15 Foreplay Ideas To Improve Sex
It is not optional to engage in foreplay. The act of P-in-V or P-in-B sex is not something that can be done half-heartedly for two minutes before jumping into it. You should instead take your time with it in order to get both your spouse and yourself in the mood—after all, you shouldn’t be fake enthusiasm or mechanically going through the motions solely for your partner’s sake. Foreplay is something that should elicit sexual responses from all parties involved.
According to Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and creator of Organic Loven, which is one of the biggest BIPOC-owned online intimacy businesses, “without foreplay, [sex] is similar to placing a frozen turkey in a 250 degree oven.” It will thaw at some time, and it will be ready to cook within the following 4 or 5 days,” says the chef. Nevertheless, why go that road when you can thaw it first and then heat it in the proper manner and at the proper temperature?”
To be clear, the word “foreplay” is an euphemism since it suggests that what follows—the real “play” or intercourse—is somehow superior to what came before. However, this is not the case. The majority of persons who have a vulva are unable to orgasm just via penetration. It is necessary for them to be stimulated by clitoral stimulation in order to reach climax, which occurs when the external clitoral glans are involved.
The most reliable methods of doing this are not via penetration, but rather through oral, hand, or toy sex, among others. In addition, it is vital to remember that sex is not just about orgasming; rather, it is about pleasure, and there is a distinction.)
Think of foreplay as MORE-play than the “before” stage of the game. A large element of this jigsaw that deserves a higher reputation than some optional “pre-sex” pleasure is a significant chunk of this puzzle. It is not even necessary to engage in penetrative sex for sex to be considered sex in this context. When it comes to sexual pleasure, anything that involves the genitals (or other bodily parts) is included. People, we must broaden our perspectives! This is the end of prioritizing sexual encounters.
So we spoke with a number of sex specialists in order to receive the greatest foreplay moreplay advice. The next time you find yourself mucking about, try one, two, or all of these suggestions and strategies, and watch some magic happen.
First, find out what makes your spouse tick.
Always ask your spouse what he or she prefers during a sex session when in doubt. Dr. Barbara Bartlik, professor of psychiatry at Cornell University, argues that most women appreciate men who go out of their way to ensure that they are happy. They’ll be more inclined to reciprocate your efforts if they see that you’re putting out effort to satisfy them.
No matter what form of sex you’re having, communication is crucial for having a nice time. Being upfront and honest about your turn-ons, and asking your partner to do the same, helps to create an erotic environment that is both attractive and trustworthy for both parties.
2) Constantly send sext messages throughout the day.
In the bedroom, foreplay does not always mean sexual activity. Beginning from the minute you wake up, it is possible to get addicted to marijuana. Miniature text messages like “May’t wait to be naked with you tonight” can have your mate excited even before you step foot in the same room with them. Allow yourself and your lover to exchange some sexual images if exchanging nudes is something that both of you like doing.
Afterwards, you may SMS them with a description of what you intend to do with their nude body. Using texting to start the fires before going to bed means that you’ll be ready to go by the time you go to sleep.
3.Incorporate some temperature variability into the equation.
According to Sofiya Alexandra, co-host of the podcast Private Parts Unknown, ice cubes and candles that serve as massage oil are a fun and simple way to ramp up the heat on your foreplay.
“Keep an ice cube between your teeth and drag it down the back of your partner’s body,” Alexandra instructs. If you’re more like heat, like me, you can include candles into the mix—one of my college boyfriends and I used to use normal soy candles to drip wax on each other for a little BDS fun back when we were in college.
For those new to the world of wax play, a massage candle may be the best way to get your feet wet. As Alexandra advises, “start with a high drip rate to chill the oil before it makes first contact with the skin, and then take your time carefully rubbing it in for optimum enjoyment.” It’s important to you that your partner’s body buzzes with the swarming activity of murder hornets.
4) Take your time while removing items of clothes from your body.
In contrast to other activities, moreplay is a marathon rather than a sprint. In the event that you are short on time, these are the finest sex positions for quickies. Begin by removing their shirt instead of immediately stripping down.
Wait a few minutes before you begin to undress them, and so on. Using kisses and licks, you may next direct your attention to the freshly exposed body area. After pulling their pants down, rub their legs to make them feel more comfortable with you. Then you may kiss and softly sucking on their nappies after the top has been removed. Nipple play may be entertaining for people of either gender.
Then everyone gets drenched in the same place.
Anyone who has tried to have sexual relations in the shower or near a body of water knows that it is practically hard to thrust when your body is immersed in water.
In order to avoid this, Courtney Kocak, co-host of the Private Parts Unknown podcast, recommends utilizing the tub as a kind of pre-dating. “I have a feeling that romantic dreams involving candlelight bubble baths or warm showers are embedded in us,” Kocak explains.
