3 Steps To Overcoming Your Validation Addiction
Don’t worry if you’re worried about your own f*ckability. We are all born to be f*ckwithable. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Continue reading to learn how to let go of your need for approval and embrace some powerful self-love. (Vishen Lakhiani and Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani were the inspiration for this piece.)
Validation’s Dark Side
Who doesn’t like a friendly slap on the back?
You’ve known from the day you were born that being a “good boy” or “good girl” benefited you. You just embraced the attention, soaked in the accolades, and thrilled as you were publicly showered with more affection (and candy?).
The actual issue occurred when you were afraid of losing it.
Lack of validation became a gap to be filled, an aching to feel, and a result of dread.
That, my friend, is a problem. And being hooked to anything, anything, causes us to lose our sense of ourselves and makes us very open to manipulation. In this manner, every choice you made throughout your life became more motivated by a single need: the desire to be validated.
So the true problem here, the biggest conundrum of all, is that we’ve fooled ourselves that our value is exclusively determined by what other people think of us.
Low Self-Esteem Signs
You go on a date with someone who doesn’t respond to your texts, and you can’t stop thinking about what went wrong.
You get a poor performance evaluation at work, and you can’t stop feeling inept for days while you try to prove yourself.
Your sister gets engaged before you, and you’re worried about being left out (what would your parents think?).
Because you’re afraid of being abandoned, you back down in disagreements.
In your Zoom conference, you refuse to utilize your camera because ‘you look like sh*t.’
They’re all little knocks to your belief system, but they add up over time to erode your self-assurance.
And the reason they have such a big impact is because you’re starving for acceptance in order to live. According to Mindvalley Founder Vishen Lakhiani…
…
You’re completely unf*ckable.
Are You F*cking F*ckable?
People who are f*ckwithable are innately unsatisfied. They are individuals who put their self-worth in the hands of others and believe that they are only good enough when they are accepted, appreciated, or applauded.
Don’t worry if you’re worried about your own f*ckability. We are all born to be f*ckwithable. As we already said, you were socialized to be this way. Validation is the Holy Grail in our social environment. It’s tough to break free from our inherent need for approval.
However, if you really want to step into your power and reconnect with your actual, badass self, you’ll need to unlearn everything society has worked so hard to implant in you.
Ready?
Let’s get this party started.
What Does It Take To Be Unf*ckable?
Step 1: Re-evaluate your life objectives.
Unf*ckability is made up of a few fundamental components. The first is to set self-motivated objectives.
If one of your main aims is to get that particular someone to adore you, for example, you’re setting yourself up for f*ckability. Your success or failure is in their hands, not yours.
You may replace that objective with something like being the most loving, real, true version of yourself around them (and everyone, why not?). You’ll still accomplish your objective whether they fall in love with you or not.
A classic example is the desire to get a certain career. Putting all your eggs in one basket, once again, sets you up for f*ckability. Rejection is unavoidable in life, but it doesn’t have to be the end of you.
What if your objective was to get as much experience as possible in that profession while applying for jobs in the same field? Not only would you be more likely to acquire your dream job in the first place, but you’d also be taking control of the situation from the one person who examines your CV.
Step 2: Accept That You Are Enough
Author Marisa Peer of Mindvalley
The realization that you are enough is the second part of being unf*ckwithable.
If you’re acquainted with Marisa Peer’s work as a top hypnotherapist and Mindvalley author, you’ll know that those three simple phrases carry a powerful impact.
Because understanding that you are enough, no matter what, frees you from the shackles of validation and society’s urge to regulate your low-self-esteem-driven behavior.
So you don’t become enough simply because you complete a job assignment or fall in love with the guy or woman of your desires.
When your bank account reaches six digits, you’re no longer sufficient.
When you drop six pounds, you’re no longer enough.
Although it’s great to have accomplished all of this, believing you’re enough right now makes you unf*ckable. You set yourself free by recognizing that you are enough, precisely as you are, with no need for alterations, upgrades, or tweaks.
Step 3: Establish A Gratitude Routine
When you think about it, poor self-esteem and f*ckwithability are often the result of a lack of mindset–that personal feeling of “not enough-ness” that we addressed in step 2.
So what better approach to counteract it than to remind yourself of all the blessings you currently have? Taking a few minutes to think on all of the positive things, people, experiences, and personal traits you already have doesn’t simply boost your sense of self-worth, accomplishment, and personal power. It also feels fantastic!
According to The Positive Psychology Blog, when we express gratitude, our brain produces large amounts of dopamine and serotonin, the two neurotransmitters that are responsible for our pleasure. Their effects are instantaneous, enhancing our mood regardless of how we were feeling previous to beginning the thankfulness exercise.
Consider your life as a magnificent tapestry. Thank yourself for putting in the effort, for the passion you put into your endeavors, and for having the courage to be vulnerable and help yourself become unf*ckable.
