10 reasons why it is NOT healthy to love your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend
Is it natural for me to still be in love with my ex-boyfriend?
In order to best address your question, I’ll do it in two parts:
By defining “normal” and examining what is healthy or unhealthy in previous relationships, we may learn more about ourselves.
What exactly constitutes “normal” and “abnormal” behavior?
The term “normal” is used in a variety of contexts in contemporary culture.
In ancient Greece, the notion meant to anything that approached an ideal balance between attaining functionality and success; it did not relate to something that was average or conformist in its approach to these goals.
It was in the 17th Century that the term “normalis” made its way into the English language from the Latin word “normalis,” which meant when a carpenter’s square was used correctly and formed a straight angle. We also see the terms norm, normative, normality, and other words that are connected to this.
To put it another way, normal in the original meaning refers to anything that performs its role as intended.
So, what exactly is the point of a relationship?
There are many different factors that contribute to happiness, but some of the most important include: relationship, trust, having a family, physical intimacy, and an emotional connection.
Is it possible that continuing to remain in love with your ex may result in a recurrence of those unpleasant memories?
If you answered yes, it is acceptable and perhaps healthy to be in love with your ex-partner even if you are no longer together.
If the answer is no, then continuing to remain in love with your ex is unnatural and possibly harmful since it will not result in any constructive or beneficial conclusion.
With that stated, here are five reasons why it’s possible to still be in love with your ex, as well as five reasons why it’s possible to still be in love with your ex.
Answer each question with a yes or no.
Make a choice based on whether you want to do all you can to leave your love for your ex behind or if you want to find a way to make it work based on whether you have more advantages or disadvantages.
Are my feelings for my ex-boyfriend normal? It is not typical for the following reasons:
The first is that you’re still stuck in the past.
Remembering the past is a journey through a country of rich memories filled with happiness, sorrow, and confusion. When you have the opportunity, it’s a pleasant place to visit.
At Lovers’ Lane and First Crush Crescent, you may reminisce about the good old days while cruising along Betrayal Boulevard, drinking a Cherry Coke on Heartbreak Hill, or even going back in time.
After everything is said and done, you can’t possibly remain for an indefinite amount of time.
The ability to live in the past may be quite engrossing, but it has one significant and apparent drawback: it is time-consuming.
Everything has come to an end, dude.
Try as you may, you’ll never be able to fully appreciate the moment. In addition, you will cease caring for yourself and practicing fundamental self-care habits such as getting enough sleep and eating properly to maintain your health.
It’s possible that you’re still in love with your ex, but hanging on to the past is not a good thing.
2) You’re not giving yourself enough credit for your achievements.
Your former-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can’t help being in love with you, but I’m going to take a wild guess and suppose there is a reason they are your ex rather than your present relationship.
It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom; by clinging to the love you have, you are underestimating your own worth.
We believe that you have earned the right to be happy and to discover someone who values your opinion and who is satisfied with your company.
If it wasn’t your ex, or if anything went horribly wrong that altered the course of your relationship, you must do all you can to get back on your feet and start again.
Sometimes it’s as simple as getting out of bed and brewing a cup of coffee.
You put one foot in front of the other until one day you wake up and you’re… essentially OK!
Keep in mind that undervaluing oneself may have serious consequences.
3) Your ex-partner is unworthy of your presence.
When something goes wrong, it’s easy to replay the situation in your head and consider all the ways it might have turned out differently.
It’s difficult to understand why you couldn’t have behaved differently or why they couldn’t have.
You must, however, be completely honest with yourself when it comes to the end of the day.
Check out examples of happy couples that have remained together and the difficulties they have overcome. Several of them, I’m willing to wager, dealt with their breakups far more severely than you and your ex.
How did it come to be that it caused you to separate?
Whether it was you or your spouse who was the weak link, you must be upfront and acknowledge it.
It pains me to be harsh, but there’s always that one individual who either refuses to participate or can’t stand up to a difficult situation.