“Experience the delight of stripping down with your spouse before you enter the building—you could even establish a fun tone by taking turns underdressing each other.” Maintaining a hot bath will allow you to remain in for a longer period of time and really experience the closeness of touch..
6) Perform a strip tease on your companion.
You may even offer your spouse a small strip tease if you want to keep things going in that direction. (If you need some inspiration, watch the SNL sketch with Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze as they apply for the role of Chip ‘n’ Dale dancers.)
However, if you are an excellent stripper, your partner may be more than willing to pounce on you since you will seem adorable to them. If you want to learn how to strip-tease like a Magic Mike dancer, here’s a video.) Honestly, no matter how ridiculous you think you are, your spouse is going to be turned on by you becoming nude. Sex is not necessarily a serious matter. It is possible to be lighthearted and humorous while yet being really orgasmic.
7) Put on a pair of sultry underwear.
Everyone can benefit from sexy underwear. If you discover the ideal relationship for you, you will be able to turn your partner on completely. (If you haven’t tried low-rise briefs before, we strongly advise you to do so!)
Do you like your clothes to be tight and white? Keep it up, my buddy. Everything that makes you feel like a real sexual icon is the correct path to take. Psst… it’s possible that you’ll have to go commando.
8) Perform an erotic massage.
Providing your spouse with an erotic massage that both soothes and excites them is a good way to start a penetrative relationship. To begin, you’ll want to create a relaxing atmosphere with lighting and music (we suggest soft lighting – avoid fluorescents at all costs), and then you may begin massaging them with the massage oil.
From there, you’ll want to begin rubbing them in. Start with your arms, legs, back, and so on. Before going on to *sexier* places, they must first relax their muscles. Once they’ve become completely relaxed, you may begin massaging those naughty places.
9) Concentrate on taking delight in all of this excellent fortune, friend.
When people realize their partner is having a good time, they become more attracted to them. That is what makes sex so appealing in all of its forms.
The sex therapist Michael Perry, Ph.D., of Encino, California, argues that if you seem to be merely going through the motions to get there [intercourse], “[they] are going to notice and it will take longer for [them] to feel interested.”
To put it another way, be involved in all of your moreplay activities and enjoy yourself while you’re doing it. If you appreciate the how your partner’s calves feel, pat them on the back to show your thanks. If you like their buttocks, you may kiss them. “When a guy is passionate about what he does, that passion will shine through and turn [them] on,” adds Perry.
10) Start out slowly and gradually increase your speed.
It is important to begin slowly and carefully with your partner, no matter what their genitals look like. This is particularly true if there is a clitoris in the picture at hand. Although the clit is a lovely thing, it may be easily overstimulated if you rush to it immediately once.
When the clitoris is stimulated directly, it is possible to experience discomfort, according to Cathy Winks, author of The Good Vibrations Guide to the G-spot. When rubbing the clitoral hood [where the tops of the labia come together] or rubbing down the side of the clitoris, rather than going straight for the head of the clitoris, “it’s much better.”
When it comes to toying with the clitoris during oral sex, Birch recommends that you alternate between focusing on and off that very sensitive part. “It responds best when it is teased, so you want to lick it and suck on it a little to generate some tension, then back off a little before going at it again,” she explains further.
Take your time getting to oral or hand sex if you want to get the most out of your penises. While going straight for it may not cause discomfort, it will almost likely result in heightened pleasure. Bucko, take it easy. Everything we’re doing here is to have a good time.
11) Extend your range of abilities.
There are a plethora of methods to broaden your oral sex repertoire, and you should be on the lookout for new movements and ways to spice things up on a regular basis. First, try laying perpendicular to their body and caressing their clitoris with your tongue in a horizontal motion rather than up and down, as opposed to an up and down motion. They’ll be grateful for the shift in stimulus, and ideally will reciprocate the favor in kind.
If your spouse has a penis, consider moving your tongue and hand in a circular-twisting manner, rather of just going up and down, instead of up and down. Get your tongue in on the action and run it over the skull.
Oh, and don’t forget about the toys if you’re thinking about getting into some prostate trouble. For more information on how to use anal toys during sex, check out this tutorial.
15 Foreplay Ideas to Improve Sex
12) Experiment with the figure-8 approach.
With vulva-owners, using the figure-8 tongue technique is one of the most tried and proven methods of getting things started below the waistline. As soon as you’re down below, use a figure-8 pattern to massage the very sensitive region surrounding the clitoris. Gentle sucking will arouse them till the small button expands, at which point you will delicately expose the region with your fingertips.
To make a circle to the left and then to the right, use the slick underside of your tongue to help you. Flick the tongue from right to left, then up and down, using the rougher top surface of the tongue to do so. Finally, work your way up to figure-8s, alternating between the silky bottom of your tongue and the harder tip.