5 Must-Know Self-Love Techniques
When was the last time you were dissatisfied with your own performance? Relax and don’t be too harsh on yourself. Here are some basic practices that might assist you in learning to appreciate your own body.
True self-love equips you with the bravery and tenacity to face and overcome any challenge in life. However, if you are having difficulty feeling greater appreciation for yourself, you may need to use a few self-love practices.
Listed here are five self-love practices that can assist you in enhancing your self-love and coming to grips with the magnificent individual that you are.
Ready? Then let’s get this party started!
What Is It About Self-Love That Is So Difficult?
At the A-Fest 2018 in Sardinia, a participant is demonstrating self-love practices.
Can you recall a moment when you were so disappointed in yourself that you thought to yourself:
“Can you tell me what’s wrong with me?”
“It seems like I’m continuously making errors.”
“I’m completely to blame.”
For individuals who see self-love as a prize for the day when they eventually become the person they want to be, this is a normal train of thinking to go through. This conduct shows that their self-love is conditional on them being objectively “good” or “successful,” as opposed to being objectively “bad.”
Humans, at their core, like themselves more than they adore their favorite people (family and loved ones). However, since they are cultural animals, they might learn to feel that they are more in love with their favorite individuals than they are with themselves.
Aristotle was a Greek philosopher.
This suggests that, believe it or not, you already have a positive attitude about yourself.
What Is the Meaning of True Self-Love?
Being in love with oneself does not stem from a strong need to be better or more worthy than others. It is not motivated by selfishness or vanity. It is not predicated on the achievement of intended results. It also doesn’t come off as arrogant or narcissistic in the traditional sense.
Self-love is unafraid to be open and honest with oneself.
Get to know and accept yourself as you are is the ultimate commitment; it is the goal of life. In order to completely experience life as it occurs to you, you must be present. And to look for methods to physically, mentally, and spiritually improve as a result of these experiences on a consistent basis.
Giving oneself unconditional respect and praise is the essence of true self-love. Remembering that you deserve to have all of your own needs addressed while also believing yourself to be worthwhile, valuable, and deserving of happiness is part of the process.
Whatever you do or fail to do, it is totally knowing that you will always love yourself and be true to who you are — no matter what happens.
When it comes to love, is self-love the best love?
Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani performs at the A-Fest 2018 festival in Sardinia.
In Sardinia, at Mindvalley’s A-Fest 2018, co-founder Kristina Mänd-Lakhiani took the stage to speak about the company’s founding principles.
Confidence, warmth, and care are all characteristics of self-love.
I define acceptance as the full and total acceptance of one’s self and one’s situation. It is the expression of admiration and affirmation for oneself.
It is the unconditional support, self-care, and compassion you provide to yourself that will eventually result in excellent health, high self-esteem, happiness, overall balance, and well-being in the long run.
Self-love is a fundamental need, as well as a fundamentally good value that leads to inner serenity and fulfillment.
Is It Important To Love Yourself? Why is it important to love oneself?
You simply cannot take care of others until you have taken care of yourself first, and this is true for everyone. It is possible to walk through the world with more compassion for others when one sincerely and totally loves oneself. This allows one to get great pleasure and happiness from giving to others, as well as from giving to oneself.
As a result, self-love is both your fuel and your basis. You will be in a state of instability and uncertainty throughout your whole life if it is not present. However, if you genuinely love yourself, life will flow smoothly and everything will fall into place as it should.
You’ll be more resilient to survive any difficult life event or personal misfortune as a result of this program. Depression, worry, tension, and the need to be flawless will all fade away in the face of the pure optimism that comes from self-love.
You will always be aware that this time will pass, and you will be able to say: “I am OK because I will treat myself decently no matter what the circumstances.”
How Do You Learn to Love Yourself?
Mindvalley’s A-Fest 2017 took place in Ibiza, and I was there.
When it comes to loving yourself, Oscar Wilde famously remarked, “It is the beginning of a lifelong relationship.”
This suggests that it is not a final goal, but rather a daily practice.
The following is important to know before we get into daily self-love practices and exercises:
You are the epicenter of the universe – everything begins and ends with your actions. You’re going to spend the rest of your life with yourself. Rather of operating from a position of self-loathing, you should strive to function from one of self-love.
You are the most concerned with yourself — No one else is more concerned with you — with your well-being, safety, health, happiness, and existence — than you are with yourself. No one understands your life better than you do, and no one knows what makes you happy or what causes you the greatest pain.
And isn’t it true that no one else can make better decisions for you or offer you a better perspective on what you should do than you yourself? No one else is responsible for your spiritual development except you.
There is already love inside you – Love from other people can only make you happy if it builds on or reflects your own sense of self-worth and self-acceptance. The ability to love others can only come from one’s own self-love: it is a reflection or enlargement of the love one has for oneself.