It’s possible that you are still in love with your ex, which indicates that you should try to reconcile. Then you must come to terms with the fact that your ex just does not deserve you anymore.
Unfortunately, this is accurate.
It is my belief that in order to be vulnerable enough to be open to the possibility of falling in love, you must be a little bit vulnerable yourself. Going too far, on the other hand, is not always a good thing.
To the point of being codependent, much like a junkie searching for their next fix, it is possible to overindulge (but less respectable).
You place all of your happiness in the hands of someone else,
yearning for the beautiful love and devotion they showered on you and pawing at the ground in search of it like a homesick puppy to no avail.
Isn’t it a bleak picture?
In other words, sad dogs are adorable, and you want to pat them all the time, but they aren’t exactly James Bond, deftly undressing a roomful of ladies, and having them pursue him down the hallway in order to murder and/or sleep with him (or both) as you would imagine.
Never put your happiness in the hands of someone else, my buddy! That was a little too far, wasn’t it…? Your own hand is perfectly enough for —
5.The fact is that you’re losing out on exciting new relationship possibilities.
You will definitely lose out on fresh romantic chances if you continue to care for your ex. This is another reason why it is not natural or healthy to continually care about your ex.
Concentrating all of your attention on this one person who didn’t work out can keep you stuck in a cycle of disappointment and suffering.
After you’ve lost someone you care about, it’s easy to believe that you’ll never find love again. However, this is not true.
And even if it takes a long time, you may be working on developing yourself and learning to love yourself in the meanwhile.
1) There is still possibility in your relationship.
If there is still possibility in the relationship, it is natural and healthy to still be in love with your ex.
If there is still love between the two of you that has gone unspoken, if there has been significant misunderstanding, and if there is anything else, then maybe your missing them is a clue that something is still there to ignite back up.
Do you think your relationship has any more potential?
Tana Gilmore and Kelli Fisher have written an excellent essay on the subject of how to tell. According to what they write:
To find out if you’ve grown more flexible on the problems or behaviors that irritated him, take a minute to think about what it was that irritated him most about you.
Make a list of your accomplishments and be very honest with yourself about where you are now that some time has gone. It’s likely that if it upset him previously, it will annoy him much more this time.”
2) You haven’t met someone who is more suitable for you yet.
It’s common for individuals to tell you that it’s difficult to meet someone fresh if you haven’t moved on from your ex. And I see the logic behind that point of view.
As I said above, it’s possible to lose out on fresh chances because your heart is just not receptive when they present itself.
However, there are times when you move on and the rest of the world doesn’t.
You go on dates, you meet new people who are attractive, fascinating, and entertaining, but nothing seems to click. It just does not work.
This is not meant to imply that you should try more or that you should blame yourself, since, in all honesty, individuals do move on from relationships when they just do not find someone better.
Here’s the thing: the situation is as follows:
Never rely on your feelings for your ex as a backup or a solution to your feelings of isolation. If you’re meeting wonderful individuals but still have the honest sense that the connection you had before is something you need to pursue more, don’t worry about it.
3) Your relationship isn’t “really” ended unless you say it is.
I understand that the end of a relationship isn’t always the end of the relationship.
Perhaps you finished on a very ambiguous note…
Or maybe you got into a quarrel and simply left without truly talking it out…
Possibly, you and your ex-partner are still in love and neither of you is aware of it. You simply need to — at the absolute least — inform your ex-partner that you still have emotions for him or her.
Whatever the case, you simply want them to know that no matter what, you will always care about them and will always be there for them in some form.
Just make sure you don’t become caught in a cycle of hot and cold, running after some man or lady in an unending cycle of disappointment, highs and lows, and disappointment and highs and lows.
You’ll lose your sense of self-worth and, perhaps, your sanity.
Furthermore, nobody has the luxury of time for that sort of pointless, never-ending drama.
In the fourth situation, you’ve attempted to move on, but it’s just impossible.