Variate the degrees of pressure you apply on a consistent basis.
Furthermore, this figure-8 approach is not limited to vulvas. In the event that your partner has a penis (and is like rimming), try sliding your tongue down around their anus in a figure-8 motion from the top of the perineum (just beneath the testicles) to the top of their anus.
13) Make a thorough examination of their complete physique.
Don’t limit your attention to your partner’s genitals. The neck, thighs, and breasts are only a few of the erogenous zones on the human body.
In addition to being intriguing and entertaining, “Genitals are fascinating and exciting, but try to spend some time concentrating on your partner’s complete body rather of heading straight for her crotch,” adds Cassie Fuller, creator of Baltimore sex-ed firm Touch Of Flavor. “Experiment with additional erogenous zones, such as her neck, back, ears, tummy, or wrists, by touching, licking, or nibbling them.”
14) Don’t forget about the remaining vulva.
The labia are densely packed with nerve endings and should not be taken lightly as simple obstructions to the vaginal canal, as is often the case. Massaging them up and down while holding each one between your thumb and fingers can help them to relax and become more comfortable.
Alternatively, you may gently “smoosh” the labia together with all of your fingers and your palm, just as if you were (gently!) kneading dough. You may also examine the mons pubis, the fleshy region where their pubic hair is found, and gently press your hand into it for a grounded, seductive sensation that will leave you feeling satisfied. This motion may aid in the relaxation of the pelvic floor and the indirect engagement of the internal clitoris.
15) If your companion has a penis, there is a great deal to discover.
If your spouse has a penis, pay attention to the perineum and balls as well. Everything should be explored, licked, and thoroughly enjoyed. Do not be afraid to be vulnerable and to go outside of the “normal” sexual menu, no matter how casual the relationship may seem to be.
“Foreplay is about taking enjoyment in the trip and discovering new degrees of pleasure along the way,” says the author. Take it easy and enjoy yourself by not taking yourself too seriously along the road. According to Tiana GlittersaurusRex, polyamorous educator and activist and co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide, a non-profit organization campaigning for the rights and safety of sex workers, “vulnerability helps establish closeness with everyone, not just partners.”
Check out our guide to eating ass for more information on how to get the most out of analingus.
16) Consider using a vibrator.
It is possible to be just as, if not more, arousing utilizing a vibrator to buzz about your partner’s erogenous zones than just using your hands alone. Bring one in to help you during foreplay, and be sure to touch your lover everywhere.
Exert it all over their labia, over the mons, up and down their inner thighs, and around their clitoris. When it comes to my sex life, I have such a hot one with my vibrator… so if you want to get me on *instantly*, just tell me to grab my toy and passionately ask me to show you what I do with it,” Kocak explains. “Then you’ll be able to take over the company’s operations.” The Le Wand Massager, which was named one of Men’s Health’s Best Sex Toys of the Year, is worth a try.
Vibrators may also be used on the balls of the scrotum, the tip of the penis, and the perineum. Vibrators may be used on any region of the body. If your companion has a prostate problem, you may invest in a vibrating prostate massager that can truly take things to the next level of intimacy. Take a look at our top-rated prostate massagers right now.
17) Experiment with different sex toys that are entertaining.
Not all toys have the ability to vibrate. There are so many options to chose from that it’s almost overwhelming. You might, for example, experiment with a sucking toy like as the Satisfyer or Womanizer, or a rotating toy such as the Zumio. Check out our comprehensive guide to the many varieties of vibrators and non-vibrators available here. Individuals who are not big lovers of vibration may find these options to be excellent alternatives.
Make picking which toys to use during sex an enjoyable experience for both of you by discussing and working out what works best for both of you. And keep in mind that toys are not limited to one gender. You may even do some internet shopping together and choose some interesting products to try out together as a group.
18) Add some BDSM to the mix.
In the bedroom, BDSM may be a really enjoyable way to experiment with dominance and submission. Before you attempt this play, you’ll need to be very clear about your boundaries and limitations, and you’ll need to be able to have an honest and open dialogue with your partner so that both of you feel secure doing so.
It is your responsibility to initiate the dialogue as soon as possible if being spanked, choked, or whatever you want gets you on like nobody’s business, adds Kocak. Then there’s the possibility that it may lead to more sexual conversations about things each of you would want to explore, and you can begin to construct a shared dream together.”
For additional information on how to have these talks, see to this handbook to successful communication in BDSM. One of the most straightforward methods of playing with BDSM? Some sexy spanking is in order.
19) Make use of all of your senses.
A lot more to sex than just orgasms; sensory play is a really amazing experience! This entails engaging the senses of touch, smell, taste, sound, and vision. Consider the lighting, aromas that are in the room, and music that is playing in the background, advises “Share bite-sized foods such as fruit and berries, along with chocolate, with your friends. During the meal, you may stare at one another, lick each other’s fingers, or put the food on different areas of the body to nibble on.”