5 Self-Love Techniques to Help You Feel More Love for Yourself
Here are five self-love practices that you may do to start growing your self-love right away:
1. Pay Attention to Your Inner Voice
Because the mind is constantly functioning from a point of duality, it is quite natural to feel either inferior or superior. Learn to be aware of and cognizant of how you treat yourself in your own thinking by following these steps. Make a conscious effort to pay attention to your inner monologue and how it makes you feel. Remove the belittling beliefs from your head and redirect your thoughts and actions to more positive activities.
2. Take a deep breath and relax.
Examine and comprehend your existing ideas and values, as well as the true motives that behind them (be careful not to adopt or hold onto other people’s views and values). Consider why you are hanging onto your ideas and ideals if they are not serving your best interests.
3. Make Time for Yourself and Take Care of Yourself
Maintain a healthy lifestyle by engaging in everyday activities that include appropriate eating, exercise, enough sleep, intimacy, and positive social connections, as well as plenty of time for fun, adventure, and relaxation. When you correctly nourish and care for your body, you’ll have the most energy and vitality possible, which will help you to feel better about yourself. Self-esteem and self-love are intertwined, and engaging in activities that you like can increase endorphin production and bring out the best version of yourself in the process.
4. Establish Boundaries and Take Steps to Protect Yourself
You will learn how to distinguish between what is and is not good for you, as well as the clarity you will need to comprehend what you will and will not accept in your life. Never accept being treated as if you are a doormat again. Ensure that you are surrounded by individuals who are a reflection of your own sense of self-worth and reputation. Live deliberately, with a sense of purpose and design.
5. Take a look at your spirituality.
Faith is the cornerstone for self-love, regardless of what religion or belief system you adhere to or adhere to. Believing in anything allows your spirit to be exposed to the beauty of believe and trust in and of themselves. When you investigate your spirituality, you will go on a journey in which you will discover new things about yourself. These new ideas, sentiments, passions, and raw emotions will help you respect yourself for being who you are in your true self-expression. This will improve your intuition and assist you in making judgments based on your instincts.
Meditation on Self-Loving
Meditation as a tool for self-love is discussed here.
If the self-love practices listed above have piqued your interest, you may want to consider trying a self-love meditation.
Self-love strategies should be practiced, but it is also necessary to learn to concentrate on the inside sensation of self-love.
Self-Love Meditation: A Guided Meditation
Meditation is the process of being serene and quiet while concentrating on a virtuous object. Due to the fact that feeling inner peace is essential to your happiness, include any type of meditation into your everyday routine. Reduce and remove your negative, disturbed states of mind gradually, and replace them with good, tranquil states of mind as you progress.
Script for a Meditation on Self-Love
This brief transcript is straightforward and powerful, and you may record it in your own voice and play it back anytime you want as you meditate:
Close your eyes for a moment…
Bring your attention to your breathing – simply take a few deep breaths in and out… Follow the inhalation and exhale with complete awareness, without attempting to modify it……
Permit your thoughts to be settled into your breathing — put your awareness into your heart.
Now mentally say the following three times to yourself: “I adore myself just as I am.”
Take a deep breath in and out…
Make a mental note of these lines (by Og Mandino) and repeat them three times to yourself: “I am nature’s greatest marvel.”
Since the beginning of time, there has never been anybody else who has had my mind, my heart, my eyes, my ears, my hands, my hair, or my lips as well as I do. There is no one who has come before me, no one who is alive now, and no one who will come tomorrow who can walk, speak, move, and think precisely as I do. Despite the fact that all men are my brothers, I am distinct from them. I am a one-of-a-kind creature.
I am precious because I am uncommon, and there is value in all rarity, thus I am valued. In addition, since I am the culmination and culmination of thousands of years of development, I am more well-equipped in both intellect and body than all the emperors and wise men who came before me.
Slowly bring your eyes open…
In addition, grin – allow the smile to go throughout your whole body.
You may employ the mantra, “Even though I (insert your difficulty here), I always sincerely and totally love and accept myself,” to help you overcome a particular element or condition that is interfering with your ability to love and accept yourself.
Positive Affirmations For Self-Love Positive self-love tactics and affirmations are strong words that have the capacity to shift your views in a positive direction.
Speaking these aloud first thing in the morning or immediately before night will have the biggest influence since the phrases will be ingrained into your subconscious:
I am deserving of affection.
I believe that I am capable of overcoming every hurdle that life throws at me.
My life is built on the principles of self-respect and respect for others.
I am the epitome of beauty.
My life is a celebration of all of my triumphs and successes.
I am enveloped in the enveloping energy of the Universe’s loving presence.
I adore myself in ways that are beyond description.
In the face of adversity, I feel love rising from my heart.
I am deserving of kindness that is limitless and endless.
I am genuine, sincere, and outspoken in my approach.
Love makes me feel more young, gives me more energy, and helps me to feel more rejuvenated.
Individuality gives me a sense of self-assurance.
Every scenario is infused with the love that is inside me.
I am a source of strength.
