was always aware that my mother was mentally ill and suffering from paranoid schizophrenia, but I couldn’t recall her specific words or acts. The scars of her abuse are still visible in my cells now and in the future, but my memories have faded and I can only faintly recollect her precise acts of violence and terrible comments.

 

 

2. Inform someone about what is taking on at home.

When I was a youngster, I never considered dialing a hotline for assistance. But I did contact Social Services and spoke with a social worker about leaving my house since my mentally ill mother was assaulting me. 

 

 

She agreed that I should go. The next morning, a social worker arrived to our flat; I had been placed in a foster family the previous night. The town where we resided was a tiny one in Saskatchewan; not many towns or cities have social service agencies that are able to respond as quickly as ours! 

 

However, since we were “in the system,” the social workers were aware of my mother’s illness, which was a relief. They were well aware of the dangers of abusive parents, and they didn’t want me to be forced to live with a schizophrenic father who may grow much more aggressive.

If you are unable to bear your parents’ abuse any longer, contact the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-442-4453 or visit their website.

 

 

Also, you could discover what child abuse is and how to tell whether you or your siblings are being harmed by your parents. Parents who abuse their children are defined well by the National Child Abuse Hotline. You may also get advice on how to protect yourself from abuse if you are unable to leave your house.

 

 

What exactly constitutes abuse? My mother was not abusive when she did the following:

They imposed a curfew of 10 p.m. on me.
When I was late returning home, my mother grounded me and refused to allow me to remain up until 2 a.m.

 

I was compelled to attend school and do my schoolwork; I was compelled to exercise; I was compelled to attend church.

I was compelled to join Girl Guides or attend church.
My parents wouldn’t let me to remain at the roller skating rink till the hours I want. They also wouldn’t let me hang out with specific people.
She became so psychologically sick that she was sent to a mental institution for shock treatments, and I was placed in foster homes.

 

Parents imposing restrictions because it is their responsibility to protect and raise you must be distinguished from parents who are physically, sexually, psychologically, or emotionally abusing you. It is crucial to understand the difference between the two.

My mother was verbally assaulting me when she:

Hit me with “the stick” (a large piece of wood that is far heavier than a wooden spoon). It was really painful)

 

They’ve called me wicked, bad, dumb, overweight, and lazy, among other things.
Insisted on not allowing me to visit any of our other family members
I smacked my sister in the face in front of me.
You’ve forgotten about me.
Our dogs have been harmed.

 

That’s all I’m interested in recalling at the moment! Reading over my journals from when I was a kid and adolescent will undoubtedly bring up more instances of my mother’s abuse, but I don’t want to do it. Why?

 

 For the simple reason that it hurts. And since one of my most essential advice for surviving abusive parents is to mourn the sorrow and loss you have experienced without allowing it to consume or overwhelm you is one of my most important suggestions.

You are invited to share your own experience and tale in the comments area below this article. Writing about your abusive parents’ actions and how they make you feel can assist you in beginning the healing and coping with them..

Are you an adult who grew up in a home where your parents were abusive? 

 

 

 

3. Be detailed when you speak about or write about your family’s exploitation and abuse.

I didn’t tell anybody about my mother’s abuse because I was embarrassed and ashamed of the situation. I assumed that everyone else had regular parents, with the exception of myself. I was confined at home (and on the street) with a psychotic, schizophrenic mother who yelled at me and slapped me repeatedly.

 

 

 I didn’t want anybody to find out. I didn’t believe I’d be able to tell anyone…until I really did tell someone. I dialed Social Services, spoke with a social worker, and then snuck out the door. I never imagined that the day would come when I would have to leave home.

 

 

Who can you turn to for help if your parents are abusive? That is the only way you will be able to live, and maybe even escape. Nobody can stand out for you; you must discover your own voice and express your truth in order to be heard. Unless you take steps to protect yourself and aid yourself, no one will be able to perform a miracle and rescue you out of your predicament. 

 

Visit a children’s helpline with a chat feature, phone a domestic violence hotline, or look for a Social Services agency in your neighborhood. Speaking out about how you are being mistreated by your mother or father will both harm and benefit you.

 

 

It is possible to feel dreadful, embarrassed, and even ashamed about admitting what is going on at home with your family. It is possible that you may get into even more difficulty with your parents if you inform someone about the abuse. Is it really worth it to take the chance? You are the only one who has the authority to make this decision.

 

 I understand how difficult it must be for a young person to make this choice. However, you may learn something very important: you have more influence over your life than you realize, and you may be able to leave home and escape the abuse if you work hard.

 

 

4. Try not to set off your father’s alarm or press your mother’s buttons.

I was frequently able to pinpoint precisely what it was that made my mother angry and aggressive toward me, but this was not always the case. It was the hardest during the summer vacations since I was at home more and I was getting on her nerves. 