This may also involve a variety of equipment. “This LELO foreplay set is ideal for creating a sultry foreplay scenario. Among the items in the kit are a feather teaser, silk blindfold, and a couple’s vibrator,” explains Kenneth Play, an International Educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro series of products. It’s a beautiful combination of sensory deprivation, feeling, G-spot, and clitoral stimulation all at the same time.” When you add a luxury touch to the experience, it becomes decadent and delicious, which encourages you to concentrate on your senses and be present in the moment.”
20) Develop your ability to speak in derogatory terms.
Dirty discourse is quite popular right now. An outline for doing things correctly, as well as sample scripts to get you started on the right foot.
To make [them] hot and bothered, brush your lips against [their] ear and murmur what you want to do to [them], ” writes the author “Ryn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer who is also the author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating, explains why. “Keep it slow, methodical, and as nasty as possible, and I pinky swear promise that I’ll be yours entirely if you do. Insert a few moments of stealthy eye contact, and OH MY GAWD”
21) Communicate with your lover on a frequent basis.
Check in every now and then to make sure you’re having a good time and that you’re safe. Everyone is different, so be sure you’re able to interpret their reactions to what you’re doing before moving further. It shouldn’t be difficult to determine what is working and then to utilize this knowledge to keep a good thing continuing in the future.
“If [they] grimace when you say anything nasty, it’s time to move on to your next play,” says April Masini, relationship expert. “Also, if [they’re] really into making out on the couch, don’t make any attempts to transfer it to the bedroom.” Everyone must give their enthusiastic approval and engage in full-throated delight.
22) Pay attention to how you’re feeling in the moment.
You might become more conscious of your pre-orgasmic feelings if you’re concerned about getting off too soon during intercourse. According to David Copeland, author of How to Succeed with Women, the majority of men and penis-owners are only aware of the last, irreversible sensation that happens shortly before ejaculatory climaxes.
There is nothing that can be done about it at that point. In order to be able to slow down at the appropriate moment, you need get acquainted with the two or three more subtle feelings that occur before that one.
When it comes to your emotions, pay careful attention to what they are saying. Remember to speak with others and to advocate for yourself. Keep in mind that we’re all here to appreciate one other’s bodies and have a good time with them. You should stop whatever it is that is making you feel uncomfortable or unusual and take a deep breath to get your bearings. You may just say, “Babe, I’m having some unusual feelings.” “Do you mind if we snuggle for a while?”
23) Don’t forget to kiss your partner.
Patti Britton, Ph.D., clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching: Expanding Your Practice, states that frequent, passionate kissing is the source of women’s greatest sensual enjoyment. In the event that you suspect she is losing interest, kissing is always the most effective method of re-engaging her in the relationship.
It’s important to remember that passionate kissing isn’t necessarily synonymous with vigorously swabbing your partner’s tonsils. Make an effort to vary your tongue play by kissing them on the nose, eyes, and forehead with a closed mouth on occasion.
24) Create rituals with your partner.
When you put some serious effort into it, connecting intimately with a spouse may become much more straightforward. For example, you and your partner may create unique, loving rituals together in a manner that takes you out of a stressed mood and into a sensual one. The author of Play explains that “changing clothing, sipping some tea or a glass of wine together, or any other ritual that works for you all help you alter moods.”
Your rituals will be personal to you and will not be based on a predetermined script. To begin, it may be beneficial to sit down with your spouse and bond deeply with him or her. Construct a separate “moreplay menu” in which you and your partner talk about anything that makes you feel sexual. Then you may decide where to go from there.
25) Use words of encouragement to motivate yourself.
In the event that your spouse takes on the position of initiator (and you’re into it), be sure to express to them how much you like the experience. We might all benefit from a few words of encouragement now and again. When we know that we will get positive feedback, we are more inclined to take the initiative in the future.
Inform them that you appreciated the way they got things started and that you would want them to continue doing so in the future. Allowing your partner to know how amazing it was can inspire them to do it again. When we feel rejected, we get the message that initiating sex is hazardous or incorrect. It increases one’s sexual self-esteem, which is very important for anybody who want to have an orgasm.
26) If you and your partner are both feeling sad, you may forgo foreplay on occasion.
It’s entirely OK to forgo foreplay on occasion if you and your partner are both eager to get straight into the action. Sex is a co-created experience, and you have the freedom to select your own path. Just make sure that everyone is completely committed to this quest.
The psychologist and relationship therapist Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. explains that when you’ve been working on building a bigger sexual context in your relationship, you’re “essentially functioning in that [state of foreplay] all of the time.” “If you’ve been together for a long, you should be familiar enough with each other to recognize when it’s appropriate to get directly to the main event.”