Numerous individuals may advise you to cut down the drama, quit romanticizing love, get over your childhood indoctrination that led you to believe in romantic love or “the one,” and so on…
I’m not one of those individuals.
When it comes to moving on, I honestly think there are occasions when you just cannot and should not move on. These instances are rare, but they do occur.
I have close friends who have had breakups that they were unable to accept. They finally reconciled and are now happily married with children in their lives.
I’m also aware of individuals close to me who have gone through a breakup and have never been able to date afterwards.
Not just because of the emotional devastation they had experienced, but also because it was really and truly the one and only person there.
Call me a romantic (or a codependent, for that matter)…
However, it is my sincere belief that there are instances when there is someone so important that you are unable to move on or would not value your life in the same manner if you were to do so.
If this is the case, then yes, it is natural to still care about your ex and to try all in your power to make it work someday, which may include devoting a significant amount of time and patience to the situation.
However, you must be certain that your love tale does not finish in the same manner as the myth of Tristan and Isolde (they both die horribly).
In the event that your misbehavior caused your connection to end, there may still be a significant amount of unsolved issues in the back of your mind that you wish to set right with them.
You’re still madly in love with your ex, and you want to make things right with him.
And, in rare instances, it may be the appropriate thing to do to protect the public.
If you have done anything wrong, the least you can do is express your regret and make a genuine effort to make amends in some manner.
Even if it does not result in a reconciliation, it may be a really powerful and intelligent method to improve your own self-esteem and learn how to treat people in a more compassionate manner.
After all of this has been stated…
Generally speaking, continuing to love your ex is not something you should concentrate on.
The reason for this is because the past is the past, and you cannot just snap your fingers and return to the way things were in the past.
Regardless of the reasons for your separation, you must do all in your power to begin a new chapter in your lives.
Recognize and appreciate your feelings for someone, but don’t allow them dictate your actions.
I don’t see how I can expect you to just “stop” loving someone.
I don’t believe it. In no way, shape, or form.
In addition, I don’t expect you to simply “get over” him or her in a matter of days.
The aim of this essay is to refocus your attention and provide you with skills to analyze your feelings for your ex-partner.
Will it take you someplace in the future, or will it just pull you down into a pit of misery in the present?
The lists above are intended to assist you in determining precisely what is going on and why you are still in love with someone. It is ultimately up to you to determine whether or not to put your attention on your feelings for your ex.
The feelings and sensations you are having are beyond your control, and even the most difficult life difficulties may contain a kernel of wisdom or a learning opportunity.
But at the very least, you can mentally choose to believe in the love you’re experiencing and choose if it’s something that will go someplace or something that will lead nowhere.
Best of luck, and keep in mind:
Don’t allow anybody tell you that you’re “broken” or “wrong” since you’re a human being with a heart and a lot of life experiences to draw on.
As for those who are attempting to get over a breakup that has ripped them apart while still in love, I know it’s a long and difficult road ahead of you.
If you have a bad day or have a bad week, don’t beat yourself up over it.
Your One Chance to Reunite with Your Ex
If you had a wonderful relationship with your ex, this is your one and only chance to get it back.
In addition to this, you both realize you’d make a wonderful team…
Then it’s worth attempting to rekindle the relationship with him one more time if you get the chance. Why? Because it is rare to have such strong emotional connection with someone. Defending one’s rights is worthwhile.
In case you’re interested in seeing what my “one last shot formula” is in more detail, you may do so by going to this page. Otherwise, please bear with me while I explain how this system works.
Please take a moment to consider the following question before answering it.
Who or what is the single most difficult barrier to reuniting with an ex-partner? Was there anything specific that was getting in your way?
If you’re like the majority of the ladies I’ve had the pleasure of knowing, your response would be something like this: “The most difficult barrier is getting beyond his emotional boundaries.
To be clear, the issue isn’t whether or if you can make him fall back in love with you. There’s already enough chemistry between you based on your past together. Nope. The issue isn’t with the fact that
…and here’s when things become tricky. At the outset, he will not even consider it. He had blocked out the idea in his thoughts. Many times, he will not even attempt to contact you.