 

 

It wasn’t the social isolation brought on by the coronavirus that we are now experiencing; my family was always cut off from the rest of the world. I grew up with the understanding that one of the most difficult aspects of living with a mentally ill parent is the unpredictability of their behavior.

 

 Sometimes I’d be beaten up with a stick for some little transgression, and other times I’d do something blatantly wrong and get beaten up with a stick (eg, I got drunk and threw up all over the front hallway).

 

 I didn’t get punished or abused for the major things, just for the minor, unexpected things that happened every day. I despised the fact that I had no idea what was going to happen. Because everything was complicated, I felt uneasy and unsure of myself.

 

If you are unable to move away from your violent parents – or even leave the house because you are confined to your home – avoid provoking them in any way. Don’t put yourself in a position to be abused by doing anything that causes them to mistreat you. 

 

This is not to indicate that you are to blame for the abuse! It is NOT YOUR FAULT that your parents are physically and verbally abusive. You are not causing them to mistreat you, your other children, or the pets in your home.

 

 

5. Keep a journal of anything that occurs to you.

In my book, 5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship, I advise women to write down everything that happens to them along the process. Make a list of the dates, times, activities, and locations where the abuse happens.

 

 Make a list of everyone who was involved, what occurred, and how long it went on for. Hide your writing in a safe place away from prying eyes. To keep it secure for you, you may even send it to your closest friend, a family, a teacher, a coach, an organization for children, or a guidance counselor.

 

 

Make a list of your thoughts and feelings regarding what is occurring to you. This is how you will survive your abusive parents if you are unable to leave or move out of your family’s house due to financial constraints. 

 

You must maintain your strength and health, and one of the most effective ways to do so is to express yourself. You should read what I wrote about my mother when I was thirteen years old! I wrote some of the ugliest, meanest, and most honest things I could think of. I believe this was the key to my healing, as it enabled me to forget about the specific sorts of abuse and concentrate on going ahead.

 

6. Become acquainted with your “Secret Survival Powers.”

Writing was a lifesaver for me. That, and the fact that God exists. The fact that neither writing nor God saved me from my violent family quickly (possibly because if I had been rescued instantly I wouldn’t have anything to share with you right now!) It is for your benefit that I survived my traumatic childhood). 

 

 

When I was unable to leave my family, I learnt how to endure violent parents by writing about everything that occurred to me. I also had a great belief in God, despite the fact that I did not pray seriously. I did, however, sense His presence. In retrospect, I see that God did not pull me out of my situation, but He did put my situation to a close.

 

 

What do you consider to be your Secret Survival Powers? It’s possible that you have 100 more than you know! I’m interested in learning about your survival techniques. Here are a few ideas to consider….

 

Exemplifications of Secret Survival Techniques

It is your decision whether or not to speak out and tell someone about your abusive parents. You have a voice – and you can use it to express yourself!
The capability of connecting to the internet
When you are unable to leave your violent parents, you must have the strength to take the first step forward: looking for assistance on the internet

 

The ability of making a phone call to a child helpline from your phone.
The understanding that you do have friends and relatives who care about you; the capacity to write down how your parents are abusing you and how it makes you feel; the ability to express yourself verbally to others;

 

Have an open mind to consider the options for your future house, relationships, work, life, and travel destinations!
Nobody else has your unique blend of personality, abilities, skills, and gifts; no one else can compare to you.

 

 

Here’s the Secret Survival Power that helped me save my own life: I decided to take the chance and contact Social Services for assistance. I was really open and honest with the social worker. I said that my mother is abusive and that I am unable to live with her any longer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 It was because my family’s setting was not conducive to a healthy upbringing for a young girl that I inquired about the possibility of living in a foster home. Alternatively, I may have said “I despise my insane mother.” “Can you just get me the F out of here?” I pleaded.

In any case, it was successful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. Recognize that you are not alone – read the comments below and talk to someone.

Brooke Nolan is the main character in KL Randis’ novel Spilled Milk. The caller claims to be a beaten youngster who has made an anonymous phone call to report the increasing level of child abuse in her family. 

 

 

 

 

When Social Services puts her safety at risk and compels her to maintain her father’s secret, it is a glass of spilt milk at the dinner table that finally causes her to speak up about the familial abuse she has been denying all her life.

 

 

 When Brooke goes on the hunt for safety and justice, she finds herself up against a dysfunctional system that is determined to keep her father in the house. 

 

 

 

Despite the fact that Spilled Milk is based on a genuine story, it is a work of fiction. It is a book of astonishing story, victory, and perseverance – and it will make you realize just how bold and powerful you can be if you let yourself!