All of this comes down to one thing, I believe. Your chances of success have already been ruled out.
Exactly this is the stumbling block! The emotional wall you’re up against is this one you’ve created.
Would you believe me if I told you that the wall is more of an illusion than a real structure? If it is a barrier that can be overcome at any time once the secret is revealed, what if it is?
Wouldn’t it make a difference in the long run?
Our previous statement said that the most serious issue is that he has already chosen not to offer you an opportunity. The word “determined” is the most important one in this sentence.
That being said, here’s the strangest thing about how people make decisions: In the beginning, we do not make a choice. Decisions are just the culmination of a process that began with consideration.
Decisions are just the result of a different kind of mental calculation from the one that produced the calculation.
After the equals sign, the decision is made.
As a result, attempting to alter someone’s opinion by going after the choice directly virtually never succeeds.
Consider the last time you saw someone attempting to persuade another person to alter their opinion. If they concentrated their efforts on criticizing the choice itself, they were virtually likely to fail in their attempts to influence the other person’s decision.
Allow me to now demonstrate the answer to your issue.
Decisions may be made and revoked in the blink of an eye. They are not a static entity. They are dynamic, evolving in real time as fresh information is sent into his mental picture of the future.
Scientists have lately made an intriguing discovery regarding the human race. When we are comfortable, our thoughts tend to wander to the future. We all ruminate about the past from time to time. We may get too preoccupied with the present.
However, our minds are preoccupied with fantasizing about the future for 80 percent of the time.
Predicting the future is something we do on a regular basis without thinking.
And it’s there that you’ll discover an opportunity to try one more time to rekindle your relationship with the man who has turned his back on you.
We create sophisticated mental models of the future in order to plan for it. And we do it on an almost constant basis.
It’s likely that your mind is visualizing your future to determine which pathways will bring you to happiness and satisfaction even if you aren’t actively concentrating on anything.
Here’s why this is excellent news if you’re hoping to win back your ex.
You have the ability to alter how a man feels when he thinks about you in his life again.
It’s referred to as the “movie trailer” technique.
Essentially, it’s a step-by-step guide for fiddling with the “movie trailer” that plays in his mind whenever he sees your name show up on his phone, or your image in his Facebook feed, or your vehicle in the parking lot.
You can influence the prevailing feelings he identifies with you if you begin with modest steps. You may take on the persona of someone he imagines himself with.
In his mind, he is no longer settling past disagreements with you, but rather exploring the possibility of a whole new relationship with you.
So, how do you go about it?
What is the best way to tamper with the movie trailer that is playing in someone else’s head?
That’s the subject I go into great depth about, beginning with the very first text message and on to more sophisticated methods. However, for the sake of this essay, we’ll concentrate on just one very interesting concept.
Ready? Now, here it is…
It all boils down to picking the proper target for your last shot.
Avoid focusing on repairing the relationship, persuading him to change his mind, or “giving things another go.”
Place your focus on the possibilities that exist for you to influence the main emotions that color his imagination whenever he thinks of you.
You’d be surprised at how much of a difference it can make.
Because, let’s face it, emotions are in charge.
The most common error individuals make is devoting their time and attention to things that rekindle his reasons for withdrawing. Little remembrances of things that went wrong when you were together.
Don’t make the same error.
Instead, focus every ounce of your energy and concentration on a single subject. He expresses his feelings to you in the form of text messages, passing by on the street, or hearing your voice on the phone.
Because if you can alter the feelings he identifies with you, the mental images that play in his mind will begin to shift on their own.
You will be amazed at how well you perform if you do so. You’re going to move mountains. His tiny emotional fortifications will not stand a chance.
P.S. Another aspect of human nature is that we are more likely to follow through when we are given a step-by-step plan.
You may receive my step-by-step technique for altering the way your ex feels about you by clicking here to read a detailed description of it.
